Seth wrapped his arms a bit tighter around Jacob and headed back into the boy’s bedroom. Placing him gently on the bed, he stretched out beside him. Jacob’s little fingers clenched the front of Seth’s t-shirt and this caused him to smile.
It felt great to be needed. It was a feeling he could definitely get used to.
“How about I stay with you while you take a nap?” Seth murmured and turned onto his side, extracting Jacob’s fingers from his shirt and laying his arm across the boy’s stomach.
“You won’t leave me?” Jacob asked, his voice small and hesitant.
“Never,” Seth answered with a conviction he didn’t know resided within him.
Seth decided that – Jacob willing – he’d drop the boy off at daycare later this morning and go visit Lucy alone. He wanted to talk to her about Jacob’s father and his right to know he had a son. No, it wasn’t his business, but he was making it his. He’d grown really fond of the little boy and the thought of another man in his life made Seth jealous, but the kid deserved to know his biological father.
It wasn’t that he questioned Lucy’s parenting abilities, quite the opposite. The woman was phenomenal as a mother. Her entire life revolved around her little boy and that, itself, was admirable.
Lucy
Lucy shuffled into her room, her I.V. stand in tow and barely made it to the bed before her knees gave out. She’d walked the entire hallway of the fifth floor three times and it had taken sheer will to make it. Her body resisted with every step. The aches, pains and weakness told her that she didn’t have the strength, she wouldn’t make it, and that she should just go back to bed and rest.
But she’d ignored the nagging voice and kept going. She kept images of her baby in the foremost of her mind and it had served as fuel for her trek. Now that she was back in the confines of her room, she shoved the metal rack to the bedside and all but fell face first onto the uncomfortable bed.
“Need some help?” a familiar male voice inquired from the open door.
Lucy closed her eyes and groaned. Thank God she’d actually donned a matching pajama set. Had she been clad in the ordinary hospital gown, her skinny white butt would have been shining like the full moon.
She wiggled around until she lay on her back and her frail legs dangled from the bedside. She offered Seth a timid smile and nodded once.
“Help me get my legs on the bed?” she asked. “I think I overdid my daily physical therapy,” she finished and sighed heavily.
Seth – the tall, muscular, healthy athlete – strode forward and cupped her diminished calves in his wide, capable hands. Gently he raised her legs and placed them on the bed and observed as she wiggled around and got as comfortable as possible.
“Where’s Jacob?” she asked once she noticed her baby’s absence.
“I dropped him off at daycare,” Seth explained. “I think he needed some playtime with kids his own age, he was starting to act like me,” he quipped and she inhaled sharply. “You know, scratching his ass and burping involuntarily,” Seth finished with a chuckle.
Lucy relaxed and for the hundredth time questioned her decision to keep such important news to herself. Jacob had never seemed to want a father figure, but now that Seth had come around it was like the man filled a gap neither she nor her son knew was missing.
Chris had nagged her, ever since she’d found out she was pregnant, to tell Seth the truth. Her brother was dead sure his friend would do the right thing. But fear kept her lips firmly shut and only the threat of never speaking to him again kept Chris from doing it himself.
Slightly nervous with it being just the two of them, Lucy reached down and tugged at the hem of her shirt, pulling it lower over her stomach. Barely twenty-six years old, she should’ve had a rocking body. But being pregnant and now having cancer had done terrible things to her.
“Why haven’t you told Jacob’s father about him?” Seth blurted and Lucy jerked so hard she nearly fell off the other side of the bed. “Both he and the boy deserve to know.”
“That’s personal,” Lucy answered and continued fidgeting with her clothes. Had Chris said something to Seth? Had he figured it out? She’d never been good at gauging other people. This conversation wasn’t one she was ready to have, so she turned to look up at Seth and smiled.
“If or when the time comes, I will,” she assured.
“When Jacob gets older and demands to know about his absent father?” Seth asked in a slightly raised voice. “Do you honestly think any man wouldn’t be proud to have such a wonderful son? The boy is a gift.”
Seth turned and grabbed the visitor’s chair from the corner and dragged it to Lucy’s bedside. Flopping down into it, he reached up and ran thick fingers through inky black spikes.
Even disheveled, Lucy found him gorgeous. Most women did, she reminded herself. She couldn’t subject Jacob to a father who wasn’t ready to be a father. Seth’s professional career was too important to him to settle down.
“It’s none of your business,” Lucy murmured softly. “If you’re tired of watching him, I’ll find someone else.”
“You have no one else,” Seth snapped and raised narrowed eyes at her. “You’ve pushed everyone away from fear they would spill your dirty little secret,” he accused. “I’m not tired of watching him, I love spending time with him. I just can’t help thinking about all the time his father has missed and you don’t have the right to keep him from the man who would love him.”
Lucy’s eyes narrowed in response and she felt the fires of hell blazing within her blood. How dare this man – this stranger – lecture her? Where had he been these past four years? Oh, that’s right; he’d been partying with every slut he could find. He’d been neck deep up his own ass. Maybe if he’d had a plexi-glass belly button he would’ve known. What would he have done had she told him? Possibly sent a monthly check and called it good?
“Excuse the hell out of me,” Lucy barked. “I have trust issues and with good reason. The only man I’ve ever allowed myself to be vulnerable with left me high and dry mere hours after he’d gotten what he wanted.”
“Is that what all this is about?” Seth demanded and surged to his feet. “You’re punishing this child because you and I had a one-night stand over five years ago?”
“I’m not punishing him,” she argued vehemently. “I’m protecting him.”
“From, what?” Seth demanded in exasperation. “Just what exactly are you protecting him from? Having friends, loved ones he can count on in his times of need, of letting himself care for someone who isn’t his mother?”
“I’m protecting him from the same man who threw me away without a thought,” she fired back and immediately wished the words back. But what was said couldn’t be unsaid just like what was done couldn’t be undone.
There it was; no going back now. Blazing hot fear roared to life in her belly. What had she done? She’d been so careful all these years and now the secret she would’ve died to protect came rushing out, on a trail of red hot temper and the kicker was the fact that she’d told the one person she didn’t want to know.
Seth stopped pacing abruptly and just stood with his back to her. She cursed her temper but she mostly cursed her heart. She’d known, all those years ago, that she’d fallen in love with Seth and it was the kind of love that transcended time. The kind women read about in romance novels or watched on television. But being the shy, young and inexperienced girl that she was, she’d kept it to herself.
After all, how could such a hot guy with a bright future see anything in her? She was nothing more than a geeky librarian. He was the type of man to walk around with a supermodel on his arm.
“Oh my God,” he whispered, jarring Lucy from her rampant thoughts and regrets. “It’s all been right before me the entire time. Why didn’t I figure it out sooner?” His breath hitched and it sounded like someone had punched him in the stomach. Lucy frowned and for a brief moment thought perhaps he was crying.
“Probably because you didn
’t want to,” another male voice announced from the still-open door.
Lucy’s eyes widened when she saw her brother standing there, hands hidden in a bouquet of yellow daises. She hadn’t been expecting him so soon and was more than glad to see him. Glad wasn’t exactly the right word; she was relieved. Now she wouldn’t have to deal with this fallout all on her own.
Seth
Seth tried but failed to calm his racing heart. Thinking back to the framed picture in Jacob’s room he recounted the date. All the pieces started clicking into place. It didn’t take much imagination to see himself in Jacob’s eyes.
He had a son.
He had a smart, gifted and fine-looking son.
Inhaling deeply, he turned to first face Chris.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked hoarsely. He tried his best to keep from lashing out at his old friend. The man had plenty of time in which he could’ve told him. Hell, he could’ve told him last night.
Chris shrugged and moved into the room to place the vase of flowers on the table by Lucy’s bed. Seth noticed that they had little red sticks strategically placed throughout the flowers with little red hearts sitting atop the tips. It reminded him of how Valentine’s Day was nearing; in his haste to get to Lucy, he’d all but forgotten about Cupid, the ugly kid in a diaper carrying the bow and arrows of love.
Chris leaned down and kissed his sister on the forehead, offering her a smile before turning back to Seth.
“It wasn’t my place or my decision,” Chris explained simply. “But just so you know, I’ve been on her for years to tell you. I knew you’d do the right thing,” he clarified and closed the distance between them for a thorough man hug. “It’s good to see you.”
Seth thumped his buddy soundly on the back and turned his eyes back to the mother of his child. Malnourished, weak and body ravaged with an incurable illness, but still beautiful beyond measure. No matter how many women he’d had over the years, he’d never felt anything toward them; nothing that compared to the way he felt about Lucy. The revelation hit him like a lightning bolt.
Had he known they’d had a son, he would’ve dropped everything and ran to her. His big, cushy lifestyle be damned. He’d have given it all up in a New York minute and that thought alone shocked him to his core. When had he gotten so soft? When had he gone from partying all hours of the night to being a responsible adult? How the hell had it happened and when?
Regardless, his heart swelled in his chest and he knew. He’d lied to himself all his life. He did want a family, he did want children. He wanted it all and he wanted it with Lucy and Jacob.
But, in retrospect, had she told him back then, he probably would’ve insisted she had an abortion or put the baby up for adoption. He hadn’t been ready back then, but now he was and it was that knowledge alone that finally made him understand why she’d kept it from him. She’d been mature enough to do the right thing for both of them and even though it cost him and his son four years, it gave them a lifetime to make it up.
If she let him and ‘if’ was a big word. He hadn’t exactly proven to her that he was as changed as he realized he was. Sure, he’d dropped everything and flown into town the moment she called him. But he’d done it thinking they’d rekindle a little romance from years past. Yes, he’d taken care of Jacob for a couple days, but being a dad 24/7 was a different story. He knew he’d have to prove himself far more capable and somewhere deep down, a need to have her approval roared to life.
If it came down to it, he would beg her to have him, flaws and all. And he would refuse to take ‘no’ for an answer. Especially not after seeing the way she looked at him; more correctly, not after understanding the way she looked at him.
Not for the first time since he’d been back in Pennsylvania, he saw the admiration and the love in her eyes and recognized it for what it was. How long had she felt that way for him?
“You should’ve told me,” Seth declared and moved to her side. Since Chris had lowered himself into the visitor’s chair, Seth sat on the edge of Lucy’s bed. Her feeble body didn’t occupy much room, but she moved her legs over anyway to allow him plenty of space.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked even though he knew the answer. He wanted to hear what she had to say.
“Are you kidding me?” Lucy snapped, her face flushing red. “Tell mister-big-league-baseball player; a new woman for every night of the week, that he had a son he repeatedly confirmed he didn’t want? How many times have you mentioned in an interview that a family and children wasn’t in your plans? You dare sit here and ask me why I didn’t tell you?” Her ragged breath rushed in and out and she reached up to place a hand over the center of her chest. He saw just how upset she was and it was that knowledge alone that convinced him to stop nagging her.
Although her words stung him like a stake through the heart, she was right. He was mad as hell at her, but he couldn’t blame her for her decision to keep Jacob safe from his father’s media-crazed life. Hell, even Seth feared what the paparazzi would print about him next. Could he really drag an innocent child into that kind of life?
“Are you going to take him away from me now that you know?” Lucy asked in a small voice.
Chris cursed, lunged to his feet and paced away from them to close the door.
“Of course he’s not,” Chris answered succinctly. “Tell her Seth; tell her you wouldn’t do that.”
Seth shook his head, tears forming in his eyes.
“No,” he admitted softly. “I’d never take that child away from his mother. I’d never take him away from you,” he murmured and reached down to take Lucy’s hand in his. “I’m here now and that’s all that counts.”
Chris reclaimed his seat and reached forward to pat Lucy gently on the arm.
“I’m here until the end of February and Amber will be in a few days before the fourteenth,” her brother informed her and Seth felt fear clench in his gut. Were they going to ask him to leave now that he wasn’t needed anymore?
“It’s my off season,” Seth interrupted, hoping to stave off any suggestions he pack up and head off. “I’d like to stay and get to know Jacob a little better.”
Lucy’s eyes went from Seth’s to her brother. She was silently asking him for his opinion and in the end; Chris must have conveyed something because she turned back to Seth and nodded curtly.
“Of course,” she agreed. “I just have one request,” she informed. “You don’t tell him. I made this mess, it’s mine to clean up,” she said.
“I’ll agree, on one stipulation,” Seth rebounded. “I’m here when you tell him,” he said. “I’ve left him high and dry for too long now, it’s time I make it up to him.”
Lucy didn’t respond, she just merely nodded.
Lucy
Almost three weeks later, February the twelfth, Lucy was released from the hospital. She smiled when the nurse pushed her wheelchair out to the pick-up area. There, standing against her mini-SUV, were her three favorite men.
Over the past few weeks Seth had doted on her like a puppy. He’d brought her flowers, red roses with little Valentine hearts dispersed between the blooms, a giant chocolate kiss and a teddy bear that said “Be Mine” with a mournful expression on his cute face. He’d sat and visited with her and then picked Jacob up from daycare and headed home. Chris had merely moved into the hospital room with her, refusing to leave her side for even an hour.
It hadn’t taken long for her to remember just how deeply her feelings for Seth went. She’d kept them on a tight leash for so long, it was difficult having him in her everyday life.
She wanted to reciprocate his affection, but upon hearing what the doctors said about her prognosis, she was glad she didn’t. They were optimistic that the chemo and radiation worked, but they couldn’t promise anything. A relapse was possible. She couldn’t afford to form any new connections. Her time on this earth was iffy at best.
Of course, Chris hadn’t made things any easier. He’d played his buddy up every chance
he’d gotten. She knew what he was up to and a small part of her dared to dream of a life with Seth Landers. They’d get married and finally give Jacob the family he deserved; but another part of her rebelled at the mere idea of letting herself or her precious son care for the frivolous playboy.
Although Seth argued, Lucy had asked for paternity tests in order to prove her claim. She refused to have anyone accuse her of being a gold-digger. She knew Jacob was Seth’s son. Seth had been the only man she’d ever been with, but she’d kept that little gold nugget to herself.
“Ready to go home, Mommy?” Jacob asked, his chubby little face alight with happiness.
Lucy smiled in return and waited for the nurse to lock the wheelchair. Pushing herself to stand, she almost laughed when both Chris and Seth raced to offer her a hand. She waved them both away like buzzing gnats and bent to envelope her baby in a hug so fierce she even surprised herself. All the extra physical therapy was paying off and she had gotten some of her strength back.
“You bet I am,” she whispered in Jacob’s ear. “I’ve missed you so much.” She smiled when his little arms tightened around her neck and he buried his face in the hollow of her throat.
“I’ve missed you too,” Jacob responded and then stepped back and smiled up at Seth.
“But Uncle Seth has taken good care of me,” he announced proudly. “He even made me wash behind my ears.”
All three adults chuckled at the little one’s affirmation and Lucy rose, turning a smile on Seth. He stood proud, chest protruding like he’d pitched a perfect game and won the World Series. She had to admit that he’d certainly changed in the past couple weeks. He’d gone from playboy millionaire to daddy-slash-nanny.
Trusting him with her precious child was simply the most difficult thing she’d ever done. It had been a risk, but she was glad she’d taken it. On impulse, she turned and moved toward Seth, sliding her arms around his waist for a hug.
Wrangling the Cowboy: An Older Man & A Virgin Romance Page 26