“I can't fight how I feel for you anymore. You've never left my heart or my mind, that tells me something. As soon as I saw you, it was like I never left, the same feelings stirred in my gut as they did that night.”
I closed my eyes, resting my hand on his. “Brody, I can't do this. I'm going to go to bed,” I choked out, swallowing the large lump in my throat. All it would take was him to kiss me, really kiss me like he had done the other day in the store, and I would melt into his arms. He didn't move, just held onto me, his breath at my ear.
“Don't push me away, Cass. That kiss was real, I felt it, and I know you felt it too. Tell me you're happy with him, that he treats you well, and I'll bow out, I'll leave you be. But if you can't tell me that, don't deny it, don't deny us, don't deny me, and give us the chance we both deserve,” he whispered.
I pulled out of his embrace, keeping my back to him and took a step away.
“I need to go bed.” It had taken everything I had not to cry, but my body betrayed me as I started to shake while I was still standing there, sobs filling my throat. I wanted that chance as well, I couldn't deny that.
He reached for me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulled me into his chest. He placed his hand on my cheek, his thumb brushing away the one tear. He looked me in the eye and slowly leaned in and brushed his lips against mine until he was kissing me deeply. I could feel my body start to melt against him but stopped and pulled at his hand, forcing it away from my body.
“Brody, please, I can't do this now I'm going to go to bed.”
I saw the hurt in his eyes and felt his hand slip away from my body. I ran down the hall, and as soon as I was in the safety of my bedroom with the door closed, I leaned up against the door and slid to the floor. With my face in my hands, I let out a deep sob. There was no doubt I loved the feel of his lips on mine and his hands on me, my body pressed into his. I was meant to be there. Soon the tears stopped, and when I heard the creak in the hallway, I got up from the floor, got changed, and crawled into bed where the tears started all over again.
Brody
Maybe this was a mistake, I thought as I was left standing in the living room alone. I had watched her make a beeline for her bedroom, her shoulders shaking more and more with every step she took.
I hadn't even made it a full week yet, and I had already made her cry. I felt horrible. I took a deep breath and blew it out through my mouth, looking in the direction of her bedroom, debating if I should go down there. Instead, the mess of dirty dishes on the counter caught my attention. They weren’t going to clean themselves, and I didn't want Cass to be up half the night or wake up to the mess in the morning.
I wandered over, listening to faint cries coming from down the hall and started to load things into the dishwasher after putting the remainder of food away in the fridge. I even set aside a container for Cass to take for lunch tomorrow. She wasn't looking after herself very well, and I’d be damned if that was going to continue.
Once I had everything put away, I threw two more logs on the fire and sat on the couch, listening to her murmured cries, each sob a knife to my heart. I debated what to do. Walking away was the easy part, I had done it, and it got me nowhere. I was determined not to do that this time even if she was crying because of me. I planned to tough it out.
After a while, the crying stopped, and I got up from the couch and shut the light off. I was going to go to bed, but instead, I passed my room and went to the end of the hall. I wanted to talk to her. I stopped outside her closed bedroom door and could tell she was still awake because a faint light was falling under her doorway. I pressed my ear to the door, hearing her soft voice.
“Why should I give him a chance Josie... because of a kiss, are you kidding me? Sure, it was the best kiss I think I’ve ever had, but come on Josie, that isn't enough...”
I kept my ear pressed to the door, a smile coming to my lips. I wanted to hear more, but she had gone quiet suddenly. I was just about to pull away when I heard her speak again, getting a little louder this time.
“You can't ask me that... okay fine, from what I remember, the sex was great too, but that isn't enough to base a start of a relationship on... I thought we were great together as well, and I have missed him... no, I'm still with Ray.”
Listening to her admission, I hung my head and wondered what the fuck I was really doing here. I should have walked the other way when she told me she was seeing Ray, but the part of me that was completely in love with her wouldn't allow it. The jealous part of me, well, that just made me want to fight for her and pray it turned out in my favor. Still, I was angry with myself, but I couldn't fucking help it. I knew she wasn't happy with him—the look on her face had said it all when he had kissed her in front of me the other day—she just needed to see it.
I leaned my forehead on her door and closed my eyes, listening hard, but the room had gone quiet again. I clenched my fists tight. I had to get out of here, I couldn't take it. I walked back down the hall to the kitchen, grabbed my keys off the counter, and walked out the door. I just needed some time to clear my head.
14
Brody
I pulled the truck up outside of the only bar in town and shut off the engine. I probably shouldn't have driven down here after all I had had to drink tonight but fuck it. If I needed, I would take a cab back home. I needed to figure out what I was going to do. I had deserved everything she said to me, there was no doubt.
Carl's Place was the local bar. It was dark, dingy, dirty, and smelled of stale beer. The few patrons inside turned and looked at me as I entered and approached the bar. It didn't surprise me, small town and all. Tourists probably never ventured in here, they would just stay at their hotel. I ignored the stares, ordered myself a beer, and took a seat at the bar. I was just about done my first one and had ordered another when I heard a gruff voice behind me.
“What the fuck you doing in here? This place is for locals only.”
I didn't turn around, I didn't want any trouble. I just wanted to have a couple of beers and be on my way.
“Hey! I asked you a question!”
I felt a hand shove me from behind. I turned around to see Ray staring at me.
“Look, I don't want any trouble, I just came in to have a couple of drinks, alright?”
“Well, that makes two of us, you don't want trouble, and I don't want you shacking up with the chick I'm fucking. But one of us doesn't seem to care about that!” He staggered toward me. I didn't need him getting up in my face, talking about Cass as if she were just another notch on his belt. She meant more to me than that.
“You see, Brody, since you got back into town, the bitch won’t even kiss me, doesn’t seem interested at all, and that’s pissed me the fuck off.”
“Well, Ray,” I could feel my blood start to pump, “maybe she just isn’t interested.”
“Nope, that’s not it. I tried to get into those tight pants the other night, but she started crying and begging me to stop. Now, the only reason why she would do that, I can think of, is because of you.” He poked me hard in the chest.
I clenched my jaw; this guy was asking for it, and he was going to get it if he didn’t back the fuck up. I took another swig of my beer.
“Well, if she isn’t interested, maybe you should just leave her alone, Ray.” The few people who were in the bar were starting to take notice of us.
“Fuck you!” Ray shouted into my face. That caught the attention of a few more people in the bar and the bartender.
I was about ready to pummel the guy. My patience was being tested. Ray turned to take a step away from me.
“Let me ask you, why didn’t you tell me where she was that day?”
“What fucking business was it of yours, come in asking after my woman?”
“She’s a friend, and I asked you a question.”
“I’ll tell you a little secret, no one in this town comes asking me about anybody, especially about the woman I’m seeing. Now, I’m not going to tell yo
u again, leave her alone.”
“Or what? What the fuck you going to do? She doesn’t want you, Ray, so you may as well give up now!”
“Get. The. Fuck. Out.”
Two men approached from the back of the bar and grabbed hold of Ray. “Ray, let's get you out of here, man, before you do something you’re going to regret.”
“Fuck you, too!” He pulled out of their grips. “This asshole is living with that fucking broad I’m banging. I don’t like it, and I’m going to put an end to it.”
“You’re drunk, Ray, let’s go, you need to sleep this off,” the one guy said. Ray glared at me, his pupils dilated, his breathing rapid, his body completely tense. “You’re not putting an end to anything, come on Ray, let’s go, man.” Ray finally turned and headed toward the door.
I took another swig of my beer, then decided to provoke the old ass some more. What can I say, I can be an asshole as well?
“You’re banging her, that’s a fucking joke,” I laughed. “I seriously doubt you can even get it up any more, old man, and if you can, what, you last all of four minutes?” I shouted. “Does she even get turned on by you? Cause I know she had no problem getting turned on when I kissed her the other day. Right. Under. Your. Nose.”
Ray stopped in his tracks and turned. “What did you say?” Ray said through clenched teeth, his fists tight, forming two balls.
“You hard of hearing too, old man? I think you fucking heard me. I fucking kissed her.”
Ray charged forward, heading straight toward me, taking a swing. I ducked and came up under him punching him in the gut. Ray buckled over, coughing and spitting.
“Unless you can talk about her with respect, I don’t want to hear you say another fucking word,” I spat.
I thought Ray was going to walk away, but he took a cheap shot, punching me. As his fist connected with my mouth, I felt a searing pain and could taste the rusty metallic taste of blood.
“Get him out of here, I’ve had enough of his behavior,” I heard the bartender yell from behind me, directed toward Ray and the two men. For a small woman, she sure had lungs on her. I watched as the two men took Ray outside. I got up off the floor and took the towel the bartender offered me to clean the blood off my split lip.
“You alright?” she asked.
“I’m fine,” I said sitting back down.
“You shouldn’t provoke him, he’s got a temper.”
I wiped my mouth with the towel, and the next thing I knew the door opened and Ray came flying back inside. He staggered over to me, grabbing me by the jacket collar and pulled me off the stool I had been sitting on. As soon as he let me go, I hauled off and punched him in the gut again, forcing him to let me go and buckle over in pain.
“Get your fucking hands off of me, and if you know what is good for you, you’ll leave her the fuck alone.”
“That’s it, Ray, get out of here, or I’m calling the cops.”
I wasn’t waiting around either. I punched Ray one more time and walked out of the bar, leaving him curled on the floor while I headed for my truck. I was in no shape to drive even the short distance to the fire department, never mind all the way back to the house. So, I quickly opened the browser on my phone and looked up the local cab company.
* * *
Cass
The house was quiet, but the wind howled outside. I was curled under the duvet, Missy sleeping at my side, curled into a tight ball. I was trying to get warm when I saw lights come up the driveway. I glanced at the clock, it was well after midnight. I had just gotten back into bed after getting a glass of water and noticed Brody was gone. It must have been him, at least I hoped it was, I didn’t want to get up again to answer the door at this hour. God forbid it was Ray in one of his drunken stupors. I listened hard and heard a key in the front door, then I saw the lights back away. I sat up, climbed out of bed, and parted the blinds so I could look out the window, watching a cab leaving the driveway. I frowned, Brody’s truck was gone.
Continuing to listen, I heard a creak in the hallway, followed by a drawer opening in the other room. A few minutes later, the TV went on in the living room. I rolled over, staring at the doorway. I wanted to go to him. I had been so cold toward him earlier, but I couldn’t help it, I needed to get everything out of my system. Now as I lay here thinking of him, I wanted everything to be over. I just wanted to be held by him, to be wrapped in his arms and let him know he was forgiven.
I shut my eyes, praying those thoughts would go away and sleep would eventually come, but it didn’t. A loud bang caused me to jump. I crawled out of bed, my heart in my throat and walked quickly down the hall. Brody stood in front of the fireplace, wearing nothing but boxers as he placed a couple more logs into the fire. My eyes skimmed over his muscular back. I couldn’t help but check out his ass wrapped snuggly in his boxers. I stayed hidden in the shadows and watched him. As he turned back toward the couch, my eyes continued wandering his body. In the dim light and without his shirt, his muscular chest was better than I remembered. My eyes trailed down to his tight eight-pack, his boxers hanging low enough, I could see his deeply carved vee. Ray couldn’t hold a candle to Brody’s muscular physique, and my mouth watered at the sight.
He climbed back onto the couch and threw the blanket back over him, turning his attention back to the news. I stood there in the darkness, watching him. He placed his hands behind his head, and I took in the slow rise and fall of his chest. Suddenly, he cleared his throat, and his deep voice seemed loud in the quiet room.
“Why don’t you come out here and keep me company, instead of hiding in the dark watching me.” He kept his attention on the TV, not looking at me until I slowly stepped out of the darkness. He still didn’t look my way, just pulled the blanket back for me to crawl in beside him.
I felt my heart speed up at the thought of lying with him, the warmth of his body warming me. My legs were shaky as I took a couple steps forward, holding onto the wall for support.
“Have you slept?”
I shook my head as I walked toward him. I watched his eyes as they trailed the length of my t-shirt clad body. There was no mistaking the look in his eyes even in the dim light.
“My God! What happened to you?” I said as soon as my eyes caught his swollen split lip.
“It’s not a big deal, just come here,” he said, lifting the blanket for me to crawl under.
Instead of crawling in beside him, I went to the kitchen and got a cool, wet cloth. Walking back over, I sat beside him, pressing it to his swollen lip.
“What happened?”
“I had a bit of an altercation with a fist, really it’s not a big deal.”
“What happened, Brody?”
“I was defending someone’s honor.”
“Seriously, Brody? You got into a fight? Where were you?” Brody winced as I pressed the cloth to his lip.
“I went to the local bar, I needed to clear my head, don’t worry about it.”
He pulled the cloth from my hand and threw it down on the floor and lifted the blanket for me to crawl under. I looked at him, trying to read what was behind his eyes.
“Well, are you going to lay with me or not?”
I let out a breath and shook my head. I stood up and went back down the hall toward my room. “Goodnight, Brody.”
“Come on, Cass, just come lay with me.”
“I said, Goodnight!” I slammed my door hard and crawled back into bed. I knew Ray spent most evenings at the local bar and would almost put money on it that he was the one Brody had been in a fight with. I also knew resting my body beside Brody wouldn’t end well, the desire that had been radiating through his eyes told me he would have completely consumed me. I turned my back to the door, pulled the blankets up to my neck, and closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to come.
15
Cass
When I woke in the morning, Brody had already left for work. I was happy I didn’t have to see him this morning. I was cranky, irritated, and tired, having floa
ted in and out of sleep all night, finally staying asleep after four. I had another long day ahead of me, and I was already exhausted and running late which only made me crankier. Just as I was about to run out the back door, a note on the counter caught my eye. Don’t forget your lunch. That was all that was scrawled on the yellow sticky note in Brody’s handwriting—my eyes stung with tears. Opening the fridge, I pulled out the container and headed out the door.
All the way to the store, I beat myself up for not even giving Brody the chance to explain what had happened last night. I didn’t know for a fact it was Ray he had fought with, and I probably would have slept a hell of a lot better if I had just crawled in beside him, curled up against him, and let him explain
I pulled up behind the shop and checked my watch. I normally started an hour before the store opened, but this morning, I only had about fifteen minutes. As I approached the back door and slid my key into the lock, the door was abruptly opened, causing me to jump. Ray stood inside, looking out at me.
“Cass, there you are. I was worried when I stopped across the street for coffee this morning and saw you weren’t here, so I came over and got things started for you. I was just about to come up to the house and make sure you were okay.” Ray didn’t open the garage until ten on Saturdays, so he normally came in to give me a hand. I didn’t expect to see him this morning though since we hadn’t spoken in a couple of days.
“Thanks, Ray,” I said, pushing past him, throwing my purse and coat on the hook inside the door.
“Cass, I want to apologize for my behavior the other night. I was wrong.”
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” I walked past him into the kitchen and threw my lunch in the fridge.
“Cass, are you sick? You look pale.”
All I Want for Christmas: A Contemporary Romance Holiday Collection Page 9