He releases his hold and gently lowers me back on solid ground. Only, I don’t feel steady. I feel as if the world is off balance, much like my heart. Something’s happening here and it’s too potent to ignore. Maybe it’s the holiday magic wafting through the air, or the warm welcome Seneca Falls has given me. Or maybe it’s just . . . him. Us.
I smooth my shirt of any wrinkles and swallow back my trepidations, meeting Jude’s wistful gaze. “What was that all about?”
He presses into me, backing me up against the car, our noses inches apart. “I just want to hold on to you as long as I can.”
My heart melts faster than a snowman in summer and my stomach drops to my knees. “Somehow, Jude, I know exactly what you mean.”
16
Jude
After yet another unforgettable evening with Leila, she decided to drive back home and spend the night there. Tomorrow is the day before the wedding and even though she used the excuse that she had some work to tend to and chores to take care of, I have a feeling she needs a little space to reclaim some normalcy in such an odd situation.
Can’t say as I blame her. I’m feeling somewhat uneasy myself and it has nothing to do with cold feet. In fact, my feet are so damn warm, it’s scary.
“Where’s Leila?” Mom asks when I walk in the house to find her watching television—another cheesy Christmas flick on the Hallmark channel.
“She had to take care of some stuff at home.”
“Oh.” She deflates, her shoulders drooping. Seems she’s smitten with her, too.
I comb my fingers through my messy hair and offer her solace in the can’t-get-enough-of-Leila department. “Not to worry, Ma, she’ll be back tomorrow afternoon after I’m done at the winery.” I kick off my shoes and head upstairs. I’m in the mood to jot down some lyrics to a new song that’s come to me and when inspiration strikes, I take advantage.
“Hey, Jude?” Mom asks as I place a hand on the banister, ready to ascend.
“Yeah?” I look back at her.
“You okay?” she asks, lowering the volume as the actor and actress on TV share a first kiss underneath the mistletoe.
I hide a huff, not wanting to come off irritated by her concern. It’s not her fault my thoughts and emotions are all over the place. She’s actually been pretty tame in light of everything going on. By the time I shuffle over to the loveseat, opposite the sofa she’s seated on, the TV is completely muted and Mom is eyeing me with suspicion.
“I’m fine, Ma. What’s up with you?”
“Oh, nothing.” She moves her head around and makes eye contact with everything in the room besides me.
“Ma . . .” I trail off, waiting for an explanation to her weirdness.
She shifts in her seat, jolting forward so she’s hanging off the edge. “Oh, Jude. I’ve been trying to mind my business. I don’t want to make you upset with me, but . . .” She pauses to gauge if I am in fact upset with her, and when she sees I’m unaffected and ready to hear her out, she continues. “I know this whole wedding plan started out as some kind of game to get back at that Melissa girl, but honey, I see you with Leila. I’ve watched how she looks at you, how you act towards her. Something this powerful shouldn’t be ignored, honey.”
I swallow a knot in my throat and stare back at my mother, unable to speak. At least I’m not as crazy as I feared. She sees it, too.
“Am I wrong, Jude? If I am, if you feel nothing for that girl, then forget everything I just said and go along with the game, but if I’m right—and I hate to rub it in, but a mother’s intuition always is—I think you’d be foolish to let her slip away.”
I laugh at her incessant need to be right when it comes to her only son as I lean back against the couch cushions. Sucking in a much-needed deep inhalation of air, I shake my head and express my feelings aloud. “I don’t know, Ma. This is all so crazy. I really like her, but I don’t want to scare her off by telling her just how much I like her. And this whole wedding thing is only making it more difficult. If she were any other girl, this wouldn’t even be up for discussion. I’d watch her walk down that aisle to fool her sister and then let her walk right out of my life once the jig is up. But she’s not just any other girl, Ma. Leila is . . . She’s perfect. She’s everything. She’s—”
“Oh, Jude.” Suddenly Mom’s in tears and for once is has nothing to do with the Hallmark movie.
“Why are you crying?” I throw my arms up in the air, frustrated by how quickly my mother can turn on the waterworks.
“Because you’re my son and I love you, that’s why. You can’t understand it now, but when you have kids of your own, you’ll see.”
“Whoa! Can we take one thing at a time? A few days ago I was single and fine with it. Now you’re talking about grandkids?”
Mom chuckles and the joy reaches all the way up to her blue eyes. “That’s the beauty of fate, honey.” She smiles, steepling her hands under her chin. “You never know when it’s gonna step in and surprise you.”
I let what she’s trying to say marinate. I’ve never been a romantic, other than on paper with my music, but Leila has infused me with a newfound starry-eyed outlook that has me by the balls. I’ll have to thank her for the inspiration to at least ten new songs swimming in my head. Even still, I’m worried my heart is making too many rash decisions and that it’ll catch up with me later and bring me crashing down to reality.
When I don’t respond, Mom joins me on the loveseat and wraps an arm around my shoulders. I take comfort in her tender touch. Every man, no matter how old, needs his mama’s lovin’ now and then. I reach over to plant a kiss over her silvering hair to let her know how much I appreciate her. I don’t tell her often enough.
She tightens her embrace and offers more advice. “All I’m saying is that love shouldn’t be taken for granted. It knows no bounds. There are no time limits or rules, it’s just there, when you least expect it, waiting for you to accept it and then offer it in return.” Wise words, but baffling all the same.
“I’ve known her less than a week, Ma. Regardless of how I feel, asking her to take this wedding seriously will sound insane.”
“To some, yes, but I knew your father for years before we married and you know how that turned out.”
I raise a brow and back away. “Yet another reason not to jump the gun. If you and Dad couldn’t make it work, how will we? We’re practically strangers. There’s still so much to learn. So much that can go wrong. And what if she doesn’t feel the same? I haven’t even thought about that.” I grip a chunk of my hair, vulnerable for the first time in a long time.
“Oh, my boy. There are no guarantees, but you won’t know unless you try. Tell me, would you be able to live with yourself if you didn’t?” This makes me think of what Leila said about living each day to its fullest. What if tomorrow never comes? Women really are the smarter gender and my mother has a solid point. There’s no way I could live with letting her get away and not giving this a shot.
17
Leila
I always imagined I’d be a ball of nerves on my wedding day. That’s just the name of the game, the natural order of things. Only, nothing is natural about this because it is a game. A silly hill of an idea that somehow snowballed into a mountain of lies and that has my heart all kinds of confused. And unlike most weddings, this one wasn’t supposed to involve my heart—at all. But that changed over the course of this memorable week. One of the most amazing weeks of my life, actually. Who knew that it could take seven measly days—maybe even less—to turn your world upside down in the best way possible? I sure didn’t. Yet here I am, dangling from the precipice, awaiting a moment of truth I’m not quite sure I’m ready to face because I don’t even know what the truth is.
“Ready to face the music?” Mama Rosa enters the small room at the back of Town Hall in a tornado of joy, coming right for me.
Funny how I’ve only met the woman once but I already love her. She appraises me from the crown of baby’s breath at the top o
f my head to the modest train at the base of my vintage lace gown. The genuine smile on her face lets me know she approves of the final product. It also fuels me to speak the truth. “I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m actually quite nervous.” I admit this without reluctance. Mama Rosa is one of those people you can spill your guts to without judgment.
“Oh, don’t be silly, dear. Everything will go according to plan because I made all the arrangements. You’re in good hands. I promise.” She crosses her heart and seals the oath with a kiss on my cheek. I don’t doubt her one bit. I’ve had a chance to scope things out and even though this is a bogus wedding, everything is exactly how I’d want it to be if it were genuine.
The intimate restaurant is decked to the nines with an arch of red and white poinsettia towards the back of the room. Facing the makeshift altar are a few rows of seats lined up for the small number of guests who will be joining us on such short notice. The perimeter of the room is decorated with silver and gold candles of varying heights and there’s even a string quartet set to play for the ceremony—a few guys Jude knows from the music school he attended growing up.
I’m in awe of it all. It’s breathtaking but simple. But most of all, I’m amazed by how accepting Jude’s family and friends have been of this event. From the little I’ve seen, this is a tightly knit community with a cast of characters full of heart. And smack dab in the center is Mama Rosa—my number one cheerleader.
The yearning ache inside my chest grows more intense because I realize, I want to be part of this world. I want to know more about everyone and everything surrounding Jude’s life.
“Come now. What’s got you so nervous, love? This is supposed to be fun, remember?” She winks, eliciting an authentic smile from me.
She’s right, but I still can’t shake my nerves. I take a deep breath and rest my hands over my belly, smoothing them over the ivory lace. It’s not that I’m scared to go through with the plan—it’s the consequences that have me rattled. Not to mention the rampant emotions I’ve developed for Jude. Where do those even fit in to this? I’m a mess on the inside regardless of how fit-for-the-part I seem on the outside. With a long, harrowing exhale, I confess what I’m most worried about. “I feel bad about lying to my Dad, for one. And the rest is a bit more complicated.”
Mama Rosa nods, reaching out to finger a loose strand of my hair. When her eyes lift to meet mine, they sparkle with mischief mixed with understanding, laced with precious knowledge. To say her contemplation is one part mystical and two parts inspiring is an understatement, but either way, it’s something to behold.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I blurt out with a laugh.
“Because the only one you’re lying to is yourself, Leila.” Her response is cryptic and unfortunately cut short because the rapping on the door interrupts our heart-to-heart. The person who storms into the room before given an invitation is none other than the witch who got me into this jam in the first place.
I gulp back my nerves to play the role of the giddy bride. “Melissa!” I feign excitement. “You’re here!”
My sister scowls at me with a penetrating stare. Before she can speak, Mama Rosa is embracing me and whispering in my year. “Don’t ignore what’s right under your nose, dear. The best things in life are unexpected.”
I’m pretty sure that’s not how the saying goes, but I’d never disagree with this woman after all she’s done for me—and with Melissa as an audience.
Without elaborating on her sage advice, Mama Rosa waltzes past Melissa and then spins around to appraise me again. She lands one hand on Melissa’s shoulder and waves the other in my direction. “Doesn’t she make the loveliest bride? I’d even go as far as to say she’s the bride of the century—no one can possibly compare.” Mama Rosa winks at me before she turns on her heel and I suppress the snicker her cheekiness triggers. Mama Rosa-1, Melissa-0. Damn, do I owe her!
Once Mama Rosa is gone, Melissa marches toward me with balled fists at her sides. As she comes closer, I notice how this surprise wedding has taken a toll on her. Her usually flawless, porcelain complexion is pocked with stress-related pimples and the dark circles under her eyes speak of little sleep. For a split second I take pity on her, but then I remember the years of crap she’s shoveled my way, including abandoning me last week at the vineyard and waiting an entire day to reach out to me.
“I’m not here to take part in this ridiculous shit show, Leila. I came to tell you that you are a horrible sister and an even worse human being for doing this to me! My wedding is a week from today and I can’t focus on anything other than . . . you stealing my thunder!”
My brow crinkles in disgust and hot rage reaches my ears. I’d love to finally give her a piece of my mind, but I keep thinking of my father and how I have to see this through to spare his feelings. The poor man hasn’t even met Jude yet because of traffic. He’ll be meeting him for the first time right before he walks me down the aisle. This is all too much for one fragile human being to handle, but I can’t break character now. Not when I’m so close to the finish line. Another deep breath grounds me, compelling a graceful reaction to her bitter words. “I’m not sure what you mean. What does my wedding have to do with you?”
“Really cute, Leila.” She sniffs, lifting her nose into the air. “But your innocent act doesn’t work on me. This is a joke. Do you really expect me to believe any of this? This is all some ridiculous ploy to get some attention. Isn’t it?”
How dare she be so callous as to think the world revolves around her. What if I really had fallen in love and decided to tie the knot on a whim? This girl is unbelievable! I don’t realize I’m grinding my teeth until my jaw starts to ache. I guess she’s smarter than I thought, having figured it out, but I’m not about to give her the satisfaction of admitting she’s right. And let’s not forget the desperation in her voice—Isn’t it? Maybe she’s not so smart after all. Maybe I have her fooled.
“No!” I stand tall. “This isn’t a joke, not that you deserve an explanation . . . because this is my life, my heart, and my very real wedding day! I have no idea what goes on between you and Russell, but I do know I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” I find myself channeling my innermost feelings for Jude, the truth surprising me as it spills from my lips. “I’ve never met someone quite like him—he’s everything I never knew I wanted and so much more. He has my back more than some people who’ve known me my whole life and he understands me in ways no one else does. He makes me so happy my face hurts from smiling. And let me let you in on a little secret—that’s not the only thing aching after we’ve been together, if you know what I mean.”
I feel myself blush, but savor the open-mouthed shock on Melissa’s face. Before she can interrupt my confession, I press on because I need to get it all out and emit these feelings into the universe so they’re known. “He is amazing in every sense of the word. He’s perfect for me and I love him, Melissa. No matter what you think or what you say, I love Jude with all my heart and this will be the happiest day of my life whether you approve or not.”
It feels so good to be free from the burden of silencing those emotions for fear of sounding crazy. I love him. There’s no doubt in my mind. This is what Mama Rosa was talking about. The best things in life are unexpected. Sure, this whole relationship was thrown at me and then took flight at mach speed, but it’s finally hit me—on my fake-wedding-day—that I’ve fallen in love with Jude Romano and time or circumstance will not dictate otherwise. Beaming with the giddiest grin, I puff up my chest and pull up the train of my gown. I have to find Jude. I cannot wait a second longer to tell him how I feel.
Except Melissa is a brick wall of resistance, thwarting me from seeking out my groom.
“Please move,” I plead, my nostrils flaring.
Melissa cocks a hip and stares me down. “Cat’s out of the bag, little girl. I knew this was a joke.”
“What are you talking about? Didn’t you just hear me? Stop being a bitch and let me
get to him. I want to see Ju—” My hands flies to my mouth when I realize what I’ve done.
“Jude. You said Jude, as in the boy from the winery. I knew you were a slut but I had no idea you were a liar, too. Wait until Daddy finds out about this. He’ll be so disappointed in his little Buttercup.” She knows my triggers. There’s no ignoring the pleasure Melissa takes in my discomfort. Tears prick my eyes while a devious smile paints her lips.
“Who’ll be so disappointed?” My father’s voice startles me, and both Melissa and I jerk our heads in his direction.
Melissa quickly swivels back toward me and hisses through clenched teeth. “Either you tell him, or I will.”
I’m a millisecond away from breaking under the pressure. I allow the tears to fall—for me, for my dad, for the mess I’ve gotten myself into—and my body trembles from the weight of it all.
My dad is at my side faster than I can blink away the tears I’ve shed. “What’s going on, Buttercup? You look so beautiful; why are you crying?” I’m void of words but I bury my head in the protection of his embrace and hold on to what I imagine are the last few seconds of my father’s trust. He’s been so accepting, so understanding. The guilt for pulling the wool over his eyes makes me feel ill. The only glimmer of hope in this dark cloud of shame is that I haven’t lied about everything. Maybe he’ll understand once I explain.
Melissa clears her throat, garnering Dad’s attention. “Is everything okay?” he asks, directing his concern at my sister.
“I’ll let Leila answer that.” Her eyes narrow, twisting my gut.
I want to run away and pretend none of this ever happened, but my heart aches at the thought of abandoning Jude today, or any other day, for that matter. Meek and helpless, I profess the only truth that’s come of this situation. “Daddy, I have to tell you something, but before I do, you need to know that . . . I love him. I may have lied about . . . a few things . . . but not about that. I love Jude very much.”
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