by Amy Brent
“Nothing wrong with giving in to your desires,” Jake said, looking deep into her eyes.
“There can be,” Chanise said. “Having a desire is one thing. Acting on it is something else.”
“Are you afraid?”
“Of you?” Chanise's eyes sparkled with amusement.
“Of yourself,” Jake said. “Of us. Of letting go of whatever this wall is that you're trying to put up between us.”
“Who says I'm putting up a wall?”
“I can see it,” Jake smirked. “Your father keeps talking to me about bringing down the walls I've been using to hide from my emotions. And I think now maybe I can see the signs in you. You're afraid of being hurt.”
“I've been hurt in the past.” She thought back to the loss of her husband. They had been married for less than a year. She had thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with him. She hadn't been prepared for his life to end so quickly.
“You can trust me,” Jake said, leaning closer.
“I don't know if I can.”
“You can.”
He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. Chanise held herself stiff for a moment, not sure if she should give in to this desire. Jake was attractive, and she found herself drawn to him. But she wasn't sure if this is what she really needed in her life, or if she was just being foolish and giving in to a simple crush.
But his lips felt so nice against hers. He started suckling on her lower lip, and she melted against him, slipping her arms around his neck. She held on to him while he kissed her, his hands gliding down her sides and caressing her ample hips. He squeezed her, and a soft moan slipped from her, betraying her desires.
She pulled back, looking up at him, her eyes filled with doubt and uncertainty. “I need to go,” she whispered.
“When will I see you again?”
She tried to find her voice, fighting against her breathlessness. “I'll be in the office Thursday.”
“No,” Jake said, holding her tighter. “I don't want to wait that long. Have dinner with me. Tomorrow night.”
“I can't.”
“Why not?”
“I have my daughter.” Chanise looked away.
“So, bring her along,” Jake said. “We can all have dinner together.”
Chanise looked up at him, her lips pursed in amusement. “Really? You'd want me to bring my daughter along on our date?”
“Hey, if that's what it takes to get you to have dinner with me, I'm all for it,” Jake smirked, a victorious look on his face.
“All right,” Chanise said. “But you'd better be on your best behavior.” She jabbed a finger against his chest. “I don't need my daughter to see us getting up to any hanky-panky.”
Jake laughed. “I promise, I'll be a perfect gentleman.”
Chanise wasn't sure if Jake was even capable of acting like a true gentleman, but she decided to give him a chance to prove himself.
They shared another kiss, and then she headed for her car. Jake followed her and opened the door for her. She drove off, heading back to her father's house to pick up her daughter. Though the entire way there, she could still taste Jake's kiss, and she couldn't fight off the feeling that she should have stayed longer. No matter what she might have told him, she hadn't really wanted the date to end.
* * *
The next day, after she picked Deena up from daycare, Chanise sat her down so they could have a talk about Jake. Chanise sat on the living room couch, and Deena was in her child-sized rocking chair on the other side of the coffee table.
“Deena, baby,” Chanise said, “you remember Jake? From Grandpa's office?”
“Yeah. He was on TV.”
“That's right.” Chanise didn't want to think about the news report of Jake getting into brawls with his teammates. The man she knew didn't seem like a violent person. If she believed he was truly capable of violence, there was no way she would ever bring her daughter near him. But she had seen his gentle side, and she knew that was the real him.
“Jake invited us to dinner at his house,” Chanise said.
“Yay!” Deena clapped her hands. “Can we have spaghetti?”
“Well, I don't know what he's cooking.” Chanise had a hard time imagining Jake in front of a stove, making a family dinner.
“Well, that's okay,” Deena said.
“What do you think of Jake?”
“He's okay.” Deena shrugged.
“Just okay?”
Deena nodded.
Chanise smiled at her daughter. “What would you think if I spent more time with him? If he started coming over a couple of times each week to see us.”
“Is he your boyfriend?” Deena looked up at her with wide, innocent eyes.
Chanise pressed her lips together, trying to think how to answer that question. “Maybe. Would that be okay with you?”
“Bobby told me black girls can't have white boyfriends,” Deena said.
Chanise crossed her arms, a frown forming on her face. “Oh, did he now? Well, next time you see Bobby, you tell him that is an archaic attitude that belongs back in the 1950s.”
“What's ark hay ick?”
Chanise laughed. “It means old. Bobby's attitude is really old. And smart people nowadays don't listen to old ideas like that.”
“Oh. Okay.”
She got Deena dressed in some nice clothes, and they drove over to Jake's place together. Jake had an apartment in Philadelphia, and it was the first time Chanise had taken her daughter into the city. Deena leaned over in her car seat, peering out the windows at the tall buildings they passed. “Wow. Those are really big houses.”
“Most of them aren't houses,” Chanise said. “They're office buildings where people work.”
“They're lots bigger than Grandpa's office.”
Chanise chuckled. “Yes. Yes they are, dear.”
When they got to Jake's building, Deena insisted on being the one to press the button in the elevator. They rode up to Jake's floor and found Jake's apartment at the end of the hall. When he opened the door to greet them, Deena rushed right past him into the apartment, looking around with her jaw hanging open. “Wow! Your house is even bigger than Grandpa's!”
Jake chuckled. “It's pretty big, yeah. You should see the view.”
He led them to the dining room. The dining room was set in the corner of the apartment, and both walls were filled with floor to ceiling windows, looking out over the city. Deena ran over to the windows and pressed her face against the glass. “Wow, we're so high up! Are we gonna fall?”
“No, you won't fall,” Jake said. “The windows don't even open.”
Chanise looked around the apartment. It was quite lavishly decorated, with a black leather sofa and a big screen TV in the living room, and a solid oak table and chair set in the dining room. She glanced into the kitchen and saw one of those new fancy fridges with a computer screen on the front, the kind that connected to your cell phone so you could order food deliveries with the tap of a button. It all felt very Jetsons to Chanise, but she supposed that was what you could afford nowadays on a quarterback's salary.
“You ready to eat?” Jake asked. He held out a chair for Chanise.
“I'm starved.” She sat down, and then Jake helped Deena onto a chair as well. They waited while Jake made several trips back and forth from the kitchen, bringing out a veritable feast. There was steaming hot lasagna, a large Greek salad, a bowl of penne pasta with marinara, and a plate of garlic bread. It looked and smelled delicious, and it was more food than the three of them could possibly hope to eat.
“Wow,” Deena said, looking at all the food. “You cooked all that yourself?”
“Yup,” Jake said with a grin. “Dig in. I hope you enjoy it.”
The meal was delicious and filling. Chanise was even a bit jealous of Jake's cooking skills. She was a decent-enough cook herself, but she had never learned how to cook anything fancy.
Though when they finished eating and she helped clean
up the plates, she found out that the meal wasn't all that it had seemed. While she was putting her plate into the sink, she saw a box from a catering service sticking out of the trash, mostly hidden by the trash can’s lid. She smirked and shook her head, deciding not to say anything about it. If Jake was going that far out of his way to impress her, she found it a bit flattering.
“You don't have to do that, you know,” Jake said. He walked into the kitchen carrying a stack of dishes. “I'm not being a very good host if I let you clean up after yourself.”
“Please,” Chanise said, rolling her eyes. “I have a kid; I'm used to being the one cleaning everything up.”
“I know, but seriously. Let me get that.” He stepped up behind her, setting the dishes in the sink. Then he slipped his arms around her. He leaned in close, pressing his cheek against her dark curly hair. She smiled and leaned back against him, pressing her hands over his and holding him tighter. She closed her eyes for a moment, forgetting where she was and putting all of her worries and doubts out of her mind. Just for that moment, it felt good to just be held by a man. She had missed this sort of simple, intimate contact.
The moment was broken when Deena called out from the other room, “Momma! I need to go potty.”
Chanise sighed and pulled away from Jake. “I'll be right there, sweetheart.”
Jake gave her a sad smile, clearly disappointed that their moment had been interrupted. She reached up and patted his cheek. “Maybe next time, we'll have dinner, just the two of us. No interruptions.”
“I'd like that,” he said, his eyes lighting up.
After Chanise helped Deena in the bathroom and got her cleaned up after dinner, she told Jake, “We should probably get going soon. We have an early morning tomorrow, and I don't want to keep Deena out too late.”
“But it's early,” Jake said. “You should stay. I got some videos to keep the kid occupied.”
Chanise crossed her arms, staring Jake down. “Oh? And what were you planning on doing while she's 'occupied'?”
Jake chuckled and scratched the back of his head. “Well, I kind of figure you and I could get some alone time together.”
Chanise scoffed, rolling her eyes. “With my daughter in the apartment with us?” She lowered her voice and stepped closer so that Deena wouldn't overhear what they were talking about. “Jake, she's just a child. She barely understands what it means for her Momma to be dating. I don't want her asking me what her Momma and Momma's boyfriend were doing in the other room for an hour while she watched videos.”
“An hour, eh?” Jake smirked. “I guess you can tell I've got an athlete's stamina.”
Chanise laughed and shoved Jake back. “Oh, you're terrible!”
Jake laughed as well, taking her hands in his. “But you love it.”
Chanise blushed and looked down at her feet. “Maybe I do.”
“Maybe?”
“Well, I can't just tell you,” she said. “You've already got a big enough head.”
He pulled her close and kissed her deeply. Chanise clung to him, savoring the sensation of his lips against hers, and the way his tongue brushed gently against her lower lip. For just a moment, she forgot that her daughter was in the other room.
But when she did remember, she pulled away. She patted Jake's chest and said, “Next time, tiger. When it's just the two of us.”
Jake grinned in anticipation. “I can't wait.”
Chanise told Deena it was time to go and they headed for the door. Deena waved at Jake and said, “Bye! Thanks for dinner.”
“No problem, kiddo,” he said. “Though I hope you don't mind if I take your mom out again soon just the two of us, for some grown-up time.”
Deena gave him a very serious look, planting her hands on her hips. “You'd better not try any funny business, Mister!”
Jake laughed, looking up at Chanise. “She must get that from you.”
Chanise rubbed her hand through Deena's braids. “Well, excuse me for raising her to stand up for herself.”
Chanise gave Jake another quick kiss before they left. Jake's touch lingered for a moment, clearly wanting more. She sucked on his lip for a moment just before she pulled away, leaving him with the promise of what was to come.
* * *
Chanise ended up being too busy to have dinner with Jake again before his appointment on Thursday. When he came into the office for his counseling session, she immediately felt awkward. Seeing him there in the office reminded her of the potential conflict of interest in dating one of her father's patients. She was sure that her father wouldn't approve, and she didn't want him to find out. At least not yet. Not until she found out if the relationship was going anywhere or not.
Jake walked over to the window and leaned through it, giving her a kiss. She pulled back, giving him a look that was a mixture of happiness and annoyance. “Not while I'm at work,” she said. She grabbed the sign-in clipboard and poked it against his chest.
“What? I can't give my girl a kiss when I see her?”
“I'm not 'your girl' when I'm in the office,” she said. She wasn't even sure if she was “his girl” at all, but she certainly couldn't afford to act like a love-struck fool while she was at work. She used the clipboard to shove him back until he leaned out of the window and took it from her hands. “Sign in, please.”
“I still need to sign in?” He frowned at the clipboard. “Come on. It's not like you don't know who I am.”
“It's for our records. If you don't sign in and the system doesn't get updated right, your paperwork might get screwed up. And then you stay on suspension, remember?”
Jake sighed and took the pen. He signed in and handed back the clipboard. Though instead of going back to sit down in the waiting room, he leaned his elbows on the windowsill, grinning at her.
“I've got work to do,” Chanise said, giving him an annoyed look.
Jake glanced back into the waiting room. “There's no one here but me.”
“That doesn't mean I don't have work.” Chanise gestured to the reports on her computer screen. “I do a lot more here than just checking in patients.”
Jake glanced at the screen, and then shrugged. “Can't that wait? I'll only be out here a few minutes before I have to go speak to your father.”
At the reminder that Jake knew of her relationship to his counselor, Chanise leaned in close and whispered, “Don't mention anything about us to him. I don't want him to know we're seeing each other.”
“Why?” Jake frowned. “What, you think he won't like you dating a white guy?”
Chanise wasn't sure how her father would react to the news of her dating a white man. She doubted he would truly have a problem with it—her father was as progressive as it comes—but there were more important matters she was concerned with. “Because he might have to stop being your counselor if he knows you're dating his daughter. It would be a conflict of interest.”
“Ahh.” Jake frowned and rubbed his chin. “Gotcha. I've only got a few weeks left before my mandatory time is up. Though...”
“What?” Chanise frowned.
“Well.” Jake shrugged, lowering his eyes. “I was thinking about keeping up with it. I mean, after coach doesn't need me to anymore. I think it's good for me.”
“That's excellent,” Chanise said. “I'm really glad that you're getting something out of your counseling. Though you'll probably need to find a new counselor if we keep seeing each other.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Jake's shoulders slumped. “You think maybe your dad will be able to recommend someone good?”
“I'm sure he…”
She cut off when her father came out of his office. Jake stood up straight, stepping away from the window. Dr. Johnson opened the door to the waiting room and waved Jake over. “Jake, it's good to see you again. I'm ready whenever you are.”
Jake flashed Chanise a brief smile before heading down the hall to the counseling room. Chanise sighed and sat back in her chair. She felt like she was dancing a l
ittle too close to something potentially hazardous. Both for her relationship with her father, and for Jake's career and his chances of getting off his suspension.
Chanise lost track of time while Jake was in his counseling session. She was busy going over scheduling and taking care of some other paperwork, so Jake's hour passed by before she even realized it.
When Jake left the counseling room, he stood straight, his body unusually stiff. There was a strain clearly visible on his face, and his eyes were a bit red. Chanise could only assume that he had had another small emotional breakdown during the session.
But after he took a few steps down the hall, it looked like this one had been worse than usual. His shoulders slumped and he leaned against the wall, trembling. Chanise got up from her chair and hurried down the hall, reaching up to touch his cheek.
He looked at her, tears welling in his eyes. He sniffled and wiped the tears away, clearing his throat. “I'm fine,” he said.
“No, you're not. Come here.”
She took his hand and led him back to the break room. It was the only place that would really be private since there was another patient in the waiting room. She sat him down in one of the chairs and grabbed some tissues. Jake dabbed at his eyes, but there was a determined look in his eye. He held himself tense, trying to hold on. Like he was afraid to let his tears flow in front of her.
Chanise sat next to Jake and took one of his hands in both of hers. She squeezed his hand and whispered softly, “Jake, it's okay. I've seen you cry before. You don't need to be ashamed.”
“This is different,” he said.
Chanise smiled sadly. “Why? Just because we're seeing each other now?”
Jake sat up a bit straighter, but the strain behind his eyes only seemed to intensify. “I can't break down in front of you.”
“Why not?”
“Because that's not what men do.”
Chanise sighed. She ran her fingers across the back of Jake's hand. “You think I won't see you as a man if you cry? Even after everything I've told you?”
“I know you don't see it that way,” Jake said. “But you weren't raised the way I was. My dad never cried. I never for once in my life saw him cry. And even on his...” He choked back a sob. “On his death bed, he didn't cry. And didn't want me to. When it looked like I was going to break down, he just said, 'I don't see what everyone is making such a fuss about.'”