by Amber Burns
“Almost,” Jenn was glowing brighter than the huge piece of the shiny rock on her finger when it caught the light of the sun. “It’s not that soon, in March, but you know, I want it all to be perfect. So the sooner we start to plan things, the better. I want to enjoy every moment of these five months of planning.”
“It’s enough time for making a cake of the size of this whole state if you want,” she winked. “Or, since I’m jobless now, I could make one sample cake every day for you and Simon to try it and pick the one you want.”
“That sounds heavenly, though I might then need extra five months to get rid of all the calories I would’ve gained eating all those cakes.” Jenn turned her eyes to the big platter of sweets Enya had placed on the table. “I’m ready to start right away.”
“Dig in,” Enya encouraged. “These are all for the hard working folks who’ve volunteered to help me tonight.”
Jenn told everything she had in her mind for that perfect wedding day, which was still months away. Enya was not a big fan of glamorous events, but it did sound perfect. Maybe that was what she lacked? A simple, human dream of a snow white wedding dress and a walk down an aisle decorated with water lilies?
“How are you really doing, Enya,” Jenn suddenly stopped talking about her perfect life and looked at Enya. She hoped there was nothing on her face to give away that Jenn’s happy ever after did not interest her that much right now when her whole world had fallen apart around her. “I can see that you’re not fine, talk to me, please. I know what you are doing, shutting everyone out and closing up inside your head. That’s never helping, Enya. That has never helped you.”
Enya shrugged. There was so much to say, so many things she did not tell her friends during these days. She was not sure she needed them to know every little detail of her short-lived Silversson romance, if she could call it a romance. Maybe he looked at it as a random hookup. He asked himself to continue it in his office with that damned scarf. How else was she to understand it?
“I’ve signed the papers,” she simply answered. She could talk about how bad it felt to give away her business. Not so sure she would explain the emptiness that giving away her heart left.
“Ah, so now you are ten times richer?” Jenn smiled. It was a sad smile, she knew money was not what mattered when Enya lost the store she had put so much effort to build.
“Not exactly,” Enya sighed. “I’ve signed the first version of the agreement. With less money. I do not want to swallow the bait he has thrown my way. I’m not going to be his puppet.”
Not when he had rocked her heart and soul for several nights. Not after what they had shared. It might not mean so much for him, but Enya knew Thomas Silversson had left a big scar on her heart.
“I cannot believe it!” Enya flinched as she heard Emma’s voice.
She and Brandon were standing at the door, stupefied. Emma’s eyes were huge with surprise, her mouth open, her arms thrown to her sides. She had tried to talk some sense into Enya all these weeks. At times, it felt like Emma was more concerned about getting the better deal than Enya was.
“I swear to god, you are your own worst enemy, girlie!” Emma shook her head and collapsed on the chair next to Jennifer. “I need some sweets to digest this piece of information I’ve just heard.”
She quickly filled her mouth with some chocolate desserts. Those were her favorites. Brandon was still standing at the door.
“Hey, sorry I’m crashing your girl’s party,” he spoke shyly. Too shy for a high school best friend who had heard every piece of the crazy story these women had been through. “Em and I just thought you might need some man power to carry some boxes and the stuff like that. And there’s not much that I don’t know about you anyway, so don’t mind me, just keep on talking.”
“And you might need some guy’s advice as well, girlie,” Emma spoke with her mouth full of chocolate.
She was still trying to sound serious and even look menacing. Enya smiled. She doubted any advice was going to save the day, but listening did not hurt. Much.
“Yeh, well, I’m not here to lecture you, En, you know that,” Bran sat next to her. “But when, if not now, you might need some friendly advice? Listen, I get it that you don’t want his money. I respect that decision, even if Emma’s gonna kick my ass later at home for saying it. But I know what you’ve done to that guy.”
“What she always does,” Emma crossed her arms over her chest. “Look, none of us was ever on Jake’s side. He was a lousy, stupid idiot. But the man did love you. And what you did? Pushed him away again and again.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Jennifer tried to calm them down. “Maybe it’s enough. She is having a difficult day.”
“It’s not enough, Jenn. She has to hear this and who else if not her best friends will tell her that?” Emma nodded at Brandon, who took her hand into his and continued.
“She’s right,” Bran said.
Did they rehearse this little speech? Enya wondered. This sounded like some perfectly written and rehearsed lines, not something that spontaneously came to their minds.
“Think about it - how many times you’ve pushed Jake over the edge, made him feel he was not good enough for you? You were always this hard working, smart and successful woman and you made him feeli like he was never trying hard enough, never loving you enough, caring enough… or whatever else you wanted. Now with all that in mind, let me ask you one question – what happened with this Thomas guy?”
Enya looked away. He was probably right. All of them were.
“I can answer that question,” Emma pushed. “She had been just her usual self. Silversson was just the next Jake, or those that came before him!”
“Enough,” Enya was not ready to listen to all of that now. They might be right, but this was her life and her relationships. If she wanted to ruin every single one of them, it was her call and only hers. “I need to go and take care of something. You get some coffee and sweets and I’ll be back soon.”
She rushed out of the shop walking as fast as she could. She needed some air. But first of all, she needed to deliver something to Silversson Industries; in person. Not that she enjoyed it, but if Thomas Silversson could deliver her invitations to her in the shop, she could do the same. And no hard feelings involved.
As she walked to the headquarters of Silversson Industries, she made herself a promise. Once she left this envelope at the reception, she was going to return to her shop, apologize to her friends and start her life anew. This was a plan and Enya Willson loved following her plans.
17
Enya’s plan fell apart the moment the signed offer left her fingertips. It was as if she was ripping a part of herself out and handing it over to the corporate overlord. Her dreams, ambitions and want of anything going with it. Enya didn’t return to the shop after she delivered the papersthat handed over her shop to Silversson Industries. She no longer cared about cleaning or emptying her shop or trying to explain how she felt to her friends. She didn’t want to cry, to argue, to possibly lose friends who just couldn’t understand how she felt at that very moment. She would need friends later and there was no guarantee they would stick around if she let her crazy self loose on them.
Instead, Enya went to the rooftop in the search of her mysterious lover. The man who seemingly started this whole process, though she was sure he couldn’t have possibly done so. She wanted to find the comfort and strength she first felt in his arms during their rendezvous up on the very same rooftop.
He did not show up that night, just as he hadn’t the night she had slept upon the roof after the Silversson Grandma disaster. She repeated her journey also on the next night, as well as on the third. She was determined, but her mystery man was elusive.
During the day, when she wasn’t staring into the skyline from the rooftop, Enya turned off her phone and slept as much as she could. There was not much to do anyway. She was not in the mood for packing the stuff in the shop. Hiding away from everyone and everything felt g
ood. She needed some time to calm down, heal, and not think. Sooner or later she was going to make everything alright again, that was what she always did. She didn’t quite know how, or when just that it would happen when she was ready.
On the fourth night, he showed up. Enya was lost in thought, her eyes slowly scanning the lights flickering in the distance when a light shuffling stirred her attention. Enya could not explain the relief she felt when her eyes fell onto the yellow glass of his goggles. A sense of being safe and protected filled her being.
“So you came back,” he said as he sat down next to her as if it was a completely normal thing that she’d come searching for him night after night. There was no surprise, no happiness or anger in his voice. Just plain words as if read from a page of a boring book. “Good to see you.”
He was wearing his mask along with the yellow lensed goggles that Enya remembered so well. She felt no need to see his face, look into his eyes. The mystery around him, the anonymity oddly made her trust him even more. The was no danger of either knowing the other. He was her safe escape from everything and everyone, and one person in particular.
“I had almost lost the hope that I’d see you again,” she said.
“Did you search for me?” she could hear the amusement in his voice.
“I did.” Enya was not playing any games. She knew why she was here and she was going for it. “I needed you.”
“Is that so?” He did not sound very excited. “I believe you should leave. It is not safe for you here.”
He jumped up from his seat as if it was hit by lightning. Enya was not sure whether it was her words that unsettled him or some inner drama of his own she was unaware of. It was not often that she confessed about her needing anyone, let alone told a man she had met only once in her life and spent only one spontaneous night with him.
“Please, don’t push me away,” she walked close to him. “This was the only place I wanted to be.”
“Why is that? You seemed in a hurry when you disappeared last time,” his voice was cold, full of accusation.
“Can we...” she licked her lips. Enya was not used to speaking or asking for sex. In her universe that usually happened without words. Thomas Silversson had made her beg him for pleasure a few times. But that is what brought her back to the rooftop; an attempt to erase Thomas Silversson from her life.
“We can,” he said.
“You didn’t even hear what I was going to say.”
“Does it matter? I tell you there is nothing we can’t. There is nothing you can’t. Now, tell me what you want.”
He was different today, cold and also arrogant. He reminded her of him when there was supposed to be nothing similar about those two people. Or maybe it was her mind playing tricks on her and she was seeing Thomas Silversson everywhere, including in her mysterious street artist. Still, the feeling that he reminded her of him, did not give her any rest. And even worse, it made her want him even more.
“I...” Enya swallowed the lump of guilt and anxiety in her throat.
She didn’t want to say it, to be forced to beg for what she wanted like Thomas had made her do. Yet, she knew she would because she needed it.
“I want you to take me on this rooftop again,” She finally blurted out.
“Darling, that is one sweet request I cannot reject. But tell me one thing. Why, all of a sudden, do you crave anonymous sex again, Enya?”
Enya shuddered. He was reading right through her soul. He had done it before, was doing it now again. Everything about this man should have terrified her, pushed her to run away from him. Yet, like a butterfly seeking her own destruction, Enya was flying right into the arms of men who were to burn her to ashes with her flames.
“I want to push someone out of my heart,” she bowed her head.
One thing made her feel stronger, honestly. She was not good in pretending things were any different from what they truly were. She was here only and only because she did want to let another man take what she had given to Thomas Silversson. In some way, in her twisted mind, she was hurting him. He took several long breaths. Enya could not see his eyes, but she could read pain in his body language. He made a step back, then forward, then back again, not knowing whether he wanted to reach for her and stay away from whatever madness had taken over her.
“He has hurt you,” he finally spoke.
Though hushed by the thick material of his mask, she could hear the raw emotion in his voice. It touched her and pained her. Maybe she was being unfair to him in her desire to avenge someone else.
“He did nothing,” she said curtly.
“Huh, is that why it hurts even more?”
He was speaking the words that Enya was not ready to admit to herself. Maybe that was why she needed his company again. Maybe that was why she was ready to trust him even without seeing his face. There was something very sweet about him, and something too familiar.
“Tell me what you really want, Enya.”
“Make me forget him,” she said without thinking. Sometimes words betrayed her. Usually, those were the most sincere words that came out of her mouth. “Please.”
He pulled her close and wrapping his strong arms around her, held her in his firm embrace so long that tears started pouring out of her eyes without her consent. Enya rarely cried in anyone’s company. She always tried to keep looking strong.
“Watch the night with me, Enya,” he whispered into her ear. “Naked,” he then added, and her whole body shivered.
She knew exactly what she wanted as she came here but watching the night while being naked was not exactly her idea of passionate sex meant to push the other man out of her mind. Watching the night sounded too intimate, too sincere. She wanted him to erase every memory of Thomas from her heart. Yet, whatever he said or did, reminded her of him even more.
If she hesitated for another minute, she knew she was going to change her mind. Enya quickly unbuttoned her shirt and let it slide down her shoulders and pool around her feet. It was a warm autumn night and the wind was kind to her. She felt the caress of the cool air. The kisses placed by his hot mouth contrasted it and gave her a mind-blowing blend of sensations.
“Your turn,” she said, licking her lips, impatient to get a better look of his body. She had not had a chance to see much during their first night.
He was wearing an over-sized black hoodie and Enya’s fingers reached for the zipper and pulled it down. Enya was expecting to see a strong, muscled chest. The colorful skin that was revealed to her took her breath away. She let out a gasp as he took off the hoodie and stood in front of her baring what she thought was a very symbolic body art for him.
There was a fiery black dragon rising from the ashes on his chest, with its wings spread to the sides and flames and ashes covering his belly and waist. The design covered almost every inch of his chest. It was a very detailed work, very sensual, powerful yet carrying the pain that the dragon had felt. Its eyes were bright green and there was a scar that ran down the dragon’s long neck to where she supposed was its heart.
“Where did you get the scar?” she asked him, her finger tracing its outline.
He took her hand into his as he helped her trace the scar.
“Tough childhood,” he shrugged. “My dad loved music and booze more than anything.”
He looked away and she knew he did not want to talk more about it. Enya’s whole body trembled. That scar carried so much more than painful memories of his childhood. He was a survivor. Someone who not only rose up again but turned his pain into beautiful art.
“Did you make the design yourself?” it was not really a question. She could see the familiar style. His street art was much bigger in size but the beautiful details and the raw anger that she saw in all those works came from the same source.
“I made the sketch, a friend did the ink,” he explained. “What’s next?”
She could not see his lips but she knew he was smiling mischievously. Her jeans were discarded next and then her underw
ear. Enya stood nearly naked in front of him wearing only her bra.
“Can this stay?” she asked, not sure if she could hide behind that small piece of lace or if she wanted him to rip it off and kiss her nipples.
“No way,” he growled and did exactly as she imagined. The bra flew across the roof and his palms cupped her breasts. “Your heart is beating fast,” he whispered. “Breathe!”
She took long and deep breaths. Her chest rose filled with air and fell as she let it out. When her breathing calmed a little bit, he bowed his head and placed tender kisses on her breasts. So many that in no time Enya was left breathless again. Too soon he pulled away, his mask falling to hide his face before Enya could see what was behind it. With her now completely naked, he followed suit, leaving only his mask and goggles to cover his face.