HESTER [ fixing his shirt straight]: Is it all done?
DAVID: What? I’m asleep yet, wait a minute. [He rubs his head and walks a few steps.]
J.B. [To DIBBLE with a strongly possessive pride]: That’s when you’re young. Sleep anywhere. Nothin’ bothers you.
DAVID: What time is it?
J.B.: About half past ten.
DAVID [astonished and frightened]: Half past ten! Gosh, I didn’t mean to sleep that long . . . ! [Looks around, suddenly anxious.]
HESTER [laughs]: You look so funny!
J.B.: Well, how’d you do, Dave, all finished?
DAVID: Finished? Well, uh . . . [He looks at the car.]
J.B.: If you’re not, Dan can wait.
DAVID: Ya . . . just a second, I . . . [He looks around the shop.]
HESTER: Looking for your tools? They’re right on the floor here.
DAVID [he keeps looking all around for an instant. Looks at the tools]: Oh, okay. [He looks at the car as though it were explosive. He lifts the hood and looks at the engine as . . . ]
J.B.: How was it, tough job?
DAVID: Heh? Ya, pretty tough.
J.B.: Anything wrong . . . ?
DAVID: No, I . . . [He gets on his knees and looks under the engine.]
DIBBLE: Can I start her up now?
DAVID [gets to his feet, looks at everyone as though in a dream]: Okay, try her. Wait a minute, let me.
DIBBLE [following him to the car door]: Now don’t dirty the upholstery . . .
J.B.: Don’t worry about the upholstery, Dan, come over here.
DIBBLE [coming to the front of car where J.B. and HESTER are]: They always get in with their dirty clothes . . .
The engine starts. It hums smoothly, quietly. J.B. turns proudly smiling to DAN, who creeps closer to it and listens. HESTER watches J.B., teetering on the edge of expectation, then watches DAN. After a moment the engine is shut off. DAVID comes out of the car, comes slowly into view, his eyes wide.
PAT [to DAN, of DAVE]: Highly skilled, highly skilled.
J.B. [beaming, to DIBBLE]: Well, you damn fool?
DIBBLE [excitedly]: Why she does, she does sound fine. [He snoops around the car.]
DAVID: Look, J.B., I . . .
J.B. [raises his fist and bangs on the fender]: Goddamn, Dave, I always said it! You know what you did?
HESTER: Davey, J.B.’s going to . . .
J.B. [to HESTER]: I’m paying for it, at least let me tell it. Dan, come over here first and tell Dave what they did to you in Burley. Listen to this one, Dave. Pat, I want you to hear this. PAT and AMOS come into the group.
DIBBLE [ feeling the edge of the fender]: I think he bumped it here.
J.B.: Oh, the hell with that, come over here and tell him. [DIBBLE comes.] What about that guy in Burley?
DIBBLE: Well, there’s a garage in Burley does tractor work. But he’s not reasonable . . .
J.B.: Tell him what he does.
DIBBLE: I brought this one to him and he says I’ll have to take her plumb apart, every screw and bolt of her. He had his mind set on charging me a hundred and thirty-one dollars for the job. So, I figured it was just about time I stopped subsidizin’ the Burley Garage Incorporated.
PAT: That’s intelligent, Mr. Dibble.
DAVID: Did he tell you what was wrong with the car? The Burley man?
DIBBLE: Well, yes, he did, he always tells you something, but I can’t. . . . Now wait a minute. . . . These things have a dingus they call a . . . a crankshaft? He said it was crooked, or busted, or dented . . .
J.B. [laughs—to DAVID, then back to DAN]: On a brand new
Marmon! What the hell did he want with the crankshaft? PAT: Scandalous.
DAVID: Look, J.B., lemme tell you . . .
J.B. [drawing DAVID and DAN together]: Go ahead, David.
And listen to this, Dan. This is the first honest word you ever heard out of a mechanic. [To DAVID.] Go on, tell this poor sucker what the matter was.
DAVID stands dumbly, looking into J.B.’s ecstatic face. He turns to HESTER.
HESTER [hardly able to stand still. Pridefully]: Tell him, Davey! DAVID [turns back to J.B. He sighs]: Just a lot of small things, that’s all.
DAVID walks a few steps away to a fender and absently touches it. It could be taken for modesty. AMOS is now to the side, resting a foot on the car bumper—watching in wonder.
J.B.: Well? What do you say, Danny? Now you’re looking at a mechanic!
PAT [to DAN, of DAVE]: At the age of six he fixed the plug on an iron.
DIBBLE [goes to DAVID]: Look, David. I have a proposition for you. Whenever there’s a job to do on my tractors charge me for parts and that’s all. If you’d do that for me, I could guarantee you more . . .
DAVID: I’m much obliged to you, Mr. Dibble, but I’m not tooled up for tractor work . . .
J.B.: Now wait a minute . . .
DAVID [almost shouting with tension]: Let me say something will you? To work on heavy engines like that, and tractors in general a man has got to be a . . . well, I’m not tooled up for it, that’s all, I haven’t got the machinery.
J.B. [businesslike]: But you’ve got the machinery.
HESTER: Listen to this, Davey!
DAVID looks at him.
J.B.: You go out and buy everything you want. Fix up this building. Lay out a concrete driveway in the front. I’ll pay the bills. Give me one percent on my money. [Roundly.] Let me be some good in my life!
DAVID [as though a fever were rising in him, his voice begins to soar]: I don’t know if I’m ready for that, J.B. . . . I’d have to study about tractors . . . I . . .
J.B.: Then study! Now’s the time, Dave. You’re young, strong . . . !
PAT [to DAN]: He’s very strong.
DIBBLE [taking out a roll]: How much do I owe you, boy?
DAVID looks at DAN.
DAVID: Owe me?
J.B.: Make it sixty dollars flat, Dave. Since it wasn’t as hard as we thought. [DAVID looks at J.B. who won’t wait for him to object.] Sixty flat, Dan.
DIBBLE [counts laboriously, peeling off each bill into DAVID’s unwilling hand]: One, two, three . . . [Continues.]
HESTER [joyously amused at DAN]: What’re those, all ones?!
DIBBLE: All I carry is ones. Never can tell when you’ll leave a five by mistake. [Continues counting.] Government ought to print different sizes.
J.B.: How’s it feel to have two stars, heh, Pat? [With a sweep of his hand.] I can see a big red sign out there way up in the air. Dave Beeves, Incorporated, Tractor Station . . .
HESTER has noticed the coat beside the car.
HESTER [holding the coat up]: Did you get a new coat?
DIBBLE continues counting into DAVID’s hand.
DAVID: Huh?
Quickly turns to HESTER and the coat. DAN DIBBLE continues counting. DAVID stares at the coat, suddenly in the full blast of all the facts. Now all but DIBBLE are looking at the coat.
AMOS [feels the coat]: Where’d you get this?
DIBBLE: Hold still! Fifty-three, fifty-four, fifty . . .
DAVID looks at AMOS, then down at his hand into which the money is still dropping. He then looks again at AMOS . . . AMOS to him.
AMOS: What’s the matter?
HESTER: What’s come over you?
DAVID suddenly hands the money to HESTER.
DIBBLE: Say!
DAVID [his hand recedes from the bills as though they were burning. To HESTER]: Take it, will ya? I . . .
He starts to point somewhere off right as though he were being called. Then his hand drops . . . and with gathering speed he strides out.
HESTER [astonished]: Davey . . . [She hurries to watch him leaving, to the right, halts.] Why . . . he’s running! [Calling in alarm.] Davey! [She runs out.]
J.B., PAT and DAN stand, watching them open-mouthed as they disappear down the driveway. AMOS is center, downstage.
DIBBLE: What in the world come over the boy? I didn’t finish payin’ him.
>
They stand looking right. AMOS looks at the coat. He starts turning it inside out, examining it carefully, perplexed . . . Slow Curtain.
ACT TWO
Scene i
June. Three years later. The living room of the FALKs’—now DAVID’s—house. A farmhouse room, but brightly done over. Solid door to outside at the right. In the back wall, right, a swinging door to the dining room. A stairway at the back, its landing at the left. A door, leading to an office in the bedroom, down left. One window at left. Two windows flanking the door to outside at right. Good blue rug, odd pieces, some new, some old. Oak. A pair of well-used rubber boots beside the door.
The stage is empty. A perfect summer day, not too hot. Noon. After a moment the doorbell rings.
HESTER [from above, shouts excitedly]: They’re here! Davey!
DAVID [hurrying down the stairs, buttoning on a white shirt. He wears pressed pants, shined shoes, his hair has just been combed; shouting up]: I’ll get it, I’m going!
HESTER [her head sticking out at the junction of banister and ceiling. She quickly surveys the room as DAVID comes off the stairs]: Get your boots out of there! I just fixed up the house! The bell rings.
DAVID [calling toward the door]: Just a minute! [getting the boots together. To HESTER.] Go on, get dressed, it’s almost noon! [He opens door to dining room.]
HESTER: Don’t put them in there! They’re filthy! Down the cellar!
DAVID: But I always put them in here!
HESTER: But you promised once the house is painted!
Door opens. Enter GUS.
GUS: Don’t bother. It’s only me.
He wears a white Palm Beach suit, hatless. HESTER and DAVID stare at him in astonishment. She comes down the stairs. She is dressed in a robe, but has her best shoes on. Her hair is set.
HESTER: Why, Gus! You look so handsome!
GUS: It is such a special day, I decided to make an impression on myself.
HESTER: No, you go perfectly with the room.
DAVID [laughing with GUS]: Watch yourself or she’ll hang you in a frame over the couch. [He stamps at her to get her moving. ]
HESTER [squealing, she runs to the stairs and up a few steps, and leans over the banister]: Is your girl outside? Bring her in. DAVID: Hey, that’s right! Where’s your girl?
GUS [looking up]: Well, we both decided suddenly that until she can become as beautiful as Hester . . .
HESTER: Oh, you.
GUS [opening his arms like a pleading lover]: Until she shows ability to make over a house like this was, and until etcetera and etcetera, she is not the girl for me, so I haven’t seen her all week. Anyway, I have decided definitely I need only a red-headed girl.
HESTER [to GUS]: Stand in the middle of the room when they come in. You make it look just like the picture in the Ladies Home Journal.
DAVID [starting after her]: Get dressed, will ya? Dad’ll cut my head off if we’re not ready! HESTER laughs with delight and runs upstairs.
GUS [looking around]: It came out so nice. You know, this house shines in the sun a quarter of a mile away.
DAVID: Well, look at that sun! [Goes right to windows.] God must’ve pulled up the sun this morning, grabbed him by the back of the neck, and said—make it a baseball day.
GUS [touching the wall]: Now it is truly a place to call home. Amazing.
DAVID [laughs musingly, indicating the windows at the right]: You know, when I came down this morning that window caught my eye. I used to sneak under that window when we were kids and peek in here to watch Hester doing her homework. And then I used to sneak away. And now I can walk in and outa this house fifty times a day and sleep up in his room night after night! [Looks through the window.] Wherever he is I bet he still can’t figure it out. Read the encyclopedia if you like. I’ll put on a tie. [Goes to the landing.]
GUS [looking around]: Encyclopedia, furniture, new plumbing. . . . When am I going to see a couple of brats around here!
DAVID [stops at the landing]: What’s the rush, you got some old suits you want ruined?
GUS: Me? I always pick up babies by the back of the neck, but . . . [Idly.] without children you wouldn’t have to fix nothin’ in here for twenty years. When nothing breaks it’s boring. [He sits, reaches over for an encyclopedia volume.]
DAVID [glances above, comes away from stairs. Quietly]: I been wanting to ask you about that.
GUS: What?
DAVID [hesitates. In good humor]: Did you ever hear of it happening when people didn’t have kids because of the man?
GUS: Certainly, why not? Why don’t you talk it over with her?
DAVID [laughs self-consciously]: I can’t seem to get around to it. I mean we somehow always took it for granted, kinda, that when the time was right a kid would just naturally come along.
GUS: You go to the doctor, then you’ll know. . . . Or do you want to know?
DAVID: Sure I do, but I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem right, especially when we’ve been all set financially for over two years now.
GUS: Right! What has this got to do with right or wrong? There is no justice in the world.
DAVID [looks at him, then goes to the landing, stops]: I’ll never believe that, Gus. If one way or another a man don’t receive according to what he deserves inside . . . well, it’s a madhouse.
HESTER [from above]: There’s a car stopping in front of the house! [Coming down.] Did you put your boots away?
DAVID [slightly annoyed]: Yeh, I put ’em away! [Goes across to the door.]
HESTER [hurrying downstairs]: You didn’t! [Hurrying across the room toward the boots.] He’ll have the place like a pigsty in a week!
DAVID opens the door and looks out.
GUS [to HESTER]: Get used to it, the place will never be so neat once you have children around.
DAVID turns to him, quickly, resentment in his face.
HESTER [stops moving. An eager glow lights up her expression.
The boots are in her hand]: Don’t you think it is a wonderful house for children?
DAVID: Hello! Hello, Mr. Dibble! Didn’t expect to see you around here today. Come in, come in.
Enter DAN DIBBLE after wiping his feet carefully on the doormat.
DIBBLE: Had to see J.B. on some business. Thought I’d stop in, say hello. Afternoon, Mrs. Beeves.
HESTER: Hello, Mr. Dibble. [She picks up the boots and goes out.]
DAVID: You know Gus Eberson. He’s with me over at the shop.
DIBBLE: Sure, how are you, Gus? Say, you look more like a banker than a mechanic.
DAVID: Best mechanic there is.
DIBBLE: What I always say—never judge a man by his clothes. A man and his clothes are soon parted. [They laugh.] Say, J.B. was tellin’ me you used to have a shop of your own here in town—over in Poplar Street was it . . . ?
DAVID: We amalgamated, Gus and I.
GUS: Actually, Mr. Dibble, I ran out of money and customers after the first seven months. I am working now for Mr. Beeves since over two years.
DIBBLE: Well, say, this is the first time I knew a hired man to insist he wasn’t the boss’s partner, and the boss to let on he was.
GUS [chuckles]: Mr. Beeves suffers sometimes from an overdeveloped sense of responsibility.
DIBBLE: That’s why I spotted him as a natural mink man. Given it any more thought, David?
DAVID: A lot, Mr. Dibble, a lot—but I’m afraid I haven’t got an answer for you yet.
DIBBLE: Got time for a few facts today?
DAVID: Tell you the truth, we’re expecting J.B. and Shory. Goin’ up to Burley for the ball game. You heard about my brother, didn’t you?
DIBBLE: J.B. said somethin’ about him pitchin’ against that colored team. Say, if he can knock them boys over he really belongs in the Big Leagues.
DAVID: I guess after today’s game, Amos Beeves will be playin’ for the Detroit Tigers.
DIBBLE: Well, say, they really took him, eh?
DAVID: Just about. A Tiger scout’s go
in’ to be in the grand-stand today.
DIBBLE: Well, say, it’s about time.
DAVID: Yep, things even up, I guess in the long run. Why don’t you drop around tonight. Havin’ a big barbecue after the game.
Enter HESTER from the dining room.
DIBBLE: Thanks, I’d like to but I got to get back and see my mink get fed on time and proper.
HESTER: David just never stops talkin’ about mink. [Sits.] Have you still got that tiny one with the white spot on his head?
DAVID [seeing HESTER’s interest kindles a happy liveliness in him]: Oh, that one’s probably been in and out of a dozen New York night clubs by this time. [They laugh.]
HESTER [disturbed—to DIBBLE]: Oh, you didn’t kill her?
DAVID [to GUS and HESTER]: That’s the way you get about mink, they’re like people, little nervous people.
DIBBLE: I call them my little bankers myself. Pour a dollar’s worth of feed down their gullets and they’ll return you forty percent; best little bankers in the world.
DAVID: Except when they fall, Mr. Dibble, except when they fall.
DIBBLE: Mink never fall!
DAVID: Oh, now, Mr. Dibble . . .
DIBBLE: They don’t! It’s their keepers fall down on them. When a feller goes broke tryin’ to raise mink it’s mainly because he’s a careless man. From everything I’ve seen, David, you ain’t that kind. You got a farm here clean as a hospital and mink needs a clean place. You’re the first and only man I thought of when I decided to sell off some of my breeders when my doctor told me to ease up.
DAVID: I been askin’ around lately, and everybody I talked to . . .
DIBBLE [to GUS too]: I’m glad you made the inquiries. It shows you’re a careful man. And now I’ll tell you my answer. Easiest thing in the world is to kill a mink. Mink’ll die of a cold draught; they’ll die of heart failure; indigestion can kill them, a cut lip, a bad tooth or sex trouble. And worse than that, the mink is a temperamental old woman. I wear an old brown canvas coat when I work around them. If I change that coat it might start them to eating their young. A big loud noise like thunder, or a heavy hailstorm comes and the mother’s liable to pick up the litter, put ’em out in the open part of the cage, and then she’ll go back into the nest box and close her eyes. As though they’re out of danger if they’re out of her sight. And when the storm’s over you might have six or eight kits drowned to death out there. I’ve seen mink murder each other, I’ve seen them eat themselves to death and starve themselves to death, and I’ve seen them die of just plain worry. But! Not on my ranch! I’ll show my records to anybody.
The Man Who Had All the Luck Page 6