by Unknown
What are my likes and dislikes? Kim wondered to herself on one such morning run she was on. She stopped in her tracks and looked around her. The sky was slowly lighting up. The lavender was on the brink of taking a blue hue. She looked at the few people who were there in the park and watched them pass her by. What kind of a person am I? — she thought, looking at the passers-by hoping they would help her with an answer. She looked for the nearest bench and sat down gasping for air. She couldn’t tell whether her breathlessness was because of the run or the sudden realization that she had no clue who she really was. She sat there, panting and looking around. Who am I? Who am I really? The question agitated her when she couldn’t find an answer. She tried to take deep breaths, clam herself down, but it was not going to happen. She couldn’t calm herself and sitting there was not helping her near panic state so she started running and headed towards her car. She got in and sat there for almost an hour with her hands on the steering wheel, she stared into the almost empty parking lot for what seemed like an eternity. A faint ring broke the empty space gazing that Kim had kept herself engaged in and realized it was Judith’s call.
“Kim, are you alright?” Judith said, sounding as if she was having trouble calming herself as she spoke. “It’s past 7:30 am and you were not yet home, so thought I’d check on you. Is everything okay?”
“Hmm, yeah Mom, I’m in the car. Will be home in 10 minutes. You need me to pick up anything for you on the way?” Kim tried to sound casual.
“No, just come home.” Judith said before disconnecting the line.
Kim kept the phone on the seat next to her and continued staring for another few moments before revving up the engine.
Kim's latest realization had come out of nowhere, and it had left her feeling hollow and lost. An identity crisis was the last thing she needed to deal with at this point but wasn’t it exactly that? And, it had been the core of her struggle for a long time. She left she needed help and this time she wasn't ready to go seek it somewhere else. Jake may have given her the nudge she needed to sort herself out but Kim was determined to take charge of her problems and not look for an escape.
CHAPTER 15
On the weekend, Judith nagged Kim until she agreed to accompany her to go grocery shopping with her.
“I am not getting dressed, Maa. This is how I am coming.” Kim said and picked her car keys and walked out in her tracks, oversized T-shirt and flip-flops. Judith looked at Sam with annoyance as though to say ‘Kim is trying my patience’, but Sam merely nodded to let it go with a smile as Judith followed Kim.
In the grocery shop while Judith meticulously picked the things she had jotted down on her phone, Kim just wandered about like a kid who had been forced to come along with their parent because they couldn’t find anyone to mind them at home. For some time, Kim meandered about the aisles. When she realized Judith was not in sight she started looking about for her. But the food mall was too large for her to look for Judith, so she decided to wait for her at the checkout counter.
When she finally reached the checkout counter Judith was already there and busy talking to Jake. What the hell was he doing here? Kim felt annoyed that now she had to make small talk with him.
Then Kim saw him looking at her with a smile, scanning her from top to bottom. She got more annoyed and didn’t hesitate to show it.
Meanwhile, Jake leaned over and give Judith a side-hug. “I’ll see you all then, on Friday evening,” he said and turned towards Kim. “It’s nice seeing you.”
He paused giving Kim a once-over, and said with a wink, “Make a little effort for Friday, Kim,” And walked away leaving Kim brewing in her annoyance.
“What was he talking about, Maa?” Kim said with clear annoyance in her voice.
“Nothing much! He invited us to his place for a house-warming party. He has finally taken up a place.” Judith said this in a matter-of-fact voice, avoiding looking at Kim directly, as she began unloading her cart at the billing counter. She felt glad about having received this invite in Kim’s presence. It would make it all the more difficult for Kim to turn it down.
***
On Friday, when Judith and Sam came home, Kim was nowhere to be seen. Then they found she had left them a note. It said that she was out, and that they should carry on with their plans to go to Jake’s house. Judith was not very pleased with this and decided she won’t go either.
“Maa, you have to go. He invited you,” Sam said, a little annoyed herself. This was not going anywhere, and Kim’s attitude was getting on her nerves, and she didn’t feel like understanding her reasons anymore. Finally, they got ready and left.
The whole mood changed once they reached Jake’s house.
Once there, they were more than happy to have come. Jake made all his guests feel special and important that day. He was the perfect host. A few of Sam’s colleagues who had helped Jake with the exhibition were also there.
Cheryl, Bill and Beth were also at the party.
“Auntie Judith, how are you? It’s been a long time,” said Beth.
“Beth, dear, so nice to see you,” said Judith. “I didn’t know Jake had invited you three too.” She hugged Beth and extended her hands to hold Cheryl who came and stood behind Beth.
“I can see Sam over there with those people, but where is Kim?” Bill said, looking around to see if he could spot Kim anywhere.
“She didn’t want to come.” Judith said, and her annoyance was clear to them. “I don’t understand how much more time she needs to get out of this shell she has burrowed herself into.”
“She doesn’t answer our call. We were worried. I even called Sam to check if it was okay to come by, but she said it was best if Kim approached us on her own,” said Cheryl. Then she asked, “Is she all right?”
“Ha, she is fine, if by that you mean alive,” said Judith, taking the wine glass Bill offered. “She is just that — alive. About a month back, she seemed to have gotten over the whole thing. In fact, she was hanging out with Jake and his staff so often around the time of the inauguration of his gallery. But, all of a sudden, she was back to locking herself in her room for hours, not conversing with either me or Sam until it was absolutely necessary.” Then, she took a sip from the glass and asked, “Bill, how has Dave been?”
“To tell you the truth, the first few weeks he was a wreck. But he has gone back to his routine. And I know it may sound too early, but he has been seeing this woman, a client actually, for a few weeks.”
The news hit Judith hard, and if it was hard for Judith to take, what it could do to Kim was anybody’s guess.
“Well, of course, he is getting on with his life.” Judith tried to compose herself. “Especially after what Kim did to him.”
“No, I don’t think it’s anything serious yet, but it’s nice for him to see other people. With Kim he had shut himself up. It was just his work or her.”
“Maybe that’s what the problem was,” Cheryl added. “Don’t look at me as if I am drunk,” she said to Beth when she met her glaring eyes. “I am very serious, didn’t you have that altercation yourself?”
“Yes, but that was for another reason altogether.” Beth turned to Judith, “I am sure she is just taking time to make sense of things herself. We all know how Kim can get, and this is not a small incident. Such things can rattle and uproot the most sorted of persons and Kim is anything but that.”
At that moment, Jake’s voice startled them. “Hey, I don’t see any appetizers in your hands! Here, Bill, give me a hand with these.” He gestured to Bill to help him out with a few trays that were lined up on the table. Handing each of them a tissue he passed the tray around with some mini pig-in-the-blanket. “Everything has been prepared by the caterers, so you can eat without any worries of my horrible cooking.” He placed the trays back and picked two beers, one for himself and one for Bill, and joined the group. “Why so serious, everyone?” he asked the group. “Please we are not talking about Kim, are we?”
Jake had noticed the
concern on Judith’s face as she talked about Kim even from across the room where he was with one of his high school buddies. In fact, that is what had made him walk up to them.
“I don’t know her, but I must say you all smother her,” he said. “Just let her be, Judith; she will come out of it stronger. If you all stop being overcautious around her and treat her normally like nothing had happened, I can guarantee she is going to be fine in no time. And now can we change the topic?” he took a sip of his beer, “I wonder who that could be?” he said at the sound of the door bell. Looking around, “everyone who were suppose to come are already here.”
Jake opened the door and there stood Kim, looking so fresh. She wore a pale pink dress that made her honey skin glow, her hair was tied in a plait, lying lazily on her right shoulder. She had no makeup on which to Jake was a refreshing change as he felt that the girls nowadays believed they were all in some kind of Kardashian reality show and needed constant makeup on their face, just in case the paparazzi came flashing their cameras at them.
The last time Jake and Kim spoke was in his office. He had not meant to be rude to her that night, but she needed to hear what everyone wanted but weren’t telling her. ‘It was time for her to get over herself.’ But it had not worked quite as he had hoped and she had never taken his calls again.
Today though she was here with these sad kajal-clad eyes, there was still something different about her... Jake couldn’t find the right words to describe how he felt — in fact, he was a little surprised that he felt anything for her.
Kim cleared her throat and said, “Hi Jake.” The smile was evidently forced.
“Why do you do that?” Jake said without returning the smile. He gestured her to come in.
“What do you mean?” Kim looked cross. Again, a thought arose in her mind — He is beginning to be a smart-aleck, why did I have to come? Grr!
She walked past him, angry at herself, for having come.
“Kim?” Judith exclaimed, surprised to see her and unnecessarily drawing the attention of people around her.
“Ah, Maa… yes, I thought I’d come,” she said with her tone heavy with regret.
“Good, go find your friends now and Sam is over there,” said Judith and she walked away to join some people across the room. Kim felt odd that her mother did not ask any questions. Nonetheless, she started scanning the room to see if she knew anyone here.
“Ah, there you are!” said Bill as he joined Kim and handed her a pint of beer. Cheryl and Beth followed him.
“Good to see you, Kim,” she said, hugging her tight. This was the first time Kim was seeing her friends after the proposal night. Kim felt a little odd to face them after the way she had run off. So, to break the awkward silence Bill started ranting about the trip they had made to the marina and the crazy boys’ night they all had had and how Jake had been the surprise package who had arranged everything there.
As Bill spoke about the endless things that he wanted Kim to catch up with, she looked distracted. She looked around, hoping not to see Dave, even though she knew him well enough to know that he would have never come here. She herself was not sure who she was looking for. Her Mom was busy with some middle-aged guests, including Jake’s parents.
Even though Kim had not known Jake’s family but the striking resemblance that he had to his father was obvious. She observed them for a while, and could hear Bill now talking about the all-nighters he had had with Cheryl, with Cheryl adding some brand names in between. Kim observed Jake for a while thinking to herself — This guy has never known sadness, look at him and his perfect life. She felt a little annoyed at herself that she thought this way and forced herself to concentrate on what her friends spoke. Little did she know that she was being observed too.
CHAPTER 16
Sam loved her job because it gave her opportunities to meet new people and socialize. She met people from every walk of life including some affluent people of the retail industry. Her social parties had increased, which often worried Judith. She wasn’t very comfortable with Sam out every night partying, while Kim had renounced the world and sat at home locked up in her room. The two were heading in extreme opposite directions. However, Sam made sure that Judith knew exactly where she was at all times, thanks to the smartphones. She didn’t want her mother to have another reason to worry.
“It’s been only two months and that’s a very short amount of time to know how anyone is really,” Sam told Sharon one day. “I know Rob is well-settled and very grounded but we have been on just a few dates.”
“Then why are you two behaving as exclusives already?” Sharon continued to grill her.
“Well, he can hold my attention, you know… keeps me engaged in conversations. I have met very few people like that,” she shrugged. “He sees me as an equal, as his equal. You know how Jake is? Something like that. He never assumes I can’t do something on my own. I mean he is chivalrous but not really… how do I explain? It’s like I get to know more and more about myself when I am with him. I want to be with him just for that reason as of now.”
“Aha!” Sharon exclaimed, “So you like him, like him.”
Sam smiled at the thought, “Yes, I like him, like him. Like him enough to want to know more about him. So…”
“So?”
“I am telling mom and Kim about him tonight.”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah!”
“But then, why are you fretting over it? Your mom will be so happy and even relieved I guess.”
“I don’t know. But I am telling them tonight over dinner.”
“Good luck.”
***
Kim was parked in front of the TV surfing through channels and giving her expert opinions to Judith on how the TV industry had not progressed much in the last few years. She finally settled to watch The Big Bang Theory and got up to get herself some water when Sam walked home early.
“You are early.” Judith exclaimed, though she immediately covered her excitement with a fake annoyance. “We do not have dinner with family traitors.” She pointed the spatula at her and said in a threatening voice, “You need to be home more often, else we may forget who you are all together.”
Sam raised her hands, “Guilty as charged, but yes, I will try and be home more often and have dinner at home.”
“Try?” Judith exclaimed, “Try is just a polite way of saying, ‘Ha ha, I won’t’.”
Sam flung her bags and jacket on the sofa in the living room and came into the kitchen. She hugged Judith from behind as she stood over the stove and smelled the fresh curry that she was working on.
“What do you want?” Judith asked in a pretend cold voice as she kissed the air about Sam’s face. “You are never so cuddly unless you want something.”
“Ouch, that hurts!” Sam said at the accusation as she took a seat next to Kim who had joined them at the kitchen table was sipping on a bottle of water.
“What is that you want, Sam?” Kim continued Judith’s accusations. “History shows that you have always proceeded with a hug before dropping a bomb. So come out with it? How much is it going to cost us?”
Sam fidgeted in her seat under the accusatory eyes of Judith and Kim. “One dinner,” she said finally, trying to look all innocent.
“A dinner?” Kim eyed her suspiciously as she stood next to Judith across from Sam. “Who is it?” Kim asked, a smile quirking up at the corner of her mouth. “So who is the guy?” she continued, “It has to be a guy.”
“A guy?” Judith looked at Sam to Kim and back. “A guy! Interesting. And you want us to have dinner with this guy.” She smiled at Kim as she turned to her pot of boiling curry. The thought that Kim was being all normal around them crossed Judith’s mind and she smiled again, to herself this time. “So can we know his name?” Judith asked. And Sam began telling them the details about how and where she met Rob, and why he was important enough to be introduced to the family.
“Rob? “Rob Macron?
“Yes.”
Sam looked surprised “How do you know him?”
“I think I have met him, at Jake’s party. Decent guy but that’s all that I know. I liked him though.” She turned to Judith to give her confirmation.
Suddenly Kim remembered that if Dave was still in their lives, Sam, perhaps would have gone to him first and Dave would have scanned the guy before even giving his approval to bother Judith and her. But Dave was no more in their lives. And even though he was very much in the periphery, Sam would have never gone to him now. Not because she didn’t feel that he was not important, but just because she loved Kim enough to respect her decisions.
That night, Kim couldn’t help but think about Dave once again and what she had done. But this time around it wasn’t so much about Dave or her.
She couldn’t help but remember her last altercation with Judith. “You cannot put me through this again.” Judith had said in the most begrudging tone.
Kim had put Judith and Richard in a lot of stress when she had told them about Dave. Richard had been very upset and his health was not in the condition to have bared this kind of news. But Kim had been stubborn about it. She had argued with Judith that if she saw her as an adult to look after the families financial needs, then she couldn’t treat her as a child for making her life decisions on her own. She had not realized that Judith had not told Richard that Kim was forced into taking up a job and that news just shattered Richard, he had had a relapse that night and had to be rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night. Judith had refused to talk to Kim or even look at her for weeks. It was only when Richard had stabilized that she had started making small conversations and it wouldn’t have been for a month before she genuinely had let it go for what Kim had done. Judith and Richard had spent a lot of days talking about their feelings towards how they felt about their little girl seriously dating a much older guy. Finally one morning while Kim had got a call from Judith asking her to bring Dave as Richard wanted to meet him.