She asked to read his essay, and embarrassed, he dug it out of his bag for her. By the time they reached the interstate, she’d read it twice.
“Ryan,” she breathed, closing her eyes.
His hand gripped her leg, squeezing above her knee.
She wanted to be this good. The things he’d done. And in only two years! It took people a lifetime to do what he’d completed. In reading his defense, she finally appreciated the depth of his guilt. Studying his face, she examined him for signs of exhaustion. He must have worked tirelessly to accomplish all this.
“It’s incredible. You’re incredible.” Tucking her legs beneath her, she kneeled and faced him. “You blow me away.”
A dash of pink appeared on his cheeks, and he shook his head. “It wasn’t anything.”
“Ryan, it is, and you know it. I had no idea.” She considered the other guys. Something about the way he wrote, the things he’d done, his motivation—it was familiar. Flashes of memories came to her. Matisse’s sudden quiet. Cai’s work, his nightmares. Apollo’s protectiveness, his jealousy. Seok’s dedication and his distance. There was a thread connecting all of these things. All of these people.
What had happened to them? How did they find each other, and what was it that bound them together?
“How did you meet the other guys?”
Ryan glanced her way, then back to the road. “I met Seok and Cai at Brownington. I had to do community service with Seok. Cai was his roommate. It was the three of us for a while. Cai knew Matisse; Matisse knew Apollo…”
There was more to it; she could tell. “Why did you have to do community service?”
Again, he was silent, his eyes distant. “I struggled for years after Beau went to prison. I was selfish, in pain, and did a lot of stupid things to dull it. Seok saved me. I embarrassed him horribly at a dinner meant to honor him.”
“There's still so much I don't know.” She swallowed. “Will you tell me?”
He paused so long she was sure he’d say no, but then he spoke. Starting from Beau's trial to meeting her, he told her the entire story.
“Seok saved me,” he finished. “I don't know if he meant to or if it was some way to get back at the asshole who crashed his party, but at the end of it, we were best friends and he knew me better than anyone.”
“Except the other three guys.”
“It took time, but they now know my story, too. They helped me when I needed it. Like when I was compelled to visit Beau's family. Matisse drove me there, and he drove me home when I was nearly catatonic with guilt. Cai introduced me to the juvenile parole board, and Seok connected me with important people at Brownington who could make the programs I wanted to start a reality. I couldn't have done anything without them.”
What he described was beyond what friends did for each other. “No one understood you like they did,” she mused.
“Still...” He hesitated before going on. “I didn't believe in myself until you.”
Scoffing, she rolled her eyes. “I didn't do anything. You're the hero.”
“No.” He shook his head. “You’ve said that before, but it's not true. Everything I did started out as a way to make myself feel better, but I never did until meeting you.”
“How?” All she'd done was complicate his life.
“You needed me, Nore,” he said. “And you loved me. In order to let myself love you, I needed to believe I deserved you. I didn't at first.”
“I don't deserve you.”
“You deserve the world for what you’ve given me.”
“I don't know how it's possible. You did all these great things way before you met me.”
“It didn't mean anything then.”
“Was it because I was in trouble? Needed saving?”
Pausing, he considered her question. A few times he opened his mouth to answer before closing it again. Such a Ryan response. Always so careful and thought out.
“Maybe at first. It feels good to be needed, after all.” His green eyes flashed as he smiled at her. “Then it was more. You try so hard, Nora, and even when things don't work out, you keep trying. Dr. Murray's study, the job, Cai. You don't give up. You have hope. You gave it to me.”
It sounded like a different girl. In her mind, she stumbled through her life. Could he really see her this way? “I love you, Ryan.”
“You’re the start of something, Nora. I can’t wait to see what the future holds.” Reaching for her hand, he brought it to his lips. He held it there, squeezing tight while she studied him. “I love you.”
The future. The way he talked about it filled her with excitement. They would be together; his voice held a promise, and she knew there was no reason to fear it anymore.
From the console, his phone chimed, and she glanced down at it. “Everyone’s with Cai. Want to go straight to the hospital?”
The blush on his cheeks deepened while she watched. “Ryan?”
Clearing his throat, he answered, “Yeah. Let’s go there.”
Confused, Nora glanced out the window. Understanding began to dawn, and an answering heat developed along her neck, spreading to her face. A flash of green caught her eye. Rest Area One Mile.
“Can you stop?” she asked.
“You okay?”
“Yes,” she answered. “Do you mind?”
He shook his head, turning on his blinker as the exit came into view. Pointing toward the entrance for trucks, she told him, “Go there.”
“Nora?” He shoved the car in park and ripped off his seat belt. Worried, he reached for the dome light.
“Leave it off,” she whispered. “And hit headlights, please.”
Trembling, she reached for him. He caught her before she could touch him, his arms wrapping around hers and dragging her until she sat sideways on his lap. His mouth descended on hers, tongue pushing its way past her lips and tangling with hers. Beneath her bottom, he hardened, and she wiggled, trying to get closer. His breath caught, lips leaving hers for a moment before diving back in.
One of his hands tangled in her hair, angling her head the way he wanted. His other arm rested behind her neck, cushioning what could have been an uncomfortable position. Masterfully, he controlled her before suddenly his hands left her body and the seat shoved backward. Gripping her hips, he turned her to straddle him and ground into her.
“Oh God!” she cried out.
Teeth grazed her throat, followed by his tongue stroking the hollow of her throat while he unzipped her coat and wrapped his arms beneath it, pulling her even closer. Reaching for his buttons, she struggled to touch him. His arms left hers, hands pushing hers out of the way.
“Condom,” he breathed. “Glove compartment.”
Jerking away, her eyebrows in her hair, she waited for an explanation.
“Ever hopeful,” he whispered. “All my fantasies revolve around you now, Nora. I just want to be prepared.”
Leaning over, she quickly dug through the glove box until she found the condoms. Sheathing himself quickly and making quick work of her pants, he held himself steady as she slowly lowered herself onto him.
Her eyes closed. In this position, he felt huge, and she wondered if she’d be able to keep going. A slight pressure on her center and a gentle caress had her sucking in a breath and arching forward.
“Good?” he asked, thumb circling her again and again.
He couldn’t expect her to speak when his hands moved so magically against her skin.
“Nora,” he said again, not letting her get away with silence. “Is this okay?”
Wildly, she nodded. Her knees shook and she let herself fall forward, feeling him slip inside her, her body accepting him easily. Each glide of skin against skin felt so good she searched for more, only pausing when he was fully seated inside her.
Cool hands gripped her hips, helping her lift upward, and then she allowed gravity to do its work, lowering onto him again. His angle had him pressing inside her
, tilted forward, rubbing deliciously. Her hands went to his shoulders then to the window, searching for something to hold onto.
Forehead pressed to his, they breathed each other’s breath. He was hot and smooth and slick, and he overwhelmed her. His scent, his touch. Everything he did lifted her higher and higher.
She pushed down, her bottom against his thighs, and stayed there. Inside her body he twitched, and in response, her muscles clenched.
“God,” he groaned. His hips flexed, and his mouth was on hers again. Their kiss was uncoordinated, his teeth pinching her lower lip, but it only drove her crazier.
His hand cupped her breast, kneading firmly, and she was done. Her entire body locked down, shivering and trembling and setting him off. Roughly he thrust up, holding her tight to him until, loose-limbed and relaxed, he sank back against the seat.
“Nora,” he whispered, his breath chilling her superheated skin. “Damn.”
She laughed shakily, hands winding around his neck and head dropping to his shoulder.
They stayed that way, bodies connected, breath fogging the glass in the darkened car until they regained control again.
Ryan helped her up, moving her carefully to the passenger seat, and then tugging up his pants. He reached for hers, smoothing them over her hips to button the clasp. Grabbing some tissues from the glovebox, he quickly cleaned himself up and buttoned his jeans.
“I’ll be right back.” He stuffed the tissues into a bag and left, dashing across the lot to the rest area and then back. The light went on automatically when he opened the door, giving Nora a peek at his face. And neck.
“Ryan,” she whispered, horrified. “I gave you a hickey.”
Flipping down the visor and pulling down his collar, he examined his neck. “It’s not a hickey.”
“I can see it!” she argued.
“It’s a bite,” he clarified and winked. “Don’t worry. I’ll zip my jacket in the hospital. This is private.”
Starting the car, he pulled back onto the highway. As they came up to speed, he reached for Nora’s hand, folding it close to his chest to rest against his heart.
Thirty-Six
Ready
THE GUYS HAD celebratory pizza waiting for them at the hospital. Nora took a slice, curling up in an abandoned chair situated close to Cai.
“Are you sure you don’t mind if we eat?” The smell of garlic filled the room, and her stomach grumbled, but she ignored it.
“Not at all,” he answered. He stretched one of her curls and released it. “I’m not that hungry.”
“It’s not making you sick, is it?”
Shaking his head, he pulled her hair a little. “Stop worrying. Just because I’m not hungry doesn’t mean I’m sick.”
Overhearing Cai, Apollo added, “Doctor said he can go home tomorrow as long as he makes it through the night without any fever spikes.”
“Yeah?”
Cai nodded. “I’m ready to get back to normal.”
“He can ambulate all the way to the bathroom, and today he got his own pudding,” Seok told her.
“Ambulate, huh?”
“After so many days in the hospital, we’re practically doctors,” Matisse explained.
“Mmhm.” She bit into the pizza. Even though it was a little cold, it was still delicious. Quickly, she finished the piece in her hand and reached for a second. Eating took all her concentration, and she focused on filling her belly.
Ryan spoke around bites of dinner, filling the guys in on what had happened at CCSL with Beau. They were happy for him, but none of them were surprised. Watching them, taking in how close they were, she again reflected on what might bind them together.
There was a lightness around Ryan that hadn’t been there before. A weight lifted off him, the shadows from his eyes gone.
The same shadows that still seemed to linger around the others. Even Apollo, whose wide smile was filled with joy at his friend’s good fortune, still retained a tightness around his eyes. And Matisse, who tried to disarm people with his attitude, continued to sport dark circles, despite his friends having left earlier in the week.
Third piece of pizza devoured, she yawned. She balanced the paper plate on her thigh and tucked her hands beneath her head. The guys’ voices were soothing, and before she knew it, she’d drifted off to sleep.
A blast of cold air jerked her awake, and she sucked in a breath. “Apollo?”
The arms cradling her tightened. “Go back to sleep, baby. We’re almost home.”
Head swiveling, she saw Ryan’s car behind them and Seok unlocking the door in front of them.
“Wow. I was out.”
“And snoring.”
Giggling, she buried her face in Apollo’s jacket. “Sorry.”
His low voice rumbled through her. “Don’t worry about it. It was cute.”
Once inside, he let her down. Holding tightly to the side table, she took off her boots. Seok walked through the house, flipping on lights as he passed through rooms. “Anyone want coffee?” he called over his shoulder.
“I’m going to bed,” she answered.
“Come on,” Matisse argued. “It’s still early.”
“I can’t,” she apologized. “I have two interviews tomorrow, one at the comic shop and the other I made a while ago.”
Huffing dramatically, he enfolded her, kissing her head. “I guess it’s okay then.”
“Goodnight.” She stepped onto the stairs but was quickly dragged back.
“Goodnight, cher,” Matisse whispered, pushing her toward Apollo.
“Sleep well, baby. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Ryan waited until Apollo had kissed her before reaching for her. “Thank you for today.”
“I’m so proud of you,” she told him, kissing his neck and fixing the collar of his button-down shirt, a silent reminder of what she’d done to him earlier. His fingers tangled with hers, pressing the cloth to his skin in silent reassurance before he stepped away.
“Goodnight, Seok!”
“Hold on!” Jogging in from the kitchen, he dropped a kiss on her cheek. “Sleep well.”
She nodded, gave the guys a little wave and went upstairs into her room. Too tired to shower or do more than crawl beneath the covers, she set the alarm on her phone and fell asleep.
* * *
“I’m ready.”
Ryan and Apollo turned when she spoke, their eyes traveling from her head to the toes of her boots.
Dimple appearing in one cheek, Apollo wrapped his massive arm around her waist, pulling her closer for a kiss. “I have a good feeling about today,” he whispered into her ear.
“Yeah?”
Ryan nodded. His dark hair was still damp from his shower, and he wore a heavy turtleneck sweater and a worn pair of jeans.
“You look like a J. Crew model,” Matisse said to Ryan from behind her.
Canting her head to the side, she studied him. He sort of did. “You’re all ridiculously good-looking,” she affirmed, kissing Apollo squarely on the dimple. “Are you coming with us?” she asked as Matisse reached across them for one of the mugs drying next to the sink.
“Can’t,” he answered. “This weirdly warm weather is holding, and I want to bring my bike into the shop. I can try to meet you later if you want.”
“Seok?” Swallowing the tea he’d just sipped, he shook his head. “I’m going to pick up Cai. We’ll be home by the time you get back here.”
“Wish me luck?”
“Tell me about Runaways,” he responded.
“A group of kids learn their parents are part of an evil organization, vow to defeat them, and do good to make up for the terrible things they did.”
“Good. Anything interesting about the group?” Seok went on.
“Besides Joss Whedon’s work?” In Seok’s comic book crash course, she’d learned he had a bit of an obsession with Whedon.
“Come here,” he direct
ed and tugged her close. Kissing her hard on the mouth, he whispered, “You’re going to do great. I love you.”
Her heart stuttered. Pressing her hand against her chest, she straightened and tried not to smile too widely. “I love you, too.”
“Ready?” Ryan held her coat out, waiting for her to put her arms in.
A surge of anxiety bloomed in her stomach, and she swallowed hard. The part of her always expecting the worst whispered in her ear, Why do you even bother?
Shaking her head to dislodge the voice, she accepted the jacket from Ryan and zipped it. “I’m ready.”
The ride downtown was quiet, as if Ryan and Apollo sensed her nervousness and knew she couldn’t carry on a conversation. Instead, Ryan turned on the radio, and they listened to the news. It distracted her until the car stopped.
“Here we are.” He’d parked at the top of Congregation Street. “I don’t want you to be late. We’ll meet you at the coffee shop?”
Nodding, she opened the door, but Apollo stopped her. “You’re going to do great.”
She hoped the smile she gave him was more confident than she felt, but from the tilt of his head, she knew it wasn’t.
“Good luck, Nore. We’ll see you soon,” Ryan called.
The snow from earlier in the week melted, and the people milling about wore light jackets or sweaters. If the sun came out, it may even get warm.
Today was her Hail Mary interview. She’d gone for the jobs she thought she could get and been turned down. Cold. The first interview, at a high end boutique that sold jeans more expensive than her rent, was a reach. Her interview with Frank at the comic shop was second.
A chime sounded as she opened the door to the store.
“Can I help you?” a friendly sales girl asked her.
“I have an interview,” Nora told her.
“Honora?”
“Yes.” She stood straight, fixing her posture. The girl was very tall and lithe, like a ballerina, leaving her to feel slouched and dumpy.
“You’re not on social media,” the girl said, walking toward the register and indicating for her to follow. “But I Googled you.”
Finding Valor Page 24