Dad blinks and shuffles in his seat. “Ivy,” he whispers. “Honey, okay, I believe you.”
My body sinks, and I manage a small smile. “You do?”
He makes eye contact for the first time since we started talking. “Yes, of course I do. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. But listen, although I believe that you’re not going to do something stupid, there will be new rules in this house.”
“Rules?”
He nods. “You will not be alone in this house or any other house with Tyler. You will not ride in a car alone together. You will not be in your room even with someone else in the house. In fact, there is no reason why he needs to be upstairs at all. Same goes for you at his. I will be speaking to his parents about this too. You will not go to a party until I’m happy that you’re both following the rules. Is that clear?”
My mouth drops open. “That’s clear…and crazy. Dad!”
“Ivy, I’m doing this to protect you. If you’re unhappy with it, you can always wait until you’re eighteen to date.”
Is he actually suggesting I break up with Ty for a year and a half?
Pick your battles, Ivy.
I wave my hand. “Whatever. Fine. I agree to your terms.”
“Rules,” he says, and then he cracks a small smile that I haven’t seen in days.
“You know, I actually am hungry.”
He stands up. “I knew you would crack when your stomach started making those noises.”
I press my hand to my tummy as a low growl rolls through my abdomen. “Pancakes?”
“You want them in shapes?”
“You just said that you understand that I’m growing up….”
He lifts his eyebrows. “All right, normal pancakes it is.”
“No, I want little hearts.”
Dad stops and looks back at me. “I knew you were still in there.”
“Always.”
I watch him go back into the kitchen. My face still feels hot. I press my fingers to my cheek and close my eyes. That was awful…right up until we cleared the air. My only hope is that he believes me because I do not ever want to have that conversation with him again.
As soon as I hear him cracking eggs, I text Ty to let him know what’s happened.
Are you serious????
For real. You’re banned from being upstairs. At least he knows we’re not having sex though.
What a bitch
I’m not disagreeing. Are you going to Ellie’s party tonight?
Yeah, going with Leo. Think you can sneak out for a bit?
Would you if you were me?
Hell no! Your dad is scary
Smiling, I put my phone down and go into the kitchen. I don’t want to sneak around, and I won’t do that, not since we’re trying to be open with each other again. But I really do want to go tonight. So it’s worth asking, right?
Sure, I’m officially crazy since, like, three minutes ago he told me no parties. But it’s worth a shot.
“Dad,” I say.
He stops mid-whisk and looks over his shoulder. “What do you want?”
“Ellie is having a party.”
Laughing out loud, he places the bowl on the counter and turns around. “Are you joking?”
“Well, I knew it was a long shot, but I figured that since I’m still working on having you trust me fully again, you might give me the opportunity to.”
“Oh, did you?” His smirk widens.
“Please?”
“I’m not going back on my decision, Ivy. You’ll have to miss this one.”
My shoulders slump. “Okay.”
I was hoping I could turn up without Iris knowing and observe her. When I’m not around, she might give something away. I’m not sure what since I don’t understand her crazy…but I need to know her plan.
33
There is definitely something wrong with Iris. The more I watch her, the more I see a stranger. My sister is gone, and I want to find out what has replaced her.
I need to reach out to her old friends. Particularly the C or K one. Cassie? Kay?
Haley and Sophie thought what Iris did with the Ty thing was crappy, but they’ve hardly shunned her.
Iris tilts her head back as she laughs. She has the whole package. She’s pretty, dressed the same as the rest of them, leads with conviction. Not to mention the fact that she is convincing.
She has everything it takes to be a successful psychopath.
Is this what happened before? Why Mom was worried about her?
A couple girls from the team walk past. They glance at me out of the corner of their eye and move faster.
Really?
I roll my eyes.
Iris has done a fantastic job of convincing everyone that I’m the one with the problem. Granted, I haven’t helped by reacting to her.
Keep walking, nothing to see here.
Ty is chatting to the guys on the team and Iris is hanging around them with Ellie and the cheerleaders.
“Hey,” Sophie says, nudging my arm and taking my attention off my sister.
“Hey, Soph. Where’s Haley?”
She shrugs. “I don’t think she’s here yet. Why are you standing on your own?”
“I’ve been standing on my own since I was nine months old.”
Sophie rolls her dark eyes. “Why aren’t you with Ty?”
Because my creepy sister is over there. Sophie and Haley believe Iris’s façade too, and although they seem cool with me now, I’m not convinced they’re not having secret discussions about how I’ve changed.
“I’ll go over there in a minute. There’s only so much makeup talk a girl can handle,” I tell her.
Sophie laughs as she looks over at Ellie and her friends. They’re actually pretty nice to my face, but I’ve overheard a lot of shallow conversations that have made me want to whack my head against a wall.
“You okay?”
I dip my head. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” Sophie asks. But I barely hear her because Iris takes out her ponytail and her hair is shorter. It no longer sits just below her butt; it’s just below her shoulder blades. The same as mine.
“Ivy?” Sophie prompts.
“Hmm?” I mumble.
“What are you looking at?” Sophie asks, almost to herself. “What is it?”
I clear my throat and it burns. “Iris cut her hair.”
When did she do that?
“Okay…”
“Look.” I turn to my friend, a silent plea in my eyes for her to get what’s going on. “Sophie, what do you see?”
With a prominent frown on her forehead, Sophie turns toward Iris.
“What do you see?” I ask again.
“I see your sister talking to her friends and the football team.”
My shoulders sink.
No, you see me.
“Forget it.” I sigh.
No one is getting this.
“No, tell me what I’m supposed to see.”
So I can look insane? No, thanks.
“What’s going on with you? You’ve been frosty with Iris for weeks.”
“I haven’t.”
“Everyone has noticed that something is off with you.”
With me!
“What?” I splutter, my heart racing a touch faster. “You honestly think something is off with me?”
“I don’t want to upset you, but you’ve been different. You say you’re okay with Iris being here but you’re not. I can tell when you’re lying.”
“Don’t. I’m not unhappy that she’s here. She’s my twin sister.”
She raises her blond eyebrows. “Then what i
s going on?”
Is there any benefit to me telling Sophie my fears? I want someone else to understand, to tell me it’s not all in my head, but I can’t risk being told I’m insane. I think Iris is trying to imitate me. Trying to be me.
She wears my clothes though she has her own. She hangs with my friends though she has her own. And now she’s cut her super-long hair that she’s been so precious about since she was six years old.
I shake my head. “Nothing. I guess it’s just taking longer than I thought to adjust to all the change.”
“Hey, that’s fine, but it really isn’t Iris’s fault. I bet she’s finding it equally difficult, if not more. She’s the one who’s had to move and totally start again.”
And there it is, the reason why no one will see it. Iris lost more than me, so I’ll always be the jealous, overreacting sister. She has everything she needs to take over my life and no one will believe me when I tell them what she’s doing.
They’ll see it eventually, right? About the time she asks them to call her Ivy.
Well, two can play your game, Iris.
She wants to get buddy-buddy with my friends: I can reach out to hers. She hasn’t seen them since we brought her home: I could invite them for the weekend.
All I need to do is find them. She’s deleted everyone on Facebook and unfollowed them on Instagram.
“I get all of that, Sophie, and I’m not trying to be hostile. I miss my mom, and I’m trying to figure out how this new dynamic works. Iris doesn’t want to talk about Mom at all, and I don’t know who else to talk to. Iris understands the most what it’s like to lose her.”
I’m drowning here, and I need my sister to be herself and not try to be me.
“Oh, Ivy. Why didn’t you say something sooner? You know Haley and I are here for you.”
“I appreciate that, but I kind of need Iris.” Or I did.
“Why don’t you tell her how important talking about your mom is to you?”
“I’ve tried. She shuts down and then changes the subject or asks to borrow another one of my T-shirts.”
“Why don’t you suggest a shopping trip and see if she’s open to talking then?”
“She has clothes, Soph. She just wants all of mine.”
I glance back over and she’s talking to Ty. My eyes narrow. She can borrow a shirt, but she’s not having him.
“Do you want to get out of here?” Sophie asks. “I’m sure Ty wouldn’t mind.”
Yeah, I’m not leaving him alone with her.
“That’s okay. I feel better getting that off my chest. I know I need to try harder with her.”
“Or maybe let her settle in before you try harder? She might need time to get her head around your mom’s death. You’re a great sister, Ivy. You just need to allow you both some time before you can heal.”
I’m not good at waiting.
I give her a smile. “Yeah. Thanks.”
“And you know you can talk to me anytime you want.”
I thought I could but not now. She’s not listening. She’s not even willing to keep an open mind when it comes to Iris. Everyone assumes the best because she lost her mom and had to relocate her life.
Why do people automatically assume the worst in me because I’m getting some sketchy vibes from my twin?
Double standards. I’ve lost too.
“Ivy,” Ty shouts, and waves his hand, calling me over.
I don’t want to go over there but Iris is still standing by him with Ellie.
“Come on,” Sophie says, linking my arm. “Let’s go and pretend we care about different brands of makeup.”
I’m not sure my acting skills are that good.
Sophie lets go of my arm when we reach Ty.
“What’s up?” I ask him.
He gives me a tight smile. “Missed you, that’s all.”
Oh, that is a lie. He’s seen me all day. This was a rescue mission.
The whole world might be completely gaga about my sister, but Ty isn’t.
He’s my one hope of getting someone to believe me, but I have to be careful, as he’s blown me off over this before. The more he’s around her, the more he’s getting uncomfortable. I can bide my time until he sees what’s going on here.
“Oh, really?” I tease, sinking into his outstretched arm.
His body relaxes as I lean against him. I feel his shoulders lower and the arm around me holds me close.
I think he’s starting to see through her too.
34
I sit in my usual spot on Meera’s sofa. The blanket is tucked tightly around me, pushed down around my legs. It’s the first thing I do now. Who would have thought a blanket could hold so much protection?
She’s making us coffee because I’ve had a long week, and I requested a little caffeine. Meera has started to blink a lot more during our sessions, so I think she needs the coffee too.
I can’t blame her really. These were supposed to be straightforward bereavement sessions; instead I’ve offloaded a whole heap of my teenage drama onto her. Dad has said he will keep paying as long as I want to come here.
Meera places two white cups and saucers down on the coffee table. She gives me a warm smile that makes thin lines pop at the corners of her eyes.
“Thanks,” I say.
“You’re welcome.” She sits down and picks up her notepad that seems to always rest on the arm of the sofa. “Okay. How have things with Iris been this week?”
“Quiet. I don’t know what’s wrong with her or why she feels the need to mess things up for me. She’s my twin sister.”
“Iris has lost an awful lot, Ivy. I appreciate that you have too, but on top of losing your mom, Iris has moved home and left behind her friends. That’s a lot of adjusting, especially when you see your sister having it all. Can you understand why she would be jealous?”
“Yeah, I can.”
“Then can you understand why things going wrong for you would make her feel less like the one whose whole life is crumbling?”
“I wish she would want to make her life less crumbly, not make mine more.”
“Humans are a little more complicated than that.”
“Being human sucks.”
Meera cracks a full, toothy smile. “It’s not always easy.”
“Iris seems to enjoy it, though. Like, it’s more than just feeling a bit better because her twin’s life isn’t as perfect as she thinks. It’s the only time her body doesn’t seem tense.” I shake my head. “Maybe I’m reading too much into this—we both know how awesome I am at that—but I think she wants me to be unhappy.”
“You said this week has been quieter. Do you think she has realized she’s gone too far?”
“I don’t know. She’s kind of kept out of my way, just been watching how things settle after the storm she created. I haven’t seen any form of remorse from her about stirring things with Ty and my dad…but she’s hardly been doing victory dances around the kitchen either.”
Meera nods. “And did you have that open conversation with your dad?”
My body shudders involuntarily and it makes Meera laugh. “I did. Not something I ever want to repeat.”
“That’s great, Ivy. I think it was important. Will you tell me how it went?”
“Imagine the most awkward moment in your whole life, then multiply it by about a million. That’s what it was like. He listened and I think he believes that nothing was about to happen with Ty. But he’s still not letting up on the new laws about boys.”
The corner of Meera’s mouth curves. “Laws, huh.”
Oh, they’re not just rules anymore.
“He’s allowing Ty back in the house, but he can only be on the ground floor. So basically, I know he heard me, but I don’t think he really trusts me.”
“Why do you s
ay that?”
“Because of the no going upstairs thing. I’ve told him I’m not ready to have sex, but he still wants us as far apart as possible. We’re talking, sitting on different sofas, and riding in separate cars. I don’t know when I’ll be allowed to go to a party again.” I shake my head. “It’s so frustrating because I’ve been completely honest. Iris’s words have scared him. He’s petrified I’ll get pregnant.”
“That’s not an unreasonable fear for a parent of teenagers.”
Okay, I like her a whole lot less when she’s not on my side.
“I’ll give him that, but it would be an immaculate conception if I got pregnant.”
Meera laughs. “Give him some time, Ivy.”
“Yeah, sure.” I turn my nose up. “I hate time.”
“I know it’s hard for you to wait, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to. People go through all manner of situations in life, and not one of them reacts the same way or gets past issues at the same time. Your dad trusting you will take time. Maybe you can focus on something else to pass the time.”
“I need to study more. My head isn’t in it.”
“We can work on some anxiety techniques, something to help you focus. Your mind works overtime, and we need to get you to slow down.”
“What kind of techniques?”
“We’ll train your mind to hold off on the things you need to fix. Kind of like telling your mind that you’ll deal with something later so it’s okay to ignore it.”
“Does that work? Because I’ve never been able to switch off, not until I fall asleep.”
“If it doesn’t, we’ll try something else until we find what does work for you. Okay?”
I nod. That sounds perfect. I’m willing to try anything.
* * *
• • •
When I arrive home, Dad is in his office and Iris is sitting on the sofa, her fingers moving a million miles an hour, tapping furiously on her phone.
The Twin Page 18