by Holly Ice
Jabir took a breath and continued. ‘Today, we can celebrate a victory. On Earth, it’s the first day of spring in 2910. Humans will never witness another spring in our home system, but we survived, and we will start again.’ She took a deep breath. ‘As some of you are aware, we have entered the final stage of deceleration. It gives me immense pride, as a citizen of this ship and your elected captain, to formally announce that the star system our founders spotted as the smallest speck in their long-distance scans will be our nearest system within the year.’
What? A lump rose in my throat. I swallowed hard. It couldn’t be. I knew we must be close, but my generation close? My heart near bruised my ribs with its thumps.
The food hall was silent, shocked. Ludis met his mother’s gaze across the room, no doubt mourning his dad’s absence. An echo of their pain skipped across my heart but was overshadowed by shock, awe, and excitement. Dad was worse than me, his eyes shiny under the lights, a grin spreading from cheek to cheek.
And then there was noise. Feet thumped the deck and a few outgoing idiots whooped and whistled until more joined in a chorus.
Rima promised we’d run on a skeleton crew during third shift so the crew could celebrate. From there, men and woman yelled over the cheers, promising alcohol or music for the parties.
Ludis’s mum was a lone drop of sadness in the crowd, her corkscrew blonde curls hiding her tears as she wrapped her arms around my mum. Our neighbours offered her words of comfort and back pats. Kin kids always came together for our own.
I looked to Ludis. He watched but didn’t intervene. My heart tore for them, to be so close to arrival and yet be missing a huge part of their family, but something else nagged me. Mum… she was too calm. Dad was among the more subdued too. They’d already known. That’s how they’d known to be there for Aina, and for me.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
Dad’s smile wilted. ‘Couldn’t. Rima wouldn’t let us say anything until the announcement.’
‘Still, Dad. Who would I have told?’
I wasn’t angry, not really. I was numb, and jittery. I’d studied Earth and the solar system for years, consumed every documentary and report I could find about how they’d lived, and how defective nanite code had killed them. This star system wouldn’t be the same, but we’d have more than algae and colonists for company. After so many generations had lived and died on this ship, we’d finally see something new.
‘Why wait so long to tell us?’ I asked.
‘To manage expectations,’ Dad said. ‘If they’d told us five years ago, or ten, people might die before we get there. With less than a year to go, we know who’ll make the ground.’
Morbid, but logical. Ristar, Midal and Vetila were beacons of hope at the end of this claustrophobic journey. Any one of them could be our new home planet. I couldn’t imagine dying, knowing the star system and three chances at life on the ground were within reach. That would be beyond cruel.
I shook off the thought and hugged Dad. He hugged me back, tight. ‘We get to see our new home.’
‘That we do, kiddo.’ He kissed my forehead and nudged me back into my seat, eyeing Ludis.
Ludis stared into the middle distance, twisting the blue knees of his coveralls as Aina wiped tears from her cheeks.
I stilled his hands. ‘I’m sorry, I got swept up. Are you okay?’
‘Sure, fine.’
Dad rubbed Ludis’s shoulder, but we didn’t get a chance to say anything as Rima waved her hands for quiet and recaptured Ludis’s attention.
Mumbles passed between tables for a few more minutes. Many were well-trodden arguments over which planet would prove most able to host human life, or if any of them could. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as my jitters frenzied. That was a very real fear. Our data was nowhere near as detailed as we’d have liked, and much of it had been top secret for decades. Only the committee and the captain knew how suitable these planets truly were.
Rima stomped her foot, the clang echoing through the deck. ‘All right, quiet down. There’s work to do yet. I heard you discussing each planet’s chances. Navigation will be running frequent scans to update our data across the board and settle the question of which planet can best support us. Get your bets in now!’ She waited for the nervous laughter to die down before continuing. ‘That means contact planet-side is months off. We may not even have boots on the ground until after we’re in orbit. To speed things up, we need volunteers to work double shifts and help navigation.’
My mind raced to imagine the detail a full spectrum of the latest scans, fully assessed by an enthusiastic team, could bring. Each successive scan would be even better than the one before as we got closer and closer to our future home. My jitters morphed into sparking excitement, until hands shot up. Mostly tank kids, including Yara and Ratan.
The head of navigation spoke their names into her comm as I returned to reality. With so many tank kids on board, they’d never let me do more than write up their conclusions.
Ludis nudged me. ‘What about you?’
He never quit. ‘No, thank you.’ Volunteering for more time with tank kids was the very definition of a terrible idea.
‘You’ll only ask me for details later.’
‘You’re applying?’ As a tank kid, even one from a kin kid family, he’d have a chance to be involved in each discovery, but he didn’t usually put himself forward for group activities. As much as he complained about my choices, he tried to include me.
Ludis stuck his hand in the air, one of the last to volunteer.
Heads swivelled in our direction, as if drawn by the dispelled air. They focused on me over Ludis, frowns engraved. The steel in their eyes told me not to volunteer. I felt empty, as if a cavern opened in my belly. I got the message. They’d spent years showing me my place, and as much as the new star system called to me, I wasn’t volunteering for that reception.
‘Great! That’ll do for the moment,’ Rima said. Thankfully, that ended the standoff. ‘You’ll all know more when I do.’ The captain’s shoulders dropped, leaking tension.
She needn’t have worried. She could have muddled her way through the words and the crew would have been just as happy. They loved her, and even if they didn’t, we’d still be the first generation to hit dirt. I wouldn’t be the only one overjoyed at the prospect of rain, seas, and wind. I also wouldn’t be the only one planning to spend every spare minute before our arrival studying Earth to guess what we might face. Or nav scans. On that, Ludis was right.
‘Please, return to your shifts. Sector heads will organise the skeleton crew.’ Rima walked out in conversation with the head of navigation, and one by one, the committee filtered out behind them, then most of each sector’s crew. Benjie had already retreated to the kitchen to serve those coming onto their shifts now.
Dad was among the last to leave, hovering by my chair. ‘That wasn’t your only chance.’ He squeezed my shoulder and left.
I wished they’d stop pushing me. Things were different for his generation. They had enough kin kids to support each other, both then and now. I was alone, and vulnerable.
‘He’s right,’ Ludis said. ‘You don’t have to see the scans second-hand.’
‘I made my decision.’
‘You can change it.’
I shrugged and willed him to drop it. ‘What do you think about our arrival?’
‘I… it’s great we’re close to finding our new home.’
‘But?’
He rubbed his neck. ‘I worry about Mum.’
‘Is that why you volunteered?’ Time away from Aina would be a relief if she fell into one of her slumps.
He grimaced. ‘In part. I’ll see how she is when I get to work.’
‘Mum and Dad will be happy to distract her if she needs it.’
‘I know.’ He shifted his weight.
‘You need to go?’
‘Soon.’ He tried for a smile. It was weak, but a good start. ‘You must be relieved to get off this
ship?’ he asked.
‘Well, not yet, but yeah, in a way.’ Undiscovered flora and fauna was intoxicating, but I doubted ship culture would improve on the ground. ‘The next few months are going to be busy.’ Hopefully busy enough to distract the tank kids.
Ludis nodded, scraping Yara’s leftover pancakes into the bin and stacking the plates. ‘What did you do to the food this time? The batter is almost runny.’ His voice was stronger, more himself.
‘I nudged the controls back toward standard algae.’
‘Of course you did.’ He sighed. ‘You’re lucky Ashoka ate the blue pancakes before Rima saw them. They went too far.’
‘Not strictly my fault. The colouring ran out. I just… went with it.’
‘You should show off what you can do. The food you make when you try is better than anything the others get from following the standard recipe ratios.’ He placed his empty plate atop the rest as proof.
He was right, but I knew what happened when I pushed myself. The tank kids pushed back, hard. Life was easier if I kept my talents in the family.
‘Get to your shift already. Your mum might need you.’
He grunted. ‘I hope no one kicks up a fuss.’
‘I think today is the last day anyone will complain about sleeping arrangements.’ I nudged him to the door and returned to the kitchen, a smile playing over my lips. Ristar, Midal and Vetila… wow.
* * *
Fed, hydrated, and clad in a breathable black vest and leggings, I opened the doors to the ship’s biggest training room. After today’s news, it was blissfully quiet. The walkers and floor mats were empty, but Siti and Yara were at the back by the music player, pushing huge barbells over their heads and spotting for each other. Had they known the star system was close all along? I hadn’t watched their reactions in the hall, but they had stepped up their training regimen over the past year. Both had gained significant muscle.
Yara finished her set and cocked her head in open challenge.
I turned to leave and came face-to-face with Ludis. He narrowed his eyes, no doubt guessing I meant to bolt, and steered me toward an empty mat.
‘Ignore them.’ He moved so my back was to the girls. ‘We’re here to focus on you.’
‘We can come back later, at our usual time.’
‘No. I’m not getting up in the middle of the night when we’re already here.’ He pushed gloves into my hands and fastened pads over his. ‘Take your anger out on the pads. I don’t want to be responsible for any more blue pancakes.’
As if he could be responsible. Yara had brought the bad food on herself. Still, his pads were barely in place before I swung my foot around, hard. He was right. Physical punishment helped.
He brought one pad to his face and kept the other around waist height. ‘Again.’
I swapped feet and pummelled the other pad, then went to combinations of kicks and punches until I felt the familiar trickle of sweat roll down my neck, collecting in the small of my back, soaking through my thin workout vest. And I kept the combinations coming until Ludis was out of breath, stretching to get the pad to my more lethal kicks and dodging those he couldn’t reach. I put everything I had into each move until his chin dripped with enough sweat to match mine.
It was easy to lose track of time like that, until minutes were sets of kicks and punches, combinations of high to low, a test of my core or arms or legs. Our limit was coming up fast, but I sensed someone watching over my shoulder, one of the girls, and kept going, past my normal limits, until my last kick was a limp to an aching stop, my chest heaving for breath, my calves wobbly.
‘That all you got?’ Yara asked. ‘Ludis, you should partner with someone more challenging.’
‘Thank you, but I’m happy here.’
‘Are you?’ Yara raised her eyebrows. ‘You must see something in her.’ She paused to take a long drink from her water bottle and then pinned me with her gaze. ‘I suppose you’re skipping the party tonight?’
I gritted my teeth. ‘Hadn’t decided, but since you mentioned it… I think I’m in the mood to celebrate.’ I ripped the gloves from my hands and stretched out my fingers. ‘See you there?’
‘Oh, I wouldn’t miss it.’ Yara finished her water and headed out, Siti following behind with a small wave over her shoulder.
‘Yara still has a strong hold over Siti,’ Ludis said.
I grunted.
‘She’s only following them to fit in.’
‘If you say so.’ We both knew her betrayal went far deeper than appearances.
Ludis placed the equipment on the shelf. ‘Are you really going to this thing?’
‘I said I was.’
‘Is that a good idea?’
Usually, no, but I wasn’t going to avoid the biggest celebration in this ship’s history just because I wasn’t welcome. Especially not after Yara suggested I stay home. ‘This means as much to me as it does to them. I’m not staying away.’
Chapter 2
I leaned over my mother’s dresser and painted my lips a deep purple, careful not to overstep my mouth’s edges. The plum colour softened my skin and added mystery to my dark eyes. On any other day, make-up was far too extravagant, but today, in the midst of the celebrations, it was what I needed to blend in. Like applying war paint and camouflage. I smoothed my short black skirt for the fifth time, twisting in front of the mirror to make sure the fit showed off my legs without flashing my ass cheeks.
Mum peered over her lab report. ‘Still fussing?’
‘Yes.’ I tapped my comm to buzz Ludis again. ‘Are you dressing up?’
Mum’s hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and her coveralls were stained from a day in the labs, but she didn’t look the slightest bit self-conscious. ‘This is smart enough.’
‘If you say so.’ Mum and Dad had been welded at the heart since they were kids. She wouldn’t understand.
‘You don’t need to dress up to impress someone, Errai.’
‘That is an impossible task.’ Micah was probably the only tank kid to find me desirable. To the rest, I was a pest.
Mum sighed. ‘They’ll come around if you make an effort. Look at Siti.’
Siti was the only other kin kid in my generation, but still a terrible example. ‘Siti drinks their every word like a religion.’
‘Fine, let’s talk about you. Why didn’t you volunteer today?’
‘Not you too.’
‘Yes, me too. You can’t put your life on hold because you’re scared to try. I can talk to the navigation deputy for you?’
‘No, thank you.’
‘You don’t have to be on the same shift as Yara. There are kin kids in navigation that would be happy to have you.’
‘Stop pushing me.’ Didn’t she count the glares in the food hall at the very idea I might volunteer? As much as I wanted to see those scans, we were outnumbered.
Mum put down her report. ‘Why are you so stubborn? Is it laziness?’
‘No!’
‘Then why not give it a go?’
‘Why?’ I could give her countless reasons why, many with names attached. ‘Why can’t you leave this alone?’
‘Because you’re wasting your talents.’
‘I’d rather that than be more like Siti.’
‘What do you mean?’
Dad knocked on the living room wall, late off his shift and still in his dirty coveralls. ‘All okay in here?’
‘Tell her how Siti befriended the tank kids, Dad.’
Dad looked between us. ‘What have I walked in on?’
‘Errai won’t volunteer in navigation.’ Mum took Dad’s hand. ‘She devours anything she can find on Earth. She’d love seeing planets first-hand. She’d make a great analyst, too. I don’t understand it.’
‘Tell her,’ I said.
Dad shook his head and pressed a kiss into my hair. ‘You look beautiful, Errai. Go out and have fun. Show them you belong down there.’ Mum blinked as he kissed her cheek and left the room. A minute later,
the shower was running. Water drummed onto plastic as Mum and I stared at each other, until she broke.
‘Why can’t you tell me what this is about?’
I looked up at the ceiling and sighed. ‘So many reasons.’ My voice choked and I swallowed hard until my emotions were back under control.
‘Like what?’
I ran a hand through my hair. ‘You think Siti is the perfect role model for a kin kid in my generation, for what I should be.’
‘Nonsense. No one’s perfect.’
‘I…’ She wasn’t going to let this go. I had to tell her. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before meeting her gaze. ‘Siti isn’t a nice person.’
‘Okay, go on.’
‘You know she fell in with the tank kids a few years back?’
‘Yes.’
‘She did it by helping them shut me inside an access hatch on C-17.’
Mum bit her lip. ‘An access hatch… why would they do something so stupid?’
‘Because they hate me!’
‘And Dad knew? Why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t you tell me? This should have been reported immediately. You could have suffocated or been electrocuted. Those spaces don’t have full shielding!’
‘I know. Dad didn’t find me for three hours.’
‘They locked you in?’ Her cheeks went pale, then flushed. ‘I’ll take you to the captain first thing tomorrow. We’ll sort this out.’
‘This is why I didn’t tell you.’
‘What?’
‘I didn’t want to report it. I still don’t. This happened years ago.’
‘Errai, this is exactly the kind of thing we need to make noise about. They have no right to treat you like that, especially Siti. The things you helped her through with those bullies…’
‘Reporting them won’t help.’ I’d tried that. Once.
I pinged Ludis for the third time. ‘I should go. Thank you for the make-up.’
Mum looked to the bedroom as the water shut off. I used that as an excuse to peer around the outer cabin door. The central staircase was empty, as was the circular deck, and I couldn’t hear any noise from the other cabins on our floor, either. Where was Ludis?