by Shay Savage
“Yeah. I swear.”
His mouth twitches slightly, and he leans against the wall.
“You don’t have to swear,” Cree says. “You can’t tell a lie to save your life.”
I open my mouth, but I don’t really know how to respond, so I close it again. Casey had just said something similar to me, but I had no idea Cree thought the same thing. I wonder how many times I’ve out-and-out lied to him and can’t really think of any. Lying requires a lot of thought and wordplay, neither of which is my forte.
“You told her, didn’t you?” Cree says abruptly. “You told her about yourself, your past.”
“Yeah.”
“How much?”
“Everything.” I look down, shuffling my feet. “I mean, all the stuff that matters anyway.”
“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I thought you wanted me to.”
“I thought it would be good for you,” Cree says. “I honestly didn’t think you’d be able to get through it. That’s fantastic, dude! I’m proud of ya!”
He reaches out and gives me a light punch on the shoulder.
“You are?”
“Yes, I am. It took you months of knowing me. Once you decided to tell me, it was days before you got the whole story out. You managed to do the same thing in one night with Casey. It’s isolating to keep that all to yourself, and I’m thrilled to hear you told her about it. You live in such a small bubble, Roc. Maybe this is just what you need to get yourself out of it.”
“Maybe.” I glance toward the bathroom, imagining Casey’s look right before she pressed her lips to mine.
“Will you look at that grin!” Cree laughs.
“Stop it.” I didn’t realize I was smiling, but now I can’t seem to stop.
“I have to say, I wasn’t sure how everything was going to play out with you and Casey,” Cree says with a grin of his own. “I’m about to fall asleep on my feet, but I wasn’t going to leave without making sure everything was okay—just in case, you know?”
“In case of what?”
“In case something went wrong and you needed a ride home.”
“Really?” I feel a little torn by Cree’s comment. I’m glad he considered making sure I got home all right but wondering why he thought things wouldn’t work out or that Casey would have left me here if they didn’t. “I think...I think we’re okay.”
“Seems like more than okay.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I smile again. I can’t help it. “I don’t think she would have just left me here though.”
“Maybe not. I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to take the chance.” He places his hand on my shoulder and leans in a bit. “You’re my friend, Roc. I know sometimes you think I just like you because you’re an interesting subject for my research, but that’s not all it is.”
“Thanks.” I look up, trying to keep eye contact with him. “I know it’s not just about research. You’ve told me that before.”
“Sometimes I think you forget.”
“I don’t.”
“Okay.” Cree pats my shoulder a couple of times before leaning back against the wall. “Good. Maybe next weekend, we can grab a drink to celebrate.”
“Celebrate?”
“Losing your virginity.” Cree laughs. “Actually, I bet you’re going to be busy next weekend, aren’t you?”
“I...I don’t know.”
“Better ask your girlfriend.”
I cringe at the word. I know he’s teasing me, and I don’t mind, but that word...
“I hoped she’d be good for you,” Cree says, continuing on. “Even if I was feeling a little paranoid about leaving you here without knowing for sure, I never would have agreed to get you two together if I didn’t think there was a chance. I’m glad it worked out as well as it did. I had some doubts.”
“Why?”
“Because Casey’s known more for her temper than her patience. You need patience.”
“Yeah, I probably do. But Casey...she’s...she’s great.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
Cree looks over toward the bathroom door, cocking his head to the side as if listening, and his mouth turns into a frown.
“You don’t like her any more than she likes you, do you?”
“It’s not that I don’t like her, Roc.” Cree runs his fingers through his hair. “She’s got anger issues, for sure, and I don’t like her taking them out on Kas. That why I was a little hesitant about having her do rope with you. I was afraid she’d get frustrated and take it out on you.”
“You were watching us, weren’t you?”
“Intently—at first, at least. Casey learned from me, and you’re my friend, so I do feel some responsibility there. It was pretty clear after a while that Casey was focused on your needs, and you were comfortable with her, so I focused my attention on something a little more to my liking.”
“Huh?” I look at him quizzically, and Cree gives me a sly grin.
“Tying up Kas and fucking the shit out of her.”
“Oh...that.” I feel heat rise to my face. I really should have been able to figure that one out on my own. I lick my lips nervously, wanting to pose a question but not sure how to phrase it.
“I know that look,” Cree says. “What do you want to ask me?”
“I...I always liked having you tie me,” I say, “but it wasn’t...it was never like...”
“It wasn’t sexual.”
“No, not at all.”
“And you’re wondering why it was so different with Casey?”
“Yeah.”
“Um, because you’re straight, dude.” Cree laughs.
“Is it really that simple?”
“Somewhat. I mean, you have to be attracted to the person tying you if it’s going to turn into something else. You aren’t attracted to me, but you are clearly attracted to Casey, right?”
“I guess so.”
“You guess so?”
“I mean, yes—I’m definitely attracted to her. But when she had me tied up, my eyes were closed. My eyes are always closed when you tie me up, too. How can it feel so different?”
“Well, for starters, Casey and I handle rope very differently. Rope bottoms are going to feel that difference blindfolded, with or without attraction. Aside from that, you still knew it was her, not me.” Cree leans in a little closer, whispering conspiratorially. “And dude...I never rub your dick while I’m tying you.”
I blush, and Cree places his hand on his stomach as he laughs. He shakes his head, still smiling.
“Seriously, Roc, I’m really happy for you, and we should celebrate sometime soon.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I say, glancing back at my feet.
“Here they come,” Cree mumbles under his breath.
I look up to see Casey and Kas walking out of the bathroom. Casey walks straight up to me and grabs my hand, and Cree looks Kas up and down as if he’s looking for injuries.
“You okay, babe?” Cree asks as he pulls Kas close to him.
“I’m fine,” Kas says with a smile. “We’re all good. Next weekend, we’re going to dinner.”
“We are?” Cree raises an eyebrow.
“Well, Casey and I are. You’re both invited, too.”
“Really?” Cree gives Casey an incredulous look.
“I figured if Roc and I are together, I need to get to know his best friend a little better. I owe both of you an explanation, and I’m hoping that will help clear things up and help you understand why I’m such a complete bitch sometimes.”
“You weren’t a b—” Kas starts to say, but Casey interrupts.
“I was a bitch. A complete one, like I said.”
Kas holds her hands up in surrender.
“Next Friday,” Casey says. “It will be a good way to kick off the weekend after midterms. And we need to celebrate.”
“Yeah, we do,” Cree says as he waggles his eyebrows at me.
“Did you tell him?” Casey asks, turning to me.
/> “Tell him? Uh...” I look from Casey to Cree, wondering if we’re really going to have a celebration about my getting laid and hoping we’re not.
“About declaring a major?”
“Oh...that.” I let out a breath.
“You declared a major?” Cree is clearly shocked.
“No...I mean, I’m going to. English. We’re going to talk to the dean on Monday.”
“Wow! Dude, that’s awesome!”
“I haven’t managed it yet,” I say, ducking my head sheepishly.
“But you will,” Casey says gently as she places her finger under my chin and tilts my head back up. “I’m going to help, but you’re the one who’s going to do it. I know you can, and I’ll be there for every step.”
“Friday night it is, then!” Cree smiles and wraps his arm around Kas’s shoulders.
“It’s a double date!” Kas says with a wide grin.
Casey rolls her eyes, grabs my hand, and starts heading toward the stairs.
“We’ll see you next week!” she calls out over her shoulder, then mutters under her breath. “I hope you know that was truly painful.”
“What was?”
“Apologizing.”
“Oh.”
As we walk outside, I’m hit in the face with the cool, early morning air. I shiver a bit, wishing I’d worn a jacket.
“Brr!” Casey releases my hand and rubs her arms. “I thought it was supposed to be warm this weekend!”
I swallow, knowing I should make a similar, small-talk type response, but I’m unable to come up with anything. Casey rushes over to her car and opens the passenger door for me.
“Get in quick!” she says. “Can’t have my new sub freezing to death, can I?”
I comply, and Casey shuts the door for me. Inside the car isn’t a lot warmer than it is outside, but I’ve already forgotten about being cold. My stomach clenches, and I clasp my hands in my lap.
“Roc? What is it?” Casey slides into the driver’s seat and starts the car before reaching over to put her hand on top of mine.
“I...” I don’t know how to express what I’m feeling, and I start to tremble.
“Take a breath,” she says. “Calm down. What upset you?”
“I...you...I should have...” I can’t get the words out, and I start to breathe faster.
“Slow down, Roc.” Casey reaches over with her other hand, stroking my hair as she leans in close. “I’ve got you. It’s all right. Just take your time.”
“I’m never going to be normal!” I finally blurt out. “I’m never going to be that guy you can count on. I’m always going to be a disaster, and you’d be better off just...well, just running away now.”
“I don’t want to run away, Rocco.” Casey shakes her head, obviously confused. “I want to give you what you need, but I don’t understand. What brought this on?”
“I should have opened the door!”
“Why?” Casey asks after a short pause.
“I’m...I’m the guy, and I’m supposed to...to open your door.”
“Fuck that!” Casey sits up straight and grabs a hold of my chin. “Roc, let’s get one thing completely straight here. I’m the Domme. That means I take care of you. Got it? If that means I’m going to open the fucking door for you, then that’s how it will be. I make the decisions, and I don’t give a shit about traditional gender roles, so get that out of your head right now. Understand?”
“Yes.” And in an instant, the panic leaves me.
Casey runs her thumb over my bottom lip and then leans in, kissing me softly.
“You’re adorable, you know that?”
I just stare at her, unable to form a response.
“We are never going to be traditional, Roc, not together and not apart. Cree and his psychology books are all well and good, but you and I both know that sometimes people just don’t fit into those boxes. Some people can’t be helped by the pros, at least not without some other options. I want to give you another option.”
“What other option?”
“Let me be the one to bring you some peace in your life. Let me be the one in control, making your decisions. You follow my lead, and leave behind all those assumptions about who is supposed to do what. I’m going to make sure I always choose what’s best for you.”
“Why would you want to do that?”
“Because it’s what I need in my life, too. I need the control to feel safe, and you need to be controlled to function.”
She strokes my cheek before pressing her lips to mine again. It starts off as a slow kiss but quickly deepens. I relax against her, letting her take charge, letting her lead. When she breaks away, we’re both breathing harder, and the car’s windows have steamed up.
Casey smiles as she leans back in her seat.
“You never know, Rocco. We just might be perfect for each other.”
Chapter 12—Casey
“So, where do you want to go?” I ease the car into drive and pull onto the main road, headed toward campus. I know Rocco lives in one of the residence halls, and my apartment is only a few blocks from the college.
“Uh...it’s kinda late, I guess.” Rocco reaches up and scratches the back of his head.
“It is, and I’m wiped out. We need sleep.”
“Probably.” Rocco stares at the floor of the car, obviously distressed.
“What is it?”
I watch him out of the corner of my eye, and he only shrugs.
“Ugh.” I abruptly pull the car into a gas station and stop. I reach over and grab Rocco’s face in both hands. “What’s wrong?”
He glances out the window, but I hold his head firmly in my hands. Eventually, he has to look back at me.
“I guess...I’m sorry it’s over,” he says.
“Over?” I narrow my eyes. “What’s over?”
“Tonight.”
“Who said anything about it being over?” I grin at him, releasing his face from my hands. “I said we need sleep. I mean together. We just need to decide if we’re going to your place or mine. I’m thinking yours.”
“M-m-my place?”
“Is that okay? It’s, like, four in the morning. My roommate will be getting up in two hours and starting aerobics in the living room. If I’m there, I might kill her. It’s in everyone’s best interest if I stay somewhere else tonight.”
“I...uh...”
“What?”
“I don’t think I’m supposed to have overnight visitors in the dorm room.”
“Well, thankfully it’s closer to morning than night.”
“I don’t have a parking space or anything like that.”
“There’s student parking all around the dorms, Roc. I have a parking pass.” I raise an eyebrow, waiting to see how many excuses he’s going to come up with before he says what’s really bothering him.
“Oh.” He continues to fidget, and it’s driving me crazy.
“Out with it!” I glare at him until he finally gives me a reasonable answer—well, Rocco’s version of reasonable, anyway.
“No one ever comes to my room,” he says quietly. “Cree has a key, but that’s only in case I stop showing up to classes. I’ve never had a...a...”
“A girl in your room?”
“Yeah. That.”
“Do you want me to be in your room?”
“I...I...” Rocco shakes his head a little, but I don’t get the impression that’s he saying no.
“You don’t want to decide?”
“It’s...very different,” he says quietly.
“Because you’ve never done it before or because you’re not sure if you want me there?”
“It’s not you,” he says quickly. “I just don’t know...”
I think for a moment. I’m exhausted and need to get some sleep soon, but I know my roommate will be an issue if we go back to my place, and I need to find a way to put Rocco’s mind at ease or else I’ll just be dropping him off. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want me to leave him any mor
e than I want to. Hell, he’s the one who said he wanted a label for all of this.
Hmm...
I place the tip of my finger just under his chin, tilting his head toward me gently.
“Rocco,” I say, making sure he’s looking at me so I have his full attention, “you are taking your girlfriend to stay at your place tonight, okay?”
Rocco’s eyes go wide as he hears the word, and I know immediately that I made the right decision. I don’t like the label, but considering his reaction, I’m glad I said it. Hearing me say it obviously means a lot more to him than my general aversion to labels means to me. I watch the corners of Rocco’s mouth twitch; he sighs and then smiles broadly.
“Yeah, okay,” he says. “Let’s go.”
“Good boy.” I run my hand over his cheek, kiss him briefly, and head back onto the road.
“Thank you,” he says quietly.
“You like the idea of a label.” I reach over and take his hand in mine.
“Yeah.”
“Why? What difference does it make how other people see us?”
“It’s not for them,” Rocco says softly. “It...it means more than just the rope and all.”
“Calling me your girlfriend makes it more than just about sex? Is that what you mean?”
“Yeah.”
“And that makes you happy?” I rub my thumb over his knuckles.
“Yeah.”
I sigh, reminding myself that one-word answers are better than nothing. At the beginning of the night, he was barely looking at my face and sometimes didn’t even manage to nod, so I’m not going to press. Hopefully, someday he’ll be able to form full sentences in response to my questions.
“I’m gonna crank the radio,” I say, releasing his hand. “Got any preferences?”
“Not really. I don’t listen to much music.”
“I just don’t want to fall asleep while driving,” I say. The radio comes on, blaring metal music. Before long, I pull into a student parking lot near the dorms.
“Lead the way,” I say, giving Rocco a quick smile.
“Over here.” Rocco leads me down a sidewalk and to the back door of the dorm. He looks up and down the corridor as if he’s afraid we’re going to get caught, and I can’t help but giggle.
“I don’t...I don’t want anyone saying anything,” he whispers.