Lexi looks at me. “Er…”
“I’m fine. Thanks for making sure I was okay.”
She nods and heads off toward her first class.
“Come on, Ivy. I know you think this is an overreaction, but we need to get you checked.”
Groaning, I open the door and Coach follows me in. Okay, she does not trust me to follow through with this on my own. I hadn’t planned on running as soon as she left. I want to swim after school, so I need to get cleared.
“Hi, Ivy,” Nurse Kelly says. “I heard you had an accident in the pool. You swallowed water.”
“Yeah, but I’m fine now.”
“Come and sit down and let me worry about whether you’re fine.”
I almost roll my eyes, but I hop up on the bed and wait.
“Do you think you swallowed a lot?”
“Yep,” I reply. “I feel fine now. Besides the muscle aches and headache.”
She smiles. “That will subside. I want to check your lungs are clear.”
“Okay.”
I sit still and breathe normally and deeply as she listens to my lungs. I’m being Punk’d surely.
“Right,” she says, removing the stethoscope from my back. “Your lungs sound clear, so I don’t think there is any water in them, thankfully.”
I glance up but I can’t see her face, as my head is bowed.
“Great.”
“I don’t see why you can’t return to classes.”
She steps back, and I hop down off the table. “Cool. Thanks.”
“Before you go,” she adds as I’m halfway to the door.
Stopping, I twist on the spot. “Yeah?”
“Even though your lungs are clear, if you feel sick, I want you to come straight back. If you feel unwell tonight, have your dad take you to the ER.”
“Okay,” I reply.
I leave her office with a late slip and head to math. Iris is going to ask why I’m late, since she is in every one of my classes.
If I say that I fell or felt ill and that was her by the pool, she will know I’m lying. I’m not very good at knowing when she’s telling a lie. She used to wince when we were kids, but I guess she grew out of that.
I veer right along the corridor and open the door to my math class. Mr. Grady looks up and takes the slip from my hand. He nods, so I take my seat next to Iris and wait.
“Where were you?” she asks.
“Nurse’s office, but I’m fine.”
She tilts her head to the side. Her eyes stare into mine and with a soft and steady voice, she asks, “What happened?”
I think you know what happened.
“I was swimming, took in some water, and choked. It’s no big deal.”
“Ivy! I guess that will teach you to exercise so early in the morning.”
I look away at the clear board at the front of the class as if it’s the most interesting thing.
I’m not sure how to take that. God, my sister is an excellent liar.
Where did she learn that? Mom was always too laid back to lie. She never really minded if we were out late, if we didn’t complete homework, or if we ate chocolate for breakfast. We never had to lie to her, and Dad always demands honesty.
What happened to Iris?
Between scribbling answers to sums on my page, I glance to the side. Iris has her head down but she’s mouthing something. Her lips move silently, too fast to be talking so it must be a song.
My eye twitches.
Nope, not going there. Ignore her.
I still don’t know if it was Iris by the pool. I’ve been in class for ten minutes and she hasn’t stopped taking glances at me when she thinks I’m concentrating on math. I can’t concentrate on anything but her watching me.
What is she thinking?
I’m not going to react to her again. If that’s what she’s trying to make me do.
Even though there is a lot going on between us right now, I would never imagine she would want to hurt me—in any way.
My sister isn’t stupid; she must understand that trying to wedge herself into every aspect of my life isn’t right. It’s not normal to leave your whole life behind, ignore your friends, and befriend the people your sister hangs around with. People you have nothing in common with.
What she’s doing is a conscious choice. She wants me in the background.
Ever since we were kids, she’s loved being the center of attention, always the outgoing one who would put on performances for our family and dress up constantly. It’s different now—she’s not cute and five anymore.
I don’t want to think badly of her, but I have no idea how far she will take this or what she’s capable of.
Iris smiles as I turn my head toward her, catching her watching. Her eyes are big; they look as genuine as her smile. “You sure you’re okay?” she whispers.
I nod.
I have to get Kat to talk.
The shrill ringing of the bell signals the end of class. Everyone moves quickly to grab their books and get out. I always hang back to avoid the rush. I’m not running for anything.
“How are you feeling now?” Iris asks.
That’s one too many times. She’s asked if I’m okay three times in the space of thirty minutes. It was her by the pool.
“I’m fine,” I reply, picking up my book and holding it against my chest.
Iris follows me as we walk to English. “What happened?”
“I thought I saw something, a figure where there wasn’t one before. I didn’t have my head fully turned before I took a breath because I wasn’t concentrating on swimming.”
“I didn’t think you had to concentrate in the pool? Isn’t it second nature now? You could do it in your sleep.”
I could do it in my sleep. But I can’t do it with my sister creeping around watching.
I shrug. “Accidents can happen to anyone.”
“Yeah.”
Why is the English classroom so far away from math?
“Is it a good idea to stay at school? You choked so hard you had to see the nurse.”
“Iris, I’m fine!”
“Wow, grouchy. Maybe you’ve got water on your lungs.”
Maybe I’ve got an evil twin.
“I don’t. The nurse made sure. Can we drop it?”
“I’m worried about you, Ivy. You don’t seem yourself.”
A few people around us stop and watch our exchange.
How would you know what “myself” is?
I scrunch my nose and lower my voice. “What? Why do you think that?”
Her mouth pops open. I’ve surprised her. She wasn’t expecting me to question that. Iris wants me to agree; she wants me to doubt myself…because she doesn’t want me to swim after school. Why? We agreed that she can come and watch, so it’s not like she’ll be twiddling her thumbs, waiting for me to finish.
“Iris? What am I doing that makes you assume I have water in my lungs?”
Did you get a medical degree you forgot to mention?
She shakes her head and the mask drops securely back on her face. “Silly, Ivy. You’re hostile when I ask if you’re okay. You spent the entire math lesson staring at your page and you only completed, like, five minutes’ worth of work. Loss of concentration is a symptom of concussion, you know? I should take you back to the nurse.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” I stop walking, which forces her to as well. People walk either side of us, ducking into their classrooms. We’re going to be late, but I can’t bring myself to care. “I’m not stupid, Iris. My health is important, and I know that if I don’t look after myself, I can’t swim. My head is not an issue, so please don’t try to make it one.”
Iris’s light, professionally plucked eyebrow arches. A silent challenge passes through us. Is sh
e realizing that I will fight back if she tries to take me down?
If she wants to be genuine, to share our lives and be proper sisters, I could work on that for the future. If she just wants to take what I have and keep it for herself, it’s on.
“I’m not making it an issue.” She takes a deep breath, her eyes welling with tears. “I’ve lost my mom, and I’m scared of something happening to someone else I love. If I’m worried, it’s because I care. Don’t take it the wrong way.”
Oh, she is good. The girl can cry on cue.
One point for big sis.
Actually, she might be a little too good. I’m not sure what I can say to that, so she knows I’m not playing here. If I carry on the offense, she is going to play the victim.
“Glad we got that cleared up. No need for you to worry about me. I can handle myself,” I tell her.
The hidden meaning here: I can handle you.
With a deep sigh, she steps forward. “Air cleared. Let’s get to English before Mr. Tenner gets any more grays. We’ve already been late twice in the last two weeks.”
Iris turns and walks away from me, her heels clicking on the floor.
I watch a stranger with a hidden agenda walk. She’s so confident. The art of a good lie is confidence. If people think you’re sure of what you’re saying, they will believe you. Iris says everything with such conviction, I think she believes her lies.
The girl is good.
I’m going to be better.
* * *
• • •
After school, Iris and I go home together because I can’t deal with another argument about me swimming this afternoon. That’s never a good day, but what can I do? The little devil lives with me.
I pull into our drive and we head into the house. Dad is home; his car is in the drive. Why is he back so early? He’s been better about spending more time at home, but not usually until around six.
“How was school, girls?” he asks as we walk into the kitchen.
I dump my bag on the counter. “Fine.”
“You have to tell him, Ivy.”
Freezing, I narrow my eyes.
“Tell me what? Ivy?” Dad’s voice is drowning in concern.
Very slowly, I turn around and face him. “I was swimming and choked on water. I’m fine.”
He looks over to Iris, then back to me. He’s questioning. I can practically see the gears in his head turning as he tries to figure out why that’s news.
“Is there more to that?” he asks.
“Not really. Coach sent me to the nurse to get checked out. Lungs are clear.”
He stands. “You don’t have to go to the nurse every time you choke on water. Why did your coach feel you needed medical help?”
“I choked a lot.” I had felt light-headed, like I was fading. “Finally got my breath back, but Coach wanted to be safe. Honestly, Dad, it’s nothing.”
I don’t know why I’m playing this down so much. Coach will probably contact Dad, and I have a form in my bag from the nurse that I’m supposed to pass on.
There is no need for anyone to be dramatic about this. Everyone already thinks I’m attention seeking.
“Where’s the form? You did get an incident form, right?”
Groaning, I reach behind my back and grab my bag.
Dad holds out his hand while I find the letter and hand it over. I glance at Iris over his shoulder and glare.
She shrugs, popping a grape in her mouth.
Dad reads the letter about a thousand times. I might be exaggerating, but his eyes flick back to the top of the page a lot.
“You’re definitely okay? Maybe we should go to the ER to be on the safe side.”
“I’ve been checked by a nurse. I’m fine.”
“She listened to your lungs? Secondary drowning is—”
“Not something that’s going to happen to me,” I say, cutting him off.
“All right.” He holds his hand up. “But I’m going to call the school and see if I can speak to the nurse.”
The very second Dad is out of the door, I turn to Iris. “Why did you do that?”
“You had to be pulled out of the pool because you were choking so much. Lexi said you looked deathly pale when you were choking. I think that’s something our dad needs to know.”
“Right, because you’re so concerned about my well-being.”
“What makes you think I’m not?”
“Literally everything you’ve done since you got here,” I reply.
She folds her hands, popping her hip. “Ivy, you’re taking everything the wrong way. You’re so emotional at the minute that you’re not seeing clearly. Everything I’ve done, you would have done the same if our roles were reversed. It’s not my fault that your grief is clouding your judgment. I mean, you weren’t even going to tell Dad that you could have died today.”
“I could die any day, Iris. Tomorrow is never a guarantee.”
“Okay, there is no need to be like that. I’m trying, here.”
“Yeah, but what are you trying, Iris? Since you moved in, all you’ve done is make things harder for me. I’m unsure why you seem to hate me so much.”
“Dramatic much? I don’t hate you. I get frustrated with you.”
“Look, all I want is for you to do your own thing and for me to do mine.”
At this point, I would find it super hard to be any friendlier than we are. We probably won’t be close ever, but especially not while we’re living under the same roof. Maybe when she’s older and not so spiteful, things can be different.
But, yeah, right now she shouldn’t hold her breath for a reconciliation. Especially when she’s trying to steal my breath.
37
It’s been a long week. The kind where you’re sure it must be Friday by Tuesday. I slide into the booth next to Sophie with my Oreo crazy shake that looks straight out of an Instagram feed. It’s loaded with sugar, but it’s Saturday. Sugar on a Saturday doesn’t count.
“Do you have any idea how many calories are in that?” Iris asks, twirling her red and white striped straw in her fingers. She has a strawberry shake, no fun extras.
“Nope,” I reply. “We always get a freak shake when we’re here on the weekend.”
Iris lifts her eyebrow. “I only see one.”
I glance across at Haley’s chocolate shake and Sophie’s vanilla.
Why aren’t they having a freak shake? They always have one. “Okay. We usually do.”
Haley shrugs. “I need to watch what I’m eating and drinking. We have a competition coming up, Ivy.”
Frowning, I reply, “We’re still allowed to have a treat. If I go sugar free, I get stabby. It’s not worth it.”
Haley and Sophie look at each other, their heads tilting like they’re having a secret conversation. Unfortunately for them, I understand what they say when they say nothing. There’s something going on. They think I’m wrong for drinking a ton of sugar when two months ago they were joining me. We’ve never gone on any kind of excessive diet even when a competition was imminent.
“You guys okay?” I prompt. When one of us has an issue, we talk it through. Right now, they seem to be ignoring whatever is going on. They were fine this morning.
“Yes, why do you say that?” Sophie asks.
“Well, both of you seem…distant. Have I done something?” I mean specifically done something to them.
Iris purses her lips around the straw and looks up at Sophie. Whatever is going on, Iris knows about it. What is it? Things have been absolutely fine this week. Better than fine actually. I’ve been sleeping better, and Iris and I have been getting along. Now there’s a weird tension that’s fraying my nerves.
What have I done?
Haley sighs. “Ivy, we’re just stressed about swimming. Not all of us
are naturals.”
This again? Why do we keep coming back here? I look at my sister. She keeps opening the wound.
Haley’s words scrape against my skin like sandpaper. It’s not like I just rock up on competition days and win. I train hard. A duck floats gracefully on the water but no one sees its legs working a million miles an hour underwater. I am the duck. Everyone only sees the success, not the sacrifice and effort.
“You’re both amazing swimmers,” I tell them. “I hate it when you doubt yourselves. Whether you have a freak shake or not, you’re still going to be some of our best swimmers.”
“Ivy, don’t patronize them,” Iris snaps, shaking her head.
Her tone makes my stomach roll. She sounds like she’s irritated with me, the way she was before we bonded over swimming.
No, we can’t go back to that.
“Iris, I’m not patronizing anyone!”
Haley shakes her head and looks away.
Oh, come on!
“Haley,” I plead. “I mean what I said.”
Sophie rolls her head in my direction. “We know you do, Ivy, and we love you for that.”
“But,” I say, prompting her to finish what she clearly wants to say. There’s more to that than what she’s voiced.
Sighing sharply, she says, “Okay, please don’t take offense, but when you say things like that, it kind of makes us feel worse. You’re the best swimmer and we can’t get near your times.”
There is nothing I can do here. I’m backed into a corner. I’ve been where they are, but because I’m not there now, I’m an outsider. What more can I do, anyway? I’ve given up some Saturday mornings to help them practice and haven’t even stepped into the pool myself.
I’ve been an outsider in many things before, but not my friendship group with Sophie and Haley.
I guess things change. A lot of things recently.
Too much.
We’ve gone backward now too. I got six days of a normal sister relationship. Is that all Iris is allowing us?
God. She didn’t mean any of it, did she? Not that I’m surprised.
“Don’t worry, girls,” Iris says. “Now that I’m on the team, you’ll fly past one Mason sister.”
The Twin Page 20