by Bonnie Lamer
“Am I supposed to give you a different answer this time? What do you want me to say?”
Her snarkiness brings out mine. “How about, ‘I was in the kitchen making out with your cousin.’ That would suffice.”
“Are you insane? Are you sick or something?” Her incredulous look just eggs my jealousy on. Even if it is irrational at this point.
“Why are you bothering to lie to me? I saw you, Xandra.”
Her green eyes turn into saucers. “Kallen, you’re starting to scare me. I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. Did you have a bad dream or something? And I have never lied to you about anything.”
That is what my mind keeps telling me. It is difficult to believe it at the moment though. My heart is pretty stubborn and painful right now. I start to pace for something to do other than take my frustration out on her. What could possibly be causing this? I run my hand through my hair in consternation. I want to tell her that I believe her but the words will not come.
I am saved from having to say anything more by Grandmother’s appearance. She is not happy. “A simple knock on my door would have had the same effect.” Her voice is cold steel.
I stop my pacing to look at her. “I apologize, I was afraid to leave her alone. Grandmother, I think there is something wrong with her.” I point to Xandra who gives me a sour look but I ignore it.
Grandmother moves closer to the couch. “She has seemed fine. What has you so concerned that you had to wake me in the middle of the night?”
“I came downstairs and found her in the kitchen about to kiss Kegan.” Her eyes snap to mine.
“I did not.” Xandra says self-righteously. “Why do you keep saying that?”
Grandmother closes her eyes and does not say anything for a moment. Finally, she opens them and asks me, not Xandra, “Are you saying that she has nullified the left hand-fasting?”
Xandra shoots up from the couch and pounds a finger into my chest leaving deep indentations from her nails. “I did no such thing! Look, if you want out of this hand-fasting thing then just say so. But don’t accuse me of something I didn’t do.” I step back before she can damage my chest further and glare at her.
Grandmother is moving her eyes back and forth between us. Finally, she says, “Xandra, please sit back down. Kallen, you as well. I am having a difficult time understanding the situation. Kallen, I would like you to summon Kegan.”
Anger bubbles up to the back of my throat. “I do not believe my cousin dares to be in the same room with me at the moment.”
“Summon him.” There is no compromise in Grandmother’s voice.
Fine. I will send him a message. ‘Kegan, Grandmother insists that you get your sorry ass into the main living room so she can cheer me on while I pound you into nothing but dust to be swept up and tossed into the ocean.’
Surprisingly, Kegan appears in the doorway a moment later. “Grandmother,” he says quietly from the terrace. He must have been out on the beach. “I do not know how to explain…”
Grandmother puts a hand up to stop him. “Were you kissing Xandra?”
Embarrassment washes over him as he looks back and forth between us all. “It was not what it seemed.” He is speaking to me, not Grandmother. “I was not kissing her, cousin.” The emphasis on those words does nothing to appease my anger with him. Even if there is something going on with Xandra, he should not have participated at all. Nothing was holding him in place; he was free to leave at any moment.
Xandra shoots up from the couch and rounds on Kegan. “Are you in on this, too?” Now she is back to me. “You want out of our arrangement so much that you got your cousin to lie for you?” she accuses.
I do not have the opportunity to respond before Grandmother says, “Xandra, sit down.” There is no room for argument in her voice. Xandra sits down even though she does not look happy about it. “Now, from what I am understanding, Xandra behaved in a certain manner in regards to Kegan that she does not currently remember.”
“Wha…?” Xandra begins but Grandmother’s withering look prevents her from saying anything further. That is okay. I am pretty sure none of us want to hear what she is thinking at this moment. The look in her eyes says enough.
Only a little less irritated, Grandmother turns to me and asks, “Has she been behaving strangely other than this incident?”
My eyes meet Xandra’s and color rushes to her face. I know that she does not want me to say what I am about to say. But if it will help us get to the bottom of whatever is going on with her, I will risk her embarrassed wrath. I square my shoulders and say, “Yes.”
Grandmother is not stupid. She can read the discomfort on both my and Xandra’s faces. She holds up a hand to prevent me from going on. “Perhaps I do not need to know the specifics.”
Thank god. I will attempt to skirt over the details while still getting the gist across. “She awoke yesterday and was acting…out of character. After returning to slumber, she awoke with no memory of her behavior.” Worry floods through me as I look at Xandra. “Which seems to be the case in this instance, as well. She passed out in the kitchen and I carried her in here. When she came to, she seemed to have no memory of what occurred in the kitchen.”
“Interesting,” Grandmother says, giving Xandra an assessing glance. After a moment, she turns to Kegan. “Please wake Tabitha and ask her to come.” Kegan doesn’t waste a second leaving the room. She brings her attention back to Xandra. “Xandra, what exactly do you recall from this evening?”
I am not the only one worried now. I believe Xandra is beginning to understand there really is something wrong with her. “Um, I remember saving Zac. I remember you guys going to check the house. I remember lying with Zac and falling asleep until Kallen came to let my parents know what was going on, and then he carried me to my room. Then I remember him setting me down on the couch.”
As much as my logical mind is telling me what she says is true, my heart simply cannot come to the same conclusion. This is why I say, “I am having a hard time believing that between the kitchen and here, you completely forgot what happened in there.” It was a matter of one or two minutes.
Xandra glares at me. “I do not remember doing anything in the kitchen. I have a hard time believing you when you say I did.”
“For argument’s sake, we are going to say you did,” Grandmother says curtly. Xandra huffs loudly and crosses her arms.
“Tabitha will be right down,” Kegan says quietly as he reenters the room. He stays close to the door and avoids my eyes. Xandra’s forehead crinkles as she watches his guilty behavior.
“Do you Fairies not understand the concept of sleep?” Tabitha grouses from the doorway.
Without any pleasantries or apologies, Grandmother says, “Tabitha, have you touched Xandra since she returned from the Shadow realm?”
Tabitha’s brows slam together and she purses her lips, wondering I am sure, why she was pulled from her bed to answer such a question. Even I do not understand why Grandmother is asking her this. After a moment, Tabitha says, “I gave her a hug when she returned.”
“Did you feel anything different about her?”
Tabitha cocks her head to the side. “She was so excited about being out of that realm that I do not believe there was anything else to feel at that moment. Why do you ask?”
“Would you mind touching her again?”
Tabitha looks like she wants more information first, but she starts walking towards Xandra anyway. She assumes Grandmother has her reasons. Sitting down next to Xandra, she takes her hands in hers and closes her eyes. In a flash, they’re back open and she’s standing up again. Horror spreads across her face. “What happened to you?” she demands. “Why is your soul fractured?”
My mouth drops open and Xandra’s eyes open wide. “My soul is what?” I am glad she asked that question for my voice is having trouble getting past the lump of guilt stuck in my throat. I knew I should have never let her go to the Shadow realm. I should have found a way to
talk her out of it. How does one live with a fractured soul? Will she always be bouncing back and forth between the Xandra I fell in love with and the vixen who will turn to my cousin if I do not please her at the moment? That is probably not the most significant matter at the moment I know, but it tops my list of questions.
Tabitha takes a few more steps back until she is standing next to Grandmother. “How could her soul have been fractured?”
Tears are filling Xandra’s eyes. Regardless of what is to come, at this moment she is the Xandra I know and I am going to do what I can to comfort her. Hell, I would even if she was the vixen Xandra. I reach over and take her hand in mine and give hers a reassuring squeeze. The devastation that has taken up camp on her pale skin is heartbreaking. I move closer to her and she buries her face in the fabric of my t-shirt. I put my arm around her and hold her close.
I cannot make out the look on Grandmother’s face. “Is there anything that can be done?” I ask.
Grandmother ignores me and turns to Tabitha. How reassuring of her. “I do not think it is her soul that is fractured.”
Confusion is clear on Tabitha’s face. As it is mine. “What do you mean?”
“I am concerned that she picked up unwanted travelers during her journey.”
Tabitha gasps as she puts her hand over her mouth. “No, it could not be.”
“Grandmother, what are you saying?” I tighten my grip on Xandra as if keeping her close to me will make this all go away.
“I believe that while Xandra was in the Shadow realm, pieces of the souls of others attached themselves to hers.”
“It is possible,” Tabitha says as she sits on the couch again, looking none too pleased at the thought.
If one mixed a little horror in with a bunch of anger, guilt and shock, that may come close to how I look at the moment. “Would she not know that this occurred?” I ask.
Grandmother shakes her head. “No, if the pieces are small enough and do not try to affect her waking thoughts, I do not believe so. It seems that when her conscious mind is asleep, these pieces are able to take control of her body.” Turning to Tabitha, she says, “Will you please try again? Deeper this time to see if her soul remains intact.”
If her soul remains intact. Those words send a chill down my spine. Tabitha nods and places her hands on Xandra once again. Xandra wants to shrink back, but she bravely lets Tabitha do what she must.
It seems like forever before she opens her eyes. Her lips break out into a wide smile as she pats Xandra’s leg. “Your soul is fully intact. Isla is correct, you have picked up travelers.”
It takes Xandra a moment to respond. When she does, her face is a couple shades grayer than it was before. I understand. As good as the news of her soul being intact is the eeriness of sharing her body with bits of other souls is frightening I am sure. “Glad to hear that, I guess. Um, how do I get rid of them?”
I do not want to but I have to ask. “You are certain that it was these travelers that were responsible for her actions?” Xandra pushes away from me with a glare but the pinch from Tabitha is much more profound. I feel red creeping into my face as I rub the already bruising spot on my arm. “Ow.”
Tabitha is satisfied that she got the desired reaction from me. “You be nice to her. Of course it was not her misbehaving.” Turning to Xandra, she says, “You will need to give me time to discover how to disentangle these pieces without affecting your soul. I have a lot of research to do and I should get started.”
As she stands up, Xandra asks, “Tabitha, if I haven’t been in control of myself when I’ve slept, and only evil exists in the Shadow realm, do you think that I was the one who poisoned the tea and…and hit Zac?”
Is she serious? “No,” I say vehemently. “You may have behaved in ways you never would have on your own,” I try not to glare but I do not believe I am successful, “but you have not done anything evil. I am sure of it.” That earns me a grateful look.
“I believe you are correct, but until Tabitha is able to find a solution, I also believe we should not take any chances. She will need to be watched at all times – especially when she is sleeping.” I already have that covered.
Xandra looks up at Grandmother. “There are actually other people’s souls in side of me?”
Grandmother nods grimly. “Yes.”
To me, Xandra says, “Did I really do that in the kitchen?”
I would prefer not to have this conversation again. Xandra may not have been herself, but Kegan does not have the ‘extra soul bits’ excuse. I shoot daggers at him with my eyes before saying to Xandra, “Yes.”
Her face falls. “I am so sorry. There aren’t words to express how sorry I am.”
“I know.” That comes out a little gruffer than I meant it to.
“Kallen, honestly, I would not…”
I need to make her understand I am not upset with her anymore. I touch her cheek and then kiss her lightly. “I know. It was difficult to see. I simply need time to erase the scene from my mind; but I am no longer angry with you.”
She wipes at the tears that have inexplicably begun to fall again. “I’d still be mad at you.”
I laugh because she probably would be. “More proof that I am the superior Fairy in this relationship.” I expect a snarky response but she just smiles. That tells me how shaken up she is about the whole thing. I wrap an arm around her again and pull her close.
“I do not believe that there is anything more to be done at the moment. Perhaps you can take the first watch, Kallen. I will relieve you in a few hours so that you may get some sleep, as well.
Right. That is going to happen. “I do not believe I will be able to sleep. If I am tired tomorrow, I will relinquish her to your care so that I may nap.” There is no room for argument in my voice this time.
Grandmother nods. “Fair enough. If you change your mind, let me know.” She narrows her eyes at me. “By knocking on my door this time.”
What can I say; I was panicked at the time. “Of course.”
After Grandmother leaves, I stand up and offer my hand to Xandra. She takes it and stands up. I turn to lead her out of the room when she calls out softly to my cousin. “Kegan.”
Slowly, he turns around. He avoids my eyes completely when he says, “Yes?”
“I am so sorry for whatever I did.” Her voice is so heartbreaking I want to wrap my arms around her again and sweep her away. But I understand her need to clear the air. I should as well.
Kegan nods and turns around but now it is my turn to make amends. “Kegan.”
He is a lot more wary when he turns around this time. “Cousin?”
“I believe that you did not initiate the encounter I walked in on.” I cannot help but smile when I say more to Xandra than him. “I also understand that she is difficult to resist.”
Relief washes over Kegan’s face. “I did try to resist her.”
He tried. That tunnels under my skin making room for my anger to take root again. My voice is pure steel when I say, “If it ever happens again, I expect you to be successful.”
Chapter 17
Once we are in Xandra’s room again, I ask, “Tired?”
She snorts. Always a lovely thing for her to do. “Yeah, like I want to go back to sleep. Lord knows what I’ll do next.”
I am not even torn. Her new alter ego may be eager to consummate our relationship but it would not really be Xandra I would be sleeping with. I prefer to wait until it is. “Nothing, if I can help it.”
She sits down on the edge of the bed. “Kallen, you really do believe that it wasn’t me doing those things, right?”
How can I make her understand? Gently pushing her back on the bed, I kneel over her and look directly in her eyes as I say, “If I did not believe that, I would not be here.” I run my finger along her lip. “I simply wish I had arrived sooner.” And done more to stop it.
She smiles. “Me, too.”
“I do feel sorry for my cousin. To believe that you desired him,” I
shake my head as I think of the expression on Kegan’s face when Xandra was about to pounce on him. “He may never be the same.”
She laughs. “Yeah, right.”
My brows rise. “You truly do not understand the draw you have, do you?”
“Unlike you,” she teases.
With a chuckle, I say, “I see no reason for false modesty.”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
I hope I do not have to stop at just kissing her. We may not be having sex yet, but I am hungry for her touch and her body. I want to make sure she has no reason to find passion elsewhere. I capture her lips in a kiss that I hope will make her forget about everything else. Without taking my lips from hers, I slide her up the bed until I can flatten my body against hers. I groan deeply when she wraps her legs around me. My god, I want her so desperately. My hands have minds of their own as they seek out every curve, every inch of her silky skin. Her hands are just as eager, just as desperate. With only half a thought as to what I am doing, I remove the slip of a nightie she is wearing. She presses her nearly naked body against mine and I am barely able to keep from removing my own clothes. I do remove most of them until I am just wearing boxer shorts. Dangerous, I know. I also do not care at the moment.