‘A beggar?’ Marnie spluttered. ‘You had me down for a beggar?’ She threw the parcel of cake across the kitchen floor.
Noah laughed nervously. ‘Come now, Marnie. You know it was only a game. You are not truly angry with me, are you? You know I had no choice, don’t you? Imagine the gossip and the scandal if our friendship were to be found out!’ He went to her and placed his arm round her shoulder.
‘But a beggar?’ Marnie asked, her anger easing at the touch of him. ‘Do I look like a beggar?’ She stopped and glanced down at herself; at her stocking-less legs and her old frock, still damp at the hem. She put her hand to her hair and felt it a tangle of wet strands.
‘If you look like a beggar,’ said Noah gently, ‘then you are the most beautiful beggar I have ever seen.’
Marnie walked back to the village alone. Noah said it would be for the best. In case Hetty was looking out for her departure from a window somewhere. Marnie tried to stay mad with Noah. She knew she was hurting somewhere inside. She knew she should think the whole evening spoiled. But all she could hear were Noah’s words. You are the most beautiful beggar I have ever seen.
35
The Journal of Noah de Clevedon
Clevedon. OCTOBER 25th 1868, Sunday (two o’clock in the afternoon)
I have the most marvellous news! We are very shortly to return to London! Mother has a bloom in her cheeks for all to see and has told me she feels her health almost fully recovered. She confided in me that it was the loss of a child that had sickened her so, but has asked me to say nothing to Father of the matter. ‘He would only grieve to hear the news,’ she said. ‘And there is nothing to be done now.’
I confess I am surprisingly saddened at her revelation. I have always longed for a sibling and I had thought Mother past her child-bearing years. But rather she is still with us than lost to the dangers of childbirth. I will respect her request and say nothing to Father. ‘You are such a comfort to me, Noah,’ she said. I kissed her hair and told her she was the dearest mother of all and I was glad she was mine alone.
I will write to Arnold at once. He will inform the whole of London of our impending return, and I know Cissie Baird will be one of the first to hear the news!
I will go to Marnie tonight and tell her too. She will be glad for me, I am sure. I just hope she is not still cross about the events of Sunday last.
36
Maid of the Sea
Noah passed the bottle of wine to Marnie. ‘Have a good swallow,’ he said. ‘It will warm our bellies before we brave the water.’
Marnie took the bottle and lifted it to her lips. Expecting the yeasty thinness of beer, Marnie spluttered when the thick, sweet wine filled her mouth.
‘Steady!’ said Noah. ‘That is fine wine. Not rough vinegar.’
Marnie took another swallow and a trail of warmth seeped down her throat and into her belly. ‘It’s good,’ she gasped. ‘Can I have more?’
Noah laughed. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘But let me wet my lips first.’
They passed the wine between them and with every new mouthful Marnie felt her limbs grow softer and her head grow lighter. It was beautiful on the beach. The sea was calm and quiet and shimmered silver through a low mist. ‘Have you forgiven me for Sunday last, little beggar girl?’ Noah teased.
Marnie looked at him, leaning relaxed against a rock with his hat by his side and his bare toes digging into the shingle. With the wine swirling around her senses, she could forgive him anything. ‘I’ve worse things on me mind than your foolishness,’ she said. ‘But I forgive you in any case.’
‘Well, thank you,’ said Noah, and he lifted the wine bottle in a salute. ‘Now, pray tell me what worse things you have on your mind?’
Words and pictures crowded into Marnie’s head. The wine seemed to have loosened all the black thoughts and memories that had been tightly hidden away, like crabs wedged in the crevices of a rock: the misery of being a cripple, the drowning of Ambrose, the longing for her pa and the suffocating presence of Eldon Cross all scuttled out of their hidey-holes. If she could tell anyone anything, she knew she could tell Noah. And in the telling, maybe the thought or memory wouldn’t be so bad.
‘Come, Marnie,’ Noah urged. ‘Tell me what things a girl like you has on her mind.’
‘An old and ugly suitor for one,’ she said, and watched how Noah’s eyes widened in surprise.
‘A suitor, indeed! And is he so old and so ugly, Marnie?’
‘He is,’ Marnie said firmly. ‘I can’t bear the sight of him.’
‘Can you not just tell him so?’ said Noah. ‘Or at least tell him you are unable to return his affections?’
‘It’s not so simple,’ said Marnie. She thought of Ma’s face, urging her to be nice to Eldon, of how she was made to sit next to him at supper now and of the nights she had woken to find him sitting silently in the kitchen watching her sleep. ‘He’s a lodger at our cottage,’ she said. ‘Me ma wants me to like him. She doesn’t think I could do better. Being a cripple and all.’
‘It is strange to hear you say that, Marnie,’ said Noah. ‘I never think of you in that way. To me, you are a mermaid on land. A maid of the sea!’
‘If only others thought like that,’ said Marnie quietly.
‘Don’t be so hard on yourself, Marnie. You have such spirit. I have never met anyone like you before. Come on, let us not be maudlin. Have some more wine.’
He was right, thought Marnie. Why let Eldon Cross spoil her precious time with Noah? She poured more wine in her mouth and swallowed. Her belly swirled warm and suddenly the black thoughts disappeared. She was just where she wanted to be, with the person she most wanted to be with and the sea was lying before them, inviting them in with its gentle hush. She stood up and steadied herself against the dizziness that rushed to her head. ‘I’ve got an idea!’ she said. ‘Are you brave enough to do it?’
Noah stood up and bowed. ‘Anything you say, my lady.’
‘Let’s bathe as the men do, then!’
‘And how is that?’ asked Noah.
‘You know,’ said Marnie. ‘How they do at Byron’s Bay. As naked as the day they was born!’
The smile fell from Noah’s face. ‘Marnie Gunn! In truth, I am shocked at your suggestion.’
‘No, you’re not,’ said Marnie. ‘You’re just not brave enough!’ She was giddy with the joy of it all. Noah had said she was spirited. Well, now she’d show him just how spirited she was.
‘Come on!’ urged Marnie. ‘The quicker you’re in, the better it is!’
Noah stood like a great dumpling, gawping at Marnie while she pulled off her frock and underclothes. She didn’t stop to think. It was Noah, after all. He’d touched her foot without flinching. There was nothing else to hide from him.
‘Come on!’ Marnie said again. ‘If you’re quick about it, you won’t feel the cold.’
Then she saw the look on his face. How his cheeks were flushed pink and how he couldn’t look her in the eye. It amused her to see him so ill at ease. She turned her back to him then, and shouted over her shoulder, ‘I promise I won’t look!’
Marnie heard him sigh and mutter something to himself. Then there were shuffling noises and the jangle of belt and braces. She turned around suddenly and Noah quickly put his hands to his manhood. Marnie looked at his unclothed limbs and chest and began to laugh.
‘Why, Noah! Just look at you,’ she teased. ‘You’re as white as the underbelly of a flatfish!’
Noah looked down at himself and then back up at Marnie. A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. ‘Well, look at you, Marnie Gunn,’ he said slowly. ‘You are as brown as a common farmhand!’
They stared at each other for a moment. Then Marnie turned and made for the sea. Noah came after her and they both yelped like puppies as the waves slapped against their naked skin. ‘Shush,’ said Marnie. She giggled and hiccoughed. ‘We don’t want to be waking the workers.’ They swam in circles around each other and Marnie dived under the surface and
pulled gently on Noah’s legs. Then Noah held her hand and they let the waves wash over their heads. Everything that had ever troubled Marnie faded away into the sea mist: Ma, Smoaker, Ambrose, Eldon Cross, the pier, her crippled leg and the whole of Clevedon. All that mattered now was the three of them. Her, Noah and the sea.
Even Pa was only a smudge on the horizon at that moment.
After they’d worn themselves out, Marnie and Noah stumbled back up the beach and dried themselves on their clothes. Marnie dressed quickly. Her shift stuck to her salty skin. Noah turned his back to her as he dressed.
A strange silence fell between them as they sat and finished the wine. The moon shone weakly through the mist as Marnie studied Noah’s face. She noticed he had a small mole under his left eyebrow and the corners of his mouth were turned down slightly as he stared out into the blackness of the sea. She thought of his pale arms and legs, the few dark hairs on his chest and the small brown birthmark that she’d seen on his hip. She shivered. It was then, she was sure of it, that something inside her changed. Something shifted and fitted into place, like a key in a lock. It was then that she knew for certain that Noah was more than just a friend. He was her whole world, she realised. And he always would be.
37
The Journal of Noah de Clevedon
Clevedon. OCTOBER 25th 1868, Sunday (half past midnight)
I cannot believe what I did tonight. It must have been the wine, I am sure of it. I have not behaved as a gentleman should, but I do not care. It was Marnie who encouraged me, let us not forget. Maybe all young women of her class behave in such a manner. Or maybe it is just her. I have always sensed she was different.
Whatever the case, I shall never forget the vision of her naked before my eyes. I never imagined a woman’s body could be quite as lovely. The softness of her, the curve of her hips and the roundness and swell of her breasts struck me dumb for a moment. The colour of her skin took me by surprise too. I told her she was as brown as a common farmhand, but that was in jest. Her body was not the pearly white I have always imagined a woman hid under her petticoats and gowns, but the colour of milky tea. It was so utterly beautiful I had to turn my back so I did not embarrass myself.
I never thought I should learn about a woman in this way, but I am glad of it.
I did not tell Marnie of our imminent return to London. But I will tell her soon. There is time enough.
Now to my bed. I want to dream of Marnie and how her wet flesh shone as she emerged from the sea. I already feel a stirring in my underclothes. Is that so very wicked of me?
38
Beady Eyes
Ma wouldn’t take no for an answer. ‘You’ll accept Mr Cross’s invitation, my girl!’ she hissed at Marnie as they stood in the backyard guiding a sopping wet sheet through the wringer. ‘I don’t know what’s the matter with you. It’s only a walk!’
Marnie pulled a face. ‘He wants more than a walk, Ma. You know he does. And he’s ugly. And old enough to be me pa. And … ’ She paused. ‘And he comes and looks at me in the night.’
‘What do you mean, he comes and looks at you in the night?’
‘Just what I said. I wake sometimes in the night and he’s there sitting on a chair all quiet. And he’s staring at me.’
Ma looked at her sharply. ‘He hasn’t touched you, has he?’
‘No,’ said Marnie. ‘But I should scream me head off if he did.’
‘Well, I reckon you’re making a fuss over nothing. He doesn’t mean any harm. He’s just lost his heart to you, is all.’ Ma carried the wrung-out sheet and draped it over the bare branches of a shrub. ‘He’s a good man, Marnie. You won’t get any better. He’s a good worker and earns a good living. You’ll learn to like him in time. You mark my words.’
‘But Ma … !’
‘No. I won’t hear any more of it, Marnie. You’ll go for a walk with that man and you’ll like it. You hear?’ Ma picked up the empty wash tub and trudged back into the cottage. ‘I’ll tell him to come out and fetch you now.’
Marnie groaned angrily and kicked at the clean sheet. ‘Bleedin’ ugly toad!’ she cursed. Well, she wasn’t going to be nice to him. She just couldn’t be. And nobody could make her, either. The cottage door opened and Eldon Cross came ambling out.
‘Your ma says you’re ready,’ he said. ‘Here. I’ve brought your shawl and stick for you.’
Marnie snatched them from him and moved to walk out of the gate. Eldon shifted fast in front of her and got to the gate first. He opened it and gestured for her to walk through. ‘Ta,’ said Marnie before she could stop herself. She grimaced. Why did he have to pretend to be such a gentleman, when he was nothing but a coarse old labourer? Even dressed in his Sunday best he could never compare to a real gentleman. He still had crumbs of bread stuck in his beard! And though Marnie hated to think of it, the sound of him coughing up his phlegm in the mornings came back to her. She shuddered. At least Eldon knew better than to offer her his arm now – though he walked much closer to her than she would have liked.
It was a good, dry, breezy afternoon and there were plenty of people about on the esplanade. Most of them were standing by the railings gawping at the half-built pier. It was a strange sight to be sure. All the legs were in place now; long, spindly things that tiptoed far out to sea. Eldon began to drone on about spans, girders and braces and how the wooden decking was to be made from an African hardwood.
Marnie let him talk on and she thought of Noah instead; how his smooth face was so pale compared to the darkness of Eldon’s roughened features. She thought of Noah’s voice. It was soft and … silky, almost. She wanted to dive right into it. It was nothing like Eldon’s harsh tones. He was still going on and his words were dull and hard and hurt her ears.
She looked at the people milling about and wondered if Noah was walking around the village with Prince. She wouldn’t mind him seeing her with Eldon now. Not now that she’d told him of Eldon’s unwanted attentions. They could laugh about it later, and if Noah saw Eldon, he would understand why it was so dreadful for her. Maybe she could persuade Noah to say something to Eldon to put him off … or … Suddenly Marnie had an idea. Noah could have his father put Eldon out of work! He could send him off the pier and away from Clevedon.
‘Marnie? Are you listening to me?’ Eldon’s voice cut through her thoughts.
Marnie threw him a dismissive glance and began to walk faster, her limp becoming exaggerated as she widened the space between them.
Eldon caught up with her in two long strides. ‘I was saying, Marnie. I should like to be the first to accompany you along the pier once it’s opened. What do you say to that then?’
But Marnie had stopped and was looking down on to the beach – just along from the pier and the workers’ huts – to where she and Noah had met last Sunday. She let herself remember the whiteness of his naked skin; how tender it had looked and how she’d itched to touch him. She thought of how peaceful it had been in the sea and how right it had felt. She smiled to herself and her cheeks glowed warm.
‘Ha! I see you like the idea!’ said Eldon, pressing his shoulder to her as he stood next to her at the railings.
Too late, Marnie realised he’d mistaken the meaning of her smile. ‘No, Mr Cross,’ she said. ‘I was thinking of other things. And it’s a long while till the pier opens. Anything could happen before then. It’s best I don’t make you any promises.’
‘You’re not making it easy for me, are you, Marnie Gunn? But you see, I like that about you. It makes me want you more.’
Marnie looked at him then, straight into his small, empty eyes. ‘Well, I don’t want you at all, Mr Cross.’ She moved away from his shoulder and brushed at her own to get rid of the feel of him.
Eldon Cross laughed, revealing his tobacco-stained teeth. ‘I know you don’t mean that, Marnie. You’ll grow to like me in time. I’m a kind man, you see. And, don’t forget, I’m keeping your little secret safe.’
Marnie glared at him.
‘Wh
at would your ma say if she knew you were sneaking around at night? You can take me with you next time, eh? Show me what it is you get up to.’
Marnie flinched. ‘I only go out for air,’ she said slowly. ‘When I can’t sleep, the night air helps. That’s all.’
‘Maybe that’s so, maybe it’s not,’ said Eldon. ‘But promise to be kinder to me and I promise not to let on to anyone.’
Marnie took a deep breath. It was all she could do not to smash her stick across his head. ‘I’ll do me best, Mr Cross,’ she said tightly.
‘Good! Then everything’s tickety boo, in’t it? Come on, I ’spect your ma’s got supper ready by now.’ He held out his arm and Marnie had no choice this time but to take it.
All the way back to the cottage Marnie struggled to keep her temper in check. She clamped her mouth shut and ground her teeth. The slimy, shifty worm, she thought. Wait till she told Noah. He’d have to get his father to do something now. Get Eldon kicked off the pier and away from Clevedon for good.
Marnie couldn’t settle to anything. Her feet were fidgety and she’d already dropped a pile of supper plates to the floor and set Ma off on a scolding. She knew Eldon Cross was watching her closely as she tried to sew a tear in a shirt that Ma had set her to do. The stitches were clumsy and uneven and she spotted the shirt with blood from her pricked finger. She had to get out and meet Noah tonight. But how she was going to dodge Eldon’s beady eyes and wary ears she didn’t know.
The evening dragged on. Smoaker and Eldon’s pipe smoke hung low under the kitchen beams. Ma dropped to sleeping in her chair and Smoaker and Eldon sat quietly – seemingly all out of pier talk – sipping pots of beer. The fire spat into the silence and Marnie let her sewing slip into her lap as she listened out for the church bells. Soon there came ten chimes and Smoaker drained his beer and yawned loudly. Ma stirred in her chair. She rubbed her eyes and grunted as she went to stand. ‘Oh, my bones,’ she grumbled. ‘Smoaker. Get me up.’ Smoaker took her by the arm and pulled the weight of her from the chair. He staggered backwards as Ma found her feet. ‘Bleedin’ hell, woman, we’d best tell the engineers to strengthen the braces on the pier if you’re ever to walk on it!’
The Madness Page 11