“If this doesn’t happen soon, I’m not going to be responsible for...”
He kissed her before she could finish the sentence, eased her back against the edge of the bed and spread her legs. Standing in front of her, he grabbed the packet he’d dropped on the bed when they’d come in, opened it and slipped it on. Finally, he ran his finger along her moist center and positioned himself.
He looked into her eyes before he moved any further. “This is only the beginning,” he told her.
“You are my man.” The words sounded like a promise.
He gave a slow push, still holding her gaze.
“Can you feel me?”
“Oh, God, Jem. Yes.”
“I can feel you, too.” He barely got the words out. The effort it was taking not to ram himself home and find relief was more than he’d ever imagined.
But he’d made a promise—to her and to himself. Love with Lacey was going to be different than it ever had been before.
He was marking his forever.
* * *
LACEY COULD HARDLY meet her sister’s gaze when Kacey came in the door a couple of hours later. It wasn’t her reticence that gave her away, though.
Nothing as momentous as what she’d just experienced with Jem would have been missed by her identical twin. You couldn’t have a change that magnanimous and not have your counterpart feel something different about you.
“How was Levi?” she asked.
“Perfect as always. I have to tell you, if I was going to have a nephew, I couldn’t pick a better one.”
Lacey, in thin cotton pajama pants and a matching T-shirt, had been watching a rerun while waiting for Kacey and, reaching for the remote, turned the sound off as her sister dropped her purse and joined her on the couch.
Kacey felt peaceful, but somber, too.
“I didn’t talk to him about...you know...” She couldn’t bring herself to say Jem’s ex-wife’s name in her home so soon after...
“I didn’t figure you had.”
“Did he say anything to you?” Her lover had left her bed to go to his home, where he and her sister, her spectacular look-alike, would be home alone. And she hadn’t worried. Not even a little bit.
“Just asked after Levi, then told me the night was a complete success and thanked me about a million times over. He also asked if I was up for any more babysitting before I head home.”
One week was all they had left. She didn’t want to think about that.
“I’m going to need a chance to tell him about talking to Sydney without Levi present,” she said when she’d just been thinking that she didn’t want to saddle Kacey with babysitting during her last week of vacation. “I don’t want to do it over the phone.”
She needed to be able to reach out and take his hand. To see into his eyes. To know that they were going to be okay.
“You made love with him.”
There was no point in denying it. And while the sisters didn’t kiss and tell, they usually let the other know when they were in a physical relationship. Up until a year and a half ago, they’d shared the same house. And it was polite to let your roommate know when a man was going to be at the breakfast table.
“Yeah. Without telling him that I’m going to make his life uncomfortable if he doesn’t do it himself.”
“You went with your heart.” Kacey knew her well.
“You think I should have told him first?”
“I’m not saying that. You know your stuff, Lace. You’ve always known when to let others figure things out for themselves. And when they do, there you are, sitting right beside them. Ready and waiting.”
They weren’t talking about Jem. Or domestic violence.
“We’ve both been kind of cast off at sea, haven’t we?” she said, not regretting a second of what she’d done with Jem that night, but not gloriously happy about it, either. There were hurdles in front of them that couldn’t be ignored.
“I thought it was just you,” Kacey told her, taking Lacey’s hand in both of hers and holding it on her knee. Something she hadn’t done in years but used to do often, Lacey remembered. Usually when they were waiting to go on camera. In their pubescent days Kacey had started to get nervous sometimes before going on air.
“I thought you were running away when you came up here, because you were so convinced you were second best.”
“In some ways I was,” Lacey said. If they were going to clear the air, really clear it, and be as connected as they’d always been—and she hoped they were—then she had to be honest. With Kacey, of course, but also with herself. “In a lot of ways I was,” she said now.
“I know. And sometimes...I liked it that way. It’s like I was the star and you were my sky.”
Kacey’s eyes filled with tears. “Like that old song...you were the wind beneath my wings.”
And if that was all she’d ever be, it would have been enough because Kacey’s wings were lovely. When she spread them, she brought joy to so many. Not just by entertaining them, but with her kindness, too. Her open heart.
“And I focused far too much on not having my own wings,” Lacey told her. “When in reality, I never really wanted them. I didn’t want to come in second, to lose my boyfriend to you, and every solo job offer...” She stopped. They both knew all the ways in which Lacey had been passed over through the years. “But I also didn’t want to be in the spotlight. To have people fawning over me. I’m not good at it.”
“I like that I can shake someone’s hand, or smile at them, and make their day,” Kacey said. And somehow managed to convey heart, not conceit.
“You’re living the life that you were meant to live,” Lacey said. Knowing that as great as it had been sharing a home with Kacey again, they were going to have to separate. Because just as Kace belonged in Beverly Hills, Lacey’s life was in Santa Raquel.
In a very short period of time, even before Jem, the little town had become home to her.
“Not completely.” Kacey shook her head. “But you knew that, too, didn’t you?” She met Lacey’s gaze and Lacey couldn’t look away.
“This is where you shine far brighter than I do, Lacey, and it’s worth far more than shiny lights. You get life. You get the big stuff. The small stuff. The real stuff. You see what most people are too afraid to look at. And you find ways to make it okay. From the time we were little you were always making life okay.”
Kacey had been the acrobat. She’d been the net. It wasn’t a choice either of them had made. It just was.
“I date the wrong type of men,” Kacey said now. “I love my work. I’d go so far as to say I need it. It completes something in me.”
A fact that had been obvious to Lacey since they’d been about eight. “I agree.”
“But I’m not enjoying clubbing. I get bored at the parties. I want...more.”
“You need more.”
“You knew.”
“I suspected.”
“And you waited.”
“And prayed.” A lot.
“I’m excited to get back to work,” Kacey said tentatively, as though the news might upset Lacey.
“I know, Kace. It’s okay. You’ve got a gift.”
“I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you, too.”
“So, I was thinking...there’s no reason why I can’t commute on weekends. At least on weekends when I don’t have an event to attend.”
“Your room is your room. Anytime. Leave clothes here. Things in the bathroom. You have a key. Show up whenever you want.” She had things at Kacey’s condo. And still had her key, too.
“I’m not going out with anyone who doesn’t seem like someone I’d want to marry someday,” she said.
“Good.”
“You knew I’d get to this point, didn
’t you? That’s why you never took me seriously when I tried to introduce you to a new guy.”
“I hoped. But if you ended up marrying one of your fancy-pants but empty-hearted suitors, I’d have welcomed him into our family.”
“This time with Levi... I want kids of my own.”
“I want to be a mother, too.” To Levi, someday, if she and Jem made it to that point. And to children of her own.
“Did you notice number thirty passed us by last year?”
“How could I miss it?” Lacey’s grimace probably wasn’t the prettiest look she’d worn that night. “There had to be five hundred people at that party.”
“And you were a hit.”
“Because I drank too much.”
“Me, too.” Kacey’s expression sobered. “Because I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t happy when I had it all...”
“Me, too,” Lacey told her.
“So...you want some cobbler while we watch Lucy?” Kacey asked, nodding toward the old black-and-white sitcom rerun that was just starting.
Lacey turned up the sound while her sister dished up the dessert Lacey and Jem had never gotten around to eating. They sat up for another couple of hours. Watching television. Talking. Eating second helpings of cobbler.
It was only when she made it to bed that Lacey remembered the wineglasses out on the footer. She’d pulled on her robe to run out and gather their clothes so Jem could get dressed. She’d forgotten the wine.
She smiled. And fell asleep that way.
Overall, it was probably the best night she’d ever spent.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
AFTER REMOVING THE metal frames and backfilling around the footer, Jem called a couple of employees, who brought in a truck and poured the concrete for Lacey’s floor on Sunday afternoon while Lacey and Kacey took Levi back to the beach to play in the sand.
For a good bit of the time they were gone, he was jealous of a four-year-old kid. And happier than he’d been in...maybe ever...as his son came skipping back up the walk just before dinnertime, a sister on either side of him holding his hands.
“I’m the luckiest guy on the beach, Dad!” Levi said, letting go of their hands to run up to the front door of the house. “Can I put my hand in the cement?”
It was their ritual. Anytime Levi was around when cement was poured, he got to leave his mark. In a place that would be built upon. He was leaving little parts of his son all over Santa Raquel, but in a way that was not a bother to anyone.
“Hold on, buddy,” he called. “You know the rules.” If Levi didn’t wait for Jem, if he even touched wet cement without his father’s say-so, he lost the privilege. “Why is he the luckiest guy on the beach?” he asked the sisters.
Lacey was back in baggy cotton shorts and a blouse. Kacey in short shorts with a T-shirt that showed her figure to perfection.
“Some guy told him so,” Kacey said. “I think he thought Levi was his way in, but that kid of yours set him straight.”
Not at all happy with the surge of real jealousy that sparked through him at the thought of someone hitting on Lacey at the beach, Jem looked her way, his brow raised in question.
“Levi told him to please go away because we weren’t supposed to talk to strangers.”
Jem burst out laughing. Gotta love that boy!
* * *
SHE DIDN’T REGRET making love with Jem Bridges. Not even a little bit. She’d thought of him during her first seconds of consciousness Sunday and had taken him with her through all of the moments of her day.
And the more she thought of him, the more vulnerable she became. Because this wasn’t just a trial—a maybe—for her. She’d given him far more than her body for a night. If he walked out of her life, she was going to be damaged.
She’d spent her entire adult life preventing herself from being in that position.
“Let’s play the game,” she said to Kacey as the sisters left Jem to change Levi out of his sandy, wet beach clothes in the spare bathroom and headed to the other side of the house, to their rooms, to clean up before they all had a quick dinner together.
Kacey glanced her way and frowned.
“What?” Lacey forced a big grin. “Come on. It’ll be a hoot.”
“Lacey...”
“What?” she asked again. “You’re the one who always wants to play. Now one time I do and...”
“I’m up for the game, Lace. I’m just not sure why you are.”
Of course she was. Kacey knew, just as Lacey did. She was being an immature, self-absorbed little kid.
Paranoid and frightened, too. But she couldn’t seem to stop herself.
“Please, Kacey? I know it’s stupid, but I have to know. Too much is at stake here.” Possibly her heart. Maybe even the rest of her life.
Maybe she’d let go of a lot of the residual feelings she had about having always been second best and often passed over for her more radiant twin. Maybe someday she’d even be able to laugh at how much she’d taken it all to heart.
But she wasn’t there yet. Intellectually she was. But emotions...they were a bit trickier.
“You think it’s going to help you relax?” Kacey asked her. She didn’t seem to even consider the fact that Jem might go for the wrong sister. That he might not “know” Lacey as well as he thought he did. Or said he did.
It could just be that, until now, every single time he’d seen the sisters together they’d been easy to tell apart just by their clothes.
“That’s my plan.” Or at least to know if she was believing in something that didn’t exist, making more of it than it was. “I hate being so damned insecure.”
“The game isn’t going to change that, Lacey. Only you can. By believing in your own worthiness.”
She did think she was worthy. Very worthy. She also believed that most people found her sister worth a little bit more.
“Please?”
“Okay, fine, but I get to pick out the outfit,” Kacey said, heading into Lacey’s room and going straight for her closet. “Seriously, Lace, you need to quit hiding behind this stuff.”
She turned, a look of shock on her face as she looked at Lacey. “No, you don’t,” she whispered, looking stricken. “God, Lacey, I’m so sorry. I’m as guilty as everyone. This is your look because it’s who you are. And, oh, God, I’m so sorry. I do it to you, too, with all my nagging, trying to make you look more like me, as if you don’t look as good as I do... I didn’t even know...”
Lacey’s eyes filled with tears as she stood there accepting her sister’s hug. Drying Kacey’s tears. Telling her it was okay. That they were okay.
And hoped to God that Jem was as good as his word. That he didn’t just see the clothes and shape and skin, but could really see the woman inside the body just by looking into her eyes.
Ashamed of her weakness, feeling sick to her stomach for needing reassurance, she let Kacey make her into an off-work television star.
* * *
SHE SENT KACEY in first. Jem was in the kitchen, heating up the pulled pork the girls had brought home from a stand on the beach. After dinner, he and Levi were going home because Levi needed a bath before bed, Jem had said.
Lacey hated that she wasn’t going to have his hands on her body again, but figured he was probably right to take things slow until they knew where they were going.
Neither of them could afford a big crash.
“Hey, Kacey, is Lacey almost ready? We got a hungry boy here.” She heard Jem’s voice and figured he hadn’t turned around yet, hadn’t seen her sister.
But...if he’d smelled her, her scent would have been Lacey’s. They’d played this game before. Hundreds of times.
Knew how to do it down to every detail, including toenail polish.
“She’ll be alo
ng in a second,” Kacey said, unnerving even Lacey with the toned-down note in her voice.
And suddenly she didn’t want to go in, didn’t want to play the game. She wasn’t being fair to Jem.
And maybe not to herself, either.
“You can come in now,” Jem called just as she was turning around to go change. “I just heard you take a step in the hall.”
She froze. Didn’t move. And didn’t have to as Jem came into the hallway to join her. She heard Kacey say, “Hey, little man, let’s get some of this yummy food in our bellies and leave those two sillies to settle for our leftovers.”
Jem wasn’t saying anything. He didn’t look angry, or even disappointed. If anything, he looked...like he had a hell of a lot more compassion than she deserved.
“I feel like a ten-year-old playing dress-up on Halloween.”
“You look...great.”
Her heart sank. “I do?”
“Of course you do. You and Kacey, you’re both gorgeous. A guy would have to be blind not to notice.”
“How did you know?” She asked the most pertinent question. “Kace even took off her nail polish. I did her hair. She’s wearing my jewelry and even borrowed my underthings.”
He pulled her up against him, rubbing his groin against her pelvis. He moved closer until their lips were almost touching and stared into her eyes.
“I’ve already told you, Lacey. It’s all in your eyes.”
She wanted so badly to believe him. To know that, at least with one person, the only one who was probably going to matter from there on out, she came first.
“You looked into Kacey’s eyes when she walked into the kitchen?”
“I always look for the eyes when you two are around. Especially since you’ve been leaving your hair down more and wearing her dresses. It’d be damned embarrassing if I grabbed the wrong woman, now, wouldn’t it?”
She felt like an idiot. On several levels. “I’ll make sure I don’t ever dress like her again,” she told him, grinning, but completely serious, too. “It’s up to me to protect you from ever making such a blunder.”
“You could both be naked and I’d know,” he said. And then shook his head. “Please,” he said, looking her straight in the eye. “Do not ever test me on that one. I don’t think I could survive it,” he said softly.
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