“You were once,” he conceded.
“I could be again,” she said, trying not to sound too eager. “I want that, for Angel’s sake, if not for ours. I want us to get along, Todd, the way we used to.”
“Darlin’, we can’t go back to the way it was. Too much has happened. Besides, your life is in New York. Mine’s here.”
His attempt to simplify their differences in such a way totally exasperated her. “That’s a cop-out and you know it. This isn’t about the two of us being geographically unsuitable. We could make it work if we wanted to. Your life was in New York once. It could be again.”
She waved him off impatiently when he started to respond. “Besides, this isn’t even about striking up some hot romance between us again. It’s about our daughter and what’s best for her.”
“I agree,” he said.
She stared at him in surprise. “You do?”
“Of course, I do. Which is why it’s even more important for you to go back to New York now. Make this break before she finds out who I am and develops an attachment to me.”
A knot formed in her stomach. “Obviously, we still disagree about what’s best for Angel.”
“She needs a mother who’s not struggling financially, who’s working at a profession she loves. She needs to be able to go to a good private school when the time comes and have a nanny in the meantime. I can give her all of those things,” he said.
“You forgot one thing,” Heather retorted.
“Name it.”
“You, Todd. She needs her father.”
“She doesn’t need me,” he insisted. “You’ll meet another man one of these days who’ll be the father she needs.”
“And that wouldn’t bother you at all, knowing that your little girl thinks of another man as her daddy?”
A flash of something that might have been pain flitted across his face, then was gone, replaced by that stoic expression she had come to detest.
“It’s for the best,” he said. “Name any amount you want and we’ll settle this right now before things get too complicated.”
She regarded him furiously. “Is that what Angel is to you, a complication? An inconvenience? Write a check and it’ll go away?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“Well, it sure as hell sounded like it to me. She’s a child, Todd, your child. She’s a wonderful little girl, and you’re missing out on one of the greatest joys there is. What I don’t understand is why you’re being so stubborn about this. Is it because I didn’t tell you years ago when I first found out I was pregnant? Are you taking it out on her because you’re angry at me?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t some childish game of revenge.”
“You could have fooled me.”
“Dammit, Heather, I am trying to do what’s right. I am trying to protect Angel in the only way I know how.”
“Protect her,” she echoed, startled by the fierce conviction in his voice. It was evident he believed what he was saying. “From what?”
“From me,” he said bluntly, then whirled around as if he feared saying more and left.
Stunned, Heather stared after him. What had he meant by that cryptic remark? How on earth could he possibly see himself as a danger to their child? What kind of threat did he think he posed? She knew Todd as well as she knew anyone on the face of the earth. She knew with every fiber of her being that he would never harm a living, breathing soul.
Maybe it didn’t matter what she thought, though. It only mattered that he believed it, and until she knew why, nothing would change. That was another thing she knew about Todd: he was a man of his word. Ironically, just this once, she wished that wasn’t so.
12
“How are things going between you and Todd?” Jake asked when he stopped by the diner for coffee late the next afternoon.
“Not good,” Heather said, wondering if she should tell Jake what Todd had said the night before about perceiving himself as a danger to Angel. Maybe she’d made too much of it, but then again, it was clear that Todd was taking the claim to heart. If there really was some danger, how could she ignore it?
She gave herself a mental shake. No, it was ridiculous to think of Todd as anything other than the kind, gentle man she’d always known him to be.
When she didn’t respond, Jake regarded her worriedly. “Okay, sit,” he ordered finally, gesturing to the seat opposite him. When she glanced around, he added, “There’s not another soul in here. You can take a break.”
Once she was seated, he leaned back and waited. Heather concluded it was a technique designed to make a client eventually start babbling just to end the silence. She was as susceptible to it as the next person.
“Maybe I shouldn’t get into this with you,” she began.
“I’m your attorney, even if you do have me on a short leash at the moment. You can tell me anything, then we’ll both decide if there’s any action required. Has Todd said or done something?”
“His position hasn’t changed,” she admitted. “He wants the two of us gone. But last night he said something…”
“What?” Jake prodded when she didn’t finish.
She took a deep breath, then said, “He’s worried that he might put Angel in some kind of danger.”
Jake’s reaction was as stunned as her own had been. “Todd? You’ve got to be kidding.”
“That was my reaction, but, Jake, he clearly believes it. What if there is something?”
“Such as? Did you ask him what he was talking about?”
“I couldn’t. He left as soon as the words were out of his mouth, and I was too startled to go after him.”
“I suppose I could do some checking,” he began, but Heather cut him off, horrified by the idea of an investigator putting the most decent man she knew under some sort of a microscope.
“No, absolutely not,” she said adamantly, already regretting mentioning the incident. “I don’t want you to hire someone to go digging around in Todd’s past.”
“But if what he said has any truth in it…”
“I said no. I’ll get to the bottom of it. Maybe he’s just worrying about nothing. A lot of new fathers think they’re going to be totally inept.” She regarded him knowingly. “I can think of one in particular who’s obsessing over everything and the baby’s not even here yet.”
Jake clearly recognized the description. “No point in leaving anything to chance,” he said, not the least bit chastened. “Okay, I won’t do anything unless you say the word. I have to admit, I can’t imagine it being anything serious where Todd’s concerned. I’d bet the ranch that he’s a good guy.”
Heather smiled at the conviction in his voice. “I would, too.”
Still, as the day went on, she couldn’t shake the feeling that, real or imagined, there was something behind Todd’s fear. She believed in him completely, knew exactly what kind of a father he could be, but it was evident he didn’t share that faith.
She watched for him all during the dinner hour, but he didn’t put in an appearance. She was disappointed but not surprised. How many men would make such a revelation, then come back to face the obvious barrage of questions likely to follow? But that didn’t mean she couldn’t go to him.
Just as Henrietta was about to leave for the night, Heather asked, “Could you do me a huge favor? I hate to even ask, but—”
“Don’t beat around the bush, girl. Just ask.”
“Could you keep Angel for an hour or so? There’s something I need to do as soon as I close up here.”
Henrietta studied her intently. “If it’s important, don’t put it off. Go now. I’ll close up, and of course I’ll keep Angel. She’s no trouble at all. You can pick her up at my place when you’re done.” She regarded her knowingly. “If it gets to be too late, just call. She can spend the night.”
“It won’t be late,” Heather insisted, despite the color that Henrietta’s suggestion put in her cheeks.
“Whatever. Just give me a
call so I don’t wait up.”
Heather gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks. You’re a saint.”
Henrietta laughed. “There are some who’d disagree with that.”
“Not anyone who knows you,” Heather said, taking off her apron and hanging it on a hook behind the kitchen door. “I’ll call if anything changes.”
Not that she expected it to. It was too much to hope that Todd was going to let down his guard, especially if she started the encounter by challenging him on his parting words of the night before.
When she got to his apartment, it was dusk, but there were no lights on inside. Nor did she spot that rugged pickup he drove to work. Judging it a wasted trip, she was about to leave when one of his neighbors arrived home, a young woman who did accounting work for Henrietta and stopped by the diner from time to time.
“Are you looking for Todd?” Rachel asked.
Heather nodded. “Have you seen him?”
“Not more than five minutes ago, he was sitting across from me at the pizza place. That’s where I left him.”
Heather wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. Apparently the woman read her mind.
“We weren’t together, if that’s what you’re thinking. We just ran into each other. He looked as if he needed company, so I joined him. Turned out the only company he really wanted was a bottle of beer.”
Heather gaped. “Todd was drinking?”
Todd never drank, or at least only rarely. Once in a long while he’d have a glass of wine with dinner if they were celebrating something, but otherwise he never touched alcohol. Since they hadn’t had money to waste on it, anyway, she’d never questioned the fact that she almost never saw him drink. This woman was obviously suggesting that he was doing more than having a single beer with his pizza.
“Drowning his sorrows, I’d say.” Rachel shook her head. “It surprised me, too. I tried to give him a ride home, but he said he wasn’t ready to leave, said he wasn’t numb enough.”
Heather couldn’t decide whether to be shocked or worried. Either way, she had a feeling she was somehow responsible. Her mind racing, she gave Rachel a vague smile. “Thanks. I’ll check on him.”
“He won’t thank you for it,” she warned. “He got downright testy with me.”
“I’ll handle it,” Heather told her. “You handle enough surly customers, ‘testy’ gets to be a breeze.”
The woman laughed. “Good luck, then.”
Heather wished she felt as confident as she’d sounded. This was a wrinkle she definitely hadn’t anticipated when she’d set off to find Todd tonight.
She found him tucked into a booth with a half-eaten pizza in front of him and a row of empty beer bottles lined up on the table. He gazed at her with bleary eyes, tried to muster up a fierce expression, but failed miserably. She settled into the booth opposite him.
“Don’t you make a pretty picture,” she observed. “Any particular reason you decided to tie one on?”
He frowned. “You just walked in. You saying I’m drunk?”
“I don’t know. Are you?”
“Not yet, but I’m working on it.” He waved over the waitress. “Another one and something for my friend here. You want a beer, darlin’?”
“I think there’s been enough beer served here. How about coffee?” she suggested instead. “Two coffees.”
“Not for me,” Todd protested. “Never touch the stuff.”
Heather rolled her eyes, then gestured for the waitress to bring the coffee, anyway. “One with cream.”
After the woman had brought the coffee, Heather leveled a look straight into Todd’s eyes. “Care to tell me what’s going on?”
“Nothing going on,” he said. “Just having an evening on the town.”
“Must not be that much fun. You’ve already scared off one woman.”
He squinted at her in apparent confusion. “I did?”
“Your neighbor,” she reminded him. “Rachel.”
“Oh, yeah. Said she had to go.”
Heather wondered if she could use his muddled state to her advantage and get some answers he might be unwilling to share if he was stone-cold sober.
“Todd—” she began, but he reached across the table just then and grasped her hand, lifted it to his lips and kissed it.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?”
“Thanks. Todd, I—”
“Why’d you go away, Heather?”
Despite his earnest tone, she doubted he was interested in a serious discussion of the past.
“We had a disagreement,” she reminded him. “It’s not important now. I’m more interested in what’s going on with you tonight.”
“Just having a couple of beers,” he replied. “No big deal.”
“It’s more than a couple and it is a big deal. It’s not like you to run away from your problems, not like this.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing? Running away?”
“Aren’t you?”
“Can’t run from this,” he said, his expression sad. “Stays with me all the time.”
He sounded so despondent her heart ached for him. “What stays with you?”
He shook his head. “Can’t talk about it. Too tired.” Still holding her hand, he put his head down on the table and, practically before she could blink, fell soundly asleep. She spotted his car keys on the table and confiscated them.
“Now what?” Heather murmured just as the waitress returned to see if they needed refills on the coffee. Todd’s first cup was still untouched.
“Too late, I see,” she said sympathetically. “I can get the bartender to help you get him to your car if you like.”
“If you don’t mind, let’s let him rest right here a few minutes. Then I’ll try to wake him up enough to get some coffee into him.”
“Fine by me. Just holler if you need some help.”
When she’d gone, Heather sipped her coffee and studied the man across from her. There had been no mistaking the pain in his voice a few minutes ago. Something was weighing heavily on his mind, something he’d been desperate enough to forget that it had brought him here tonight.
She thought again of Jake’s offer to look into Todd’s past, but recoiled from the idea. Whatever was torturing Todd, she wanted him to tell her himself. She listened to his steady, even breathing and concluded that whatever the answer was, she wouldn’t hear it tonight. The best she could hope for was to get him home in one piece.
She reached across the table and brushed a lock of hair back from his face. His brown hair was longer now than it had been in New York, where he’d taken pride in maintaining a starched, preppy look, complete with glasses she knew for a fact he hadn’t really needed. It was as if he’d carved out a role for himself and made himself over to fit it. She thought maybe she liked this look better. It made him seem more accessible, which was ironic since he seemed dead-set on making himself as inaccessible as possible.
Her fingers strayed to his cheek, where stubble darkened his skin. That was new, too. The Todd of old shaved twice a day to maintain his clean-cut image. Maybe he was slowly conforming to the different standards of the rough-and-tumble West.
Of course, the new look faltered a little when she got to his shirt. It was still a designer dress shirt in a blend of silk and cotton. If his sleeves hadn’t been rolled up, she was pretty sure she would have found his monogram on the cuffs. Todd was only likely to bend his sense of style so far to blend into his new surroundings.
She hadn’t realized she was stroking his cheek until he awoke suddenly, blinked, then covered her hand with his.
“What’s going on?” he murmured. “Where’d you come from?”
She smiled. “I’ve been here for a while, chum. Do you have any idea where you are?”
“Of course I do,” he claimed indignantly. “Right here, with you.”
“And here would be?”
He lifted his head, did a slow survey of the room, then groaned. “Please tell me I did not c
rash in a restaurant.”
“Sorry. No can do. You’ve been out like a light for the past fifteen minutes, and we are definitely in a restaurant.”
He straightened gingerly, then caught sight of the empty beer bottles. “Mine?”
“Every one of them.”
“No wonder my head is pounding.”
“Offhand, I’d say it’s going to get worse before it gets better. Want some coffee?”
She slid the cup in front of him. He reached for it eagerly, took a long swallow, then sighed.
“Care to explain what brought this on?” she asked for the second time.
He started to shake his head, then clutched it as if he feared it might fall off. “No,” he said tightly.
“It’s not like you.”
“How do you know? You haven’t been around for years. Maybe I’ve changed.”
She met his gaze evenly. “Have you?”
He returned the look with a surprising touch of defiance for a man whose head probably ached like the very dickens, but eventually his gaze slid away.
“Have you?” she persisted.
“Time doesn’t stand still, Heather.”
She chuckled at this bit of philosophy. “That is the most pathetic attempt to evade a question I’ve ever heard.”
“What do you expect? I’m not myself.”
She grinned at that. “I rest my case.”
He blinked at her triumphant tone. “Huh?”
“You just admitted that this isn’t exactly a nightly or, I suspect, even a yearly occurrence.”
“I did?”
She shook her head. “If Megan could see you now, she might question why she ever hired you. You’re not exactly quick on your feet, mentally speaking.”
He scowled at her, then took another slug of coffee. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”
“As a matter of fact, I do find it rather encouraging to discover that you’re not perfect. Not that I’d be thrilled if you decided to make a habit of this.”
“Would you take Angel and go away if I did?” he inquired with a faint trace of hopefulness.
“Todd, I am not going to be responsible for driving you to drink, even temporarily. Besides, you can’t get rid of me and Angel that easily. It’s going to take some heavy-duty negotiating and a lot of compromises.” She leaned forward and propped her chin on her hand. “Want to start now? Something tells me you’ll agree to just about anything tonight just to get me to shut up.”
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