“God should have taken care of my mom and dad,” he said.
“I agree. I wish He would have. And maybe He took care of them in a way we don’t understand.” She kissed his forehead. “Why don’t you take Arthur outside? I’ll be right back. And I’ll even call in a few minutes to see if we need anything from the store.”
Colby leaned his head on her shoulder. He was hers. No one would take him away from her. But what had her brother wanted? Had they meant to change their will and appoint the Wayes as guardians?
As she expected, her mom followed her to the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Mom, I found something, and I need to find out if it is recorded anywhere.”
“What?”
She pulled the letter out of her purse and handed it to her mother. “It was in the dresser. I guess I should have cleaned it out sooner. I would have known sooner. But it makes sense.”
Her mom shook her head as she read through the letter. “No, it doesn’t. You saw the will. It named you as guardian. It gave you this house and the care of a child your brother and sister-in-law loved to distraction. They knew you would love him, as well. So, where are you going with this?”
“To the attorney in town, Mr. Haverman.”
“Why? This isn’t signed.”
“But if he knew about it? What if they planned on changing their will and hadn’t gotten around to it?”
Her mom put a hand on each of her shoulders and shook her head. “Mr. Haverman would have said something.”
“Mom, I have to know. Maybe they hadn’t talked to him yet.”
“Okay, go, then. Just remember that you have a little boy counting on you to make choices that are best for him.”
That took her by surprise. “I think having a real mom and dad would be best for him. So, Mom, what do you think is the best thing for Colby?”
Her mother smiled a secretive smile. “I’m not going to tell you, because I want you to make the decision you think is best.”
“Okay, and thank you.”
A few minutes later she pulled up in front of Mr. Haverman’s office. She got out, dreading what she’d discover. This letter could change everything. So why didn’t she just throw it away and forget she’d ever seen it?
Because she wanted an out? She shook her head at the thought. No, she didn’t. Maybe in the beginning when the speed bump looked like a mountain. But now? She’d adjusted. She could live in Haven. This could be her life.
She reached the door and pulled. It didn’t budge. Of course it didn’t. She found the hours posted and groaned. The hours showed that he went home early every Friday and he wouldn’t be back until Tuesday.
“Problem?”
She turned, smiling at Chloe Barstow. “Yes. No.” She shook her head.
“Maybe the problem is that you don’t know the right answer.”
“I found a letter.”
She handed it over, and Chloe read it, not once but three times. “The Wayes?”
“Yes. I don’t know what to do.”
Chloe handed the letter back to her. “You take that to the nearest trash can and throw it away. It wasn’t signed. It isn’t legitimate.”
“But is it what they wanted? What if that is what they were planning, and they just never got around to giving it to their lawyer?”
“What would it matter, Macy? You are the one who has been here for him. He needs you.”
“But am I the best thing for him? I’ve watched the Waye family. They love each other. They love Colby. They have four kids and a minivan.”
“But what does Colby want?”
“I’m sure he would pick a family with two parents and siblings. He always wants to be with them on Sundays.”
“Why don’t you ask him what makes him happy? I think he’ll say you.” Chloe walked with her back to the car. “And while you’re asking, you might ask my brother. I think he would give you the same answer.”
Macy called her mom and Colby on the way back to the house. They were laughing and talking about the puppy, and they informed Macy the only thing they needed was for her to not do the cooking.
* * *
On Saturday Macy and Colby sat down in the driveway to put together a new basketball goal. They had no idea what they were doing, but the picture on the box showed the base that would be filled with sand, the pole and at the top the backboard and hoop. Somehow it would all come together. Macy’s mom was sitting in a lawn chair supervising. Arthur ran around the three of them, picking up pieces of paper and chewing them to bits.
“Shouldn’t we read directions?” Colby asked. “My dad always told my mom to read the directions.”
Macy drew in a breath, surprised by Colby’s mention of his parents. “Did she ever read them?”
Keep it light, she told herself. Make it easy.
“No, she never did.”
“What happened?” Macy moved parts around, hoping she knew what went where.
“She could never put things together. Not even the Christmas tree. My dad laughed at her for putting it all wrong.”
Memories. She smiled because Colby had them and they were good, and eventually he would learn to share them, and to treasure them.
“Did they get a picture of that tree?” Nora asked from her lawn chair.
Colby thought about that for a minute. “I think there is a picture.”
“We will have to look for it,” Nora pushed on. “I do love to look at pictures.”
“I don’t think I like pictures.” Colby picked up a part to the basketball goal.
“Maybe when you decide, we can look for them.”
He nodded and reached into the box for the instructions. “This looks complicated. You should read the instructions or call Tanner.”
Heat crawled up her cheeks, and she put a finger to her mouth. Colby’s eyes narrowed, and he shook his head.
“What?”
“Who is Tanner?” Nora asked.
“He kisses Aunt Macy,” Colby supplied, all the while looking at the directions and pretending he wasn’t causing trouble.
“He’s a friend.”
“Sounds like a friend,” her mom said with a grin.
“So, back to this basketball goal.” Macy handed a few parts to Colby. Maybe if she kept him busy, he wouldn’t tell more than he had.
They worked for fifteen minutes, and what they had at the end of that time was...nothing. Macy sat back on her heels and stared at the mess. It looked like her life at this point. She couldn’t do what needed to be done. She couldn’t be a mom and a dad to Colby.
“I know that look on your face,” her mom warned. “It’s a basketball goal, Macy.”
“It’s something Colby wants. And I don’t have a clue how to do it.”
“You could call Mr. Waye,” Colby offered. “He knows how to do all kinds of stuff like this.”
Macy shot her mom a look. “Yes, I’m sure he could. Mr. Waye is good at a lot of things, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, but he can’t cook. Mrs. Waye says he burns water.”
“They’re a pretty great family, aren’t they?” she asked. And she wanted him to say they weren’t. But she’d met them, and they were good people with a sweet family.
“Yeah, they are. My dad and mom used to like to eat dinner with them.”
Macy’s mom tapped her foot and then moved out of her chair to sit on the ground. “Grandma is going to have to show you all how to put this basketball goal together. You know, a long time ago I was all by myself, raising your dad and your aunt Macy.”
“How come?” Colby asked.
“Because your grandfather, their dad, died. It was really tough. But we had each other.”
“Like I have Aunt Macy
?” Colby asked, fitting pieces together.
“Exactly like that.” Nora handed him a part and took the directions from him. “Let’s show your aunt what we can do.”
“Hey, that’s Tanner’s truck coming up the road.”
“Is it really?” Nora sat back and watched as the dark blue truck parked out front. “Maybe he can help us.”
“Maybe.” Colby jumped up and ran toward the parked truck and the man getting out of it.
Macy was tempted to do the same.
* * *
Tanner wasn’t sure what to say to Macy. Chloe had let it slip about the letter she’d found. He couldn’t believe she’d even think about handing Colby over to the Wayes. Even if she thought it might be best or what her brother had wanted. She had to know that her nephew had been through enough, and the person he wanted was her.
As he headed up the driveway with Colby talking a mile a minute about the basketball goal, his gaze tangled with hers. Once tangled, it was hard to disengage.
“Hello, you must be Tanner.” An older woman with graying blond hair, clear green eyes and a mischievous smile stood to greet him. “I’m Nora Lockwood, Macy’s mother.”
“Good to meet you, ma’am.” His gaze again clashed with Macy’s. “Colby said you can’t do this without me.”
He leaned to pick up a part of the basketball goal.
“Help would be nice.” Nora Lockwood moved from her chair. “And I think I’ll go inside and see if we have lemons to make lemonade. Colby, come help me.”
“We’re going to make lemonade?” He jumped up to follow his grandma.
“I don’t think we have lemons, Colby.” Macy touched her nephew’s arm. “But maybe you can find something in there.”
Tanner started putting the pieces of the goal together. Macy sat back and watched.
“You know about the letter?” she asked.
“Chloe didn’t mean to tell me. She was upset, thinking that you might consider giving Colby over to another family.”
“The family my brother and his wife thought were better suited to raising him. Tanner, the letter was written just two months before...” She glanced away and swiped at her eye. “Before they died.”
“I’m sorry.” He kept working on the basketball goal. It was something he could do for her. Something he knew he could fix.
“They didn’t want me. They wanted another family. People I didn’t even know until I came here. And maybe they wanted the Waye family because they knew I wasn’t ready for this. I’m not a mom. He needs a mom and a family.”
He kept working. “You are his mom. I’ve watched you with him. And you are his family. You have your mom. You have the church and this community.”
“What do I do with the letter? Pretend I didn’t find it?”
“I guess you have to make that decision.”
It was her decision to make. Not his. If it was up to him, she would never leave. She would stay and build a life for herself and her nephew.
He could admit, though, that he was a little selfish. He also wanted her to stay because he wanted her in his life.
“I do,” she said quietly. “And it won’t be easy. I never thought I would be in this place, making these decisions. What hurts is to think that you believe I’m being selfish, that this is about me, what I want. It isn’t. It hasn’t been about me since that night I stepped into this house and held my nephew as I explained that his mommy and daddy weren’t coming home. It wasn’t about me when I took him to Silver Star and left him. And this is not about me, because I want him to have the best home. Even if it means giving up.”
“I know,” he answered. The basketball goal was almost finished. He stood it up and finished the last pieces. “And maybe that’s what you haven’t considered. You are willing to give him up if that’s what it takes to make him happy. I think that’s the definition of a mother.”
She lowered her head as tears streamed down her cheeks. “I would give up more than him.”
“I guess you have decisions to make.” He held a hand out to her, and she took it, allowing him to pull her to her feet. “I know this isn’t where you expected to be. But I hope that you decide it’s where you want to be.”
He rested his forehead against hers and held her loosely.
He moved, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. “And now I have to go, because I’m not going to stand here and beg you to stay in our lives.”
The front door banged shut. Nora Lockwood came down off the porch, lips pursed and eyes narrowed. Macy stepped away from him, the distance between them feeling like miles instead of feet.
“What have you two done?” Macy’s mom asked.
“We put the basketball goal together?” Macy responded, glancing at him, questions in her eyes.
“No, what did you say? Colby is inside upset because the two of you are fighting and it’s his fault.”
“It isn’t his fault,” Macy assured her mother as she headed for the house. “I’ll talk to him.”
Tanner watched her walk away. He felt a touch on his arm, hesitant and questioning.
“She can’t give that boy up,” Nora told him.
“I know. But she has to believe she can be a mom. And she has to know that Grant and Cynthia picked her because they knew she was the best person to love their little boy.” He pulled off his hat and brushed a hand through his hair. “If she doesn’t believe that, there isn’t much I can do to change her mind.”
“I somehow doubt that,” Macy’s mom said as she picked up cardboard and packing materials.
He nodded and left, because he didn’t know what else to say. He hadn’t expected to be in this position, wanting her to stay and wanting to keep her in his life.
Chapter Seventeen
Macy had never suffered through such a long, agonizing weekend, followed by a longer Monday. She’d fought the urge to call Tanner. She’d avoided him by staying home from church. She’d spent the weekend talking to Colby about adults not always agreeing but that didn’t mean they didn’t still... She’d stopped herself from saying love.
Instead she told Colby how much she loved him.
She loved him enough to give him up if that was what was best for him. She sat in her car looking at Haverman’s law office. She didn’t want to go in. She didn’t want to face the truth. Her brother and sister-in-law had intended for someone else to raise Colby. The thought settled deep inside like a lead weight.
What would she do if Haverman told her that she needed to honor what had been Grant and Cynthia’s last wish? All of this time she’d thought someone else would be better as Colby’s mom. As his parents. She’d seen the Wayes with him, and it had seemed natural and loving.
But now, in her heart, Colby was hers.
Someone tapped on her car window. She jumped and then put a hand to her throat where her pulse beat at a crazy pace. Tanner motioned for her to put her window down.
She did. And then she couldn’t speak. Her throat clogged with emotion, and tears burned her eyes.
“You’re not really going to do this?” he asked, his mouth a tight and disapproving line.
“It isn’t me doing this, Tanner. I want to know what my brother intended to happen.”
“He intended for you to raise Colby. His will reflected that. This letter you found is not a reason for you to give up. You and Colby are a family. The two of you have bonded over the past year.”
“I’m not giving up. I’m trying to do what is best for Colby.”
“Is this about what is best for him?”
“You had to put the basketball goal together because I couldn’t. Because my brother isn’t here to do the things a dad should be doing. I’m not sure I can be a mom. I know I can’t be a mom and a dad.” Her heart cracked a little, thinking about all t
he things Grant wouldn’t be there for. The things that Colby would miss out on with his dad.
“Yes, and I was there. Don’t forget that part.”
“I won’t.”
He backed away so she could get out of the car.
“They didn’t sign the letter or give it to Haverman.”
“Maybe they didn’t have time?”
“Maybe they decided you were the best person to love him.”
He walked away, and she whispered to his retreating back. “I think I might love you, too, Tanner.”
She loved Tanner. She loved her nephew. So why in the world was she walking into a lawyer’s office, intent on giving them all up? Because she wasn’t sure her love was what they needed?
In the past year she’d felt like a failure on so many levels. Colby had needed her and she hadn’t been able to help him. He hadn’t felt safe with her. It made her question her ability to be a mom. If she couldn’t rescue one little boy and make him feel loved, then how could she commit her life to being a mom?
She could let Colby go to the Wayes, and she could return to Dallas and visit him on weekends. Maybe he would be happier?
The receptionist in the wood-paneled office looked up, smiling from behind the glass partition. “Can I help you?”
Macy stood there wondering what to say to the question. Yes, she needed help. She needed answers. She needed to know that she was doing the right thing.
“I’m Macy Swanson. I’m here to see Mr. Haverman about my nephew, Colby Swanson. I don’t have an appointment, but if he could just answer a question for me?”
The receptionist looked at her appointment book and nodded. “I’m sure he has a minute. Have a seat.”
Macy wandered to the waiting area. Instead of sitting, she stood in front of the magazine rack. She closed her eyes and prayed, because she knew she couldn’t do this on her own. She wanted to make the right decision. She wanted Colby to be healthy and happy.
She wanted to run after Tanner and tell him she was afraid, she couldn’t be the person he wanted or needed. She didn’t know anything about cows or horses, and it seemed that she didn’t know much about children.
The Rancher's Texas Match Page 17