by Mia Ford
“Are you okay?” Ginger asked me, reaching across the table to touch my arm. I nodded, still unable to speak. “Elena, there’s still something between you two. I felt it.”
“It can’t happen. He doesn’t want a family, Ginger.” I looked around carefully as I spoke in a low voice. There was a part of me that wanted to grab her beer and down it to numb myself, but I took a slow breath instead. “I don’t want him.”
“Bullshit. It was all over your face, Elena. Give him a chance and tell him. Let Liam decide what he wants.” Ginger said as I shook my head. A waitress came over with our food, and I rubbed my stomach as it growled. Pizza would fix everything right now. As I piled my plate with food, I looked towards the door to see Liam walking to the exit with his group, looking at me as the blonde reached for his arm. God, how that hurt and I forced my eyes back to the half-eaten slice of pizza as the butterflies in my stomach took flight.
This was best for all of us.
It was in bed at home that I reached for my new phone. It had been charging for several hours, and I powered it on. There were a few missed calls and texts, but I zeroed in on the ones from Liam. The voice mails were those of a man breaking apart, and I cried as I listened to them. The texts ranged from every emotion that he felt; desperate, worried, angry, and loving. He didn’t say it, but I heard it in his words and I curled up on my side to sob quietly into my pillow. He wanted me, not a family within a matter of months. There would already be so much to explain to people, and a baby would make that so much worse. He was a well-liked teacher on the campus, and I couldn’t ruin that for him. He’d worked for that long before meeting me.
Besides, he seemed to have the blonde in his life. She was pretty, closer to his age, and there would be no gossip or scandal involved with them. They could live a comfortable life.
My stomach clenched at the idea of him touching another woman, and I whimpered. I had to stop this for the baby’s sake, and I moved to run to the bathroom attached to the bedroom, emptying my stomach of the contents inside. This happened more than I cared to think about, but it was better than being unable to move due to sore muscles. I could work through it.
I was getting some money from the other driver’s insurance for a car, but it wasn’t too much. There was also a battle between them and the lawyer that I hired after I became completely intimidated by the process. I didn’t want a lot, just enough to cover my large hospital bills and perhaps enough to make up for the money that I lost in recovery. Ginger offered to help me with a car when the time came since she had a generous trust fund, but I wanted to do it on my own.
I leaned back against the wall and took a deep breath.
My parents had sent some money to me after we spoke a few times. They didn’t know about the baby since I was going to hide that for as long as I could. Mom would never understand the circumstances behind this baby and I would just see that look of disappointment in Dad’s eyes that I always tried to avoid. I could make up a short, casual relationship or a one-night stand but the reaction would be the same. I would look like a careless girl that didn’t have any thought about her future.
Mom was married for three years when she had me, and while they weren’t great parents, they did their job. I rinsed out my mouth with water and made my way back to bed, imagining how different this life would be for the baby if I kept it.
If I kept it.
I traced my stomach and thought about the little piece of Liam and me that was growing inside of me, and the idea of losing it forever pulled at my heart. I could keep him in my life this way, even though it would be so hard.
Ginger would help me. She would be the best aunt a kid could ever want. My parents might come around. I thought about the time that I met his sister and knew that she would be a wonderful part of their life, but that would mean telling Liam. He did deserve to know, but I wanted it to be a time when he didn’t feel like he had to be there for me.
I drifted off into a dream where we were together, and Liam knew everything. We were going to be a family, and he was so happy.
Liam
My night was ruined once I saw Elena in the pizza place. Hell, my life was ruined before that so why would seeing her make any difference? I was having a decent time with Marie and her new boyfriend Keith, whom I liked. He’d brought his sister along and the dark look I shot Marie made her flush as Olivia moved closer to me in the booth.
On paper, she was great. She was closer to my age, gorgeous, and someone that everyone would welcome me with. Olivia seemed nice enough through the meal, and her body moved closer to me throughout the night. I was laughing at something she said and well into my second beer when I looked towards the counter. Ginger and Elena were walking towards a booth, and I stared silently as she glanced my way before looking away.
The bruises were gone, and she looked beautiful, but I saw the stress on her face. I saw sadness, and my feet ached to move to comfort her. I’d called and sent her countless texts over the last few weeks with no response. I knew that her phone was broken, but she had to replace it, right? There would be people trying to talk to her apart from me.
I managed to stay at the table for ten torturous minutes before I excused myself to run to the bathroom. Marie watched me, knowing that something was up and Olivia looked at me like she was going to miss me. Miss me? We just met, and I knew what she wanted from the way her hand was all over my thigh.
I walked towards the front of the restaurant and found their small booth as Ginger stared at me with wide eyes. I wasted no time in scooting into the booth beside a shocked Elena. Her face was pained as she looked at me and I wanted to know what the fuck made her look this way. She was okay and recovered from the accident so what else was wrong? Did she need anything?
My voice came out hushed and angry instead of the compassion that was filling my heart. Elena looked around the restaurant, and I saw the paranoia in her face, cursing silently. I didn’t give a fuck who saw us here, and I reached for her hand under the table as she said something about feeling better and not being in school anymore. The heat between us burned as it climbed over my skin and my cock hardened. Fuck if I didn’t want her but I pushed that away and told her how much I missed her. I sounded so angry.
She flushed as I held onto her and I could see that my touch was affecting her. God, I was throbbing now, and I wanted to wrap my arms around her and just hold her. I wanted to rip her away from this table and bring her home to my bed, where we could talk all of this out.
“I’m fine.” That was all that Elena said even though I could tell she was feeling so much more. When she pulled her hand away, I felt lost inside. I reminded her of our conversation at my house that last night as she froze and closed her eyes.
Fuck this. Elena wasn’t hearing me, and I didn’t want to be this close to her if I couldn’t have Elena in my arms. I slid out of the booth and walked towards the bathroom where I could release the demons and focus on my night. Fuck, I was so charged up with now, and I closed the door to a stall hard, locking it before I walked towards the toilet. I dropped my pants and took myself into my hand, stroking hard as I replayed the feel of her hand in mine.
Nobody felt as good as Elena, not ever. I didn’t know what was wrong with her, but I wanted to break through the walls she had built around her. I aimed for the toilet as best I could when I came, taking a deep breath. I cleaned up the mess and looked around the stall before I left to wash my hands. I was going to return to my table and get back to the people in my life that wanted me there. My sister would never treat me like this, and I was going to get to know the new man in her life. She didn’t make that choice too often, and he might be around to stay.
Hell, maybe I’d give Olivia what she wanted. She clearly wanted to fuck me and why not? Elena didn’t want me.
I slid back into the booth when I got to the table, and my sister gave me a long, curious look. I knew that she’d be asking what the hell that was about later but for now, I just smiled. I had another
beer, and let Olivia slide her hand all the way up my thigh, so she was touching my cock. It wasn’t hard for her, but she never needed to know that. We stayed for another half hour or so until the four of us left. I glanced at Elena’s table, seeing Ginger’s stern face and Elena’s pain as Olivia reached for my arm. I let her take it and led her out of the door.
If it hurt so much, why did Elena let me leave with her? I wanted to tell her that I hadn’t touched a woman since her, too worried about Elena to try and move on. Elena could have me in a heartbeat, but if she was going to push me away, I wasn’t going to wait for her. I let Olivia drive me home since she drank a lot less than I did and my sister had her own plans. She parked where I directed her, and I knew that she was here to stay since she’d driven with Keith and Marie. I looked at her, making myself focus on her pale blonde hair and soft blue eyes. She was a beautiful woman, and any man would be lucky to have her. “Come on in,” I told her as I walked towards the front door of the condo, unlocking the door. I had cleaned up every trace of Elena here, and it was my place again.
“I love your apartment,” Olivia told me as I set my keys on the counter.
“It’s a condo but thanks. It’s all mine.” I turned to look at her as I let my eyes slide down her body, willing myself to want her. She had a slim body, skinnier than Elena, but there were enough curves to have a good time with. She was looking at me the way some of the girls in class did, full of longing and desire. Girls like this were too easy, and I stepped forward slowly to start this.
Her eyes closed as I leaned in to kiss her, longing for it to be Elena. Her lips were soft and responsive, and I kissed her harder. Olivia wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her body against mine as her tongue slid into my mouth.
I hadn’t had sex for a month, and my body was ready. My heart wasn’t, but I pushed all those thoughts away as I gripped her hips and slid my hands around to cup her ass. We made our way to the couch, and I excused myself to get a condom from the bedroom since I wasn’t ready to erase my memories there. There were too many good ones that didn’t involve casual sex for me. I looked down at the unbuttoned shirt and shook my head as I hurried back to the couch.
I watched Olivia sleep as I stood up and went to toss away the condom. The sex was decent, but it was just a release for me. She was the one that was clawing me, screaming my name, and coming so hard that I saw her eyes roll back into her head. I missed Elena even more as I dropped into the recliner once I was done, turning on the television. I would usually carry her back to my bed for a chance at round two tomorrow if I remembered how to treat a woman. Then I remembered that before Elena, I just left or sent them home. I looked at Olivia, knowing that she would be doing that in the morning with no more sex. I wasn’t feeling it anymore.
Marie called the next morning when I was alone. She asked what happened with Olivia and I told her, wincing when she cursed me out for sleeping with her boyfriend’s sister without any intention of seeing her again. “He brought her along as a set-up, Marie. Sometimes those don’t last more than a night. I was careful and treated her like a person, so Olivia will be just fine. She’ll have another guy within the week.”
“Jesus. I like Keith, and I hope that he’s not pissed. What else happened last night? Why were you away from the table so long?” Marie demanded as I sighed.
“Elena was there with her best friend. I had to talk to her.”
“I guess that didn’t go well. Did you rebound fuck Olivia? God, Liam. What if this gets serious and she’s in my wedding right alongside you? Do you know how awkward that will be?” Marie asked me as I laughed.
“You’ve known him for a month. Slow down.” I told her as I sipped my coffee. “She wasn’t receptive to me. I got that she was feeling better and that was about it.”
“Did she look better?” Marie asked as I sighed.
“Elena looked beautiful but there was something about her…stress or sadness or something. I can’t wrap my mind around it.” I replied as I sat down.
“She was in a bad accident. Those last a lot longer than recovery when you’re fighting with insurance companies and trying to deal with medical bills and replacing your car.” Marie was matter-of-fact when she spoke, reminding me of the time that she handled Mom’s accident a few years back. “I hope that she’s not alone.”
“Ginger wouldn’t do that to her,” I told her, certain that Elena was living there now. Ginger told me at the studio that she was going to try and talk Elena into the idea and I agreed with her. She needed someone, and she’d pushed me away.
“Come at four for dinner. Keith is working, so it’s just us. Thank fuck. I don’t want to discuss last night for a long time,” Marie told me as I chuckled, agreeing to be there. Marie was the constant in my life, and I wouldn’t know what to do without her.
Elena
I made it through the next month with some more clients, keeping myself busy so I wouldn’t think about things. They gave me money for my car, enough for a down payment when I was ready to get something else. For now, I was at the apartment a lot, and Ginger took me everywhere. I borrowed her car a couple of times to go to the store when she was lazy, and it brought back the night of the accident. I knew that I had to make myself drive and trust in things again. That was an accident and nothing more. I was fine, and more importantly, the baby was growing like crazy inside of me. I knew from the appointments that everything was on course and Ginger squealed when she found out that we’d know what it was in about a month.
I knew that I would start showing soon. I had enough curves that the bump wasn’t noticeable yet, but I worried about when it was. Ginger knew about it, obviously and I’d confessed to my parents once I told Ginger that I wanted to keep the baby.
It was everything that I thought it would be. They were disappointed and figured I was making a mistake. How was I supposed to raise a baby on my own and try to finish school? It was impossible to them, but I knew that I could make it work. I was working steadily for clients, and Ginger charged me nothing than some money for the bills in rent, so I was putting money away. There was a third room here that would be great for a baby at first, at least until I moved into something of my own. I needed Ginger right now, and she told me that I wasn’t going anywhere.
I thought about Liam a lot once I decided to keep the baby. I wondered how he was doing with the blonde girl and if he was in love. I knew that I was when I walked away from him and that killed me sometimes. I just didn’t want him to be with me out of obligation. I wasn’t doing so bad on my own.
I went outside when I heard the honk of a horn, seeing Ginger in her car. We were going to lunch, and I walked down the stairs and slid into the car as I smiled at her. “Hey. How’s your day?”
“Good. Classes and all,” she replied, still keeping talk of school vague around me. It was silly since it was my decision to take a break. I frowned at her as she drove away, seeing something else in her face.
“Ginger, you can talk about school,” I reminded her as she nibbled on her lip.
“It’s not just that. I saw Liam with a woman today eating lunch. They were smiling and happy, and I knew then that you let him go.” I sighed as she spoke, hearing the disappointment in her voice. “He would be here for you.”
She hadn’t let the night at the pizza place go. I told her that he left with a blonde and she asked me what else he was supposed to do. I just froze in front of him, offering him nothing. She still wanted me to tell him about the baby, particularly since I was keeping it.
“We’ve been through this. It’s better this way,” I reminded her, even as the pain of him being with a woman chipped at my heart. ‘Was she blonde?”
“Brunette,” Ginger told me with a curious look on her face. “What blonde are you referring to?”
I realized that I never told her too much about Liam leaving the restaurant with the woman. I explained now, and she shot me a look at the stoplight that sent daggers my way. “Now he’s been with at least tw
o women, I guess. Good for him.”
“Jesus, Elena. He’s just a man, and he won’t wait forever,” she said before going silent. “He’s asked me about you a few times when I’ve passed him on campus.”
“What?” I asked, surprised by this confession. “What did you tell him?”
“Just that you’re better from the accident and living with me. He remembered the dorm, so I explained the whole roommate scenario and why I ended up in an apartment to begin with.” Ginger hated sharing a dorm, especially with a girl that had guys over all the time. The scarf signal just didn’t work for her, and she spoke to her parents, getting right into the apartment. “He misses you, Elena. I see it in his eyes when he talks to me. You’re not teacher-student anymore, so why not speak to him?”
“I don’t think that telling him he’s going to be a dad in five months is anything that he wants to hear,” I reminded her as she gave me a long look. “Besides, he’s moved on according to you. I don’t want to be that girl that messes with his life that way. I had my chance to tell him and didn’t.” It was a talk we’d had many times over, and I wasn’t looking forward to it again, apart from there being a new girl.
That hurt.
“He could be a dad and with someone else. It happens all of the time,” Ginger told me as I rolled my eyes. “I almost said it to him, Elena. I think that he deserves to know and make his own choice.”
I remained quiet as we pulled up to my favorite cafe. I wasn’t sure if I was hungry or nauseous when we left the car and found our seat, ordering a fruit juice to calm my stomach. “Do you regret not telling him?” Ginger asked as I looked at her for a moment. “Just a little?”
“Maybe a little. I can’t tell you how many times I have dreamed of things being different with us,” I mused, smiling for a moment. “Why did this have to happen with the one guy that was off limits?”