by Fanny Finch
She had been so focused on having fun with Anna, she did not even realize Sir Henry was there.
Shame filled her. She would not tell him that. She was sure it would hurt his feelings. She did not want to hurt Sir Henry. He was a gentleman and a good man at heart.
But he was not the man she would marry. She thought of him like a brother. She knew it would soon be time to tell him those things because as they walked, he got closer and closer to her.
Perhaps it was poor timing on his part that he asked her to marry him so soon after the Marquess gave her his warning and perhaps it was not. She would never know.
She could not take her mind off of the Marquess no matter how hard she tried. He was there whenever she closed her eyes and whenever she had even a second of free time. She wondered what he was doing while she was gone. He was surely stalking around, trying to find out who was out to get her or the men she was courted by.
When she pictured his serious, angry, urgent face in front of her, it always blended into the sheepish, innocent one, the one she really enjoyed seeing on his face. When he was not fired up and angry, he was one of the most handsome men she had ever seen.
She found his quick temper to be somewhat attractive. It was fierce and loyal, two things she valued highly in a man. She wanted her man to protect her at whatever costs but to never turn that anger back around on her.
She was willing to bet the Marquess was a man like that.
It was with regret that she would eventually tell Sir Henry the truth about how she felt. She delayed it because their day had so far been good. They got along, they did not seem uncomfortable together and Lavinia thought Sir Henry was almost his old self again.
Talking about memories they shared made her feel close to him again.
But the more frequently he brushed up against her, the more Lavinia became aware she would have to say something to him. If she did not say something, she feared he would attempt to kiss her again, under the pretense that she had changed her mind.
“I am just parched, Sir Henry,” she said, fanning herself. “Shall we get a drink?”
“Yes, we can, right here at this tea parlor.”
Lavinia grinned. “Lovely. It is too bad Anna is not here to enjoy this. It is so lovely.”
“Yes, it is. She would love it. We will stop by before we leave if she feels up to it.”
“That would be so nice. I know she would like that.” Lavinia was impressed with his concern for Anna’s happiness. He knew her so well. She wished it could be different. But she was not going to fall in love with Sir Henry and she needed him to realize it before he made a fool of himself or got his feelings hurt.
As they waited for their tea, Lavinia looked around at the people passing back and forth. People of all ages, children running through the street with ribbons on sticks flying in the air behind them, venders selling fruits and wares.
“This is such an active place,” she said. “I enjoy it very much. Thank you for giving me a good day today, Sir Henry. I think we both had a marvelous time, did we not?”
“I am glad you think so, Miss Bronson. I agree. I had a good time.”
Lavinia pulled in a silent breath and held it briefly. She let it out slowly and said in a quiet voice, “Sir Henry, despite the good time I had today, I do not want you to get the wrong impression. I have not changed my mind about marrying you.”
Sir Henry stared at her for a moment. “Miss Bronson, you did not give me a final answer. I assume that you have decided it is no?”
She hated the sound of hurt in his voice. “It is no, I am sorry but a marriage between us would not be a happy and successful one.”
He blinked at her. “Why do you think it would not work?”
She responded in a resigned tone, “I do not think it would be happy for me because I think of you as my brother. I know I would love to have Anna as my sister, as you mentioned, and I know she would love that, as well. But no, Sir Henry, it cannot be.”
In the back of her mind, Lavinia knew it was because of the Marquess. It was not because of his warning. It was because of him. She knew from here on, she would compare every man she met to the Marquess. And they would all come up lacking.
No one would compare to the kind of loyalty she saw in the Marquess.
He had shown no interest in her so far, no romantic interest. His only concern seemed to be keeping her away from possible suitors with bad intentions.
She wanted it to be so much more than that to him. She thought of his cold responses, the way he barely had anything to say and what he did say was short and to the point. He did not like to beat around the bush.
When he did have something to say, it really meant something. She loved the sound of his voice. She remembered it in her mind and shivered at the thought of him pulling her into the darkness just to talk to her. To scold her. That was what he had done.
He could scold her if he wanted to. She did not mind it.
She cleared her throat and looked down, smoothing the napkin on her lap self-consciously.
“I… I am sorry, Sir Henry. I just cannot see myself married to you. I consider us friends. I would very much like for it to remain that way. Do you think we can do that?”
Sir Henry did not look pleased. Neither did he look angry. He looked cold, his face blank.
“I would like to be friends with you,” he said in a stilted voice. “If that is what you wish.”
“It is. And you must make me a promise. You must promise me that when I do marry, you will not be angry with me. I do not want this to come between us. We have discussed all day such good things, remembering fun times we have had together, the three of us. I have remembered how much fun you two made my young years.”
She reached up, placing her hand on her chest just under her neck. “I have to thank you for that, Sir Henry. But it does not mean that I love you. Not in the way I must to be married.”
Sir Henry nodded.
Lavinia waited but he did not say a word. “Promise me, Sir Henry, please. I must hear you say the words.”
“Lavinia…”
“Please,” Lavinia said the word insistently. “You must promise me. I do not want you angry and I do not want this to come between us. Please.”
Sir Henry pulled in a deep breath and sighed. He nodded curtly. “Very well. I will not be angry. I will not let it come between us.”
Lavinia smiled warmly at him. She wanted to continue the friendship she had rediscovered with the slightly immature but handsome man but had a feeling it was not to be. His face betrayed his true feelings on the matter.
He was not happy about her rejection of his proposal. Nor was he happy just being her friendwhen he clearly wanted more than that.
Lavinia was determined not to let it bring her down. She could feel sympathy for Sir Henry to the depths of her soul and still not fall in love with him. She did not want to give him the impression there was or ever would be anything between them.
She felt she was sparing prolonged pain for Sir Henry. Taking care of it right away would help him heal sooner and start pursuing another woman who would actually love and care for him. He deserved a good woman. It just would not be her.
Her thoughts led her back to the Marquess, as if she needed any prompting. If he was involved with a woman or courting anyone, she had not heard of it. He seemed to avoid such things, preferring to spend his time alone more often than not. She was aware he had a few close friends, such as her longtime friend Lord Jasper Federline, Earl of Cantor.
She wondered if Lord Cantor and the Marquess got to see each other often and if they did, did they speak of her?
She felt a little silly and had to lower her head so Sir Henry would not see the look on her face. She could not help it when her thoughts wandered to the Marquess. She missed him.
It felt strange to think that she could miss a man like him, who stumbled so often over his words, never found the right ones to say, and always chose the worst possible times to
approach her. A man who was constantly urgent, coming like a hawk with bad news and warnings, disturbing the peace of her life.
But she did miss him. She could not help it.
Chapter 20
Jasper looked angrily down at his hands.
Myles was still trying to think of something to say. Suddenly, the comfort between the two of them was gone and uneasiness had taken its place. Myles did not like it.
“Come, Federline, let us sit in the more comfortable chairs, perhaps build a fire, and think of other things.”
Although he spoke in a defiant voice, Jasper pushed himself to his feet and walked easily to the settee. He dropped himself on it. “I can do nothing about this, Arlington. You better fix the fireplace or have a servant do it because I will not be able to see well enough to do it soon.”
Myles stepped over to the fireplace, looking back at his friend with amused eyes. “You can still see now, can you not?”
Jasper snorted, looking away from him. “Some,” he replied.
“Yet you have already started having other people do things for you.” Myles attempted a bit of humor as he threw logs on the burning embers from a previous fire. His heart was heavy and his humor fell flat, even to his own ears.
“It is not my intention to burden anyone, Arlington, and do not suggest such a thing. I do not want eavesdropping ears to repeat such a thing in the ton. Lord only knows what rumors I will have to dispel. I cease of tiring about it all when the only thing I can think about is my failing eyesight.”
He sighed heavily. “It is for that reason that I cannot duel Sir Franklin,” he said in a defeated voice. “He will win. I will lose. I cannot afford to lose. I will not duel against him.”
“You will not accept his challenge?”
Jasper waved one hand in the air. “My record stands at no losses. I do not need to defend my place.”
“Would you not expect to be called a coward?”
Jasper snorted. “Let them say what they wish,” he huffed. “I care not for their opinion. It is but rubbish to me.”
Myles had to admit he believed Jasper. His friend did not currently and had never cared what the ton had to say about him. He was awkward, just like Myles, in his speech and social etiquette. He tended to jump in with both feet when he saw something that needed to be done.
“I understand what you are saying,” he said. “But I do not know what others will think. I know you do not care but it could severely damage your reputation.”
Jasper snorted again. He used a mocking voice, making fun of the members of the ton. “Coward, coward. I care not what they think. I am happy with myself. I am happy alive. I will not bow to their whims just to make them happy.”
Myles thought that was the most he had heard from Jasper at one time in years. At first, he had expected Jasper to lose his temper and deny anything was really wrong. But it seemed to him the loss of vision had been happening long enough for Jasper to come to accept it.
“Is anyone aware of your condition?”
Jasper gave him a disgusted look. “I have told no one.”
“No one?”
“You are the only one who knows.”
Myles looked solemn. He turned his gaze and looked out the window. He knew now why Jasper had not been able to play croquet. Why he was not able to hunt with precision like before. Why he was terrified of a duel with Sir Franklin.
“Perhaps you should find a woman with the skill and willingness to be with you until you are willing to reveal it to everyone. It is fine to be a recluse if that is what you choose. But cutting yourself off from everyone will not benefit you. You need to be with someone. There are many kind women you could choose from, surely.”
“There is only one woman who is suitable for that job,” Jasper responded. “And she will not have me.”
Myles tried not to think he was talking about Lavinia but knew he was. He was surprised by the way it tingled his nerves to think of Lavinia with his friend. He did not like the feeling. He was not a jealous man and he certainly did not have feelings of that nature for the young woman he was charged with protecting.
Jasper would be a kind and loving husband to Lavinia. Of all the suitors pursuing her, Jasper was the best option of the bunch. But Myles did not want to picture it in his mind. He would not be the one setting his friend up with Lavinia.
“You speak of Miss Bronson?”
Jasper gave him a look he could not decipher. His eyes were narrow and his lips were pulled into a thin line. He slumped back dejectedly in the chair.
“Yes, she is the one of whom I speak. I cannot tell you how much it would mean for a woman like her to love me. I would not deserve such a woman.”
Myles did not know if his friend was correct about that. “I think you would be a fine husband for Miss Bronson, Federline.”
Jasper snorted. “You would think so, Arlington. You actually like me. It takes a lot for someone to tolerate someone like me.”
“I do not know what you mean.”
“I know I am an odd person, Arlington. You do not have to pretend with me. I know that Miss Bronson is not interested in someone like me.”
“What makes you say that?”
Jasper stared down at the arm of the chair he was sitting in, absent-mindedly picking at the fabric. “I told her how I felt and she told me how she felt. That was that.”
Myles was surprised. He had not known about their friendship until recently. It appeared that Jasper had kept much more hidden than what Myles had originally assumed. Despite Jasper’s assurances, his feelings towards Lavinia hadn’t been innocent after all.
Now he was curious to know how it came about. His friend was very fond with Lavinia, he could see it in Jasper’s eyes, still after all these years.
“You must tell me the story, Federline. I insist.”
“It is long and boring.”
Myles lifted one eyebrow. Knowing his friend, that was highly unlikely. “I beg to differ. I am sure you can tell me a condensed version.”
Jasper sighed, throwing his head back and staring up at the ceiling. “It was some years back, when I was a very young man. Lavinia is just a few years younger than I am. When my parents died, I was left without support for some time, as no one could contact the members of my family. Sir Edward and Lady Bronson took me in for a summer.”
He sighed. Myles could tell he was remembering what happened with fondness. “Yes, it was a grand summer,” he breathed. “Miss Bronson and I spent a great deal of time together. She was outgoing and amiable, a pleasant sight to look at every morning and… I fell in love with her.”
He lifted his hands to express his emotions. “She is so vital, so energetic. So stubborn.” He chuckled. “How can a man resist such a fine woman?”
Myles could easily see Lavinia through Jasper’s eyes.
“I agree.”
Jasper chuckled again. “Yes, I imagine you would, my lord.”
Myles raised both eyebrows in a questioning way. “What do you mean?”
“Arlington, it is plain to see that Miss Bronson has already given her heart away. You cannot deny that you have seen it as well as I have.”
Myles was confused. He could not recall Lavinia telling him she had fallen in love with any of her suitors. He wondered if his friend could be confusing Sir Franklin’s threats with the intention to protect a woman he was courting. Lavinia and Sir Franklin were not courting.
His mind moved to the thought that she had gone on holiday with Anna and Sir Henry Astor. Mr. Gentry had told him that Sir Henry was another possible suitor for Lavinia and that they had a history. She was old friends with the Astors, just as she was an old friend of Jasper’s.
He pondered the thought that they would have plenty of time to sort through their feelings while on holiday. If they came back engaged, there was nothing he could do about it.
He doubted that would happen. Lavinia had not seemed highly interested in Sir Henry, who, for the most part, seemed harmless to
Myles. He did not believe Sir Henry was capable of making threats toward anyone else. He seemed too calm in his demeanor.
“I do not know of anyone Miss Bronson has set her eyes upon,” he said in a low voice. The only three men in his mind had already been dismissed.
Jasper gave him a sarcastic look. “My lord, you are as blind as me if you do not see that she is in love with you.”
Myles was taken aback by the statement. He tried to think back through his memory but could come up with no instances where Lavinia had not been upset with him for some reason or another. Even the carriage ride was tense and she had taken his words out of context, though it ended pleasantly enough.