“Thanks.”
The corner of his mouth curls in a half-smile. And that’s about as friendly as he’s being with me. He’s distant while standing right beside me.
Every part of my being is screaming at me to fix it, to talk to him, to do something so we will really be okay again. But I’m scared to push in case he decides he’s done.
Meera said he might need time to think it through. If he’s thinking rationally, he would see that moment for what it was, but because emotions are involved, they’re clouding his judgment.
So I basically have to wait an indefinite amount of time for the clouds to shift.
Which sucks because I hate it when we’re in a fight.
“Are you going to swim?” I ask him.
We used to go to the local public pool a lot but since Iris arrived, we haven’t been once.
“I’ll never beat you,” he replies.
“We don’t have to race.” We’ve never raced. He just doesn’t want to do anything with me. I glance over at my sister. “Iris and Ellie look like the twins here.”
They even have the same white high-heeled sandals.
“They don’t have the same face,” he replies.
“You didn’t used to think Iris and I had the same face.”
He looks at me. “I can tell the difference. It would get awkward if I couldn’t.” There is no humor to the words; he sounds like he’s making small talk with a stranger.
I sigh. “Okay, what the hell is going on? You said you forgave me for not telling you about Logan, but you’ve given me nothing but attitude. It’s not okay, Ty. If you need to talk, that’s fine. If you want to yell at me, go ahead. But stop shutting me out because that’s not how we do things.”
Yeah, I’m not good at waiting.
“People are looking, Ivy.”
“Well, then, it’s my turn to not care who’s watching.” I cross my arms, which would send a message of defiance a lot more successfully if I didn’t have to be careful not to spill my soda.
I don’t need to look to know that Iris is watching. She’s everywhere.
He flexes his jaw. “I’m still angry.”
“I’ve noticed. What is it going to take to get through this?”
Meera would be tutting at me right now. I don’t care.
“I don’t know, Ivy. Let’s forget it now and enjoy the party.”
That’s not going to work for me. My chest aches at the distance. I can’t be around him when he’s like this with me; it’s not us.
“Yeah, well, I won’t be enjoying it when you can barely look at me. I’ll see you on Monday, Ty.”
I can’t stay here and pretend. Doing that, added to the feeling of something being wrong, is making me nauseous. Ty doesn’t stop me as I walk past him and around the side of the house. Although I came with Ty, my house is within walking distance.
He doesn’t call out to me or follow. So that tells me everything I need to know. I was right the first time; I need to give him time and space.
The sun has only just begun to set. I sip my Dr Pepper as I walk. There is no actual sidewalk, just a wide grassy path that people use.
My phone buzzes in my pocket.
It’s Iris.
Rolling my eyes, I answer the call. “What?”
“Ivy, where are you? Ty said you left.”
You watched me leave!
“Yeah, I’m not feeling it.”
“Well, hold up, I’ll come with you.”
“No, stay,” I reply a little too quickly to be polite. “I mean, you were having fun, and to be honest, I would rather be alone right now.”
“Did you and Tyler fight?”
“Not really. I just don’t feel like partying. Me and Ty will be fine.”
“Sure you’re okay?” she asks.
“Yep, I’m all good. Enjoy the party, and let Sophie and Haley know what’s happened. Tell them I’ll call them tomorrow.”
“I will when they arrive. See you at home.”
“Bye,” I reply, and hang up.
Dad is out when I get home. He said he’s meeting his friends at a bar to have a couple beers and play darts. I think he’s meeting Rachel.
I lock the front door behind me and head to the kitchen to fix a snack. Something super unhealthy, like a massive bar of chocolate or chips. Or both.
I’m wallowing.
I take my food into the living room and flick on the TV. Under different circumstances, I would enjoy being home alone. But everything being still tonight means there aren’t enough distractions to stop my mind spinning. Ty is showing no signs of forgiving me anytime soon. I think maybe he wants me to sweat a little first.
I suppose I can understand that. I’m the one who made the mistake of not telling him about Logan kissing me. I should have known that his issue would be with me lying about it. Though, in my defense, back then, I didn’t know him as well as I do now. How was I supposed to know Logan wasn’t a real friend? I thought I was saving their relationship and ours, keeping secret a silly moment that meant nothing to me or Logan.
I don’t even remember everyone who was at the party, so I don’t know who took the picture. Or who would have given it to Iris. When Logan kissed me, I thought we were in the basement alone. The other guys down there had gone up first.
This is such a mess.
I pop a square of chocolate in my mouth as my phone buzzes.
It’s my group chat with Haley and Sophie.
SOPHIE: Why did you leave?
HALEY: Did you argue with Ty again?
SOPHIE: He’s still mad but you shouldn’t leave. Come back and show him you’re fighting for him.
Fantastic. Now my best friends think that I’m in the wrong for leaving.
My skin prickles. They have no idea what I’m doing. Haley is single and Sophie has been seeing Sam for, like, three months. So for them to judge me over this is seriously irritating.
We’re always honest with each other, even if we don’t want to hear it, but I’m not in the wrong here. Giving Ty space is clearly what he needs; getting in his face right now isn’t going to make things better.
Besides, Logan is due back today. I overheard Ellie talking about him coming back at school.
I don’t think he’s going to Ellie’s party because apparently his family doesn’t get back to town until late, but the fact that he’s coming back is probably adding to Ty’s bad mood. Take me and Logan out of the equation and maybe he’ll calm down.
I do hate that I’m not there with him, though.
Not that he would ever do anything.
Laying my head back on the sofa, I close my eyes. Not only is Ty angry, but it sounds like Sophie and Haley are too. Why can no one see this from my point of view? I curl my blanket around my body, feeling insecure and hating it.
Closing my eyes, I feel a tear trickle down my cheek.
28
“How are you feeling about seeing Ty today?” Iris asks, checking her face in the mirror as I drive to school. She flips the sun shade up and looks at me.
I press my lips together as my eye twitches. I don’t want her in my car, but I have no choice. I’ve had to let the tapping thing in the classroom go, as it only makes me look bad. I can’t accuse her of sending Ty that picture, as I have no proof—which would make me in the wrong again.
So I’m stuck…for now.
Iris asking about Ty is the first thing she’s said to me this morning, and she’s straight into it. No small talk and asking each other how we slept.
“Fine,” I reply, fire burning in my chest. “We spoke last night.”
Her eyebrow lifts. “All is forgiven, then?”
My heart beats a little faster. I tighten my grip around the steering wheel. “You
say that like he shouldn’t forgive me.”
“He can do what he wants.”
“But you don’t think he should.”
She hums. “You lied to him. All I’m saying is I think I would be angry for longer than two minutes.”
“I didn’t lie to hurt him, Iris. I did it for the exact opposite reason.” God, it’s too early for this conversation. I don’t have nearly enough coffee in my body to discuss whether my sister thinks my boyfriend should be cool with me now. Especially with her.
“Ellie is angry too.”
“Ellie has no reason to be angry. She wasn’t with Logan then. It’s not like she was a nun until he came along.”
Iris folds her arms. “You’re starting to make enemies. I’m worried.”
“Enemies? That’s a tad dramatic, don’t you think?”
“Whatever. People aren’t happy that you’ve been lying. People aren’t happy that Ty is hurting.”
I glance at her briefly. “Who are these people specifically?”
“I’m not a rat.”
Are you sure about that?
“Sounds like you’re annoyed with me too.”
“Please, you’re my sister, Ivy. I’m just worried that things might start falling apart for you. Sophie and Haley didn’t have the best things to say about you last night.”
My smile drops. “What?”
“Look, I don’t like talking about people behind their back, so I’m not giving you a list, but those two are your best friends and that’s unacceptable.”
“What were they saying?” I ask, my voice as low as I feel.
No, she’s lying.
She looks away. “That you shouldn’t have left Tyler at the party.”
That’s what they said to me too.
“They said you’re in the wrong for the secret about Logan as well.”
Sure, I know all of this is true, but it kind of stings hearing that my best friends are discussing it with other people too.
“Right,” I reply.
“Don’t worry, they won’t stay mad.”
Well, that’s great, but I’m not entirely sure I’m not mad at them now. Since when do we judge each other’s mistakes?
Since now, apparently. Kind of crappy, since I didn’t judge Haley when she ditched her ex by text. Or Sophie when she copied an essay from the internet to pass a class she was stressed over.
“Yay, we’re here,” Iris says as I pull into the parking lot and stop the car.
I take a quick look in the side mirror when I get out. Iris’s morning routine takes about an hour. She’s as polished as Ellie. I go to school much the same as when I woke up—a mess.
I did have the good sense to brush my wavy hair, but it still looks awful, so I’ve tied it up. I have on a small amount of mascara and that’s it. I can’t bring myself to care much about my appearance today.
Iris looks like a model. No one will get us mixed up today.
She’s wearing one of my T-shirts, though.
I don’t care about that today either.
We head inside together. I’m surprised Iris doesn’t want to go in separately so her image isn’t hurt by being with me.
“There’s Tyler,” she says as we walk the corridor. He’s standing by his locker talking to a couple of his friends. Sophie and Haley are with them.
“I have eyes,” I say, annoyed that she’s pointing him out to me.
She puts her hands on her hips. “Ellie wants to meet me outside the library. Do you want me to hang around with you?”
“No thanks.”
Not ever.
“Message if you need anything,” Iris says. “And remember you’re better than all of them.”
Huh? I watch her leave and shake my head. I’m what, now? Is she trying to tell me that I’m better than my friends? So I’ll ditch them and be alone?
Ty spots me first. He slaps Leo on the back and walks away from his teammates.
My heart races as he heads toward me. I bite my lip. His face is straight, emotionless. I don’t know what kind of reception I’m going to get.
“Hey,” he says.
I swallow. “Hey, Ty.”
“Ivy.” He opens his arms and tugs me to him. “Damn it, I’m sorry.”
I hug him back tightly, sure I’m about to crack a rib, but he doesn’t complain. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“I do. I shut you out when I should have spoken to you. I get it, okay. I understand why you didn’t tell me, and I should have thought it through before reacting.”
I look up at him and smile. “I promise I won’t keep anything from you again.”
“That sounds good to me.”
“Want to walk me to class?” I ask.
“You know I love walking you to your first class and having to run at the speed of light to make it to mine on time.”
He’s back. The tension around his eyes has disappeared and the leafy green is crystal clear again. His smile is easy and just for me.
“I thought so.” I let go and he takes my hand. “Are we meeting after swim and football practice tonight?”
“Yeah, let’s go to dinner. Will Iris—”
“She’s going to Ellie’s.”
His smile grows. “Good.”
We pass Haley and Sophie. They both raise their hand in greeting. I’m not sure if they know that I’ve been told what they said but it’s not unusual for us to give a quick wave if one of us is busy or talking to someone else.
Sophie has her hair down today. Glossy white hair sits on her shoulders. I like it, but I wonder what changed?
“You guys okay?” Ty asks when we’re out of earshot.
“Yeah, why?”
“You tensed when we walked past. Has something happened?”
“I just heard that they’re annoyed with me.”
Ty rolls his eyes. “You guys have had fights before. They never last long, so don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried,” I reply. I’m hurt. Even when we’re not on the best terms, which is rare, I never talk behind their backs. I don’t know if they got swept up in the moment because Ty was clearly unhappy but it’s not cool.
Ty walks me to class, kisses me, then turns and runs down the hall.
“See you later, babe,” he calls over his shoulder.
I laugh to myself and head inside the classroom.
Iris and Ellie are already there. I sit by the window next to Iris.
“Ty walked you. So sweet,” Ellie says. Her voice is as fake as her Louis Vuitton bag.
I don’t let it pass when someone takes a dig at me, but I can’t exactly talk about her boyfriend not bothering to walk her anywhere. Her boyfriend is Logan.
Ignoring her, I give Iris a look as the bell rings. See what you’re friends with? Ellie isn’t usually that bitchy. Not to me, anyway, but she’ll be boiling inside because her boyfriend made a pass at me first.
That won’t go over well.
The classroom fills up quickly and a second after Mrs. Harris walks in, Logan ducks inside and takes his seat behind me.
I feel his gaze burning the back of my head. Ty hadn’t mentioned confronting Logan, though that’s no surprise, but I’m sure Logan would have been told by multiple people that Ty knows.
If Logan is mad at me, he can get lost. The person who sent the message is to blame for it coming out now.
“Ivy,” Logan whispers as Mrs. Harris gets started with the class.
I keep my eyes ahead and curl my hand around my pen. He is going to make this class a misery.
Iris and Ellie are looking at me; I can just about see two pairs of eyes staring. One set eerily like mine look mildly bored and the other look ready to attack.
Can I get a do-over today?
�
�Ivy?” Logan whispers again.
I turn my head to the side, the window side, of course, as I don’t want to see Ellie. “What?” I hiss.
“I need to talk to you.”
“Not now.”
“I haven’t seen Ty yet.”
Really, we’re doing this now, in the middle of class?
I shrug because I don’t care. They’re going to have it out whatever I say or do. It’s best that Ty yells at Logan a bit and then everyone moves on.
“Who sent it?”
Yeah, good question, Logan. I have no idea.
I shrug again.
“Well, what number did it come from?”
Mrs. Harris looks over. Her eyes move along the row, unable to figure out who’s talking.
The second she goes back to explaining…whatever she’s explaining, Logan starts again. “We need to figure out who it was. I’m going to kill them.”
I turn up my nose. That’s a big threat for a sixteen-year-old who almost cried when another player kicked his shin on the field last month.
There are lots of rumors that go around school, lots of gossip about people’s mistakes and decisions. I’ve always been very happy to stay out of it. I’m front and center of this one, and it royally sucks.
Before Ty, I was pretty much in a bubble with Haley and Sophie. We have a few peripheral friends, but it was mostly us, hanging out, going to movies, swimming, and shopping. Now Ty has dragged me into his circle of friends and it’s finally creating drama that I don’t want.
I couldn’t care less about being popular, so if the cheerleaders hate me now because Ellie’s boyfriend kissed me for half a second before they got together, then so be it.
They don’t want to be friends with me. Most of them aren’t even friends with each other.
29
At lunch I sit down at a table with Sophie and Haley. Iris is nowhere to be seen, but I think I overheard something about the cheerleaders meeting, so she probably has other lunch plans. Good.
Sophie eats quietly, popping a pasta twist in her mouth every ten seconds. Her hair is pushed behind her ears like she’s unsure if she wants it down. I want to say something but she’s self-conscious, and I don’t want to make it worse.
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