by Various
"Mmmmm. That smells so good. Where’d you get this?"
"Mario’s. Remember that place? They don't usually do takeout, but I charmed the hostess with my sad story of winning you back with their food."
I scoff; of course he charmed the hostess. Wait, winning me back? Is that what this is?
He pulls out a bottle of wine and opens it, setting it on the table. Two beautiful plates of pasta and salad sit while Ryan adjusts the lights and pours the wine. Oh my.
"Maybe I should change into something more appropriate. I’m feeling underdressed for such a beautiful table." I watch him pull out my chair. Ryan is courting me, charming me.
It's working.
"You look beautiful, this table doesn't hold a candle to how you look, regardless of whatever you're wearing. Sit." He adjusts my chair as I sit down.
"So. How was your week?" he asks, picking up his fork.
"My week? You don't want to hear about my week. Let's talk about your week?" The thought of getting into what happened to me this week is nauseating, and I want to eat this delicious meal.
He laughs, "No way, Young. I hate my week. Please tell me something about you that's fun." He pauses and looks serious, "Please."
I tell him about the not-right-red crisis, and how I thought I was going be fired. It’s nice to laugh and eat and just relax. He tells me about a new intern who broke the copy machine and broke down in tears, too afraid to tell Emily. I can totally see that.
I finally push my plate back and finish my wine. "That was amazing. Thank you," I say, now ready to move to the couch and call it a night.
"Nora. I’m really sorry about not being able to see you this week. I’m trying to change that. I know what it looks like, and it's not. They have me working 20 hours a day there. It's as if they’re punishing me or testing me or I don't even know what." His eyes look lost and genuine.
"Is it because you're not dating Emily? Did the long hours start after we went to your parents?" I blurt out without thinking.
He looks surprised, "Well, we did work long hours, but it certainly feels more like punishment the last couple of weeks. And, I now I have to answer directly to her. Yuck!"
"Nothing hurts like a woman scorned." I raise my eyebrows at him. It's as if a light bulb goes off in his head. Jeez, guys can be so stupid.
"Oh, shit. It's starting to make sense now." He looks shocked at his own revelation.
I laugh hard. Duh! "Ryan, you can't be serious. You're just putting this together now? Not only do your long hours punish you, you can't be with me, or anyone else, when you’re stuck at the office doing whatever it is you’re doing."
"Jesus Christ. Okay. That's it. This is bullshit." He jumps up from the table and paces the room, running his hands through his hair repeatedly.
His muscles bulge under his shirt with each pass of his hair. My thighs start tingling, and thoughts of what his hands can do to me flood my brain.
He stops and stares at me. "What are you thinking right now?" His eyes go dark and stormy.
"Uh, uh. I was uh—" I stutter, busted.
"That look on your face. You get that look sometimes, and I want to know what's going on in your head." He covers the distance between us in about three strides.
I stand up. Mistake. He takes my hands on places them on either side of my head, pressing me against the wall. His thigh opens my leg, giving him better access to grind his hips into mine. I breathe in his scent.
"I was thinking that you look hot when you run your hands through your hair like that." My voice is small, almost apologetic.
"So, you were thinking that I'm hot," he says, challenging me.
"Yep. I think you’re hot. Shoot me," I say, meeting his challenge.
"Do you know how hard it was for me to stay away from you? All week I kept thinking about The Phoenix. About you and me and how amazingly beautiful and exotic you are." He kisses my neck, igniting my blood. I feel my knees weaken, and a shaky breath escapes my lungs.
"I want you so bad it hurts. Please, don't be pissed at me about my stupid job. I'll fix it. Please, Nora. I'm sorry." His erection digs into my upper thigh, my hands still pressed into the wall, holding me up.
I've never had a man plead for me to do anything. My head is swimming. "It's okay," I breathe the words.
His kisses a trail of embers down my neck. A moan slips out.
"I—"
His mouth covers mine, his tongue diving into me urgently, seeking mine. His teeth nip my lower lip. I have no idea what I was going to tell him.
"Come out with me?" he says in my ear.
"What?" Did I hear that right?
"Put on a skirt, no underwear. Please, Nora. I want to show you off again. I know a place we can go." Again, he’s begging me. How can I say no to such an urgent request?
"Okay. Are we going back to The Phoenix?" I ask, not wanting to drive all the way to the city again.
He laughs as he licks the top of my breast. "No. Here in Palo Alto. You'd be surprised what's right around the corner." He looks up at me. His eyes are burning dark clouds; his cock is rock hard against my thigh.
"Okay. Let me change, then." I slide out from underneath him.
I tear off my clothes, wishing desperately that I had showered. Too late now. I get a loose, short skirt and a blouse that opens in the front. No bra, no underwear. I turn around and Ryan is watching me from the doorway.
"Damn. How did I get so lucky?" he says, clearly still hard. I instantly get wet.
Slipping into the bathroom, I wonder about this no underwear thing. My cheeks are flushed and my hair is a mess, but I decide I don't even care. I put on some lipstick and run a comb through my hair. This will have to do. Slipping on my three-inch heels as my final touch, I hear Ryan moan behind me.
We park in a dark lot in East Palo Alto. Far away from any place I’ve ever been. The small blue building has only one outside light on at the door with an extremely tall sign illumining, "The Sugar Shack." Classy.
"What is this place?" I ask, trying to hide my horror.
"This is an adult bookstore. But, there are booths in the back where we can go. It's private, no one can join us, but people can watch, if we want them to."
My jaw drops open. Is he fucking nuts? This is nothing like The Phoenix. This is—this is—my brain cannot even finish the thought.
"Hey." Ryan pulls me out of my thoughts. "Trust me. Okay?" There's that pleading look again. I cave instantly and open the door.
As we walk up to the building Ryan mutters, "Damn girl. You are so fucking incredible."
We walk in together. At first, it looks like a regular store. There are rows of merchandise and a counter with a register, and a few people milling about. I think we’re going to browse the store, but Ryan pulls me the other way. We pass the aisles and go down a hallway. There are curtains on both sides of the hallway, covering each entrance. I hear bad music playing in the speakers above us.
Ryan keeps walking until he finds an entrance with a curtain open. We walk in, shut the curtain and latch a rope across the entrance.
"See, we’re safe," he says, smiling salaciously.
The entrance opens up to a small room with a tiny stool in front of a TV. There’s a window on each side of the room; both covered with a pull down screen.
"Okay. Here’s how this works. If you just want to watch movies and jack off, you keep everything closed and put your money in the TV. If you want a visitor, you leave the rope off and the curtain open a bit. If you want to watch, you open the window shades and see what's happening in the other rooms." Ryan says this as if he’s showing me how to run a cappuccino machine.
"Oh-kay. Ryan. I gotta tell ya—” I’m feeling really uncomfortable.
"Nora. Just make out with me. Right here. Nothing else. Just you and me." He starts kissing me, slowly at first, then hard.
"Fuck, you are so sexy," he says in my mouth. He takes his shirt off and partially opens my blouse. He pulls me into him, pressing his coc
k into me. "Jesus, just having you here," he growls.
He lifts my skirt above my hips, exposing everything. It’s a heady feeling, knowing that I'm naked and there are people just on the other side of the curtain, men who came here to watch sex movies.
I lean against the wall, my head pressing back while my chest arches toward Ryan. He opens my shirt and squeezes my breasts; I feel his hardness press into me.
"Nora. Let me open the windows. Let me show you off. You are so fucking sexy. So beautiful. Please, let me."
He’s pleading again with that graveling voice, those burning eyes. And yes, it turns me on to think of men watching me. Like me watching that devil girl on the bed. Deep inside, something unleashes; this is what I wanted, right? To live on the edge, where life is really lived. I exhale and look at him.
I nod my head; he groans and squeezes me. "Fuck," he mutters. He leaves for a second and I hear the shades slip up. Ryan is back, even more urgent and rough than before. His hands slide up my backside, squeezing my ass and hips as he pushes my skirt, already high to begin with, even higher. He wraps my leg around his waist and sucks on my breasts.
"There are two men watching you right now. Their whole night just got blown away," he says.
My blood roars in my ears and my body ignites. Knowing that two men are watching this, watching me, makes everything feel more intense. His fingers slip inside and my mind is gone. Clenching around his fingers hard, over and over again, the waves of warm honey keep coming from deep inside. Finally, I catch my breath. I feel Ryan struggling with his pants. I don't want to stop this feeling; I hold my breasts, squeezing them, pulling on them while he opens the condom.
A strange noise comes out of his throat when he looks up at me. "Holy fuck."
I feel his hands on my hips; he tilts them up and slides in. Again, I cry out as he drives in. I’m lost as I completely surrender to him. His relentless pace brings me to the brink. I feel my legs opening more for him. The wider my legs spread, the deeper he goes. He tilts my hips once more and hits a sweet spot. The orgasm explodes inside of me.
"Ryan. I'm coming." I don't recognize my own voice. It's deep and husky. He stills then jerks forward, quickening his pace to an almost frantic level.
"Fuck," he says again as I feel him unload inside of me. Knowing what we’re doing, knowing that we have an audience, pushes me over the edge again. I come hard, squeezing his cock over and over.
"Stop," he squeaks. "Oh, my God. You feel so fucking good.”
I laugh; again, I don't recognize my own voice. It's too deep and husky. What the hell is happening to me?
We still and slow our breathing. He slides out and pulls off his condom, tossing it in a convenient trash bin. I pull my skirt down and button my blouse. Ryan's hair is wet with sweat and he shakes it as he pulls up his pants.
"Now what?" I whisper to him, all too aware that both window shades are still open.
"Oh, them?" He smiles. He looks down and gives someone a thumbs up. Seriously? "That guy is happy." He laughs. Oh my God, I’m instantly mortified.
He looks into the other curtain and stares. "This guy is still going. He wants you to watch him." He looks at me. What?
"I'm not going to watch him jack off," I say, incredulous.
Ryan comes back up to me, "Come on. You might like it. Seems only fair, right?"
Shit. I hesitate. What I want to do is go home and crawl into bed. This is the downside of this whole sex outside thing. The aftermath is brutal. Ryan is still waiting.
"Fine," I snap. "He better not take too long."
Ryan laughs and sits on the stool. I sit on him and look into the booth next door.
Oh, man. The guy is completely naked. He’s older, I can tell from his balding head and pot belly. This is so not sexy. Watching him like this is making me feel slimy and giving me a queasy stomach. I squirm a little on Ryan's lap.
"Um, Ryan," I start. Just then the guy stands up and slams his body into the glass window, mushing his dick and large stomach onto the window. I spring up, but can still see his mushed hard on splayed on the glass.
"Holy shit." Ryan jumps up and shields me from the window.
"What the fuck?" I bolt.
I tear at the rope to let me out, running through the hallway back to the store. I need out. Right now. I feel the eyes of a store employee on me as I run out to the parking lot.
"Nora. Wait. God damn it. Wait." I hear Ryan behind me. I stop at the car, breathing heavily. That was so gross. I hated that. Hated it. Oh God, how am I going to get that image out of my head?
"Nora. Please, just wait a sec. I'm sorry. That scared the shit out of me, too. That was really random. I’m so sorry." Ryan approaches the car.
My head is spinning and I feel like I’m going to throw up. I need to shower. I need to leave this place.
"This is fucked up. That was fucked up. Get me out of here, now!" I shout at him.
He beeps the car locks and I wrench open the door. Suddenly, everything seems blurry. My skirt is too small and won't cover my legs enough. My blouse is too thin and I'm cold. I reach around for a jacket or a blanket, anything to hide me.
Ryan gets in and sees me trembling. He gives me his sweatshirt from the back.
"Jesus, Nora. Are you okay?"
"No, I'm not okay. I’m so sick of being attacked! I can't stand this anymore." I'm hyperventilating.
We pull out of the parking lot onto the main road. I’m so upset, I can barely see straight.
"Nora, that man didn't attack you. What do you mean sick of being attacked? No one has attacked you."
"Ryan, you don't know shit about my life because when I call you, you're too damn busy to talk to me. So fuck you. What the fuck happened back there?" I’m screaming now. It feels good to scream, but I know I’m not making any sense.
"I don't know what the hell that was back there. That guy lost it. But up until then, we were fine. We need to make better boundaries. We won't do that again." Ryan matches my volume.
The cars zip past us, headlights blazing into the car, blinding me further and feeding my rage.
"Fuck boundaries. I need to move. I need a bodyguard. I need a life." I break down in sobs. Somewhere deep in my brain I know I’m acting like a complete idiot, but I can't hold it together anymore.
Ryan says nothing while I cry next to him. We park on the street next to my apartment and wait. For a while neither one of us says anything, we just sit in the car, waiting.
"Nora. Who attacked you?" Ryan asks me quietly.
"It was just—” I start, not sure how to continue.
Ryan waits, knowing there is more. I wipe my eyes and start talking.
"Okay. So, you know Darren got really strange when we broke up, right? And that all started a few weeks before.” I pause.
Ryan says nothing.
“Anyway, I didn’t really know what was going on with him, but when we broke up he seemed to have lost it. He accused me of all kinds of shit.” I take a deep breath and steal a look at Ryan. He looks impassive as he waits for me to continue, but I can see the fire in his eyes and his jaw muscle twitching.
“Anyway. Darren got really strange at the end, and as I was saying, he sort of lost it. I just thought it was because of the stress of the break up. Remember when he showed up at my place as if nothing had changed?”
Ryan nods his head, his jaw muscle clenched tight.
“Well, the other night he attacked me on the street,” I finish, quickly.
"WHAT?" Ryan roars, sitting up. "He did what to you? He attacked you the other night? Did he hurt you?" His eyes are wide with fury and his hands are in fists.
"No. But he scared the shit out of me. I had to knee him in the balls, and I hurt my knee. He was drunk and just pissed me off. I had to carry a big flash light around when I came home after class."
Ryan breathes out a long breath, raking his hand through his hair. "What class?" He asks, sort of absently.
"A lot happened this week, Ryan. I
started a class. I was coming home from my first class on Tuesday, and he tried to grab me on the street."
"Are you fucking kidding me? Why the hell didn't you call me?" Sweat breaks out on his forehead and his breathing is erratic.
"I did call you. You got pissed at me for disturbing you," I say, the tension clear in my voice.
He freezes. For a long moment he doesn't breathe. He turns and looks at me. "Oh, my God," he whispers. "I am so sorry, Nora. My God, I’m such a dick."
He looks destroyed. His shoulders are suddenly concave and he’s holding his stomach.
"I want to go home now," I say, and start to get out of the car. I just want to get upstairs and go to sleep. The highs and lows of the last week have done me in, and all I can think about is crawling into my bed and hiding from the world.
"Nora. Wait for me." Ryan gets out and walks me to the elevator.
We go up in silence. When we get inside I go straight to the shower, pulling off my clothes as I walk. Ryan follows me and waits while I shower. He’s still in the bathroom when I pull the shower curtain back for my towel.
"Nora. Please forgive me." He’s pleading again, but this time there is nothing sensual or salacious about it.
"There’s nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong. I'm the one with a fucked up ex." I dry off and head to the bedroom.
"But I'm a dick and I'm sorry about tonight. I fucked up and pushed us too far."
"Yeah. That's true," I say, monotone. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just want to go to sleep.
"Can I stay with you?" he asks, as I crawl into bed.
"You know, Ryan, I think it would be best if I was alone. I’m safe now. I need space. This whole thing—I just need to be alone."
I don't look at his face when I answer him. I just put my head on the pillow and shut off the light. I have nothing left to give him.
After a little while I hear him sigh and walk out. The last thing I hear is the front door closing.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR