I take a step back from him. “What do you mean personal space?”
He moves forward regaining the space I just put between us. Masen wraps his large hand around my neck and uses his other hand to pick up mine and places it over his heart. He needs me touching him right now, I just don’t know why. “I never let anyone come to our house. I build it for you.” He drops his forehead to mine then speaks so fast and softly I have to strain to hear him. “I have an apartment here. That’s where she works, not in the apartment but in my personal office.”
I think he was hoping to soften the blow, but not saying it loud doesn’t make it any less real. Ouch, this isn’t going to be easy. Every time he comes to work I’m going to be left wondering, wondering if he still thinks about all the women he’s brought here. Oh goodness, that’s what May was thinking. That he was going to stash me away in his fuck pad while he had a meeting. My hand covers my mouth, and I cough trying to cover the sob that’s wants to come out. “You didn’t think to tell me this before we got here! So maybe, I could prepare myself for not only seeing your lover but finding out your have a fuck pad at work,” I say incredulously. “That’s why she asked if you wanted me taken to your suite because it’s not only Roxanne you’ve brought here but all the others. She thought I was like all of them.” I scoff. I’m so angry at his blatant disregard of my feelings. To let me find out this way is horrible.
“I didn’t want you to know,” he pleads.
I clutch my chest, covering the ache. “You were going to lie to me? I don’t know which is worse, your willingness to deceive me or your last minute honesty.” I close my eyes and shake my head trying to dispel the thoughts of how many women he’s brought here. What else is he lying about?
“I was going to have it remodeled. I have no need for it now...I,” he stops, realizing how crass what he just said sounded, “I thought I was protecting you by not telling you. But, I can feel how betrayed and deceived you feel, and I know I was wrong.” He crowds me with his big body inching closer. “I’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose, Sophia. Please believe that. Don’t let my mistakes make you feel like this. Nothing has changed. All this is just details; details that will never matter unless we let them. I love you so much! Please, please,” he begs. In my head, I hear, I’ll take it. I’ll take it, over and over like a chant. He wants to take the pain away.
I touch his frowning face. “You’re right.” The bond we share simplifies things greatly. I can feel his remorse. “Nothing has changed. I knew there were other women, but it still hurts. Thank you for understanding why I’m upset. I love you, too, so so much. I feel like I’ve never not loved you. What we have is worth more than my jealousy, but please, don’t keep something like this from me again. I deserve to deal with it privately.”
Masen lets out a deep breath and nods his head. He wraps his arms around me, lifts me up, and buries his face in my neck. I feel his wide chest expand as he drags in deep breaths, scenting me. Too soon, he sets me down and brushes his lips across mine, kissing me softly. Then, he turns and places a large key into the elevators panel. He turns the keys and removes it quickly. Lifting my hand, he opens it, placing the keys in my palm. “Only two of the elevators are capable of reaching my floor; even then these keys are required to access it.”
The ride to the next floor is short. When the doors peel open, I see a small lobby much like the one below us, but this one is lacking Doris’s smiling face. Instead, I find Roxanne wearing what I would consider closer to a nighty than business attire. The green satin material has black lace at the hem and bust line. The thin material leaves no questions as to her braless state. It’s so short I’m sure if she were to bend over in the slightest we would see her flat skinny ass. I refuse to give her the satisfaction of knowing how her being here affects me. Her face is smug. She’s happy about something, and it makes me nervous.
“Good Roxanne, you’re already here. We have a few things to discuss.” His voice is firm but not unkind.
“Alright Mase.” She turns and struts to a closed door to the right of the lobby. Her knee injury seems perfectly fine.
“Ah, in the office.” His eyes dart to mine. When she turns back around, her smile is full force.
“Why Mase?” She tries for innocence. “We never use your office.” She bats her lashes. She’s going to make this as hard on me as possible.
“Let’s just get this over with,” I say and pull him to follow. He’s reluctant. She opens the door and holds it for us to enter. Once I pass, she steps out further causing Masen’s body to brush against hers. I hear her hum as if he just caressed her, but I’m too riveted to the scene before me to object.
The area is open much like a loft. You can see the entire space from the door save a few walls blocking off some of the kitchen area, which from what I can tell is much smaller and more utilitarian than his kitchen at home. What bothers me more than I can express are the other similarities. A large four poster bed that looks so close to the one we sleep in at home, it could be the exact same, takes up a large portion of the corner. It’s covered in natural light from the large windows. If that isn’t bad enough, there’s an office area closely resembling his home office. The same room I enjoyed so much because I could see and feel how much of himself he put into the room. I quickly scan the living room area, but my mind is still stuck on the bed and office. It feels like I’ve been standing in this...this space for an eternity when I feel Masen touch my lower back. I snap forward like his touch burns me but try and recover so she won’t know how bad she’s hurt me. “I need the restroom please”
“Let’s go into the office. I have a small one in there,” he urges.
“Oh Mase, don’t be silly. The bathroom in here is just to die for. I know I’ve enjoyed it for years.”
“Roxanne,” he warns.
“I’m sure she’ll love it. It’s right through that door.” She points a red painted fingernail to the only door I can see; it’s next to the bed. I glide forward keeping my eyes trained on the door, not wanting to see anymore. I think I could have handled it if it was different, but knowing he’s poured so much of himself into this space makes me sick. I close the door behind me before even turning on the light and try to catch my breath. I hear raised muffled voice through the door, but I’m too upset to even try and listen. When I finally find the light switch by feeling the wall, I’m momentarily relieved it doesn’t look familiar at all, but the relief evaporates quickly when I take a better look around. There is no tub, but the shower with a built in wooden bench could easily hold ten people. Five shower heads sprout from the walls, and three hang from the ceiling. The clear glass surrounding it does nothing to hide the six different bottles of female soaps and shampoos, telling me Roxanne either likes a variety or he keeps it well stocked for his discerning guests. The same bottles Masen uses at home in his shower sit on the opposite side, whereas mine are mixed in with his.
I’m still leaning against the door when I feel a light tapping from the other side. “Can I come in, Little One?” He asks softly.
“I’ll be just a minute,” I return; my voice sure even if my thoughts aren’t. I’m sure he can tell I’m standing right next to the door and haven’t gone any further.
“Yeah, okay,” he says solemnly. I wash my hands letting the cold water run over my wrist while I stare into the mirror seeing my full reflection cast back at me from the mirrored covered wall behind me. “Nothing’s changed, Little One. I’ll give you an explanation, but I’m not sure it will make it any better,” he says sorrowfully through the closed door.
When I know I won’t cry, I open the door and find Masen sitting on the floor next to the door. He stands and grabs my hand in his. “Can we get out of here?” When I look around, I find Roxanne is gone so we’re alone.
“If it makes you feel better.” I shrug knowing it won’t erase my knowledge of this place. He guides me with a hand on my back to the elevator. When we leave the building, it’s with just as many star
es as when we entered. How many of these people watched Masen walk other women out? How many of them were the ones he walked out? I know it shouldn’t matter. Who cares what these strangers think about me, but it’s still hard not to let it bother me. I wish we hadn’t met all those years ago. Then, I could understand him and how he was still with another woman. When my thoughts turn dark, I wish he could feel what it feels like to know he wasn’t worth waiting for.
I stop and tell him. “I’m going to need a little time to myself. I’m too upset to deal with this right now. It would just turn into a huge fight, and I just don’t have the energy for.”
His eyes search my face. I’m pretty sure I’ve mastered blocking him. He doesn’t seem to know or feel what I’m thinking. “I don’t want to leave you, but I can understand you wanting a few minutes.”
I start walking to a bench, and he follows behind me about ten paces. Realizing he’s going to stand and watch me, I walk back to him. “I mean alone, Masen. I can’t have you hovering over me right now.”
His face falls. “I can’t leave. I don’t want to, and it’s not safe.”
I huff and stomp to the car. “Let’s just go.” He reaches my door right before me and opens it but smartly walks over to his side and gets in instead of trying to help me in like he usually does.
Once we are driving, he looks at me from the corner of his eye. I can see the slight shift in his head. Then, he does exactly what I didn’t want; he starts explaining. “I wasn’t thinking. It never dawned on me what it would look like to you, other than a bedroom and office,” he says squeezing the steering wheel. “I knew seeing it would bother you. I just didn’t think that would be part of it. I never made the connection.” He must have been listening to my thoughts, which pisses me off even more. I sit and stew, trapped in this car when what I really want to do is erase this whole morning from the time we got to his office. To think, I almost felt sorry for the receptionist. I snort, and his head whips to the side, trying to figure out what cause my reaction. “I let Roxanne put the apartment together,” he says guiltily. “When she asked what I had at home, I never thought twice about it. She said she wanted to get what I like, so I told her.” His shoulders shrink. “To be honest, I don’t think it was her intention. I think she really did just want to get me what I liked.”
“Ha,” I scoff. “You are an idiot if you actually believe the shit you’re saying,” I spit. “That woman knows exactly what she’s doing. How you don’t see it boggles my mind?”
“You make it seem like she knew about you. That she’s out to hurt you personally,” he defends.
“How do you know she didn’t? That woman watches every move you make. You think she didn’t notice the change in you and put two and two together. She hated me the moment she saw me, and I was just a kid. I’m telling you now; she knows a hell of a lot more than you’re giving her credit for. If you could just take a minute and look at all this from my point of view, I think you’d feel very different,” I turn to him and glare, “and if you defend her again, you can fucking walk home!” I turn on the radio. Pink and Nate from F.U.N. blast from the speakers, begging for just a reason. I laugh mirthlessly at the irony.
When we pull in the garage, he asks, “should I come in?” I’d already decided what I was going to do on the drive here.
“You go on in. I’m going for a run.” When he opens his mouth, I hold up my hand stopping him. “Alone! No one will see me. I’m used to hiding and taking care of myself. Do not follow me or have me followed. I will stay on your personal property.” I exit the car before he can object. I close my eyes and call on my wolf, within seconds I’m itching to run so I do.
I race through the open yard making sure to keep from the main areas of the house where someone might see me through a window. Once I hit the trees, I slow but still speed past trees letting my wolf roam. My nose is much keener in this form. I can scent Masen on every tree and rock, occasionally I get a whiff of Sniffer or one of the few others he considers friends.
When I get too close to the Pack property, I circle back and let my wolf guide me. I’ve always been so careful about when and where I’ve shifted. The freedom of exploring his refuge in the daylight is exciting. I’m not sure how long I’ve been running when I find a tree with low enough branches for me to climb easily. The fallen leaves let the sun shine down through the branches, casting me in a warm glow as I rest my muzzle on my front paws. I’m not nearly as upset now that I’ve had some time to settle down. I’m almost ready to go back to Masen.
I startle awake to a deep howl piercing the darkness. My claws dig into the bark keeping me from falling from the tree limb. The tormented sound rings again, and I realize it’s Masen. I give a short yip to answer him back. Before I can climb down from the tree, he crashes through the underbrush panting. His wolf is still magnificent; his size still astounds me. If I wasn’t a wolf, I wouldn’t be able to spot him. His black color leaves him to blend into the darkness seamlessly. His head thrashes back and forth as he scents the air. When his eyes find me up in the tree, he growls angrily. Why the hell is he mad at me?
Because I’ve been looking for you for hours, his voice sounds in my head.
Oh, is my only reply.
You covered almost every inch of our property, and I never thought to look up in the trees, he adds flabbergasted.
Well you have to get creative when you don’t have a four thousand acre refuge to play in. I couldn’t let just anyone find me, I say defensively.
You scared me, he says sadly.
I didn’t mean to. I was just taking a break and must have fallen asleep. I was coming back, Masen, I reply with conviction.
Will you come down from there, please? I hop down to the next branch until I’m low enough to jump to the ground.
His muzzle roughly pushes my side turning me so he can inspect me. I stand still and let him rub his scent all over me. Are you ready to go home yet, Little One, he asks when he’s finished.
Sure.
The walk back is quiet. When we reach the clearing, he asks, where’d you put your clothes?
Ah, I’m wearing them, I say confused. I tell my wolf thank you and pull her back, shaking out my limbs to relive the tingle.
Masen stands from his crouched position. “Where are your clothes?” I question, looking at his naked body.
“I can’t shift with my cloths they shred; no one can,” he says looking at my clothes that are perfectly intact.
“Ah well, I can.” I motion down my body.
“I can see that, Baby. Have you always been able to?”
I nod. “Yeah, I never knew any different. I thought everyone could.”
He comes closer and wraps his hand around the back of my neck. “No, definitely not. It’s just one more thing that makes you extraordinary. Can I kiss you?” He whispers. I give a slight jerk of my neck, and his soft lips cover mine. He takes his time tasting every inch of my mouth, never pushing deeper into my mouth, content to explore my lips with his teeth, lips and tongue. It’s tender and consuming. His long fingers tunnel into my hair as he tilts my jaw with his thumbs, angling me for his attention. I move my body closer to him, seeking his warmth and the comfort his big body gives me. One of my hands twines through the hair at his nape while the other arm laces beneath his arm then up his back hugging him to me. The kiss slowly ends, and he just holds me. “I’m sorry for everything, Little One, all of it. None of that should have happened. I should have transferred her the day you came home to me. I should have called her or had someone else tell her, especially after this weekend.” He nuzzles my head. “You deserve much better from me.” He’s ashamed of himself. I know none of it was done to hurt me; he thought he was handling everything well.
“I get it, Masen. You were trying to spare her feelings. You’ve known her for a long time. She cares for you very deeply. I still think you’ve let yourself be blinded by her, but I want us to stop letting her affect our lives so profoundly. She shouldn’t have a pla
ce between us. It’s hard to forget when your past is always in my face.”
I feel him nod. “You’re right. I won’t let it happen again, no matter what.”
Masen steps into a pair of gym shorts he left in the garage before we enter. The house is dark and quiet. I pass through the rooms quickly on the hunt for a nice long shower. Masen stays behind in the kitchen when I tell him my plans.
When the water is hot, I stand under the spray, soaking my hair and muscles. Seeing my shampoo and conditioner amid his reminds me of his other shower. The hurt is too fresh to dismiss so I embrace it this time telling myself I’ll never let the woman make me cry again. By the time I get out, my skin is bright pink from the overly hot water, and the room is filled with steam making it hard to breath. I wrap myself in a towel and brace for the cold air I’ll feel when I open the door to his room.
Surprised, I find Masen carrying the same tray he brought me breakfast on just days ago covered with sliced cheese, crackers, a small bunch of grapes, and a large glass of wine. The sweetness of the gesture makes me swoon. After he sets the tray on the bed, he grabs a long, silky black robe from the end of the bed. He comes over and drapes it on my shoulders. It pools at my feet, and we both laugh. “This was a gift from my parents years ago, but I’ve never worn it. I thought you might like it, but I can see I’ll need to get you another.” He chuckles warmly. I tug the towel I was wearing free and pull the sash tight. It’s still much too long, but I like the feel of it against my skin.
“Thank you,” I say meaning it.
Not willing to fill the bed with crumbs, I sit on the floor in front of his wood burning fireplace, wishing it was cold enough to light it. Masen joins me, and we sit quietly enjoying each other’s company.
The next three days are filled with Masen’s mom helping me prepare for the Mating ceremony. I miss my mother more than ever, but I’ve grown to love his family so quickly. I’m grateful for her guidance and acceptance. When I didn’t come in with him Monday afternoon, he explained some of our history and what happened at his office that day to his parents. I think Mickey was more upset at him than I was. Today is the first day she’s spoken more than one word to him.
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