by Various
Ryan is still rooted to the spot, his eyes fixed on mine. "You go ahead, Em. I'll stay here and check on those gifts."
"Okay. We came in one car." For the first time since we started this bizarre meeting, she looks uncertain.
"Don't worry about it. I'll get myself back." He pulls his eyes away from mine and glances her way. "I'll see you after lunch."
"Whatever!" Emily says as she leaves. Julie rushes after her, thanking her for coming in personally. Damn, she's good at this. I just want this Emily out of my sight, and Julie has the wit and the grace to thank her for her concern and interest.
I turn back to Ryan. "Should I even ask what that was all about?"
Ryan laughs. His shoulders relax and he finally looks comfortable again. "No. You don't want to go there. It's beyond comprehension."
"Should I expect more lawyers to come in this week demanding updates on problems we’ve already solved?" My voice has an edge to it that even takes me back. My dislike for Emily is stronger than simple annoyance. I suspect, with disgust, that jealousy is involved.
Ryan throws his hands up in the air, "Yeah I know. I totally deserve that. I tried to stop her, but sometimes it's just better to let her run her course. Anyway, don't worry. I think if all goes well we should be good."
I let out a long breath. I am really shaken, much more than I needed to be; the ‘girl’ comment still stings, and I wonder if that is what he thinks about Julie and me.
"Well, then. If there is nothing else?" I linger on the last word, wondering why he stayed behind.
" I thought I would check on those gift orders myself. I mean, not that I don't think you and Julie can handle it. It’s just, well, sometimes the client himself is more persuasive than the coordinator." He seems flustered. Making up for Emily's brisk treatment, no doubt.
"By all means, Mr. Cole. We would love the extra motivation. I have no doubt you are quite a powerful force." I am shocked at myself. I am full on flirting with him.
He looks surprised and his eyes flash a darker shade. Those eyes are simply amazing. Today they look like a swirl of chocolate and chestnut. The effect is hypnotizing, and I feel myself stretch up, reaching my full height as I step toward him. We are eye-to-eye, close enough to touch if one of us dared. Smelling his soap and cologne, I am immediately intoxicated by the scent.
"You have the most amazing eyes I have ever seen." The words fall from my mouth without a thought and, embarrassed by my own brazenness, I flush. "Um. Right. I'll get you those phone numbers and accounts."
I turn to leave before he can say anything; there is no way I am turning around to look at him. I head straight to Julie's office, hoping she'll be in there.
"Julie." She looks up from her desk. "Mr. Cole wants to call the pen company himself and confirm the order. Can you please give him the file?"
She looks at me and grins. "Here, you can take it to him." I shake my head. "Come on, Nora. You have it bad for this guy. Go for it."
I am not surprised by her encouragement, since she was never one to like Darren, but I am shocked by my own desire to follow her advice.
"Are you crazy?" I hiss at her. "Please Julie. Just go give him the file." I turn to leave, listening to her giggle behind me.
"All right all ready. I'll take him the file, but he's going be disappointed it's me and not you," she sing songs as she gets up.
I march to my office and shut the door. Get a grip, Nora! Darren Darren Darren. But I can’t get Ryan’s face out of my head. Sitting at my desk, I force myself to think of Darren. Darren has nothing on Ryan. Darren is an ass. Ryan makes me want to—I hold my breath as the realization hits me. Ryan makes me want to fight, as if he incited a fire deep inside of me, and now the smoldering embers are flaming up. Is this the passion I so desperately want?
After taking several long, deep breaths, I manage to get control of myself and dig into a file. A while later there is a knock on my door.
"Come in," I call out without looking up.
"Hi there." Ryan is standing in my office. I snap my head up and take him in. Grey pants hanging off him just so, crisp white shirt open at the top, his red tie loosened at the knot, black sports coat, slightly tussled hair, and that face. Those lips and jaw line scream to be kissed, and his amazingly alluring eyes seem to have a direct communication to someplace deep within me—straight to that fire. There’s no denying it; this man is stunning. I can't help myself and smile up at him.
"I spoke with Mickey the floor manager. He promised me that the gifts would be shipped out in time." He looks pleased with himself.
"Great. Well done. Mickey, huh? Okay." The longer he stands there, the less my brain functions. At the moment I don't even care. I fully admit to myself that I really enjoy looking at him.
"So. I was thinking. Since I don't have a car and I need to eat lunch, I thought you would need to eat, too." He pauses and runs a hand over his hair nervously. Is he asking me to lunch? My heart leaps into my mouth. "I thought I could buy you lunch if you give me a ride to my office."
He suddenly looks shy, a look that’s becoming on him. A date? Am I allowed to go on a date? Of course I am. Besides, it's just lunch with a colleague.
"Oh! Yes, I do need to eat," I say, slowly. This internal fight is taking its toll on me and I feel myself hesitating. He looks unsure of himself and glances at me expectantly. “Okay. That sounds fair." I slide my chair back to stand.
He lets out a breath and I smile at his nerves. Just then the phone rings.
"Hi Julie, I'm going to lunch then taking Mr. Cole back to his office," I clip into the phone, hoping it sounds professional.
I hear Julie start singing something into the phone and hang up before I can make out what she is saying.
"Please," he says. "Please, call me Ryan."
Although we can see traffic on El Camino Real, this bistro is set back far enough that the noise doesn’t reach us. Eating lunch outside is a rarity for me. Come to think of it, leaving the office for lunch is a rarity.
Ryan seems completely relaxed, a state I’ve never seen him in before. He is almost jovial, and his mood is infectious. It helps that the sun is out, creating one of those beautiful May days. We order sandwiches and salads with Italian sodas. Our number six is perched on our table.
I sip my soda and sit back in the chair. Every small muscle in my back and shoulders seems to let go as the sun warms my face.
"Wow. You look so much better out here in the sun!" Ryan says, as he sits back in his chair.
I cough a little. "Better? Wow Ryan, you are quite the charmer."
Even his little comment isn’t going to ruin my relaxed state. It feels too good to be out of the office and away from everything.
"Uh." He looks alarmed. "I just meant. Um—not better, well yes, better, not that you looked bad before."
I laugh. "Chill buddy, I'm not fishing for a compliment. I’m just enjoying being outside. I miss the sun."
I close my eyes again and lean my head back against the chair. He lets out a quiet breath and neither of us speak for a while. It’s so comfortable to just sit with each other. I have to admit, I was expecting this experience to be nerve racking, especially after last night's dream.
Damn, the dream! My eyes fly open. Why did I think of that right now?
"What's wrong?" Ryan looks concerned.
"Nothing. I just thought of something I was supposed to do."
"I hate that feeling." He settles back down.
Our food arrives and we both sit up to begin eating. Relieved to have a distraction, I push the memories away.
"So, Ryan. Tell me about being a lawyer?"
"Are we going back to banalities?" He looks disappointed.
"No. I really want to know. I told you I was prelaw in college."
"Yeah, you mentioned that. You mean you didn't always want to be a party planner?"
He's teasing me and I immediately want to be offended. Oh please, Nora, you never wanted to be a party planner.
> Laughing instead, I relax. "No. This is my summer job until I figure out which law school to apply to."
Ryan's eyes bulge in surprise and he coughs. "You just graduated?"
"Oh, no. I graduated three years ago." I smirk at him while taking a big bite of my sandwich.
He gapes at me for a beat before he laughs.
"So, tell me about being a lawyer. What kind of law do you practice?" I say, my mouth still full.
"Okay, Young." Ryan takes a huge bite of his sandwich.
We stare at each other chewing our food. The air between us electrifies. Gone is the sun induced relaxed state. My stomach flips and I choke down my bite.
His eyes burn into mine. I can't tell what he’s thinking, but it feels like he’s trying to figure me out.
"You like being outdoors." He finally says, after swallowing.
This takes me completely by surprise. "Yeah, I do. I'm an Arizona girl. What about you, you look pretty relaxed out here. Not so uptight, like in the office."
His eyes flash with something, surprise, anger, I can't tell and it's annoying. I'm usually good at reading people.
"Uptight in the office, huh? Yeah, the office can get to me. I much prefer the outdoors."
"And what about Emily? Talk about wound up! I mean, don't get me wrong, you’re super nervy and all, but she takes the cake. Please, tell me that not all lawyers are that restive."
When I look up from my salad he is staring at me with an amused expression on his face.
"What?" I stop eating. I can't tell if he really is amused or if he’s mad.
He laughs out loud. Okay, amused.
"You're not like them other gals are ya, Miss Young?" he says, in a western accent. I shake my head, laughing. "Okay, fine. Law school was great. I came out of it a little too brash and passionate. Working as a lawyer is, in fact, fractious. But it's what I do now."
"So in summary, law school rocked, the real world sucks. That about sum it up?"
He laughs; a real belly laugh, which is a great sound and highly infectious. I laugh too.
"Yeah, Young. That about sums it up." He pauses to eat some more. "Are you seeing anyone?"
I almost choke on my last bite of sandwich. That was quite a non sequitur.
"Well, yes. But—" But what, I wonder. But Darren showed his true colors the last couple of days, but I am really attracted to you, but, but, but—
"But—" He draws me back to the table. He looks so vulnerable, his eyes searching something in mine.
"But, it seems like it has run its course."
He smiles at this. My entire stomach tightens with sensations I can only guess are disloyalty, guilt, perhaps desire for the man in front of me. I can't make heads or tails out my reaction or my behavior.
"Are you done? I need to get back to the office." Ryan stands. Of course, the office. For a moment, I had completely forgotten why we were here.
We gather our plates and napkins and clear the table. As I throw the food in the trash bin our hands brush together. A delicious tingle runs up my spine with his touch. How can he do that to me? I'm not 16 years old, for Pete’s sake! It's exasperating.
We pull up to a mirrored office building near downtown. Neither one of us have talked much since lunch and that has left me wondering if my answer to his question has repelled him. I should've just said yes and left it at that. It sounds so slutty, the way I answered him. I've been kicking myself all the way here.
"Okay, then. Thanks for lunch. It was nice to get out of the office." I turn to face him with a forced smile.
He pauses in gathering his coat and briefcase and looks at me. "It was my pleasure. You should be outside more often, it suits you."
Just when I think he is about to get out, he stops and looks at me. His hand gently reaches across the car and his soft fingertips slide down my check, his thumb caressing my lips. My heart beat spikes and I immediately flush with heat. An uncoiling of desire seeps into my belly as I feel my breath quicken.
"You let me know when that relationship gets to the end of its course."
Oh! My eyes widen in surprise and I am about to respond, but he is out of the car and shuts the door before I can even form a sentence.
~~~~~~~~
Walking back into the office, I feel an extra spring in my step. I feel almost buoyant. It's ridiculous, I know, but I can't help it. Reviewing the last few days of my life, I feel as if I’m poised on the top of an abyss. Any moment I’m going to jump off into the wild unknown.
Thinking back about my job and how I work with the staff here, I realize that this isn’t a bad gig. If I wanted to, I could turn this into a career. I just don't want to. I know I’m smart enough to be a lawyer, I know I could be good at it. Meeting Emily and Mrs. Foster gives me pause, though.
I think the best thing for me to do is find an internship at a law firm and sit in on some classes. I need to take baby steps toward my real life. This could be the new me. I feel the fire burning in my belly; I am taking control. No more whining. I hate that Darren called it whining.
"You look like the cat that ate the canary," Sophia says as she walks into my office.
"Oh, yeah." A wide grin spreads across my face. "Can you keep a secret?" I can't hold it in, I must tell someone! I am so excited about this decision. It feels so good to have a plan.
"You and Ryan slept together at lunch?" She sits down and makes herself comfortable.
"What!" I gasp, although the thought is not repulsive. "No! Jeez. What is Julie telling everyone? Oh my God, she isn't telling everyone that, is she?"
"Relax! I was just kidding." She smiles at me. "Hit a nerve, did I?"
Now I’m mortified. I took the bait, hook, line, and sinker.
"No. Listen. I want to tell you something. I have made a huge decision."
"Okay. Sounds serious." She leans in towards the desk.
"I have decided to look for an internship at a law firm or someplace where they practice law, haven't figured it all out yet. And I’m going to sit in on some law classes." I cross my arms over my chest, the physical gesture containing my excitement.
"And it's about time, too! Thank God. We've all been waiting."
What? They’ve been waiting for me to do this?
"Huh?" I gape at her.
She laughs. "We’ve been hearing about law school forever, but every time you get your resolve up, you back down. We can't figure it out. Well, Joanne thinks it's Darren, but that's a whole different day. I am so happy for you." She pauses as I digest what she’s just said.
"Really? Joanne thinks Darren is holding me back?"
"Yeah, but that's old news. What's going on with you two, anyway?" Sophia looks earnest.
"Well," my brain starts slowly, still confused by what Sophia has so casually tossed out, "Darren and I are—How do I even explain it? It’s been strange, lately. Last night we had a fight, and he said some things that were really mean and spiteful." I lean back in my chair, still uncomfortable thinking about it. "I really don't know about Darren right now."
"Wow, Nora! This is huge! Holy cow, you guys have been so—so stable for so long. You want to talk about it?" Sophia seems genuinely stunned.
Is that how everyone viewed us, stable? Scheduled, is more like it.
"I don't know. I just wanted to talk to him about life, you know." I pause, searching for the word, thinking about my passionate dance. "But then I mentioned law school, and he flipped out and then I flipped out.”
I have yet to find the words to explain how that dance at the club affected me. No wonder I floundered trying to talk to Darren about it. How does one say, ‘I met this man who boiled my blood and made me rethink everything in my life. And you, Darren, are just not cutting it.’ And even that doesn't fully explain everything.
"Okay, remember Mr. Stud from your party?” I start slowly. Sophia nods her head. “What if life could really be like that? What if I could really be like that?”
“Like parties, dancing, things like that?�
� Sophia asks.
“No. Like passion. That man was so intense in everything he did. I just wonder, does he live like that all the time? Can a person really carry that much passion around all day?” I pause, thinking about it. “I want that ,” I almost whisper. “And now,” starting again at full volume, “I don't know, ever since that night I am just impatient with, with banalities."
I know I'm thinking of Ryan and stealing his words, but as I hear myself talking I know they are true. I'm bored with everything. Ryan is offering me a taste of excitement. And my sexy stranger showed me a glimpse of what that could be like. If only they had been the same person! And Darren? Darren is just Darren.
"Banalities?"
"Boring old topics. Boring old life. Sitting in this job, waiting for a law degree to drop into my lap from the Gods. Waiting for Darren to grow a pair and move in with me. And now," I lean forward again, lowering my voice to a whisper, "I'm not even sure if I want him to move in with me." I blow out a deep breath. Sophia sits back and smiles.
"Well, Nora. It's about time. That man doesn't deserve you at all."
I'm shocked. What is it, shock Nora day?
Just then, my phone buzzes. It's a text from Darren. "Speaking of the devil himself," I say.
"Well, I'll let you get back to your devil; I gotta go deal with mine. I'll see you later, okay? Don't be a stranger. If things get weird, I'm just across the hall." She smiles at me and leaves.
"Okay. Thanks. Good luck," I call after her, still reeling from her words.
I pick up my phone and check the message.
'I'm sorry.'
So, I guess he knows he was a big fat jerk. We fought, then he wakes me up to have sex with me, and then he leaves? He should be sorry.
'For what, exactly?' I text back, wanting details on this one. I'm not letting him off easy.
'I'm a giant jackass. Please, can I make it up to you tonight? I want to see you?'
Wow. He must be sorry; we’re not supposed to see each other until the weekend. A spontaneous dinner!
‘What do you have in mind?'