by Various
Would she still have comforted him if she’d known the dreams were because he’d acted aggressively on the road and she’d been the target of that aggression? Yes. She forgave him before she’d ever known he’d wronged her, before she’d known she’d been wronged at all. One bad decision didn’t make a person bad.
Her heart full and sore, she read the words on the page.
Camilla, my sweet DG,
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for cutting you off. I’m sorry for how bad you must be hurting. I’m sorry I never told you I love you. I hope you haven’t changed your mind about loving me, but if you have, well, that’s understandable. If that’s the case, just so you know where I’m coming from, I plan on winning back your heart.
I wanted to see you yesterday but chickened out. I’m good at running from the messes I make. It’s something I’m working on. Those aren’t just words. I really am working on owning up to my mistakes. I enrolled in an anger management class at the community center. It starts in 2 weeks and runs for 4, meetings on Tues. and Th. nights. By the time the class is over, we should be finished in civil court, and I’d really like to see you then, that is, if the judge for traffic court—I got my court date, it’s next Wednesday—doesn’t put me in jail for a little while. It’s okay if that happens, by the way. I definitely deserve it, and I’ll manage.
On that note, please know I will cooperate with whatever you want as far as a settlement for your medical expenses. I have no problem with you suing me if that’s what you decide, but I want you to know it’s truly not necessary. I have some savings, and if that’s not enough, I’ll find a way to put together whatever you need moneywise. Just name what you need, and it’s yours, along with my heart.
Please convey my apology to your brother for giving him a hard time. I didn’t realize he was your brother when I ran into him at the ICU yesterday, not that it’s any excuse. It’s just—I’m serious about you, and I don’t want to be on bad terms with your family, though I guess I already am since you’re in that bed because of me.
I think you’ll forgive me, because you’re compassionate and sweet and the gentlest person I’ve ever met, but if being in touch with me upsets your family, or if you just can’t stand to have me around, tell me to take a hike. I’ll understand. I won’t like it, but I’ll understand. But you’re going to have to tell me. I’m not going to run anymore. I’m here. Take me.
Yours in every way,
Derek
Below his signature he’d written his phone number and email address.
She read the letter three times, a new layer of emotion assaulting her with each pass.
Elation at his tender, confident words, confusion at his mention of Cade and a lawsuit, then fury as she understood he must have come to the ICU yesterday like she’d requested and been sent away. By Cade.
She grabbed her phone and dialed.
* * * *
The walkthrough was over. Days of work tension slid off Derek’s shoulders as the last of the architects and engineers drove off the lot. It hadn’t gone perfectly, but the list of questions and problems he had to address before the next project update meeting wasn’t long enough to crash his computer, so he figured the event had been a general success.
He got back to his desk at 2:30 and settled in with his lunch bag and a bottled water. A mountain of work had piled up since he’d been in and out of the office during such a busy time.
Maybe it had been pushing his luck with Jibb’s to come in late this morning so he could take care of some things he’d needed to do, but he was here now, and he hoped that after his court date next Wednesday, he’d be back to his usual 6:30 to 3:30 schedule. Wincing, he shoved away the fear that he might be calling Jerry Jibb while wearing an orange jumpsuit to tell him he’d be out of the office not just for a morning or an afternoon but for a whole year.
He’d be lucky to be let back as a laborer after an absence like that. But his job wasn’t the worst of his worries when he thought about going to jail. He would miss weekends with his Haley-girl. And he’d have to wait a whole year to see Camilla again, if she’d let him see her at all.
After his talk with Deidre last night, he’d thought a lot about Camilla. He’d made a lot of assumptions when he’d left the hospital yesterday, the biggest one being he might be doing her a favor by letting her brother push him out of her life. How could he let some other guy dictate what would or wouldn’t make Camilla happy? He’d decided right then, he wouldn’t rest until he heard from her own mouth—or from her notepad or whatever, if she was still on a breathing tube—that she’d be happier without him. So he’d put his heart in a letter and sent it off with some roses this morning after signing up for that anger management class. The ball was in her court now. He could only wait. And hope.
Sitting down at his desk, he pulled his personal cell phone out of the drawer where he’d shoved it so it wouldn’t distract him during the walkthrough. He had a new message. Probably Deidre, since he’d texted her just before the walkthrough, to check on Haley. He dialed up voicemail. It was from Officer Reynolds.
“Got a call from Ms. Arlington this afternoon. I must be crazy to pass this along to you, but what can I say, I like you, Mr. Summers. Seems Mr. fancy-pants lawyer is in the doghouse. Ms. Arlington claims she never hired her brother in a professional capacity and now that she’s off her breathing tube, she plans to give him heck for it—her words. I’d give him something else, it were up to me. Also, interesting fact. She’s been upgraded to IMCU. That’s on the fourth floor. Another interesting fact. IMCU doesn’t have a family-only visitation policy. Just thought you’d like to know. So long, Mr. Summers. You take care.”
A smile stuck on his face as he deleted the message. Looked like no-nonsense Reynolds was a softy deep down. And Camilla had gotten his flowers.
He couldn’t fault Cade for overstepping his bounds yesterday; Derek would probably be the same way if he had a sister. He could respect a man being protective of the women in his life. But Camilla didn’t need protecting from him, especially now that he’d decided to make some changes in his life. He’d do his best to prove that to Cade, though it would take time. Camilla, on the other hand… Nothing would stop him from making sure she knew she could count on him, especially now that he had a green light to go see her.
Unfortunately, that green light had come from Reynolds, not Camilla. He’d bet anything she’d punched his number into her phone and stared at it for a good long while before chickening out and calling Reynolds instead. She was the same DG he’d known, brave and afraid at the same time, independent and needy, desperate to plunge into the unknown but so certain she didn’t deserve whatever greatness awaited her that she’d never take the leap.
The contradictions were what made her special. She constantly pushed back against who she thought she was supposed to be, as if her spirit refused to settle. Every second of every day Camilla fought against a past that bogged her down, a past he’d witnessed and planned to help her overcome.
He’d meant every word in that letter, including his certainty she would forgive him for cutting her off last Friday. But forgiveness didn’t mean she was ready to see him. Otherwise, she would have pushed through her insecurity and made that call.
She might be afraid to take a leap of faith, but he wasn’t afraid to give her a gentle push.
Ready or not, Camilla, here I come.
* * * *
Cami was such a coward. First she couldn’t bring herself to send the call through to Derek’s number, choosing instead to call Officer Reynolds to get the scoop on Cade’s presumptuous behavior yesterday afternoon. Then Cade had returned from lunch, and the rebuke she’d practiced in her head fizzled out at the sight of him strolling in with a big smile on his face, a smile just for her. A smile her heart had craved for eight years.
After reading Derek’s letter, she’d desperately wanted to see him. But after talking herself out of the only two endeavors she’d taken on today, she rea
lized something. Derek might be the same person she remembered from their nights together, but she was not the DG he knew.
DG didn’t give up when faced with doubts and insecurities. She was brave, bold, and sexy, all the things Cami could never be because she let herself get bound up in chains of guilt.
The real Cami constantly sought approval and retreated at the first sign of opposition. She’d even given up on an eight-year self-imposed freeway ban because she hadn’t wanted to let down a woman she hardly knew.
Derek would hate the real Cami. He’d be disgusted with her meekness and indecisiveness. His confident, dominant personality would steamroll her. Someone like her could never make someone like him happy.
The intimacy they’d shared had been possible because she hadn’t known who she was. Freed from her past, she’d been what Derek needed. He’d been having nightmares because his conscience had required some heavy-duty house cleaning. The last night they’d had together, the night she’d woken from her coma, he’d acknowledged his guilt. That had been her purpose, to help him get to that point. Since he had, he had no need for DG. Maybe that’s why she’d woken up when she had.
Her time with Derek was over. Trying to prolong it would just hurt them both.
Cade had taken over the visitor’s chair and TV, again. She should thank him for coming between her and Derek yesterday. He’d saved them both a lot of awkwardness. Unfortunately, knowing it didn’t stop sadness from dragging her mood into the gutter.
To keep from sinking any lower, she drank in her brother’s appearance. Every time her eyes lit on him, a little thrill went through her. She could hardly believe he’d come. But his behavior yesterday soured her enjoyment. A woman worthy of Derek would call Cade on it, but not her. She would maintain the status quo and be thankful her brother had come at all.
Speaking of maintaining the status quo… She glanced at Derek’s bouquet. It sat on the windowsill next to the helmet the nurses strapped on her every time she got out of bed. Cade hadn’t demanded details about who had sent the flowers or why—one positive thing about the distance between them was that he didn’t stick his nose in her business. But her mother wouldn’t be so accommodating. She’d fawn over the roses and brighten at the possibility that Cami might be seeing someone. Since she wasn’t…
“Cade?”
He turned in his chair. “What’s up, Cams? How you feeling?”
She shrugged her good shoulder. “Okay. Headache. When’s Mom coming, do you think?”
His gaze returned to the TV. “Not sure. When she’s done with work, I guess.”
“Do you think you could do me a favor?”
“Sure.” He inclined his head her way, still watching his sports show.
“Can you get rid of the roses?”
That got his attention. He faced her with raised eyebrows. “Get rid of them?”
She scrunched her nose. “I don’t want to have to explain them to Mom.”
“So don’t.” He gave her a look like that would be the easiest thing in the world. Not to her, it wouldn’t. Not when her mother never missed an opportunity to inquire into her personal life. Her face must have broadcast her thoughts, because he said, “That’s like a two-hundred-dollar bouquet. I’m not going to throw it away. Just tell her it’s from a friend.”
She didn’t want it thrown away either. She would never disrespect Derek’s gift that way.
“She won’t let it rest at that, and you know it. I thought maybe you could take it over to my apartment.”
“Where you won’t get to enjoy it?”
She sighed and rocked her head back on the pillow. Why did this have to be so hard? She didn’t want to snub Derek’s thoughtful gift. It felt like snubbing him.
“Please?” she asked, her voice weak with doubt.
He stared at her a few seconds, then shrugged. “Okay.” He turned off the TV, and she thought he’d leave right then, but he scooted his chair to face the bed. “I’ll leave before Mom gets here. But first, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.” He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. Rubbing his hands together, he continued. “I was thinking I might hang around a few days and see what I can do for you in setting up a civil case. I wouldn’t charge anything, of course, and I think it could all be handled relatively quickly.”
She went stiff at the mention of civil court, remembering Derek’s letter. Was Cade going to confess to his lawyer-zilla moment yesterday? Nervous sweat broke out on her forehead at the possibility of having a confrontation with him, or worse, the possibility of talking about Derek with him. How could she tell her brother she’d spent part of her coma in the bed of the man who’d cut her off? He’d have her committed.
“That’s not necessary,” she said. “I don’t want to sue anybody.”
“Of course you don’t. You’re too nice. But the perp’s insurance is only going to cover medical bills, and maybe not even all of them. You’re going to have other expenses besides, like lost wages and pain and suffering. You might need PT. From what I could find out with a call to the precinct, this Summers—” He spat Derek’s name like a dirty word. “Is charged with reckless driving and felony hit and run. That’s code for road rage. Juries are very generous in road rage cases. You could really take this guy to the cleaners, make him pay for what he did.”
Bile climbed her throat. When had her brother become so vindictive? And if Cade felt that way about Derek, did that mean he’d wanted her to pay for causing the accident that killed their father?
“I said no.”
Cade’s head snapped back and his eyes widened. She’d surprised him with her vehemence. She’d surprised herself even more. She never raised her voice. Never.
“It’s a no brainer, Cams. Come on. You have to sue. Teach this guy a lesson. You want him to do this to someone else? Because that’s what’ll happen. And it’ll be your fault.”
She flinched. Then she regrouped.
No. It wouldn’t happen. She’d witnessed Derek’s transformation. And if seeing him admit to his fault their last night together hadn’t proved it to her, the letter certainly did. He would be a different driver from now on. Her chin quivered at the thought of the potential consequences he faced without the complication of a civil suit. “He’s already going to court,” she said. “He might have to go to jail for up to a year or pay a fine of ten thousand dollars. Isn’t that enough?”
“He’ll get a slap on the wrist. His driving record is clean. I’ve asked.”
Anger shot through her like lava, burning an unfamiliar trail. Cade had violated Derek’s privacy. A concerned family member inquiring about an arrest charge was one thing, but throwing credentials around to dig into a person’s driving record—not public knowledge—that was despicable.
“You had no right.” Her voice shook with conviction, and a part of her couldn’t believe she was standing up to Cade. That part urged her to shut up, but for some inexplicable reason, she kept going. And it felt darn good.
“You’re not my lawyer. You’re my brother. And you’ve been a pretty lousy one of those for the past eight years. Now you want to waltz back into my life and start dictating who I can and can’t see, and sue everyone in sight?”
Her anger rolled downhill, gaining speed. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. You declared me guilty eight years ago, and you’ve been punishing me ever since. Well, guess what, Cade, you’re not a judge. It’s not up to you to dole out justice. You leave Derek alone.”
Cade’s eyes bugged out. He was one of those physically blessed men who had to work to make himself unattractive; this look did it. Indignation and offense.
She pressed herself back into the bed as he stood up to tower over her. Where was the bravery that should have come with that bout of righteous anger?
“Derek? You’re on a first name basis with this guy? This perpetrator? This asshole who almost killed you?” He scoffed, an ugly sound to match his expression. “It’s not an attorney you need. It’s
power of attorney. Your brains got scrambled in that accident. You’re not thinking straight.”
Her eyes were hot. They filled with tears. She’d always looked so far up to Cade that his opinion of her had meant more than anyone else’s, except her father’s. His open disapproval had destroyed her eight years ago, and it threatened to do so again. She was tempted to apologize, to backpedal and smooth everything over, go back to how things had been a few minutes ago. Go back to pretending.
But Cade was threatening Derek.
She swatted at her tears. Her gaze fell on the roses, which caught the sunlight on the windowsill. The sight of them gave her strength, and she wondered how she could have ever considered sending them away.
She took a breath and said, “Get out, Cade.”
He wasn’t listening. He followed her line of sight. “Oh, hell no,” he said. “They’re from him, aren’t they?” His yanked at his tie, loosening it as his neck turned red. “That asshole sent you flowers to try to talk you out of suing him. I’ll murder him in the courtroom. He knows he’s not supposed to have contact with you. That son of a bitch.”
He turned the vase roughly, inspecting the bouquet. “Where’s the note?” he asked. He turned harsh blue eyes on her. “Where is it? What did you do with it?” He scanned the room, his gaze landing on her again. No, not on her. On her pillow.
Oh, no.
He strode to her bedside and thrust a hand behind her pillow, drawing out the precious letter. She reached to stop him, but he was too quick. Her attempt left her wincing with pain all through her left shoulder and her back.
“Give it back, Cade!” Her pain made her voice shrill. She didn’t care. “Give it back right now!”
He shook it open and started reading. “Never told you that I loved you? What the fuck, Cams? This guy’s as big a nut job as you are.”
“That’s private. Give it back!” She felt like a kid again, discovering her brother on the back porch with his friends, all of them giggling over her journal. Despite mortifying embarrassment, she’d marched directly into the horde of older boys and grabbed her journal back. Old habits died hard. Her legs were over the edge of the bed before she could think better of it. She gripped the rail with her good arm and used it to launch herself onto her feet.