by Tina Leonard
She shook her head in the negative.
“And you’ve started a new life here and the children are happy and you’re happy and everyone’s happy but me,” he said. “This didn’t turn out the way I expected it to.”
Her gaze filled with sympathy. “I want you to be happy.”
He looked stunned. “I thought you needed me. I wanted to be needed. I liked being the protector for a change.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just that everything is different now.”
He opened the front door. “Strangely it seems like the closer I try to get to you, the farther away I am.” He gave her an intense look that made her want to pursue him, just as he’d suggested. “You’ll remember our kisses and you’ll come after me.”
She watched him silently.
“I’ll be going now,” he said.
Esme looked at him with her heart in her eyes, but she hoped she hid it from him. “I’ll see you soon.”
Nodding, he left.
Esme swallowed, her heart hurting…and wanting. She didn’t want to say goodbye, but she also didn’t want him staying around for heroic reasons. No different from Mimi, she wanted to be loved for herself—not because she was a rescue mission. Last had strong heroic tendencies, as she had witnessed many times. He saw himself in Curtis and Amelia and he related to their circumstance. He would save them any way he could, perhaps even offering to marry her.
But that was no road to happiness.
LAST LEFT ESME’S HOUSE feeling certain that once again he’d been tossed from the bull of life. There was nothing he could do to win this woman—she was keener on remaining single than he was. “And that’s saying something,” he muttered. “How did she manage to change my mind?”
“Mr. Last!” a small voice called to him. Looking up, he saw Amelia and Curtis waving from the window.
“Hey, sleepyheads!” He grinned up at them.
“I’m going to be Maverick the Great when I grow up,” Curtis said.
“No, you’re not,” Last said. “You’ll be Curtis the Awesome. And Amelia the Fabulous.”
The kids laughed. “Where are you going?” Curtis asked.
“Hmm.” Last considered appropriate answers. “I need to pick up Annette at my brother’s.”
“We’ll come, too.”
Before he could say Probably better not, they’d disappeared from the window. Seconds later they bounded out the front door.
“Hey,” he said, “you didn’t tell your aunt you were leaving.”
“We have to leave,” Amelia said. “She’s crying.”
“Huh?” Last looked at them with surprise. “She was fine a second ago.”
“Yeah.” Curtis shrugged. “Sometimes she gets like this. Especially before a big show.”
He blinked. “That doesn’t sound like the Esme I know.”
“She says it’s nerves,” Amelia offered. “Only she calls them…showtime sillies.”
“Wow.” Last pushed his hat back. “Are you sure she doesn’t mind you leaving?”
“We left her a note on the marker board on the fridge that we were going with you,” Curtis said, his round face beaming up at Last. “And since you’re only going to Ms. Olivia’s, it isn’t that far.”
Last’s mouth twisted. “It’s Mr. Calhoun’s house, too, you know.”
Amelia shook her head. “That’s not what Mr. Calhoun says. He says what is hers is hers and what is his is hers.”
Last grinned. “My brother is a skilled ringmaster.”
The children walked beside him, their little arms swinging importantly as they tried to keep up with his bigger steps, but after a moment he felt two little hands creep into his so that he was in the middle, like tuna fish between slices of brown bread. “You two aren’t working me over, are you?” he asked, liking it even if they were but feeling as if he’d better point out that he recognized a railroading when it was happening.
“Sort of,” Curtis said. “We like living on the ranch. We were hoping you’d ask Aunt Esme to let us stay here.”
“Uh-uh,” Last said. “I don’t get involved in family machinations. It’s a very unhealthy thing to do. The unwise man who steps in the ring usually gets gored.”
Curtis pulled a small radio transmitter from his pocket. “Kenny,” he said. “Minnie?”
“Yeah?” Kenny’s voice could clearly be heard over the walkie-talkie.
“We’re here,” Curtis said with a grin.
“You little devils,” Last said. “Where did you get that thing?”
Amelia skipped beside Last as Curtis ran off. Minnie and Kenny waved from the foot of the windmill that slowly turned as a backdrop to Olivia and Calhoun’s home. “Mr. Calhoun says it’s the easiest way to get hold of his kids. And his wife, when she’s on Gypsy. Today Ms. Olivia says she’s going to help us find our seats.”
“Seats?” Last was wary. “I still think we should walkie-talkie your aunt Esme. Does she have one of those things, too?”
“No. Kenny borrowed Mr. Calhoun’s for Curtis and me.”
“Borrowed as in…Mr. Calhoun doesn’t know.”
Amelia shook her head.
“Let me guess. The four of you stayed up last night radioing.”
Amelia gave him a wry look. “Only for a few minutes. Curtis gets tired at night.”
“Well, I’ll be.”
Amelia ran off to join Minnie, leaving Last to walk by himself. He couldn’t help laughing, although he knew he was going to be in trouble with Esme. Sighing, he turned around and walked back to her house, this time ringing the doorbell.
She opened the door a second later, her eyes red. “Hi.”
“Your kids have made plans by radio with Minnie and Kenny. Something about finding their seats today. I have no idea what all this means. In my day, we just sneaked out. Today’s children appear to be more elaborate. All the planning is done by walkie-talkie. But at least there are no broken arms from falling off drainpipes.”
Esme smiled. “I knew they were going with Olivia today. She offered to teach them how to ride a horse.”
“Finding a seat,” Last said. “I get it. I thought they meant a show of some sort.”
“Thank you for being concerned.”
“I am.” He looked at her closely. “The kids said you were having an attack of showtime sillies.”
She raised her chin. “It’s passed.”
Whatever it was, she didn’t want to talk about it. “Okay. I’ll just be going…again.” He stepped off the porch, admiring the fact that she didn’t wail about her problems the way some females did. “Maybe I’ll just mosey on up to the main house and see what delicacy Helga is preparing.”
“Olivia’s also planning to help Annette find her seat,” Esme said helpfully. “Valentine bought her her first little cowboy boots. They’re pink. Olivia says Annette has just the right spirit for barrel racing.”
He stopped in his tracks, then began jogging toward “Olivia’s” house, his heart in his throat. When he got there, he saw Olivia turning Annette first one way, then around, then forward, then backward, like a revolving doughnut, in a child’s saddle. Olivia was holding her niece carefully. Nearby Valentine watched with a smile on her face. Slowly Last’s heart stopped thundering. “Finding a seat” wasn’t such a bad thing, he decided, sitting down and wiping the sweat from under his hat. He’d known that all along—even though he’d “found his seat” by trial and error, because he’d been determined not to be left behind by his older siblings.
Along the rail, the four older kids stood watching and patiently waiting for their turn. Out of Kenny’s and Curtis’s back jeans pockets poked blue walkie-talkies, a matching set. Last sighed, leaning against the fence as he took in his extended family. It could all be so perfect, except that Esme didn’t seem to want to be a part of it. And he didn’t believe she’d been having showtime sillies for a second.
She was having relationship sillies—a terrifying and crippling panic attack he und
erstood very well.
Chapter Eleven
“Here’s a camera,” Esme told Last, slipping one into his hand a few moments later and catching him by surprise. “Just in case you’d like a picture of your daughter’s first boots and horse lesson.”
He looked at her, making her go soft inside. Why did he have to be so fiercely protective of his child, so gorgeous, so smart—and so not right for her?
He took the camera from her, his fingers trembling a bit. “I may not make it through her teen years. You scared me when you told me she was on the back of a horse. I wasn’t ready for that.”
Esme nodded, looking at the child, who seemed delighted with her ride. “Parenting is the biggest challenge I’ve ever faced.”
“And yet,” Last said after snapping a picture and handing her the camera, “you allow your new family to hang from harnesses. I can probably be excused for worrying about my daughter’s first riding attempt.”
Esme looked at him as she slipped the camera in her pocket. “Last, the children are safe. Most importantly, they are with me at all times.”
“Yes, but didn’t you say your parents wanted you to go away to college so you would give up the circus?”
She nodded.
“And now you’re bringing it here, to put on the hootenanny to end all hootenannies,” he said. “Which means Amelia and Curtis will be around it all the more. Not that it’s a bad thing,” Last said slowly, “but when I worry about my daughter’s first lesson and you don’t worry about high-flying circus antics, I get nervous. See, here I am all worked up about my daughter on a pony. Even if you did decide to pursue me, our differing perspectives make me think I may not be able to live in your world.”
Esme shook her head. “They wanted to be part of the circus, Last.”
His eyes were deep and brown as he stared down at her. “Anytime my gut tells me firmly something is wrong, I go with it.”
She put her hands on her hips. “So we have a different approach to parenting.”
“It’s something we need to get together on before you start pursuing me,” Last said. “So there won’t be any misunderstandings.”
“There aren’t. First, I’m not pursuing you. I thought we established that. Second, Curtis and Amelia like to perform, and as crazy as it may sound, they needed it after their mom died. There’s a certain element of suspension of disbelief in the circus, and they really, really needed that.”
“Yeah. I know. But it’s not the way I think it should be.”
Her brows rose. “Maybe it would be best if you worry about your daughter and I worry about my sister’s children.”
“It can’t work out like that,” Last said slowly. “We have to agree. What if we become one big happy family living on this ranch…someday.”
“Big happy families do not agree on everything.”
“But they should,” he insisted.
“What family does, Last?” she asked. “Did yours?”
“Oh, hell, no. We disagree from sundown to sunup. But that’s not normal.”
“Maybe it’s very normal,” Esme said. “And maybe I’m not afraid of having my opinion and you having yours and us not meeting in the middle.”
“But I really, really think Curtis and Amelia should live like kids. Not circus performers. As well as you turned out,” he said, his gaze sweeping over her, “I’d prefer them to enjoy the circus as a spectator sport.”
She sighed. “You make a good argument, but I am resisting it.”
He looked at her. “Why?”
“Because I’m afraid that if I give in on this issue, you’ll feel free to insert your opinion of my parenting skills constantly. I’m aware I’m not the best parent. But I am trying.”
“Yeah.” He slid his hat back, turning to look at his daughter. “Except for the circus thing, you’re doing a great job.”
“So are we done having our first major disagreement?” she asked.
He snorted. “That didn’t even feel like a disagreement.”
“But it had such serious elements.”
“Yes. What if we could freely say that was the worst it would ever be between us? If so, we mesh pretty well.”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far. I didn’t agree to anything, remember.”
He turned to look at her, startled. “You did.”
“No. I assure you, I did not.”
“You agreed that they wouldn’t perform.”
“Well, in theory. Not all the time is what I meant.”
“This is serious,” Last said. “It really worries me.”
“I know it does,” Esme said. “But I think there’s something else on your mind. Or you’re having an adrenaline rush from running down here.”
He took a deep breath. “Parenting styles are important.”
She nodded. “I know.”
“And from the way you’re reacting to my opinion, I don’t think you see me in your future,” he said.
She looked at him in surprise. “Did you change the subject or is this part of a bigger worry?”
“I’m searching for our compatibility level. Just in case.”
“In case of what?”
Last cleared his throat. “In case we decide to be on the same ranch for a while.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“I know.” His gaze went back to his daughter, who was having a great time on Gypsy’s back. “I don’t know if I can make sense, not when it comes to us.”
“Hey,” she said, tugging on his sleeve, “I’m a magician, not a mind reader.”
“Yeah.” He looked down at her for a moment. “I know. And you’re supposed to be pursuing. I told myself not to get too overheated over you, beautiful circus girl.”
Waving at Valentine and Olivia and tapping the kids on the top of their heads to say goodbye, he loped off. Esme watched him go, turning to look at Valentine in surprise.
Valentine walked over to join her, an expression of sympathy on her face. “Not that I meant to spy, but I couldn’t help witnessing the exit of the Jefferson male.”
“Whew,” Esme said. “Are they always so abrupt?”
“Well,” Valentine said, “I can only speak for my Jefferson male, but an abrupt exit is not always a bad sign. They have their ways, but most of them are good.”
Esme appreciated Valentine’s attempt to soothe her. “I think your daughter is enjoying her big moment.”
“More than her dad did, anyway.”
Startled, Esme turned to look at Valentine. “He did take the lesson harder than I thought he would.”
Valentine shrugged. “He’s a good father.” She looked at Esme. “You two seem to have gotten pretty close.”
“I’m not sure,” Esme said. “But if we did, I hope you’d be okay with it.”
“I would,” Valentine said. “My daughter likes you.”
“She’s sweet. And fun. My niece and nephew enjoy her.”
Valentine nodded. “They’re very good kids.”
Esme smiled. “Thank you.”
“It’s not hard to tell that your sister was a wonderful woman.”
Tears sprang to Esme’s eyes. She looked at Valentine with appreciation. “I don’t think I can fill her shoes.”
“And you feel Amelia and Curtis deserve that.”
“Yes,” Esme said. “But I’m just so different from my sister.”
“Different but in a good way,” Valentine said softly. “They’re lucky you were willing to change your life so much for their sakes.”
“Oh, I did in a heartbeat.” But Last’s words bothered her. “Do you think it’s wrong to let them perform in the circus?”
“I don’t know,” Valentine said. “Olivia’s children performed with her in the rodeo, on the road, even. It was just their way of life. They’re fairly well-adjusted. Actually Kenny and Minnie are more positively aligned than some of the adults around here,” she said with a laugh.
Esme smiled. “You’re making me feel good
. But it’s not that I want them to perform, really. I just want them to be with me. Last could very well have a point about their need for a slower childhood.” She looked at Valentine. “It just seems that we have fundamental differences over how to raise children.”
“Because you disagree over performing?”
Esme shook her head. “I had the strangest feeling he was measuring my stepmotherhood ability for Annette.” She looked at Valentine. “Not to be indelicate, Valentine. I just mean that it was the strange sort of feeling I got.”
Valentine smiled. “It’s okay. I’d be worried if he wasn’t concerned about a woman he brought into his daughter’s life. But you feel he found you lacking.”
“Maybe. It seemed that way.”
“That would be a problem,” Valentine said. “I see why you’re worried.” She nodded. “The question is, are you worried about your ability to raise your sister’s children or your ability to make Last happy?”
“You’re never going to believe this,” Last said, coming up behind them and startling both women. “Mason just called me on my cell. Mimi’s talked him into running for sheriff.”
Valentine looked at Esme. “Never a dull moment around here. It’s a circus all its own.”
Esme nodded, her gaze on Last. She realized Valentine’s question had no simple answer, because she was worried about both issues.
Her big problem was the sudden realization hitting her as she stared at the handsome cowboy who had decided he wanted her to pursue him.
She had fallen in love with him—in spite of knowing they were often incompatible. How could two people with so many attached and conflicting family parts mesh successfully?
“It’s true,” Last said cheerfully. “We are our own big top, complete with clowns.” He looked at Esme. “No magician yet, though.”
She blinked. “Perhaps a sheriff.”
“Well, it would seem so.” He grinned. “Mason has to be elected, though, and his opponent is going to be a tough one.”
“Who is it?” Valentine asked.
“Me,” Last said.
Valentine gasped. Esme stared at him.
“Why?” she asked.