I looked at him, met his gaze. “She was what I needed at the time, but she wouldn’t be good for me on the outside. I’m not interested in a relationship with her anymore. I care about her and would like to know how she’s doing, but not enough to risk my own freedom. I know you can smell the truth in my words.”
It’d been so long since I’d been kissed by a man, and Darnell kisses better than most. I fell into the kiss as his lips touched mine, my heart in my throat, my stomach where my heart should be, and all my blood making its way between my legs.
I’d been the aggressor inside, but Darnell was taking charge now, and I was hyperaware of his hard chest, his muscle-bound arms, his lips, his tongue as it pressed into me with ruthless sensuality.
I don’t know how he’d broken our mating bond, but part of me had died when it happened. Now, I could’ve sworn I felt it slide back into place during our kiss. I could smell his wolf, feel him — and I hadn’t sensed the wolf since he’d picked me up from prison. I felt Darnell’s heartbeat as if it were mine, I smelled things in the room I wouldn’t normally detect, and I heard the birds louder outside.
Darnell stood with me in his arms, took the two steps to my bed, and put me in it. He pulled my dress off and stood over me as he dragged his shirt off, unbuckled his pants, and looked down at his boots. “Damn. These aren’t fast.”
I slid to the floor. “I’ll work on one while you do the other.”
It wasn’t the first time we’ve had to work in tandem to take his footwear off, and he chuckled as we went to work. Minutes later, we were both naked in bed, he was over me, kissing me, and waves of heat swept through me. I wanted him inside me more than I’d ever wanted anything. My heartbeat went all irregular again, and I’m pretty sure my blood pressure was through the roof. I craved the feel of him inside me, owning me. Even if it was the only time it was ever going to happen again, I needed it.
When he was finally ready to enter me, he paused and met my gaze. “I won’t survive being hurt by you again. I’m putting my mental health in your hands. I’m trusting you more than you can possibly know.”
My heart swelled with hope that this might be more than a final goodbye. Did he want me back? Could he forgive me? As if in answer to my doubts, he sent love down our mating bond and I breathed through the intensity of his emotions. I’d cut him to the bone, but he was willing to put it behind us. He was willing to let me back into his heart, even though I could clearly grasp exactly how it would shatter if I hurt him again.
I cupped his cheek in my hand. “I can feel what you’re feeling. I know. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
He entered me slowly, for an inch, maybe two. Heated, hard flesh pressing into me, pushing, opening me oh-so-slowly.
“Fuck, you’re tight.”
I was so tight, and he was so big… but it was pressure and not pain, and my insides clenched with need. I pulled him to me and practically vibrated as I buried my face in his neck and told him, “I’m okay. You don’t have to take it easy. I’m good.” God, I needed him to fill me. I knew what this man was capable of, and I’d missed it.
Sex with Darnell might be slow and easy the fourth time, but he was never capable of it the first couple of times. Now, he looked me in the eyes, breathed in, and held eye contact as he slammed into me. I yelped, moaned, and wrapped my legs around him to give him a better angle.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” his voice was gravelly and I knew the wolf wasn’t far below the surface. “Missed a piece of me. Missed my fucking heart.”
Tears came to my eyes again, but not sadness this time. I was overwhelmed with emotion — some of it sad — for the years I’d lost and the pain I’d created — but more of it was happy. I’d been missing pieces of me, too.
Darnell had always known right where the line between just-enough and too-much was for me, and he was an expert at riding it. He fucked me into the mattress, his eyes ablaze with pure heat, his body on fire under my touch, his cock thick and long inside me as he took me to heights of passion. When the angle stopped working he moved me to all fours and came at me from behind, pouring on wave after wave of pure bliss.
I groaned in frustration when he changed angles just before I could catch an orgasm. Not just once, but twice, then a third time… and I finally lost count of how many times he took me to the edge and didn’t take me over. He’d back off enough I had to practically start over to build back up to another orgasm he didn’t let me have. I begged, I moaned, I growled, and then his mouth was on mine, his tongue dancing with mine and expertly keeping me from remembering I could talk.
We hit a half-dozen positions before he finally put me on my back again and pounded me until the most piercing, primal, feral desire sparked through me and I thought I’d go crazy from the pleasure.
I gasped and froze as love washed over me, pouring through our mating bond. Love, trust, affection, joy. Along with it, was how his wolf owned me again. I was theirs, and I sent him back the joy I felt of belonging again. Of being cherished and treasured. Of being Darnell’s mate, lover, friend.
When he finally let me orgasm, the world went technicolor as I felt both Darnell and the wolf — smelled what they smelled, heard what they heard, and saw what they saw. I was in his head, he was in mine, and I felt his blissful release as my body writhed out of control in fiery ecstasy.
Darnell is rarely out of breath, but he lay beside me, breathing nearly as hard as me when we finally collapsed. He reached for my hand, held it, and said, “Good to have you back. Now we have to figure out the logistics.”
Darnell was a Navy SEAL. He always had a plan A, B, and sometimes C, and D. He planned for multiple exit strategies, even if we were just eating at a restaurant. So now, the fact he went straight into planning mode was about as romantic as my man will ever get. He was figuring out how to pull me into his life without putting my parole in jeopardy. If I have control or possession of a firearm, I go back to jail. There won’t be any discussion or appeal, my ass will be back behind bars.
Once I’m off parole, it would at least go before a judge, but I’d still likely land back in jail. He has more guns than I probably want to know about in his house. I can’t live there. I can’t even visit without a ton of witnesses around who’ll vouch for the fact I wasn’t playing with his guns.
He sighed. “I’ll order more safes and install them, so all my weapons are locked away. I already have the ones in the living room and kitchen in biometric safes, so no visiting children will find one and play with it, but I’ll need to do the same for the others I have at the ready for fast access.”
He’d always planted guns all over the place so he’d have one handy if someone attacked the house.
“I still won’t be able to officially live there. Some judges okay it if the guns are locked up, but others don’t… and when you’re on parole, it’s almost entirely up to the opinion of the parole officer.”
He kissed the side of my forehead. “So you’ll legally live here, and we’ll spend enough time here it looks lived in. Recently purchased food, dirty laundry. They can’t come in my house without probable cause, so we won’t give it to them.”
I started to argue again and he interrupted me. “Okay, so it’ll take more planning, but we can make it happen.”
“Yeah, but I was going to have enough to give you your thousand dollars back in about eight weeks. I was going to start paying you rent then, too.”
“We pretty much only fought over money, Keesh. We need to figure out a way to keep it from being an issue this time, but with you working and not being a high-maintenance princess anymore — I think we’ll be okay. I don’t need you to pay me anything back, babe. I gifted it to you, and had another thousand I was willing to give you if you blew through the first.”
Maybe the high-maintenance princess bit should’ve stung, but he wasn’t wrong. I smiled and said, “Okay. We’ll figure it out, but I don’t want to feel like I’m mooching off you. I demanded way too
much from you before. I get that now. I mean, sure, I took care of our son while you made the money, so it was our money, but I expected too much.” I started to apologize again, but cut myself off and merely said, “I was wrong. I’ll do better.”
“I’m leaving for an out of town job in a few hours. Timing sucks, but I’ll be gone five days.”
I turned to look at my clock. “I need to start getting ready for work soon.”
“I don’t want to leave with this so new.”
“And I don’t want to get out of bed and do anything normal. This feels… enormous. Like the rest of the day can’t be routine stuff. Like the earth should shift off its axis or something.”
He swept me back into his arms and our bodies molded into one as he said, “Yeah. I’m whole again. God, I’ve missed you.” His hand idly stroked my back, cupped my ass, returned to my back. The trail of heat on my skin felt like a brand, and I curled my leg around him and pulled us closer.
“I can tell you where I’m going now.” His chest vibrated my cheek. “We’re handling security for the Country Music Awards in Nashville.”
“That’s certainly more cushy than being shipped off to the places you used to go.”
“It is, but I’ll be busy and won’t have time to call you. I’ll let you know when I’m headed home, but it’ll probably be the first opportunity I’ll have to make a call.”
I felt the truth of his words through the relationship bond. I sensed his regret at having to leave, and I stroked his arm — soft skin over bands of polished steel. My finger went from the top of a muscle to the sharp ridge between them. I’d been the strongest person in bed for so long. Only with Darnell could I feel comfortable being weaker, knowing his muscles kept me safe and weren’t a danger.
“Thanks for letting me know. You’ll be safe?”
“This is new. I don’t want you thinking I changed my mind.” He kissed the top of my head. “Yeah, I’ll be safe. I have someone special to come home to.”
Chapter 6
Darnell
I kissed her goodbye when she went to work, and told my wolf this was not like fourteen years ago. She’d be here when we got back, and we could figure our lives out then.
I texted Aaron and asked him if I could have five minutes in private with him before we got started, and he told me to come in early and he’d be in his office.
“What’s up?” he asked as I stepped into his office an hour later.
“I had a Strigorii vampire break my mating bond with Keisha fourteen years ago.” I sighed. “Any chance you can get me an audience with Abbott? I need to ask him a few questions.”
“You won’t have a chance to talk to him before we leave, but I can work something out when we return. You know his expertise doesn’t come cheap though.”
“I’d rather pay than bleed, but I’ll consider being his food if he insists.”
“Anything going on I need to know about?”
I shook my head. “Keisha and I had sex and we’re probably back together. I’m pretty sure the relationship bond slid back into place when we kissed. I just need to know if that’s normal, if it was temporary or if it’s back for good, and make sure there aren’t any unforeseen consequences.”
“Magic has a mind of its own in Chattanooga. Even if it isn’t normal, I’m not sure it’s cause for alarm. I’d counsel you to talk to the vampire who originally broke it, however.”
“He’s the vampire who was over North Carolina before Abbott came to town. I don’t know how to get in contact with him anymore.”
“Ah. Yeah. I’ll get you in touch with Abbott. He can confer with his predecessor should he need information.”
I was scheduled for eighteen-hour days while in Nashville, and I slept and ate when I could. I’m always aware of my surroundings, but I have to be hyper-aware when I’m on the job. There was no time to think about anything personal because I couldn’t let my mind wander.
Most of us were scheduled to ride home together the day after the show, but Aaron put me in a car with a few others at one in the morning, with instructions for me to go to The Billiard Club when I got into town.
The club was closed when I arrived, but I was let in and taken up some stairs to the roof. It was a beautiful, cloudless night, and Abbott was stretched out on a chaise looking at the stars.
“Come sit and be quiet a moment, and let me have a look.”
“Good evening to you, too. What’ll I owe you for this?”
“Let me have a look and then we’ll discuss terms.”
I sat in a comfortable chair and focused on the night sky. We weren’t far from the mall, so the light pollution made it hard to see the stars, but just knowing they were there was enough. The night can be so energizing. Still, it was hard to sit motionless when I knew a vampire was rifling through my head. He could’ve done it at any time, he didn’t need my permission. The strongest of the Strigorii vampires are damned scary.
“I have a new vampire who hasn’t fed from a live subject yet. He’ll be rough and it’ll hurt. He’s strong, but so are you. I’ll have my cock up his ass a portion of the time he feeds from you, and he’ll be restrained so he won’t have the use of his hands or his feet. You’ll be restrained, too, so you’ll have to trust me to handle him. He’ll drain you, but I won’t let him kill you — and then you can change and replenish. Those are my terms.”
I shook my head. “I won’t willingly let you restrain me. I’m okay with him biting me and learning how to feed without killing humans — but I don’t agree to being bound. I can stay still and let him figure it out.”
This time, I felt him in my head and knew which memories he was looking through, and I cringed as he saw me being tortured as part of my training, and then being tortured for real years later. Still, he didn’t have to let me see where he looked, and I appreciated knowing what he saw while he was in my head.
“You’re welcome.”
I chuckled. “Thanks. You see I can stay where you put me without restraining me?”
“Yes, we can make it work. I’ll give you an address — please arrive thirty minutes before sunset on the date noted. It won’t be pleasant, but I’ll provide raw venison for your wolf, and my cook will prepare as many steaks as you wish to eat once you’re back in human form.”
“Deal.”
“I spoke with my predecessor, to see what method he used. Mating bonds are dangerous to break, which is why you went to him instead of a lesser vampire. He powered it with your grief, and her fear and hopelessness. I’m sure you’re aware she ended up in the infirmary and took nearly a week to recover, and I know you had trouble handling your wolf for a few weeks.”
“Why did it come back?”
He repeated Aaron’s words from earlier. “Magic has a mind of its own in Chattanooga. My predecessor powered the break with some strong emotions, and he’s been around a long time and never had one reform. Yours shouldn’t have, but there’s no doubt it’s back, and I daresay permanent this time. I’d be loath to try to break it again for fear of killing one or both of you. If you want it gone you’ll have to kill her, I’m afraid.”
“So, it’s okay? We’re good?”
He gave a small wince. “It’s no longer formed as a normal bond. I sense it as off-center, and if so, it has the potential to pull from each of you abnormally. She’s always sensed you through it, but she picked up on what you were smelling and hearing while the two of you had sex.” He shrugged. “My advice is to repeat the ceremony. I can’t be certain whether the shakiness I feel is because the relationship is still shaky, or because it didn’t slide back into place right. I’m leaning towards the latter though.”
And now for my big question. “Can we redo it, as if it wasn’t done before? Different vows?”
“You want it so you’ll know if she’s planning to do something to hurt the relationship — not just if she’s lusting after another man.”
And he knew this because he’d been in my head. I nodded. “Man or wo
man, and yes — I want to know if she’s thinking of doing something that’ll break trust. Anything.”
“I can access her mind through the bond. She isn’t interested in picking things back up with the woman, and I don’t believe she’ll choose another woman over you. Her preference seems to be men.” He shook his head. “Not just any man. Her preference is you.” He was quiet a few moments before adding, “She was the dominant of the two in prison. She protected the woman, took care of her. She sees you as dominant, and as a protector.” His look was full of compassion. “I believe she’ll have a hard time allowing you to be provider again.”
I shook my head. “This doesn’t feel right. I want to know, but it feels like having an unfair advantage. If there’s something I need to know that’d keep me from entering into a relationship with her, please tell me. Otherwise, I think she should be the one to tell me what I need to know.”
He nodded, was silent a good five minutes, and finally said, “You never intended to get back together with her. Her crying, losing it — you made a snap decision. One of the only times you’ve done so in your adult life.”
I didn’t respond. He was right. I’m such a damned planner, and once she’d been in my arms I’d just jumped in without thinking it through. I’d do it again if I had it to do over, but it’d thrown me. I’m not used to flailing around without knowing exactly where I’m headed.
“As for how things are between you… it isn’t a sure thing. There were hurts on both sides and you both have a lot of healing to do. It appears you both want it to work, and are both going into it with hopes of making it work though. I see no deceit.”
“Is there a rush on our repeating the mating bond? Or do we have time?”
“I wouldn’t wait too long, but it doesn’t necessarily need to happen tonight.”
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