In Lily’s lap, Skye gulped away her tears and leaned forward to study her twin’s hand. “I can’t see anything.”
“I think you’re going to live,” Carson said, the tension gone from his voice. “The skin isn’t broken.”
“I felt her teeth!” Sunny insisted. “Why did she bite me, Daddy? I thought she was nice!”
“Because you were teasing her with treats,” Skye said. “Remember, Dr. Jack said to be careful with dogs and their food.”
“I was just playing a game,” Sunny said, an expression of annoyance replacing her tears. “I wanted to see which dog could get the treat first.” She held her hand up in the air to demonstrate what she’d done.
“Big mistake, honey,” Carson said. “Did you learn your lesson?”
“They’re bad dogs!” Sunny frowned at Bella. “Especially you. Bad dog!”
“They’re just doing what dogs do naturally,” Long John said. “In the wild, back in the wolf days, they’d fight over every morsel in order to survive and feed their young.”
“And Bella’s been hungry a lot, from what Dr. Jack said,” Carson added. “She’s probably extra worried about getting enough to eat.”
“I should never have brought Bella over,” Lily said. “I wasn’t thinking about how she might compete with Rockette for food. They were getting along so well, but I shouldn’t have left the girls alone with them, even for a minute.” She didn’t dare look at Carson. He must think she was the worst person ever, putting his precious girls at risk.
“It’s my fault,” Long John said. “I should have stayed in here to help you. These two are a handful!” He put a hand on each blond head.
“Look, I’m the one responsible for the girls. I’m sorry to leave you in charge like that,” Carson said. “You couldn’t have known what would happen.”
Grace instead of blame. It was a new experience for Lily, and her heart melted.
“It’s not Miss Lily’s fault.” Sunny scrambled out of Carson’s lap and scooted over to lean on Lily. “She told us to be careful and gentle.”
Lily sat, one girl on her lap and one beside her, her heart contracting painfully. She’d always claimed she didn’t understand kids, was in no hurry to have her own, but these two had effortlessly won her heart.
She’d started to care for these girls as if they were her own. Any little hurt they had, she seemed to feel herself. She wanted to take care of them and comfort them and love them.
But they were Carson’s girls, not hers. Carson’s and Pam’s. What right did she have to feel anything for them?
* * *
After Carson had left with the girls, Lily hesitated near Long John’s door, her hand on Bella’s collar. She hadn’t wanted to go with Carson and the twins, impose herself on them, feel more attached. But she also didn’t feel like being alone.
“I’d be obliged if you’d fix me a cup of tea,” Long John called from his recliner.
“Sure!” Relieved, Lily hung her coat back up, went over to the kitchen area and turned on the kettle.
“Fix one for yourself, if you’d like,” he said. “I’d welcome the company.”
Something in his tone sounded artificial. Why was he encouraging her to stay? She marched over and faced him, propped a hand on her hip. “Are you just being nice?”
“Welllll...” He drew the word out, smiling a little. “I would like the company. But I think you’ve got something on your mind. If you want to talk about it, I’m available. Free and confidential,” he added, a twinkle in his eye.
She couldn’t help smiling back at the older man, and a couple of moments later she was sitting on his couch, two steaming mugs of tea on the table between them.
“So what’s been on your mind, little lady?” He sipped his tea and gave an appreciative sigh.
On the floor, Rockette echoed it. Bella was nosing around the edges of the room.
The “little lady” label might have irritated her from some men, but not Long John. “Too much,” she admitted. The situation with Carson and the twins had her head spinning with confusion, her heart raw and aching.
Tell him about Pam.
The idea seemed to come out of nowhere, but all of a sudden she wanted a sounding board. “You meant it when you said confidential?” she asked.
“Absolutely.”
She took a sip of tea and then wrapped her hands around the cup. “I... Something happened when I was in the service.”
He nodded and raised an eyebrow.
“I... This woman, another soldier...” Saying Pam’s name, revealing her identity, seemed too scary. “A friend of mine, she and I had an argument. There was a lot that happened... Anyway, she was furious at me.” She waved her hand, not wanting to go into the whole complex story. “But the end result was, she ran out of our guard hut and purposely got herself shot.”
His bushy white eyebrows came together. “She make it?”
Lily shook her head. For just a moment, she relived the scene: Pam running off toward the oncoming vehicle. Lily’s own shouts and those of their two fellow soldiers. They weren’t supposed to leave the hut, but to stick together and inspect each vehicle entering their compound.
Lily remembered the rat-tat-tat of gunfire. Pam had stopped as if running into a glass wall. Her body had curled in on itself and then collapsed.
The other two had rushed after the fleeing vehicle. But Lily had gone to Pam. “When I got to her, she was already...gone,” she said. And then her throat closed and her eyes burned and she couldn’t say any more.
“And you blame yourself.”
Lily nodded.
They sat for a moment, staring into the fire. And then Long John spoke. “When I was in ’Nam, I left a buddy in the jungle.”
“How do you mean, left?”
“Turned tail and ran,” he said. “Saved my own life.”
From what she knew of the older man, she thought there was probably more to the story. “Was he down?”
Long John nodded. “Down, and in pretty bad shape. Felt like I had a choice—lose him or lose both of us.” He spread his hands. “It dogged me for a couple of years, that I didn’t choose right. Any grunt in the movies or on TV would’ve stuck around, even if just to bring his body home.”
“Life’s not like the movies or TV.”
“No, it’s not.”
They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, but Lily was curious. Finally, she asked, “You said it bothered you for a couple of years. How’d you get over it?”
Long John stared into the fire. “Ever hear that expression ‘confession is good for the soul’?”
“Uh-huh.”
He turned his head and propped it on his folded hands, facing her. “I went to his twin brother, who also served. Told him the whole story.”
“Wow.” That had taken courage. “Was he angry?”
“Slugged me hard enough to break his own hand.” Long John shrugged. “Can’t blame him. Rick might’ve had a chance, if I’d been able to stay with him or drag him out of there. I was honest about that.”
“Did his twin end up forgiving you?”
Slowly, Long John nodded. “He did more than that.”
“What do you mean?”
Long John gestured toward the window. “You ever hear me talk about Willie? Guy who lives next door?”
A shiver danced up and down Lily’s spine. “He’s your best friend.”
“Uh-huh. And he’s Ricky’s twin.”
“Wow.”
“Having him forgive me made all the difference.”
“Makes sense.” And it gave her food for thought.
She would feel better if she could confess what she’d done, already did feel better having told Long John. If she could tell Carson...
“Something to notice,” Long John said. “You listened to me tell you th
e thing that, to me, is the most awful failing of my life. And you’re still sittin’ here. You didn’t run off thinking I was a horrible person.”
“No, of course not!” Lily studied him. “You had to make a terrible choice, and you did the best you could.”
“Same goes for you, too,” he said. “Are you supposed to never argue with anyone, just do what everyone says, on the chance that they might go self-destructive on you?”
“Noooo,” she said cautiously.
He leaned forward, sipped some more tea. “And yes, we’re our brothers’ keepers, but we can’t stop them from taking any risk. My buddy, he bucked orders by heading into that swamp. I couldn’t stop him from doing that. Willie says he was always reckless that way.”
She nodded. When she looked out the window, she saw that the sunset was turning the tops of the mountains to red flame. “I should go,” she said, collecting their empty teacups and putting them over on the dish drainer.
“You think about what I’ve said now.”
She shrugged into her coat. “I will.” Impulsively, she leaned over and kissed the old man’s dry, bristly cheek. “Thank you for helping me think it through.” As tears came to her eyes, she hurried out of the cabin with Bella.
She’d never known her grandfather, and certainly her father hadn’t been a helpful influence. But Long John, today, felt like the grandfather she’d never had.
Not only that, but his words had lit a fire in her.
Tomorrow, she needed to tell Carson the truth about Pam.
* * *
The next afternoon, Carson was washing lunch dishes when there was a knock on the door. He dried his hands and glanced out the window.
Lily. Warmth spread through his chest and he walked double time to the door. Opened it and felt his mouth curve into an automatic smile.
“Hi,” she said, her voice tentative. “Can I come in a minute?”
“Sure!” He beckoned her in. “The girls are working on some mysterious project up in the loft, and I’m all alone down here.”
Had that sounded pathetic?
No, because she smiled back at him—nervously, true, but it was still a smile. “That’s good,” she said. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“If you’re worried about Sunny and the dog bite, she’s fine,” he said. “She had a dream where she was a little dog fighting with a big dog—”
“Oh, no! That sounds scary.”
Carson laughed. “Not for Sunny. The little dog got the big dog a leash and took him for a walk, and then they became best friends.” He grinned, remembering Sunny recounting the dream. “I don’t actually know how much of it was a dream and how much an embellishment, but it seemed to make her feel better.”
“It was my dream!” Sunny called from the loft. “Hi, Miss Lily.”
“Hi, sweetie,” Lily said, and they both smiled up at the rosy face that peeked over the loft railing.
“I can’t come down because we’re doing something very important.”
“Come on, Sunny!” Skye called from the back of the loft area. Skye was his responsible one, always keeping her twin on task. He hoped that would translate into schoolwork when they got older.
“You can see it later, Miss Lily,” Sunny promised. “But it’s a secret from Daddy.” Then she disappeared and her footsteps clattered across the floor above them.
Carson reached to help Lily take off her coat, chuckling. “They’ve been whispering and working for the past couple of hours. I think it’s a late Christmas present. Come on, let me get you some coffee.”
“That sounds good.” She followed him into the kitchen area and leaned one hip against the counter.
She looked so pretty in slim-fitting jeans, a sweater and a vest. Outdoorsy, makeup-free, a natural beauty.
He wanted to talk more to her, learn about her. After his conversation with Long John, he was feeling increasingly certain that he wanted to get to know her better. And more hopeful that something might come of it.
“How’s Bella?” he asked instead of leading with something deeper right away. Lily was skittish, like a wild animal. He had to approach getting closer in the right way, the slow way.
“She’s doing fine. I’d like to think she feels bad about what happened with Sunny, but truth to tell, I think she’s forgotten all about it.” She sighed. “I scolded her all the way home, but she just looked up at me with her tongue hanging out.”
Carson could picture it, the pretty young woman lecturing, the dog laughing up at her. “How’s her recovery?”
“I think she’s doing great. Jack, the vet, he’s coming up to look at her tomorrow.”
Jealousy pushed into Carson’s consciousness. Of course Jack was coming up to check on Bella. Probably to check on Lily, too. Check out Lily.
And what was it about the gentle woman standing in his kitchen that brought out his caveman instincts? He wanted her for his own.
He carried their mugs of coffee to the table, put them down and pulled out a chair for her. “Listen, Lily,” he said, “after you leave the cabins, where are you headed?”
“That’s a good question.” She kneaded her hands together. “I’m almost done with my degree, and I don’t have any real ties aside from finishing that work.”
“You have your aunt Penny, right here. Ever think about sticking around this area?” Carson felt heat climb up his neck. He had no right to ask her a question like that.
She didn’t seem to take offense. “I do love it here,” she said. “Esperanza Springs is a really nice town. I’ve liked everyone I’ve met here, and it’s so pretty.”
“Do you like the snow?”
“Mostly.” She held out her boot, showing him how the sole was flapping loose. “I obviously need to get new boots, and I wouldn’t mind a warmer coat, but I do like it. Listen, Carson—”
What kind of a jerk was he, letting her freeze like that? “Sit tight. I’m going to get you some slippers.”
He climbed halfway up the ladder. “Coming up, girls,” he said.
“No, Daddy, you can’t!” they said together.
“Then throw me down my slippers, will you? And a pair of my big warm socks from my suitcase.”
Little feet clattered, and then socks and slippers soared out of the loft, one slipper hitting him on the head.
“Now stay down there,” Skye lectured from the top of the ladder. “We’re not finished yet.”
“Okay, okay.” He backed down the ladder, collected the footwear and went into the bathroom to grab a thick bath towel. Then he knelt in front of Lily. “Give me your foot.”
“Oh, no, it’s okay, you shouldn’t...”
He ignored her protest, took her foot into his hands and gently pulled off her broken boot.
Her feet were delicate, pink and cold. He wrapped the towel around her foot and rubbed it dry. His hands wanted to linger, make this into a full-blown foot massage, but he knew better. Remember, skittish. He pulled a sock over her foot and fitted the slipper onto it.
He glanced up at her face. Her cheeks were pink, and when their eyes met, she blushed more deeply.
Quickly, he repeated the treatment on the other foot, trying to keep his movements businesslike rather than romantic. As soon as he’d put the second sock and slipper on her, he put her damp boots and socks in front of the fire. He took a moment to arrange them carefully, so he could calm his own racing pulse.
He was less and less immune to this woman. Physically and emotionally, yes, but spiritually, too. He wanted to take care of her.
If he were honest with himself, he hadn’t done the best job of serving Pam. He’d meant well, but he’d been a little selfish, too young to look at their life from her point of view.
Next time, he’d do better.
Serving Lily that way would be an honor and a joy.
/> He walked over to the table and sat. She met his eyes and then looked down at her coffee cup, but he’d seen the uneasiness on her face. Should he keep things impersonal or try to go deeper?
He went with his gut, touched her hand. “I was asking you about where you might settle for a reason, and I need to say it before I lose my nerve.”
“Before you... Okaaaay.” She took a sip of black coffee, watching him over the rim of the cup.
“If you were to stay around here awhile,” he said, “would you consider going out with me?”
She set down her mug too hard, making coffee splash onto the table.
Automatically he grabbed a napkin and wiped it up. Then he met her eyes again, a sinking feeling inside.
She hadn’t answered. She didn’t want to go out with him and was figuring out how to say so.
No woman as pretty and talented as Lily would want to date a small-town pastor, tied down with a couple of demanding kids. Why would she, when she could date anyone she wanted to?
Jack DeMoise, for example?
“You don’t have to answer that,” he said quickly, scrubbing at the table with the soggy napkin. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. Of course, you have other things to think about besides dating, especially since you’re basically just here on vacation—”
She put a hand over his. “Carson.”
The throaty sound of her voice sent a heat wave through him, despite the cold day. Man, he had it bad. He was probably showing that, too, by the way he was acting. And he knew, had counseled his parishioners in job-hunting or dating situations, that desperation was never appealing.
Her hand was still on top of his, and he looked up to meet her eyes.
“I like you a lot, Carson,” she said, “and I like your girls a lot, too.”
“But...” He tried to say it in a joking way, to soften the blow to his own ego. “There’s always a ‘but.’”
“Yes, there is,” she said, looking at him seriously. “There’s something I need to tell you first.”
Chapter Eleven
Lily looked at Carson’s dear face and tried to hold on to her reasons for telling him the truth.
She thought of Long John, who’d confessed his wartime sin and not only felt more peace, but had built a lifelong friendship with the person he’d confessed to.
The Twins' Family Christmas (Redemption Ranch Book 2) Page 12