Wanting Amanda

by Wendy Silk

  Michael whispered to her, “Amanda, I know you haven’t done this before. Let me show you how.”

  Amanda laughed out loud, in spite of herself. “Michael, seriously? Do you think we’re living in the Middle Ages? Of course I’ve been with men before. I’m told I have quite a healthy appetite for sex.”

  Michael became still, his quick breaths the only remains of the carnal urges that had driven him only moments ago. His face twisted with anger. “That can’t be true. It’s not.”

  Amanda nodded silently and stood. She was finished with this.

  Michael’s voice cut through the air. “Amanda, you can’t get away from me. Even if you think you won’t marry me, you will.” He stopped for a moment, then began again in a steely tone. “What you don’t know is that I hold all the information necessary to send your precious family to the poorhouse. I have papers that prove that Nathan has been guilty of insider trading for years.”

  Amanda interrupted. “That can’t be true. There’s got to be some sort of misunderstanding. Nathan wouldn’t break the law. He doesn’t even need to do that; he has more money than he knows what to do with. He has always been rich. Not that you’d understand that.” She added the last jab with pleasure, aware that it was a sore spot for Michael.

  “You’re wrong,” he replied with a manic glee. “Your vaunted stepfather knows I have the proof. When he asked me what he could do to stay my hand, I told him I wanted you. He knows all about this.”

  “If I turn Nathan in, he’ll go to prison this time. Did you know he’s been in trouble with the Securities and Exchange Commission for insider trading once before?” Michael continued. “You and your mother will lose everything if he’s caught again. No more fancy parties or expensive dresses. No graduate school for you. You’ll both be working long days back in Houston. Back where you came from.”

  And there it was, his design for the evening, finally laid bare. All the dressing up in finery, the partaking of the best wines and tiny hors d’oeuvres, it had all been part of his plan to trap her. She would say yes to the engagement; she knew that before he had finished speaking.

  “Michael, you are disgusting. But you’re right; I have no choice. I’ll marry you if it will keep my family safe from your blackmail.” Amanda felt a chill run along her spine, knowing she had just sold herself. As he reached for her left hand and slipped a heavy, impossibly large diamond onto the third finger, she stiffened at the weight it conveyed on her.

  Chapter 3: Humiliation

  Two weeks later, Amanda was alone in her luxurious bedroom, staring at the column of light blue silk that she planned to wear as she told her guests how happy she was to be with Michael. Would they believe her? Jennifer had been surprised to hear that Amanda wanted to marry Michael so soon after meeting him, but she quickly fell into the fun of planning.

  “Amanda?” The knock at her bedroom door was sharp. Nathan’s clear voice reached her easily. “Please be ready soon. You know the photographer will be here before the guests arrive.”

  “Yes, Nathan,” she answered curtly. It was as much as she had said to him in the last two weeks. His footsteps echoed away, but Amanda seethed that he had the audacity to address her at all. Had Michael shared with Nathan that it had taken the threat of financial and social ruin to force her to agree to marry him?

  “Hailey, can you come help me?” Amanda opened her door just wide enough to call across the hallway to the room her friend considered home every time she visited.

  Like a genie, Hailey appeared so fast she might have materialized from thin air. She carried her black shantung silk dress on its hanger, holding it high above the floor to keep the fabric from dragging. “I was hoping you’d want to get dressed together,” she said. “I have this beautiful new dress, but I’m not sure which way is the front,” she clowned, exaggerating her Southern twang and gesturing toward the low cut shape of the bodice.

  “All right, stop it,” retorted Amanda. “Really, we have to talk. I have to tell you everything.”

  Hailey grew serious in response to the stoic face before her. “Amanda, what on earth is bothering you? I’ve never seen you as preoccupied as you’ve been all day today. For weeks, actually, since you got engaged.”

  Amanda couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Hailey, I never wanted to marry Michael. I’m only doing it because he says he has evidence that will put Nathan in prison if I don’t.” She expanded on the tale of the unpleasantness at the gala, finishing with “...and it’s all Nathan’s fault.”

  Hailey stepped back, leaning into her heels. She turned to set the dress down on the pale, overstuffed chair beside her. Then she changed her mind, tossed the dress to the floor, and sat down herself, plopping into the armchair with a sound of exasperation.

  “Amanda, how could you get yourself into this mess?” Hailey sighed. “No, I’m not saying it’s all your doing,” she warded off Amanda’s frown with a wave of her hands. “But this isn’t just Nathan’s fault; it’s yours as well. I mean, sure, he’s the one who was more concerned about making money than following the law. Insider trading: that’s using secret stock tips to make money illegally, right?” At Amanda’s nod of assent, she shrugged and said, “Well, Nathan has a lot of friends in this city. Maybe he gets greedy listening to them talk about their financial details all the time.”

  Amanda flushed with outrage. “Are you saying that what Nathan did is all right? He broke the law!”

  “No, I’m not concerned with that part. It’s your basic rich person’s crime. Nathan is as predictable as ever. I don’t know what you or your mother could ever worry about when it comes to him. The question is, what are any of you doing with Michael? He’s never fun to be around, and he’s downright rude to you. I don’t believe he really has any evidence that would be so important that it would make marrying him worth it.”

  “Well, unfortunately for me, I do believe it. Nathan set us up with each other, and I know he would never have done that by accident. If he wants me to do this, then I will, for my mom’s sake. I just don’t see how I can ever look Nathan in the eyes again.”

  Hailey sighed. “Amanda, I’m not sure this is the way to go. What you need is some time. Time to work this out, and to talk with your parents about it. You’ll have to tell Jennifer eventually, you know.”

  Amanda relaxed slightly. “You’re right. If I can just convince him to give me some respite, some breathing space, then I can figure out what to do. Nobody would remember it in the long run, if we had this party, and then we ended up breaking it off in a few months, right?”

  Haley responded as diplomatically as she could. “I’m not sure that I’d say that nobody will remember it, but it would definitely be better than ending up married to Michael. Listen to the wisdom of your best friend here. I know you, and I could tell from the beginning that you’re afraid of something. Maybe your mom already sees that too.”

  As they dressed in silence, doing each other’s simple, smooth chignons, Amanda worried the same thing. Had her mom already seen how difficult this was for her?

  At eight o’clock that night, guests began arriving, stepping from the elevator doors into the spacious co-op. The caterers had been there for hours, setting up a wonderland of intricately arranged food. Amanda and Hailey stood together, looking like the sisters they had always wished they were. Amanda knew the receiving line would move quickly, but it would still feel like eons as she accepted people’s wishes for her happiness. Her nervousness made her throat begin to hurt, so she gestured to one of the waiters for a glass of water.

  Amanda held the chilled water goblet to her lips, having greeted the last member of the well-heeled crowd--at least for the moment. Nathan’s booming voice cut through the chatter that had overtaken the room. Her stuffy stepfather called out, “Thank you for being here, everybody. Jennifer and I are so glad that you are joining us in wishing every happiness to our sweet daughter Amanda, and the man she has chosen to marry: Michael.”

  At this, Nathan ges
tured to Michael, who was at his side. Standing together, the two men looked like they could almost be father and son, although they were a little too close in age. Only the most discerning New York eye would have seen that they were not at all alike at a fundamental level.

  They were both accustomed to being seen as rich and powerful, the men who always took charge. Yet a certain natural grace was missing from Michael. The set of his jaw and the tilt of his head revealed to Amanda that he knew he would have to fight for social acceptance. He smirked, as if he was also fully aware that after tonight, with Amanda on his arm, it would become easier.

  Michael raised his glass and surveyed the room. He smiled broadly at them all, then at Amanda in particular. “My dear friends,” he began pompously, “thank you for being here to celebrate with us tonight. If you could please raise your glass to my beautiful Amanda, I want us to all celebrate her this evening. She is a woman who could do anything. You might be thinking that she is a little young to be marrying, and that this is sudden news.” A faint chuckle escaped from a few uncomfortable guests, who had thought exactly that. “You might even be wondering if, well” --he permitted himself a bit of a leer-- “if we have to get married. You know. If I’ve knocked her up. Put a baby up inside her.”

  At this, Amanda’s mother, Jennifer, swiveled her head in surprise from Michael to Amanda. A flush rose on her cheeks. She had stepped away from Amanda and Hailey a few moments ago, and now she was too far away to speak to her daughter. Her eyes silently telegraphed, “What is Michael doing?”

  Amanda bit her lip as her own cheeks drained of color. The vulgarity of her fiancé appalled her. She did not turn to meet Hailey’s eyes. The hush in the room settled around her like snow falling on a frigid winter night.

  Some of Nathan’s friends glanced warily at him. Was he going to break in on Michael’s crude speech? The Nathan they had all known for years would never stand for this sort of disrespect of his hospitality and of his stepdaughter’s reputation. However, Nathan stood very still, with his eyes focused absent-mindedly on a far wall, as if he was wondering if he had forgotten his tennis racket at his office. He gave no sign that he was going to stop this ugly moment.

  As the silence stretched on, Michael continued. “Well, if you were wondering about that, then allow me to tell you that it is true! Amanda has given up the idea of Columbia for next year; she’ll be far too busy. You’ll notice that my lovely bride-to-be is not holding a drink in her sweet hand. She is old enough to drink,” and he permitted himself a superior little snort of laughter. “But she is in fact expecting my baby. It’s true! She’s up the duff, as I think they say across the pond.”

  It wasn’t possible, but the room grew even quieter. Jennifer and Hailey both looked sharply at Amanda, heedless of the fact that their surprise showed on their faces.

  Michael plunged ahead, seeming not to care at all about how uncomfortable he was making the room full of people. “We just couldn’t wait to experience certain pleasures...if you know what I mean. Well, I thought it would be me that couldn’t wait, but Amanda: wow. She was a tiger in the sack, ready to tear the clothes off me. These New York society girls are insatiable. I’ve thought that for years.” Guests stared at their own feet, unmoving, as they wondered how they might be able to slip away from the disaster that the evening had become.

  With all the willpower Amanda had left, she rearranged her face into a smile. “Darling!” she called across the few feet to where Michael was standing. “You know you must never ramble when you are giving a toast! Let our friends enjoy their drinks!” She gave an approximation of a laugh that did not fool Jennifer and Hailey, but it was sufficient to make the general mood of the room relax. Whatever this had been, it could come to a close if she was smiling. The guests around her nodded at her and Michael, quickly drank from whatever glass they were holding, and then turned toward each other in search of any conversation they could muster up that could make them forget what had just happened.

  Amanda caught Michael’s eye and nodded toward the kitchen. He smirked at her, showing his teeth, relishing how humiliating that had been for her and for her family. It was a warning, she knew. If she didn’t play by his rules, there would be so much more shame in her future that she couldn’t even imagine what her life would become.

  Chapter 4: Unfulfilled

  Amanda reached the kitchen just ahead of Michael and turned to confront him. As she did, the catering staff moved from the room silently. They had seen couples retreat to the kitchen to argue at almost every party they had ever worked.

  “Michael, you’re a prick. What was that? Not only was that the most socially awkward thing you could have done if you tried for a year to think of something, but it isn’t true. It’s absurd to think that I’d be pregnant--I’m not ready to settle down like that. And how could you talk about our sex life in a party toast? We don’t even have a sex life!” She was shaking with how much she hated him.

  Michael looked at her, unmoved by her passion. “I just wanted to show you what I can do if I choose to.” He allowed his gaze to run up and down her figure, stopping to ogle the way her breasts were barely encased by the fabric of her blue silk cocktail dress. “And you know it will be true soon enough. I could take you this evening and make you pregnant immediately. Shall I show you? Shall I lift your pretty skirt right now and show you what it means to have a real man thrusting inside you?”

  Michael had flung his crude words in anger, but Amanda saw that he was aroused by the thought of ripping her dress aside and having her right now. Although she didn’t want to admit it, she was beginning to be aroused at that thought as well. Her disgust at the way he had treated her in front of her friends warred with her own temptation to try to solve their conflict with sex. Amanda’s lips parted as she felt the heat rising within her.

  “Would you like to show me that it could be better than this between us?” She was grasping at straws to even consider smoothing things over with him. “Can you be kinder than this? I really need to believe that, Michael. Let’s try this and see if we can find a new connection that can make this work between us.”

  Michael stepped forward and reached his arms around her, pulling her close to him. “I can be better than kind, Amanda. I know you think I’m not what you want, but I am what is best for you.” His hands were everywhere along her back and her rear, pressing her toward his straining erection, grinding his pelvis against hers. “It’s not kindness you need. You’re wrong about that. You need a firm hand, after the spoiling you’ve had in Nathan’s house. I’ll show you what you need.” His breath was hot against her neck.

  “Michael,” she breathed, still feeling the seductive pull of sexual response. “You’re going about this all wrong. You can’t just take from other people. You have to give of yourself as well. That’s what real love is.”

  Michael looked at her, his eyes bright with wanting her. “Don’t be so sanctimonious. Are you really so qualified to talk about giving? All I’ve ever seen you do is take from others. That’s all your kind do, all of you. You know you want me.”

  He ran his right hand down the side of her dress, all the way to the hem at her knee, then sent it upwards. The sound of tiny threads popping reached her ears. As Michael reached his index finger into the slippery softness beneath her tight skirt, she let out a moan. Even if this man was unbearable, his touch was making her crazy with desire.

  She murmured, “Michael, I don’t know what to say. You’re making me so hot. Maybe it doesn’t matter whether we like each other. Maybe we can make this work if we find the parts that are good between us. I do want you, I do.”

  Michael’s hand continued moving against her, rubbing with a softer touch than Amanda had expected. This man was not a fool. He had made his fortune in business by reading people’s emotions. Maybe she would be all right if she accepted that he knew what was best for her. What he was doing right now with his thumb against her was certainly one of the best things she had ever felt.

/>   Michael pushed against her with all of weight, pressing her into the tall kitchen cupboards. “Michael,” she whispered. “This is good, oh, keep going.” She had a thought. “But what if somebody comes in? Come this way, follow me.”

  Amanda took her loathsome fiancé, for whom she was unexpectedly burning with desire, by the hand. She led him to the double doors of the enormous pantry and pulled him against her again. “Now,” she commanded. “Now, take me. I don’t care about what you just did out there. I need you to show me that we can be good together. Show me.” Her hands fumbled against his belt and trousers. She found his cock and freed it, just as he roughly hitched up her dress, bunching the expensive silk between them.

  Michael needed no second urging. He reached behind Amanda and lifted her so she was seated against the broadest shelf. The objects that had formerly occupied that space crashed down to the floor. With a groan, he entered her, thrusting against her in one firm movement. His cock filled her with its meaty girth. She parted her legs as wide as she could to accept his hips against her. Her body was more than ready for his. Her breath came fast as she moaned and leaned her head back against the pantry wall. Michael kept his hands on her hips, pumping his against her, into her. He was just as forceful at this as he was in business.

  Before Amanda had reached her climax, she learned that even this moment with Michael would come with disappointment. He leaned closer and whispered right into her ear. “Amanda, I want you and I will have you.” As he spoke, his body shuddered and he came, filling her with his seed. “I told you I would own you. Now I do.”

  As Amanda struggled to make sense of what had just happened, Michael buttoned and zipped his trousers and smoothed his clothes and hair. He looked at her, as she stood there disheveled and unsatisfied.

  “Michael, I thought you were going to show me that this could be good between us,” she said in a low voice. She flinched at her own voice and how close she was to outright whining.