Thunder booms, making me gasp. The trees cast shadows on the ground as lightning makes the sky glow.
Behind me, a branch cracks like it’s succumbed to the weight of a person. I whip my head around. My eyes dart back and forth but all I can see is more trees. The rain falls harder, dripping through the trees and onto my head.
You’re paranoid. Keep moving.
With trembling hands, I step close to the edge of the tree line and push my hands behind me in case I bump into a tree.
I should have called Iris.
Now I’m in a field, getting wet and hearing noises because the second it gets dark, my mind starts playing games. The rain pours harder, pelting my skin, but I don’t turn around and run because something is in the trees.
This is ridiculous!
You’re being ridiculous.
Just go home, Ivy.
Another crunch cuts through the sound of water hitting the ground. I swing my head to my left. I slow my breathing as I try to eliminate every noise I can so I can hear better.
There is no one there.
There is no one there!
I’m drenched. Water cascades down my face, making it difficult to see. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. I want to run but fear burns through my body, rooting me to the spot and preventing me from moving.
I would have seen someone by now if I wasn’t alone. The forest is eerily dark, but the trees aren’t particularly thick. Though the storm makes it ten times harder to see.
God, I need to get home.
Turning around, I scan the area again, taking everything in so fast I’m sure I’m not really seeing anything at all. My heart races so fast my head feels light.
Go. You’re alone and paranoid.
Leaping forward, I get a good boost and sprint out of the field and into the forest. My lungs scream for oxygen, but I can’t slow down to allow it. I pelt between trees, raising my arms and keeping them in front of me in case I fall.
I whimper as I see the clearing ahead. My house is so close.
Behind me, a branch crunches, sending a chill through my spine.
No.
Keep going.
I push myself faster, force my fatigued legs to move quicker than ever before. The rain hits my body with such force it hurts, but I don’t care. The weather is getting worse, rain pelting my face through the trees.
Wiping my eyes, I stumble. I shove my hands out and hiss as my palms dig into broken twigs. Lifting my head, I look over my shoulder.
Get up, Ivy!
I push myself to my feet and wipe my hands against my trousers.
My heart beats wildly as I whip my head around, turning in a circle.
Something is here.
My breath catches as a shadow darts between the trees.
What was that?
I back up and hit a tree as my eyes search everywhere.
It’s probably a deer.
Where is it?
In front of me, somewhere between the rolling thunder, I hear the snap of wood and I jump.
Oh God. Go!
Shoving off the tree, I sprint again.
Pain shoots the length of my shins with each frantic step.
Reaching the edge of the forest, I pant. Come on, you’re almost there.
The muscles in my thighs scream in protest of my speed, but I push harder, faster until my lungs burn, and I see red spots around bullets of rain.
With the trees now behind me, I whimper. I made it, but I can’t breathe easy. I still have to get across the field and find my house key in my bag. I want to look back but I can’t afford to slow down and be caught.
With one final push, I leap over the stream, my knee jarring as I hit the ground on the other side. Pain slices through my leg.
Crying out, I grip the strap of my bag tighter and push on. My house is in view.
I run faster, cutting through the second field and down the side of my house. Slamming my hands down, I leap over the low-level wall in the back garden.
Collapsing in a heap on the soggy grass, I burst. Fat tears fall from my eyes as I pant.
I turn my head and look up but there’s nothing there.
Pushing myself to my feet, I stumble to the back door and dig around in my bag for my key.
I’m such an idiot. There was no one out there. The noise probably was just a deer.
But a tall one?
Letting myself into the house, I lean back against the door and bury my head in my hands, gasping for air.
23
It took me longer than I’d like to admit to pull myself together, but I did it.
I feel like a fool, freaking out over nothing. I’m so glad no one saw me fall to pieces like that. I would never live it down.
After another shower, I feel much better.
Dad sent us a text in our group chat. He’s going to be home late—after eleven. And he expects us to believe it’s a business dinner. So I put on my most comfortable pajamas and ate dinner, and now I’m curled up on the sofa alone with a blanket watching TV. My heart rate has returned to normal and my tears washed away in the shower.
Could it have been a person following me? But who would want to scare me like that?
It’s eight. Iris should be home—but since she knows Dad’s out, I doubt she’ll be back for a couple hours yet. She has no regard for his rules, and he’s not strong enough to risk upsetting her.
Tomorrow, when Dad asks, Iris will say she was home at eight and expect me to cover for her. I will because the last thing I need is more tension in the house. Meera told me to allow Iris some adjustment time and warned me she could be difficult as she comes to terms with how things are now. There’s a lot to settle for my sister. If I react to her, it could make things worse long-term.
I don’t want that. All I want is my nice little life back, so I’ll let things slide for now to keep the peace I’m so desperate for.
Closing my eyes, I snuggle into a scatter cushion Iris picked up last week and in seconds, I drift straight to sleep.
And then, suddenly, I’m startled awake. I grip the blanket and scramble to sit up.
Iris laughs, her hands on her hips. “Sorry, I shut the door too hard. I didn’t realize you were asleep there.”
She doesn’t look sorry, with a slight grin and amusement in her eyes.
I tap my cell and the time lights up: 10:48.
“Get lots of studying done?” I ask.
Smirking, she drops down on the sofa next to mine. “Yep. And then we hung out at the diner. How was practice?”
“It was great. I beat my best time.”
“That’s awesome, Ivy! What did you do after? Please tell me you haven’t been here watching Riverdale all night.”
“Er, I have.”
Iris shakes her head. “You should have come out with us.”
“That’s okay. I was kind of beat after practice. I still am,” I say, pressing the back of my hand to my mouth as I yawn.
“Did you get wet walking home? I didn’t realize the time until it was six, and I figured you’d be home by then.”
“I got drenched but it was okay. What did you do after the diner closed?” Nine is when they close the doors on weeknights. Iris has been out almost an extra two hours.
“We just hung around the square.”
In the rain? Where did she really go?
“When do you think Dad will be back?” she asks.
I shrug and grab my bottle of water from the coffee table. “No idea.”
Iris sinks back into the sofa. “He’d tell us if he was on a date, wouldn’t he?”
I shrug. “Over the last couple of years, he’s been open about when he dates. Before that I knew nothing. I would have thought he would say, but he hasn’t.” It’s defin
itely odd since we tell each other everything. Maybe he’s not dating. His workload has increased recently, so it could be that. Maybe.
“Ivy, do you think he should be dating now?”
“Yeah. Why shouldn’t he?”
“Well…because of Mom,” she deadpans, as if I’m the one who’s said something ridiculous.
I can understand how she feels uncomfortable, but our parents were long divorced. “They’ve been apart for six years, Iris.”
“I know that. But there has been a lot of change, and is bringing someone else into the equation right now really a good idea? I know I’ve had enough change to last me at least another ten years. Don’t you feel the same?”
“I…” How do I feel about it? I haven’t really given it much thought. “Maybe.”
“Think about how weird it would be to get to know this woman when we’re still grieving and all getting used to living together again. I can’t imagine setting another place at the table until we’re more settled.” Her eyes fill with tears. “Does that make me a totally selfish bitch?”
My stomach rolls with nausea, shocking me because I’m always happy for whatever Dad has going on in his private life if it makes him happy.
This time I’m not. Iris is right…the thought of him bringing someone home makes my head feel like exploding.
“It doesn’t make you a bitch,” I say, my voice raspy like I’m recovering from a sore throat. “I don’t like the thought of someone new yet either.”
I barely have my head above water as it is. I miss Mom, everything is unsettled at home, and I can’t shake the feeling that something else is coming. I’m not emotionally ready for anything else. I need a pause button on life because I’ve reached my limit for now.
“Do you think we should talk to him together?” Iris asks. “We could explain how we feel, tell him that we’re not opposed to him dating but we’re not ready for it just yet.”
My stomach knots. “Can we ask that of him?”
She frowns. “We’re not asking anything. We’re telling him how we feel, being honest like he demands from us, and he can decide what he does from there.”
“The decision he will make is to not see anyone until we’re settled.” I know that for sure. Dad puts being a father first, he always has, so if he knows me and Iris aren’t okay with more change, he won’t do anything to change our lives.
“Good. That’s how it needs to be right now.”
“I don’t know, Iris…”
“No. Look, I’m not trying to be unreasonable. We’re not saying he has to die alone; we just want him to hold off bringing someone new into our lives.” She speaks so powerfully, like she’s a professional public speaker. Her voice is clear, and every word is said with absolute conviction.
No wonder she has people eating out of her hand.
I inhale long and deep. In for four. Out for four.
I’m not sure about this. I do agree that we need time. At the moment, I don’t want to get to know a woman my dad is seeing. He’s been separated from Mom for a long time, so it’s not that, but I don’t want the change yet.
“Okay,” I concede. “We’ll talk to him when he gets home.”
“You’re with me? Really? I don’t want to start this conversation with Dad and have you back down. We do this together or not at all.”
“I’ve got you, Iris. I agree that it’s too soon to have someone else coming around the house.” I’m fine with him dating; I’m not fine with him introducing anyone new to my life yet.
Her shoulders slump. “Good. How should we tell him?”
“We just say it. He values honesty. Besides, I’ve never been that good at skirting around an issue.”
Until now, when I don’t tell Dad about some of the weird stuff Iris has done. I can talk to my dad about anything. He’s always very open, even when I don’t want him to be, so why can’t I bring myself to tell him that Iris is inserting herself into my life a little too much?
He would listen. But I’m scared he would tell me I’m overreacting.
Meera says it’s natural for her to hold on to someone so tightly after losing Mom. I just have to ride it out until she’s confident enough to let go.
“Sounds good. I like to be straight up too.” She grins. “I guess I get that from Dad.”
The front door swings open. Dad looks up at us and smiles, and my heart sinks. “Hey, girls. How was your day?”
Iris looks at me.
“Good,” I say. “I beat my time in the pool, but now I’m exhausted.”
“Ivy, that’s great. I’m proud of you.”
I beam, my chest filling with warmth. “Thanks, Dad.”
“How about you, Iris?” he asks, setting his laptop bag down and kicking off his shoes.
She shrugs. “I didn’t beat my time in the pool.”
Grinning, Dad shakes his head. “School was okay?”
“It was fine. Nothing much happened. Actually, can Ivy and I talk to you?” Iris asks as she ties her long hair into a bun on the top of her head.
Showtime, then.
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. All Dad has done recently is work and make sure Iris and I are okay. He’s having a hard time with Mom’s death, despite what he says, and we’re about to tell him we don’t want him to date. What if he is dating and he likes her? If she’s helping him adjust to his ex-wife dying, his other daughter moving in, and supporting us both, should we really take that away?
I can’t talk to Iris, but if Dad’s happiness is at stake, I will deal with another person coming here.
It’s not just about Dad, though. If I tell him I will be okay with him dating, I’m telling Iris her feelings don’t matter.
I’m going to give myself a headache.
Choosing between people I love makes me nauseous.
“Well,” Iris says. “Ivy and I have noticed a few things about you recently, and we’re worried that you’re seeing someone.”
Why would you go straight in by saying we’re worried about it? I mean, we are, but let’s not put him on the defensive right from the start.
“I see,” he says, his eyes flicking from her to me. “Ivy?”
“We want you to be happy, Dad.” Iris nods along, agreeing with me. “We…we just aren’t ready for more change. If things are getting serious with this woman, we’ll eventually have to meet her, right?”
Dad slaps his chest as he clears his throat. “I am seeing someone,” he confirms. “And things are going well. She is in agreement with me that we shouldn’t introduce you all until our lives have settled down.”
So he does have a girlfriend.
I push my hair behind my shoulder. “Can I ask her name?”
“Rachel.”
Iris turns her head. “You’re serious with her?”
He nods. “It is going that way. She’s a wonderful woman, and I think you will both like her, but I’m not pushing anything. When you’re ready, you can meet her.”
“I’m not ready,” Iris says, her eyes narrowing. “I’m not even close to being ready.” She looks at me, her eyes wide like she’s petrified he’s going to move her in.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. “No one expects you to be ready yet.”
“Iris,” Dad says. “There is no rush, I promise you. We’ll follow your lead. Yours and Ivy’s. Rachel and I would never force you two to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”
“When do you even have time to date, anyway? You’re either at the office or here with us. We need you way more than she does.” Her face reddens, and I don’t know if it’s because she’s upset or angry.
“Iris, you and Ivy are my priority and you always will be. Rachel understands that I need to be here as much as I can right now.”
“That’s good, because we do need you. We don’t
need another mom.”
Dad holds his hands up. “No one is trying to replace your mom. That will never happen, okay?”
Obviously, and Iris must know that too. Emotions are a little high right now and she’s letting hers take over.
“Damn right it won’t.”
This is the first time I’ve heard Iris mention Mom. It’s not a particularly positive conversation, which is a shame, but she is saying that she doesn’t want anyone to replace our mom.
“I care about Rachel a lot, but nothing compares to you two. You will always be my two number ones.”
“We know that, Dad,” I tell him.
“Speak for yourself, Ivy. You’ve lived with Dad your entire life; you know him much better than I do. How do I believe what he says until I see it?”
Frowning, I reply, “Just because you haven’t lived here doesn’t mean Dad’s not been in your life. He’s never gone back on his word with you either.”
What has gotten into her? Hello, hostility.
“Okay, girls,” Dad says, sitting forward. “We’re not going to argue. I’m telling you that I will put you first, Iris. I know you believe that because you believe me. We are going to continue to be honest with each other, and Rachel and I will give this some time before we start seeing each other again.”
So he’s really telling us he won’t see her at all until we’re okay with it. That seems a bit much. I don’t mind if he still goes out with her; I just don’t want to have a new person insert themselves into our lives. We’re not ready to add someone else, especially since that person could eventually take on a mother-type role. There’s no way to get away with it, really; if she stays with Dad and eventually moves in, she’ll have to play a part in the family. It wouldn’t work any other way.
“It’s late. I suggest we all get some sleep,” Dad says.
Iris clenches her jaw. She doesn’t like being told what to do. She likes free rein and making her own decisions about when she gets home and when she goes to bed.
Me? Well, I can’t be bothered to argue anymore. I’m still tired, I still feel stupid from earlier, and my body hurts.
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