by T. R. Graves
I really am full of myself. He doesn't know me well enough to care.
Gritting his teeth, he nods his head. "Y-yeah, sure. You two go. I'm going to turn in soon." He slams his computer closed. Then, he glares at his cousin. "Don't try to walk her home tonight. Do you hear me?"
I bristle.
"Listen. We've been together nonstop for the entire day. I think you know I'll never do anythin' that'll put Levi in danger. Even if he wants to walk me back, I won't let him."
Tope gives me one of those stares that makes me squirm... that makes me think he likes me every bit as much as Levi likes me. If Levi wasn't standing next to us, I'd remind him that his feelings are about his need to compete with Levi and his need to study commune residents like Jane Goodall studies gorillas.
Again, he nods, but this time he looks away and hides his feelings from me. "Okay. Go and enjoy yourselves." As if having second thoughts, he looks harshly toward Levi. "Just not too much fun," he cautions.
"Yes, sir." Levi, oblivious to Tope's demeanor, salutes Tope before dragging me to his tent, yanking his sleeping bag from it, and running away from the campsite.
High up on the cliff where there is a perfectly clear view of the star-studded sky and the brilliant, glowing moon, Levi spreads out his sleeping bag. He lies down on top of it and looks up at me. I’m standing with my arms crossed. All of this is new territory for me and I’m unsure what I’m supposed to do.
"What's wrong, Em? I've told you that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We can just lay here and watch the stars if that's what you want."
I smile timidly toward him and lie. "I-I know. It's just that I'm still damp and I don't want to get your sleeping bag wet."
Levi laughs. "That's the least of my concerns. Now, get over here so I can zip us in here together."
"Will there be enough room?"
"All we need."
I lie down on the bag, turn on my side, and face Levi. He flings the other half of the bag over us and reaches for the zipper at the bottom. By the time he finishes closing us in, we're snuggled up close. There's still plenty of room, but Levi takes advantage of the opportunity to pull me close and squeeze me into him.
I rest my head on his bare chest. The newness of what we’re doing makes my heart race a mile a minute.
Instead of pushing me, Levi lives up to his word. We spend the next hour gazing up at the beauty of stars and the vastness of the moon and talking about nothing more than that.
After a long period of silence, Levi takes a hesitant breath. "Emily... if I told you I think I love you... would you believe me?" Levi asks quietly. I feel his heart racing—once again—beneath my palm.
I close my eyes and bask in his words and think long and hard before saying, "Yes, Levi. I-I'm pretty sure I love you, too. I say that because I can't imagine ever feelin' for anyone like I feel for you; I want to protect you with my life. I get a little sick when I even think about bein' away from you. My chest squeezes tight every time you look at me. And I think you're one of the best men I've ever known. I may not have a lot of experience to compare all of this to, but I can't imagine anythin' bein' any better. If what we have is not the beginnin' of love, I don't know what is."
Levi pulls me up and stares directly into my eyes. "I've had other relationships to compare this to... and not one'll ever come close. Deep down in my heart, I know I was meant to find you out here in these woods yesterday."
I offer him a lopsided grin. "I think that, too, Levi. I think we were meant to cross each other's paths..."
Levi kisses me before I can take another breath or process another thought. It's that wet, warm, soft, and exciting kind from when we first met the day before, only this one is wetter, hotter, harder, and more thrilling.
When Levi begins sensually stroking my every bare body part, I think I might actually explode. At first, he runs his fingers up and down my neck. Then, he replaces the gentle massage of his fingertips with the warmth of his lips. I roll my head back, offering every inch of it to him.
With each brush of his tongue and gentle draw, I become more intoxicated. The hormones surging through me and burning me from the inside out are more powerful than the most addictive drug.
Suddenly, I'm aware of his hands skimming down my arms, gliding over my sides, and snaking their way under my T-shirt. When they stop, one is on my back and the other is splayed out on my stomach.
With the intimacy of his touch, I involuntarily moan, and at the same time, push my stomach into his hand. I slide my arms up and wrap them around his neck and kiss him even deeper.
The instant his hands leave my stomach and back, I know it. I'm beyond disappointed. At least I am until I realize what he’s doing. He's untying my bikini top. First the back, then the neck. As soon as it's untied, he slips it from underneath my T-shirt.
"I don't think we'll be needing this," he whispers hoarsely.
I tilt my head and look up at him. His eyes are black, and I completely understand the term heated stare. He's gazing at me with the same passion and intensity I feel. There’s no doubt in my mind that I will do anything for this man... with this man.
A heartbeat later, he's kissing me again and running his shaking hands under my shirt and up my stomach, hesitating just inches away from my naked breasts. He's afraid to go any farther without making sure I'm okay with all of this.
"I want this, Levi," I whisper.
He gulps and draws a breath that’s as shaky as his hand before cupping and very softly caressing me. At first, he's gentle. It's as if he's memorizing every centimeter of the skin inside his hands. A few minutes later, his stokes get more aggressive... like he can't get enough of them. Then, he lifts my shirt, leans down, and begins kissing me. Like his touch, his kisses are gentle and controlled at first. Before long, he's circling my nipples one at a time with his warm, wet tongue before sucking them deep into his mouth.
I can't help but gasp when he lifts my shirt over my head and tosses it to the side. He stares down at me like the sight before him is the most wonderful one he's ever seen.
"My God, you're beautiful, Em," he whispers before leaning over and kissing my neck, my shoulder, my collarbone.
He carefully works his way downward until finally he's kissing my breasts again. The sensation of his mouth on me is unforgettable, and the pulsing heat below my belly and between my legs now rages. It's wonderfully overwhelming and at the same time demands much, much more of Levi.
As if Levi can read my mind, he glides his hands around to my bare back and slides them down to my rear before cupping it within his palms. With a grace only he can pull off, he eases himself between my legs and holds me tight while pushing into me. Since he's still kissing my breast—teasing the hardened nipple—I'm having a hard time dividing my attention between his mouth and his hands. The one thing I do know is that even though all of this is wonderful... amazing... incredible, it’s not enough.
Before I have a chance to change my mind, I reach down, unsnap my shorts, and slide off my bottoms. I'm completely naked and emboldened by hormones and passion. And Levi.
"E-Em, are you sure? I don't want you to regret this later."
Squeezing both of his cheeks in my hands and kissing the corner of his lips, I whisper, "I'm sure, Levi. Having one night with you might actually make the rest of my life bearable. This is what I want. I swear."
Levi slides his swimsuit shorts off and puts them next to my clothes, which are on the ground next to the bag.
I, in any other situation, would be awkwardly shy and nervous, but it's never been like that between Levi and me. I want—without conditions—to give myself to him mind, body, and soul.
His hand traces my stomach, burning a trail along its path. I'm almost irritated when he stops just shy of my belly button. He's wavering... debating his decision to go farther. Again, I decide for him. I wrap my hand around his wrist, give it a reassuring squeeze, and guide him slowly downward.
His breath catches wit
h my boldness. He kisses me deep and pulls me tight. My skin blisters beneath his touch as his hand travels between my legs. He explores—touching, feeling, memorizing—for a few minutes. Soon, his fingers are expertly circling and skillfully massaging me. His movements are slow, gentle, and mind-blowing. Soon, I'm trembling with the tingling chills that have spread through and covered me from head to toe.
I'll never be able to recall how long Levi touches me—seconds, minutes, hours—before I realize the desire deep inside of me that has been growing and building is now threatening to burst from within.
Impulsively, I slide my hand down and feel for Levi. I want to do for him what he's doing for me. As soon as I touch him... give him the same kind of attention he's giving me, Levi moans deeply and seductively. I may be inexperienced, but that doesn’t matter to Levi. I'm doing everything right in his eyes.
My attention becomes equally divided between what Levi’s doing to me and what I'm doing to him. Soon, he puts his hand over mine, guiding me like I guided him earlier. Following his lead, I go slow and gentle at first. My firm and steady grip progressively quickens.
Abruptly and much to my dismay, he pulls back. "Are you okay, Em? All you have to do is let me know if you want to stop," he whispers raggedly.
I don't respond with words. Instead, I ignore him and keep my focus on pleasing him and pressing myself farther into him.
"Em..." is all Levi says before spreading me open and sliding a finger inside me. He moves it in a way that makes me think I might actually shatter into a million pieces. Right here. Right now.
"Have you ever been with anyone like this, Em?" Levi asks softly. His voice trembles.
"No. Never."
Levi watches me intently. "I-I want to be with you, Em. I swear I'll be as gentle as possible, but it's still going to be uncomfortable.
"I want this. I want you, Levi. I really do," I say softly.
He straightens my hips and positions himself in exactly the same spot his finger had just been entering me.
"I'll stop if you ask me to. I swear."
The tension on his face tells me he's fighting the instincts telling him to plow forward without one more second's delay.
I, as sure about this as I've ever been about anything, tilt my hips upward. When I do, Levi enters me... one millimeter at a time... still fighting his need to go deeper. There's a moment where it seems like he's gone as far as he can go, but with a little more force and an almost audible pop, he's deeper.
As soon as he's through that point, he says, "Em, are you okay?"
His voice quivers.
"Please. Please don't stop, Levi," I breathe out, and I mean it from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Nothing... not his kiss or his touch... has ever felt like this... has ever made me feel like this. I never want him to leave me.
Levi's up-and-down movements remain slow and controlled. He's doing everything in his power not to hurt me.
The earlier sensation that makes me feel like something is growing, building, and threatening to explode from deep inside of me returns with a vengeance. Once I'm sure Levi's adequately prepared me and it's time for us to make love, I reach around his back and encourage him to follow his instincts, to go faster and harder.
As if he only needed permission, he complies. He moves in and out—slow at first, then speeding up—until I can't hold back any longer. I see stars behind my lids the very second every cell in my body tingles... burns... jerks. With one loud, long, and uncontrollable moan (Levi covers my mouth to muffle it) my back convulses off the ground, and I'm convinced I'm about to pass out.
A heartbeat later, he whispers, "I can't stop, Em. It feels too good. You feel so good."
With Levi's release, he gives one final thrust and lets out a guttural moan that sends a new set of tremors rippling through me. If I live a hundred years, I know nothing will ever compare to this moment with Levi. This is as good as it will ever be.
"Oh my God, Em! Oh my God! You are amazing," Levi says, kissing my lips, cheeks, and forehead with every ounce of gratitude he feels before resting his chin on my head.
We lay connected, basking in the afterglow of our lovemaking until Levi leans into my ear and says, "That was the most amazing thing I've ever felt, Em. Nothing'll ever compare to this."
I smile when I think about how similar our sentiments are. I bury my head in Levi's chest. "Stop. You're embarrassing me."
He kisses me again and says, "Okay. Okay. I won't tell you how wonderful you are or how happy you just made me." He pauses, no longer chuckling. "Em, I'm going to have to pull out. I'll do the best I can to be gentle."
I steady myself. Without our connection, I want to cry. I feel like he's just ripped away a crucial piece of me. I'm surer than ever that I was put on this earth to be with Levi. I will not settle for anything less. Ever.
Leaning up and looking down the hill toward the camp with a sheepish grin, Levi chuckles and says, "Damn, Tope either got an eyeful or an earful or both. There's no mistaking what we we're doing with the way you were moaning, Em."
My face burns bright and my ears heat up. "Levi! I'll never be able to face him again."
"It was the most glorious sound ever," he says, kissing my forehead. "Besides, you should hear him and his girlfriend, Chloe, going at it. When I stay over at his house, I have to sleep with a pillow over my head, and my room’s three doors down."
Levi's attempts at making me feel better aren’t working, but I'm happy to have something that keeps me from thinking about what Tope just heard and possibly saw.
"Tope has a girlfriend?"
I feel Levi nod when his chin hits the top of my head. "Yeah. They've been dating on and off since high school, and now they work together."
Something about hearing Tope is in a relationship surprises me. He's gorgeous. The fact that he has a girlfriend—or a hundred of them—isn’t the shocking part. It's the way he looks at me at times like he wants me every bit as much as Levi does. Tope doesn't seem like the kind of person who would do that if he really has a girlfriend.
Yet another side of Tope I didn’t expect.
Dog tired and sated, I snuggle deeper into Levi. "I really do love you, Levi."
"I love you, too, Em," Levi says, kissing my temple.
Suddenly, I'm exhausted and my eyelids begin bouncing. I know I'm about to fall asleep, but I'm too tired to fight and too comfortable to move. Breathing in Levi's wonderful forest scent, listening to his every heartbeat, and riding on the wave of his rhythmic breathing, I'm lulled into a contented sleep.
I don't wake until Levi jerks up and I hear someone yelling.
"God dammit, Levi! What have you done? This isn’t a joke. They'll beat her to death if they find out about this. Get dressed. She needs to get back home," Tope yells, throwing our clothes into our faces before storming back down the hill and cursing all the way back to the campsite.
I snatch my shirt and shorts from Levi's face, scramble from the sleeping bag, and put them on quicker than Levi took them off earlier. Dressed, I stand with my back to Levi. I'm not embarrassed about what we've done. Instead, I'm mortified that Tope found us naked, and I'm terrified by the prospect that Owen will be able to look at me and know I'm tainted.
If Owen can tell, I can only imagine the whipping I'm going to get. Even then, I'd do it again.
Levi comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. In my ear, he says, "Don't regret this, Em. He's being a jerk."
"Levi, you shouldn't say such things about him. He's only worried about me." I waver, not sure how to ask my next question. "D-do you know if people will be able to look at me and tell I'm not a virgin anymore? If they can, Tope's right about what'll happen," I whisper.
Levi's every muscle tightens. "No one will ever know, Em. If anyone lays one hand on you ever again, I swear I'll kill them myself. I mean that most especially for that asshole Lorenzo. You're mine, and I'm not going to share you with anybody. Not ever!"
I sigh with reli
ef and pat Levi's hand. "I'll be fine until Owen makes it back. Don't worry about me."
With Tope's new shouts, we know our day together is over. Levi grabs my hand and leads my back down the hill. I try very, very hard to stay hidden behind Levi's back once we make it back to the campsite, but I still catch glimpses of Tope. There's no mistaking his disappointment—in Levi for having sex with me...in me for allowing it—but his concern for me is more prominent than his almost painful disappointment.
Tope is gruff and angry when he says to me, "I understand you have Levi's phone."
I nod.
"I want you to keep it, and I want you to promise me that you will call me and not Levi if you need anything. I have access to resources not available to Levi. I'm the only one who'll be able to help you if you get into trouble. I need you to understand this is not a request I make lightly. Levi has no idea what the commune leaders are capable of. I do."
I understand exactly what he's saying, and on this particular subject, I totally agree with him. "I will, Tope. I promise."
Assuming the lecture is over, Levi and I are in the process of turning away from Tope, but he puts up a finger, warning us he's nowhere near finished with us.
"Not so fast. We need to work on some parameters that will keep both of you as safe as possible." He glares at Levi and me, waiting to make sure he has our attention. He does.
"Here's the thing. I know Levi well enough to know he'll be out here every night if there's any way possible." He looks pointedly at Levi. "The compromise I'm willing to make is that I'll allow you to come every Saturday if I'm with you and only if I'm with you." He turns his full attention onto me as if he's begging for Levi's life. "You know as well as I do what they'll do to him. He's gonna come. I know that, but I want to be here to keep him from doing anything too silly and just in case I need to call for backup."
Suddenly, I feel as sorry for Tope as I've ever felt for anyone. Tope's lost people in his life. I have no idea who or when, but his pain is obvious. I realize his only goal here is the safety and protection of his cousin... his best friend... one of the few people in the world he really loves.