by Holly Ice
Siti tickled my ribs and Quinn was at it from the other side. ‘I surrender!’
They each grabbed large handfuls, so large they dotted popcorn along the sofa, and I grinned like an idiot.
Chapter 11
Whether it was the nanites or the result of a night off with friends, I felt more energised than I had in weeks, and more than ready to face whatever physical or mental torture Sabine had cooked up next.
Siti and Quinn were more agitated than buoyant, Siti bouncing on her toes while Quinn tapped a beat on his arm. I gave Siti a careful once-over, but her nerves were focused outward rather than in. She glanced to the door and us and back as we waited for Sabine. I was proud to see her overcoming the sim so quickly.
Half the group seemed to have the same excess energy, twitching to the stairs at every clang or footstep. The other half had bags under their eyes. They leant on walls or sat on the deck, and I had to wonder if they’d react worse on the ground, where the dangers were real.
As the minutes ticked by, I also wondered if Sabine had forgotten about us.
‘What do you think she’s up to?’ Quinn asked.
‘Organising something awful.’
‘Get off the floor, all of you! I’m late, but this is not a free day.’
Sabine continued down the stairs with Rima behind her, and the rest. She’d brought the entire committee. They spread out and the few conversations hushed as the candidates straightened or jumped to their feet. I didn’t think Sabine had heard me complain, but Rima’s pinched face told me worse news was on the way.
‘Good morning, standers, and sitters,’ Sabine said. ‘The committee is here to let you know who passed the first applicant cut. We brought this meeting forward as it was abundantly clear you don’t all have the mental strength to survive alone.’
A cut, already? I thought back to the room full of rocking, wailing applicants. I had no idea what had happened within their sims, but I couldn’t stand the thought of losing Siti or Quinn over it.
Rima stepped forward. ‘I know this is hard. All of you have shown great dedication to this mission, and you all have excellent skills in areas we need, but we have to select people who can survive the worst Ristar may throw at them.’
‘How many of us are being cut?’ Maria asked.
‘Seven. The total will go down to ten, from which the final group will be selected after further study of Ristar’s terrain and your group chemistry.’
I blew out my breath. We’d only had one trial since Sabine had sent her complaints. No one had had time to fix what she disliked, and she hated my escape from her mental sim. Chances were high I’d be going back to the food hall, but I couldn’t imagine donning my grey coveralls and returning to work. I wanted this, and I wanted my friends with me.
Quinn rubbed my arm. ‘It’ll be okay. You beat Sabine at her own game. The committee can’t ignore that.’
‘I don’t want to lose either of you.’
‘You won’t.’ He pulled me into a sideways hug.
I let myself linger in it, squeezing his side. ‘Thanks.’
‘Whatever happens, we’re here,’ Siti said.
‘Don’t make them wait,’ Sabine said. ‘They’ll need to get on the shift roster for tomorrow.’
Tomorrow. At least that gave me time to adjust.
Rima met our eyes. ‘You can all be proud of your conduct. You’ve shown your strengths, and your weaknesses. Being denied this trip doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you’re more use on this ship ahead of landing. With that said, the ten continuing are: Yara, Ratan, Ashoka, Maria, Quinn, Leanne, Lamar, James, Ksenia, and Errai.’
I froze for a second. She’d called my name, as a passing candidate. Quinn, too, but… I hugged Siti, tumbling over my words with the stabbing need to say something. ‘I’m so sorry. You deserve to be here just as much as we do.’ This was so much worse than if I’d been cut.
‘I expected it.’
‘What do you mean? You’ve done great.’
She squeezed me back and stepped out of the hug. ‘The mission needs people who can survive anything. I’m not that person. Yesterday proved it.’
‘You picked yourself up and are back today, as strong as anyone with physical injuries that returned after treatment. You’re not less than any of us.’
‘Maybe, but I can’t break down over bad decisions or lost lives. I’d be a liability, and poor security.’ She pulled away and enveloped Quinn in a hug. ‘You’ll both do great.’
She left without tears, the last of the seven to finish her goodbyes.
I felt strangely numb, and angry. Was that it for today? Were we supposed to endure another intense trial after saying goodbye to almost half of those training with us? I wasn’t sure I could do it. Siti had performed better than Yara in the physical task and marginally worse in the mental one. Why would the committee rule her out, especially when she was trained security? Unless I was missing something, Yara was now the only trained security applicant in the programme, which almost guaranteed her a spot.
Rima looked at each of us. ‘The final team will be decided based on how well you work together and which skill combination best suits Ristar. We’ll know more as our scans and our advance probes gather further data. For now, we’ll leave you to your training.’
The space beside me felt cold without Siti. I’d doubted her, but she’d really come through. Now I only had Quinn.
Sabine’s smile split her cheeks. ‘Don’t expect time to grieve ex-applicants. The mentally strong overcome setbacks fast. So, brush off stray emotions and get to the stairs. You’ll be running up and down this ship like your second day. Aim to beat your time or you’ll be the first on my personal cut list.’
Most ran for the stairs, jockeying to get in front, but I hesitated, glancing at Quinn.
He was frowning. ‘Think she’ll be okay?’ he asked.
I nodded. ‘She’ll do fine.’
Sabine was wrong. Strong people put themselves back together again after catastrophe. They didn’t bottle things up, or brush them off, they dealt with them. In that, Siti was far stronger than me. She’d looked to see what had happened to her team, and I hadn’t had the courage.
Quinn headed for the door. ‘Let’s get this over with. We’ll check on her after.’
‘Deal.’
I raced him to the stairs. I had to beat my previous time, and beat it well enough not to give Sabine new reason to doubt me, but Siti’s loss chafed, like something integral had been stripped away. I told myself she’d want me to throw away my doubts and do well, succeed for her, and picked up speed.
* * *
The run was far easier than the first time around. I sensed where every step would land, I sweated but didn’t gasp for air, and I knew I had more energy to burn, even after I stormed into the simulation room in third place. Sabine choked. I had to remind her to hit the timer. By her own standards, I had smashed my previous time and couldn’t be on her cut list, at least not for the run. I’d looked around the room with glee, but Yara and Quinn had already left, and Sabine shooed me off as the next candidate ran in, like my time was nothing.
As much as I wanted to celebrate my small success, I also wanted to check Siti hadn’t relapsed to blubber into a blanket. So, after a quick change of clothes, I headed to C-14. Quinn should already be ahead of me.
I was almost at her door when I caught the back of a scruffy head in my periphery. Could that be Ludis? He moved on quick feet with his head down. The coveralls were the right colour and it looked like his shaggy brown hair, but none of his work would bring him this deep into the ship. I almost called out, but something stopped me. He could be meeting someone, maybe one of the dropouts? And space me, but I didn’t entirely trust Ludis’s sudden improvement, so I followed him downstairs.
He didn’t pause until the second algae farm level, where he turned and walked down the fourth aisle to meet a figure leant against a wall and in the shadow between two lights. No one else was ar
ound. The stink of algae kept bystanders away. I was used to the dry stuff, but the wet growth plagued my gag reflex.
Whoever he was meeting was female, but I couldn’t make out her features from the far end of the aisle. I crouched behind a low wall to listen.
‘She’s still there?’ the woman asked, with a hint of surprise.
Ludis grunted. ‘She wouldn’t quit.’
‘A shame, but we can’t delay much longer. We’ll lose all momentum.’
Delay what? It had to be dangerous if he wanted someone out the way… was this about me and the team? He’d seemed almost normal with the counsellor. Had it been an act?
‘Agreed. Is everyone ready?’
‘We’ve picked someone.’
He nodded. ‘We’ll meet again in the usual place.’
My stomach fell to my knees. Whatever this was, it was recurring, and likely dangerous. No one met and talked about ‘picking’ people in the grower levels. No one decent, at least, which meant he was lying to my face, convincingly. He hadn’t gotten over his nanite hate. He’d gotten into something far worse than a protest group.
And I had to get out of here. Planning the next meeting meant this one was over. I crept over an aisle, and the next, but still heard their next words.
‘Does Errai suspect you?’
‘She has no idea.’
I placed my hand on a dried algae pack for support. The dismissal hit so deep I could swear I felt a searing cut. That asshole thought he could spin his plans around me. Why didn’t he just reach out? My legs wobbled, but I backed out of the deck before they found me eavesdropping, reaching C-14 without crossing anyone’s path. Siti would know what to do.
I hit her buzzer four times before she answered.
‘What’s the rush?’ She wore a baggy nightshirt and fluffy socks, her usual ritual for an evening in, but I couldn’t even think about relaxing. If this meant what I thought it did, we needed to act.
‘I need to talk to you.’
‘Sure.’ Siti stepped back.
I headed for the living room and paced in front of the sofa.
Siti warily followed. ‘This isn’t about me being cut, is it?’
I hesitated. ‘I did come to check on you, but I saw something I wasn’t meant to.’
‘What?’
‘Ludis met someone in the grower levels.’
‘Okay, meeting there is strange, especially with the smell, but what’s the issue?’
‘It sounded as if they were planning something.’
‘You think it means trouble?’
‘Why else would they meet below living quarters?’
‘I don’t know, but you should ask him before you do anything stupid.’
I shook my head. ‘He lied to my face, said a counsellor had helped him find a positive way to deal with his grief. Instead he’s attending clandestine meetings below decks.’
Siti frowned. ‘You think this is about the nanites?’
‘They said they picked someone, and it sounded as if this was something big, organised. I think we should alert Sabine, maybe even security.’
Siti touched my arm. ‘That’s a big step. He’s your friend. You might not make up after reporting something like this. Are you sure?’
‘No.’ That was the problem. I knew I should say something but I also knew Ludis. This wasn’t him, and I had no idea how his mind was working right now. What if this was some elite, twisted support group? A stretch, for sure, but better than the alternative.
‘Then you should wait,’ Siti said. ‘Maybe you’re jumping to conclusions.’
‘Maybe.’ I tried to sound positive, but the fire in my gut disagreed with her judgement, and my wavering. Perhaps she was right. I should wait until I didn’t have any doubts. Reporting him couldn’t be undone.
I dropped my tense shoulders and tried to relax but wound up tapping my comm. The repetitive noise was soothing. ‘Quinn should be here soon. We wanted to check on you.’
‘I feel like I could sleep through three shifts.’
‘And?’ I stopped tapping. Focusing on her helped me put Ludis to one side.
Siti sighed and slumped into her sofa. ‘I’m kind of relieved. I joined because Yara wanted me to, and to be closer to you. I didn’t really enjoy the process, and you were always more into planets than me. Maybe being cut is for the best.’ She sat up straighter, her eyes lit with an idea. ‘Have you asked what Quinn thinks?’
‘What? He’s upset you’re cut.’
She waved her hand. ‘Not about that, about Ludis.’
‘Ludis? Why would he have an opinion?’
‘Quinn saw him around Ashoka and after training. Maybe he saw something. And he’s a tank kid. He’ll overhear more than either of us.’
My gut squirmed in agreement. Calling Quinn would give me something productive to do, and it was something I could do without ruining my friendship.
Siti nodded at my look. ‘Ask him.’
I scrolled through my comm contacts and unblocked Quinn’s name. A month ago, that would have seemed an impossibility. I hit ring. The player lit up and projected Quinn’s waiting image. It was a picture of all three of us from film night, me and Siti asleep and him making faces next to us. My cheeks heated. My hair was a mess and I’d nuzzled his arm in my sleep like a child.
‘Maybe he’s busy? He’s already late.’
‘Oh, he’ll pick up for you.’
‘What’s that supposed to—hi, Quinn.’
He’d appeared sometime during our chat. My cheeks simmered with heat and I swallowed hard. His chest was bare and toned. And he was wet from the shower. Water drops ran down his chest, licking muscle until they rested in the towel wrapped around his waist. He looked even better than he used to, and the shower explained why he was late.
‘Errai. I’ll be there soon.’ He frowned and tightened his towel. ‘Is something wrong?’
Siti ducked into the screen. ‘Sorry, Quinn, this isn’t a private call. Errai had a question for you, but I suspect she won’t find her tongue for a few more seconds.’
‘I can talk just fine, thank you!’
‘I stand corrected.’
I elbowed her. ‘Quinn, I’m concerned Ludis got into something bad. I found him meeting with a woman below the cabin decks, talking about other meetings and picking someone. Have you heard anything?’
He wiped water from his chin. ‘No, nothing. Did you want me to ask around?’
My heart swooped. ‘No, maybe… not yet?’
He smiled, his dimples showing. ‘I understand. He’s close to you. We’ll talk when I get there, come up with something, okay?’
‘Thanks, Quinn.’
He winked. ‘Be there soon.’ The screen blinked out and I felt oddly lighter.
* * *
Siti spent weeks tracking Ludis while Quinn and I were in training. Sabine had upped the physical routines now we were down to the final ten and extended the time we spent under her command which left little room for skulking through the bowels of the ship. And little energy between all the runs, weights, sims, and Ristar scan assessments. In between, I tried to engage Ludis in conversation, and failed. Ashoka was no use. He’d taken the breakup badly and hid in his room between training sessions, looking no better than when I’d seen him cuddling hot chocolate in his kitchen. And Quinn… he’d been distant. Still partnered with me in training, of course, but he was focused on the other tank kids, listening for hints as to what Ludis was up to. Befriending me went against that aim, so essentially, I was friendless again.
I smirked, since it was only to the outside world. Quinn and Siti and I commed each other all the time, and I felt more supported than I had in years. My life was finally going in a better direction.
My phone lit up, showing my waiting image of the three of us during another film night. It was Siti, so I flicked the lights off before answering. Best to be cautious.
‘Hi, Errai.’ Siti was on her deck rather than a distant Courage corridor. The flo
or appeared to be abandoned, and her voice level was normal.
‘Alone?’ I asked.
She nodded. ‘Taking a break. He’s driving me crazy. Every time I get close enough to follow I have to peel off before he doubles back and spots me.’
He’d been cagey and paranoid, but that worked when you were being followed. ‘You think tonight will be different?’
‘I hope so. This meet is below the cabin decks, so far less public. He may feel more secure.’ She gave me a limp smile. ‘Wish me luck?’
‘Good luck.’
I switched off the call and went back to reading. Ristar scans and comparable data from Earth and its minor system colonies awaited me. Sabine would never accept ‘My friend has gone crazy’ as an excuse for not doing my research.
Chapter 12
A buzz tickled my wrist, vibrating through the skin to the bone. I couldn’t turn the alert off, even when I shook my wrist or hit dismiss. I tried to shut it off four times before my eyes flicked open and I sat up, only then realising why turning it off in the dream had done no good. My throat went dry. Was it Siti?
I brought up the urgent message: All applicants must report to the simulation room two hours before first shift.
I cursed and threw the covers back. Typical Sabine. She’d have my head if I used the elevator without reason, so I had ten minutes to dress and climb two decks at breakneck speed. I looked at the message again. She’d sent it twenty minutes ago. What was this, a test for people who never slept? Or did she have insomnia and want us to suffer with her? I grabbed my training clothes and blearily raced for simulation, praying I didn’t miss a step and flatten my face.
Quinn was already there, as were Yara and Ratan and Ashoka. The rest would take longer, most living on lower decks. Maria and James came up behind me, even before I reached Quinn. Siti would have taken the longest, were she still here.
‘You okay, Errai?’ Quinn was looking askance at me, as if he’d been calling my name.
‘Tired. Takes a minute to get my head in gear.’
‘Me too. I dreamt I was on Ristar.’
‘Been looking at the scans?’