Acceptance

by Grace R. Duncan

  It was the one truly incongruent thing about him. His wolf could be—and was—a killer. He chased, hunted, and had no qualms about any of it. Yet the human side of him was a healer, and the violence and death he caused, if his human side had been more in control, would have seriously conflicted him.

  When he’d finished eating, he cleaned up and took long drinks of the cool mountain water. Then he ran through the trees and underbrush, leaping logs and streams, pouring on speed and simply feeling the freedom of the wind through his fur.

  He’d denied himself that freedom for way too long. It was understandable; he’d been so focused on Quincy. But he needed to remember how good it felt to run, how much he needed it to clear his head and let go of so much.

  Miles found his favorite hill and settled down, looking out over the forest. The lights of Pittsburgh shone in the distance, even from that far, illuminating the sky. He had just the right angle, the mountain just high enough to see which direction the city was.

  His mate was out there, somewhere. Quincy had texted him from the hotel room to say he was safe for the moment and focusing on relocation before he did anything more. He wouldn’t tell Miles his destination, undoubtedly in case their communications were being intercepted. Quincy could do a lot to hide from people, but as proven by the fact that he’d been in the hospital, he couldn’t do everything.

  Miles tried not to let the ache get to him, but his wolf missed their mate as much as he did. They both knew there should be a sleek black jaguar next to them, tail twitching. Instead he was Mercury knew where, doing Diana knew what.

  Miles was grateful he’d found Quincy. He hadn’t been sure what he’d find for a mate—male or female—but he’d never expected another species. But as he’d told Quincy, he trusted the gods to know what they were doing. He cringed to think what might have happened if his younger life had never changed the way it had.

  He’d known what his sexuality was from early on. He was confused—no doubt about that—because he’d understood there to be gay and straight, but he liked both, which frustrated him for a while. When he finally got a handle on it in high school, he did what he’d since read a lot of bisexuals do: hid in the closet halfway. He didn’t admit to his attraction to men, kept it very firmly to himself.

  But when another of the guys in their pack came out as gay and his parents hadn’t freaked, he’d taken the encouragement. Still, he wasn’t ready to put it all out there just yet.

  Until he’d met Jacob.

  Miles chuffed at the memory, realizing Jacob looked quite a bit like Quincy. Long, lean form, sinewy build, long black hair, and pale skin. He’d been fascinated by the human. Jacob had just moved there from a tiny town farther in the Coleville forest region, and he and Miles had become fast friends at school. It didn’t take long for Miles to figure out Jacob was gay. He had no idea how to handle the fact that Jacob was human, but he figured he had time for that.

  Except, when their senior year was winding down and Miles wanted to take Jacob to prom instead of the nice female wolf his parents had picked out… all hell had broken loose. It had never occurred to him that it would be okay for another guy to be gay, but not their son. Miles had never seen his parents behave like that.

  The screaming had lasted days. Every time he showed his face, his father picked it up all over again. Mostly it was about “putting that gay shit aside” and “finding a nice girl” and “no son of mine.” Miles usually shut it out at that point.

  Eventually Miles learned to just keep to himself. He came and went when his father either wasn’t home or was in bed. He’d been working part time for the pack, so he even spent some of his money eating elsewhere. When the beta’s mate recognized him at the diner for the fourth day in a row, she’d tried to talk to him, but Miles wasn’t ready to tell them what was going on.

  Of course, Jeannie cared about her pack and knew something was wrong. So she went to the alpha, who tracked Miles down at the diner the next night. If Miles had ever wanted to be an alpha, he would have wanted to be like Karl Phillips. He’d never raised his voice, and in all the years Miles knew him, he’d used his alpha power less than a dozen times.

  Karl sat opposite him at the diner, and Jeannie brought coffee. “How about we have a meal together?”

  He might have asked, but Miles knew better than to cross the alpha. “Sure, Alpha,” Miles said, when he’d made sure there weren’t any humans on that end of the room.

  With a smile Karl picked up the sugar and dumped a spoonful into his coffee and stirred it. Miles focused on his own cup, sipping slowly. Karl would speak when he was ready.

  “So, I try to make it my business to know what’s going on in my pack. If one of my wolves is unhappy, I want to know why, because if there’s any chance I can do something about it, I’m going to.”

  Miles knew that about him. He’d seen Karl help more than one family find work or other help over the years. It was one of the reasons he respected the man so much.

  “I don’t have to ask if something’s wrong. I will ask—for now—what it is.” The unspoken addition was that he wouldn’t ask the second time.

  Miles took a deep breath and let it out. Karl hadn’t kicked Wyatt out of the pack when he’d come out. The alpha wasn’t going to kick him out either. The problem was, Miles wasn’t sure anymore if he wanted to stay. He looked up through his lashes. “I… came out to my parents.”

  The only reaction Karl showed was a slight raising of his eyebrows. “You’re gay?”

  Miles shook his head. “I’m bisexual. But… there was a guy I wanted to take to prom.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Hell, I don’t even know if I could have, but I wanted to try. So when I told my parents I didn’t want to go with Layla—the girl they’d picked out for me—and wanted to take Jacob instead….”

  Karl actually winced. “I’m guessing Martin didn’t like that.”

  Miles chuckled humorlessly. “No, no he didn’t. Um… his favorite phrase was ‘no son of mine,’ though I don’t know what followed because I stopped listening.”

  Karl nodded. “I can understand that.”

  Miles took another sip of his own coffee, then stared into the dark liquid as if it could offer wisdom he lacked.

  “You were planning to go to EWU down in Spokane, right?”

  Miles nodded. “Yeah. I was accepted to their Biology/Premed program.”

  “Then what?”

  “I was hoping to go to Seattle for UW for the actual medical program.” He frowned. “I don’t know if I’ll manage that now. One of the things my father said was that if I insisted on ‘that gay shit,’ as he called it, he wasn’t paying for school. I didn’t even know he could.” Miles shrugged.

  Karl didn’t reply for a long moment, and Jeannie brought over thick cheeseburgers, a huge pile of fries, and the ketchup bottle. “Anything else right now?”

  “No thanks,” Karl said, smiling at her.

  She winked at Miles and retreated behind the counter. Miles busied himself with ketchup and assembling the cheeseburger, then stuffing a fry in his mouth.

  “Good grief, boy, I ought to come down on your dad just for your eating habits.”

  Miles blushed. “Uh…,” he started, mouth full, then blushed harder. When he looked up, though, it was to see Karl grinning at him, and the heat in his cheeks faded.

  “Do you still want to go down to Spokane? Did you pick that school for a reason other than location?”

  Miles frowned, then shook his head. “No, not really. It was closer to home, to the pack. I could still come up here for full moons.”

  Karl nodded, taking a bite of his burger. They ate in silence for another few minutes, then Karl sat back. “I could kick Martin out of the pack for the way he treated you.”

  Miles’s eyes widened and he stared at his alpha. “But—”

  Karl held up a hand. “I could. But I don’t think it’d be the best thing for you or the pack. Instead, I have a different thought.”

  Mile
s didn’t reply, simply blinked and waited.

  Karl nodded. “Do you have anything against going to Seattle a little early?”

  Miles thought it through, but he’d already more or less lost his family. Unless he was willing to ignore half of himself, he’d never be able to make them happy. And, truthfully, he’d never be happy that way.

  “No, I don’t.”

  Karl nodded. “All right, then. The Rainier pack has a guy in the UW admissions office. I’ll give Alpha Scott a call tomorrow and see what I can do. I think you’d be a lot happier with a fresh start.”

  Miles swallowed around the lump that formed and tried to remember how to breathe. He didn’t want to leave what he knew. He’d been happy there in the Colville pack. But Karl was right, and Miles wouldn’t be happy there any longer.

  “Thank you, Alpha. I’m so—”

  “Don’t you dare apologize, boy.” Karl scowled. “It’s your father that owes apologies. I can’t force him to accept you, though.” He shook his head. “I can help you get a better start. Colville will get you to Seattle and get college paid for, at least your undergraduate degree. The rest’ll be up to you.”

  Miles nodded. “Thank you. That’s… more than I can expect.”

  Again Karl shook his head, but didn’t say any more, except, “Eat. Jeannie’ll skin us if we don’t finish our dinner.”

  Miles laughed.

  HE’D GONE to Seattle and put everything into his studies, graduating with honors. He’d officially joined the Rainier pack, which was a lot more accepting than his father had been. In fact, Seattle in general was very LGBT-friendly. Miles spent the next eight years throwing himself into his studies. He ran with the Rainier pack now and again, but although they’d been welcoming, it hadn’t felt much like home.

  When Miles graduated with his doctorate in medicine—the graduate degree courtesy of the Rainier pack, to Miles’s shock—Alpha Scott got him to Denver, to the national headquarters, where he could study shifter physiology, and he’d spent two years learning all he could about the differences between humans and shifters. It wasn’t until he’d finally finished that portion of his studies that he’d been at loose ends. He’d spent so much time focused on school and becoming a doctor that he hadn’t let himself think about what came after.

  As much as Miles loved the Pacific Northwest, though, he needed to get away, make a real fresh start. Alpha Scott had come through for him again, suggesting he talk to Alpha Noah of the Forbes pack in southwestern Pennsylvania. Miles hadn’t been too sure about moving all the way across the country, but Noah had been more than happy with the thought of having a shifter doctor nearby, and when he’d outright asked Miles to go, Miles couldn’t turn him down.

  Forbes, the forests of southwestern PA, and the city of Pittsburgh had become home to him like no other place since Colville. He had no doubt in his mind that Diana had been guiding him. Finding his mate there, when he likely never would have come across Quincy’s path otherwise, settled any possible lingering doubt that he might have been in the wrong place. This was home now.

  Miles stood and shook himself, giving in to the ache for a brief moment. He lifted his muzzle and howled out his worry to the stars. He hadn’t expected an answer, but he got not one, but two return howls. He tilted his head, trying to figure out who it was. He howled again, and again they replied. That’s when he recognized them: Jamie and Chad.

  He took off at a full run, dodging trees and rocks, following their voices when he howled again to find them. In a very short time, he cleared a tree line to see the two of them sitting in a small clearing. Jamie ran at him, pounced, and knocked him over. He chuffed and got out from under his friend, only to be pushed over again by Chad. He’d have laughed if he could. Chad was still very much a puppy, having only been changed a couple of months ago. He play-fought with the two of them for a while, the worry and fear fading for the moment.

  Eventually he flopped down onto the grass, panting hard. The other two joined him, and to his surprise, Jamie lay on one side and Chad on the other, both curling up against him. Miles closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the closeness. He’d missed his pack. He needed to get out there more often, be with his own kind. He hoped before too long there’d be a cat along with him.

  When he opened his eyes a short while later, it was to see a big wolf that, despite his current gray eyesight, he knew to be red, and his black-furred mate trot into the clearing. Miles couldn’t resist a wolfy grin. Finley ran up and licked his face several times before plopping down next to him, though Tanner was a little more dignified… and bopped him on the nose with a paw instead.

  Miles chuffed. He’d needed this, needed his friends. But he realized they’d become more than that. They were much closer to family than friends. Sure, he was part of the pack, and to a large degree, the pack was an extended family. But Tanner, Finley, Jamie, and Chad had become a lot more than friends or pack.

  They lay together for a while, and then Finley jumped up and tugged on his ear. Miles shook him off, but got up and knocked him over in retaliation. Finley snorted, and Tanner got in on it, nipping at Finley’s neck. They played for a while, Miles feeling lighter than he had in a long time.

  Finally Finley shifted and squatted in front of them. “You guys want to go back to our place? Have some coffee and stuff?”

  Tanner nodded in agreement and three barks answered him, so Finley shifted back. Together the five of them ran back through the woods, scaring rabbits and squirrels and splashing through the stream behind Tanner and Finley’s house before they all trailed into the mud room. Finley handed out towels while Tanner grabbed sweatpants and handed them to Miles. Chad and Jamie went up to the room they were using currently, and Finley and Tanner pulled the clothes on they’d left behind in the mud room, then led the way to the big table in the dining room.

  Miles loved their house. It had a rustic feel without losing any of the comforts or technology he knew they both loved. The river-rock fireplace had a huge LCD TV hanging above it. The kitchen may have been polished rosewood with copper fixtures, but those only complemented the stainless steel appliances that made cooking much easier on them.

  He wondered what kind of house he and Quincy might build. He could imagine something with Japanese influence, maybe, alongside a stream. They could even build a small pond and running stream if they couldn’t find one to build near. He pictured a tile roof and shoji-style doors. He smiled to himself, thinking about Quincy’s face if he suggested it, and he decided right then and there that he would.

  “So what brings you out tonight?” Finley asked, bringing coffee cups to the table. He and Tanner took spots on one side, and Miles took one on the other.

  Before he could answer, though, Chad and Jamie joined them. “I suspect it has something to do with his mate.”

  Finley blinked at him and Tanner grinned. “Mate?” Finley shook his head. “When did you get a mate? And why am I only now knowing about it?” He narrowed his eyes at Jamie, who ducked his head.

  “I promised I wouldn’t tell yet. There’s a good reason,” he said, holding up a hand.

  Chad kissed Jamie’s cheek. “It is, actually.”

  Finley seemed somewhat mollified but still frowned. “Can you tell me now?”

  Miles sighed but nodded. “Yeah, well…. My mate… is the jaguar you met at Chad’s house.”

  Finley’s eyes widened to huge saucers. “Your mate is a cat?”

  Tanner, Chad, and Jamie all laughed, and Miles nodded, giving his own chagrined smile. “Yeah. You know, I was ready for a guy or girl, but noooo. Diana has to have a sense of humor.”

  Finley snorted. “That’s one way of putting it.”

  Miles grinned. “But… I’m not unhappy with who it is. I’m not happy about what’s going on.”

  “What is going on?” Tanner asked.

  Miles glanced at Chad and Jamie and sighed. “I don’t know everything, but….”

  IT TOOK two cups of coffee and quite a whi
le to tell everything, including the two months they were apart, the fight—Chad about blew a gasket over that—and the subsequent hospital stay. Jamie had wanted to hunt down Dee, Dumb, and Dumber right that second. Miles made a mental note to tell Quincy about it.

  “I mean, we knew he was in the hospital, but we didn’t know it was that bad,” Chad said, shaking his head. “For the love of Diana, what is his father thinking?”

  Miles shook his head. “I wish I knew. I mean… it still boggles my mind what all people can do to one another, you know? But… to your own child? I just….”

  “Wait, he wasn’t there, was he?” Finley asked.

  “Oh no, it was just the three goons,” Miles said. “But… it was under his order. That’s just as bad and maybe even worse. He couldn’t even bother to show up in person.”

  Tanner frowned. “Yeah, I don’t…. I’m not sure I’m very impressed with the jaguar world, from what I know.”

  “Me either, but it looks like I’m going to be involved whether I like it or not,” Miles said.

  “Hey, uh, you’ll be careful, right?” Jamie asked.

  Miles smiled. “They don’t even know about me. And the whole reason Quince doesn’t think we should be together yet is because he’s worried that if they find out… I’ll be a target.”

  Chad wrinkled his nose. “And he’d be right. Maybe you ought to stick around here for a while. I’d go in to the city with you, but I’m not sure I’m quite ready for the noise and smells yet.”

  “Fuck me, I’m so wrapped up in Quincy. How are you doing?”

  “He still can’t seem to stop chasing skunks,” Jamie said, smirking.

  Chad rolled his eyes. “That damned gray vision is messing with me. They just look like big squirrels.”

  “Still haven’t learned to trust your other senses as much yet, huh?”