by Diana Palmer
Gene moved closer. He didn’t want Sheila to hear. “Jay, Kate picked up a prescription in San Frio today,” he began quietly. “For prenatal vitamins and morning sickness pills.”
Jason didn’t move. He didn’t breathe. But suddenly, without warning, his work-strong hands, lean and dark-skinned, contracted around the brandy snifter and shattered it, sending glass and whiskey everywhere. The face that never showed emotion contorted with it, went white.
“Oh, God, no,” he breathed.
Gene heard stark horror in his brother’s husky exclamation. Jason got to his feet, knocking over the chair, and moved past Gene toward the door.
“Jay, wait a minute, I’ll drive you.”
“Oh, God!” was all the reply he got. Jason was out the door and gone before Gene could make it to the steps.
Jason had never felt such cold terror in all his life. He remembered vividly now the things he’d said to Kate, her white face and deathly stillness as he flung those insults at her. She wouldn’t fit into his world, he’d said. He didn’t feel guilty enough to marry her, and that she had the makings of a party girl….
He felt sick all over as he gunned the Bronco down the road and broke speed limits getting to the Whittman place. He didn’t know how in hell he was going to convince Kate that she had to marry him now, after what he’d said to her. He cared about her, but she wasn’t going to believe it anymore.
The lights were on, so she had to be home. He jerked out of the Bronco and onto the front porch, knocking hard and urgently.
Mary answered it, frowning slightly at his face. “Jason?” she asked, because she hardly recognized this bareheaded, haggard looking man who smelled like a brewery.
“Kate,” he whispered hoarsely. “Where is she?”
So he knew. Mary relaxed a little. “She’s in the kitchen, working on some new sketches….”
He went past her without breaking stride.
Kate was just adding a new embroidery pattern to a sketch when she heard voices, then heavy, quick footsteps. She looked up, and there was Jason.
She made herself sit very still. She looked at him with all the contempt she could manage, almost hating him for the torment she’d been through since his visit.
“You know,” she guessed, reading it in the undisguised horror in his face. “Do you feel guilty enough to marry me now, Jason?”
She sounded tormented, and he felt sick. He reached down and caught her arms, pulling her up very gently to stand before him while he tried to find the right words to mend the wound he’d caused.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he ground out.
“I’m glad I didn’t,” she said with her pride intact. “I’m glad I found out first how you really felt. I was just another body in place, wasn’t I?” she laughed bitterly. “Just another conquest, and you don’t want me to have your baby…!”
“Don’t!” He pulled her against him, enveloping her, his face in her throat as he rocked her. His tall, powerful body trembled, and his breathing was unsteady. “Kate, I didn’t mean it. I swear to God I didn’t mean it. I didn’t know you were pregnant.”
Tears stung her eyes. If he hadn’t been drinking, and he had because she could smell whiskey all over him, she might have been less rigid. But it was the liquor talking. He’d found out about the baby, God knew how, and now he’d come running, full of fortified remorse, to make everything right. Except that nothing was right. Least of all, a proposal spurred by an illegitimate child.
“If you’re here to ask me to marry you, it will be a waste of breath,” she said, her eyes staring past his dark head at the ceiling. “I don’t want to marry you.”
He lifted his head after a minute, scowling. “And what about the baby?” he asked.
“The baby won’t be a problem,” she returned curtly, and meant it. It would be hers, and she’d be everything it would ever need.
“You’ll get rid of it, is that what you mean?” he asked. His eyes were terrible with the memory of what she’d said outside, in the yard, just before he left earlier in the day. “You’ll have it removed, like an unsightly birthmark…?!”
“No!” She put her soft hand over his mouth, guilt-ridden about that impulsive lie. “No! Oh, Jason, I didn’t mean that,” she whispered tearfully. “I’d never do anything to hurt the baby.”
He actually shuddered. The memory of Melody doing exactly that haunted him for years. Did Kate mean it, or was she just trying to make amends? Carving a career was going to be rough with her pregnancy.
He drew in a deep breath. He had to reason it out. He had to make her see sense. But it was damned hard, when he was all but shaking inside at the sight of her. Everything had gone wrong so suddenly. Kate had been all the color in his dark world, and he’d driven her away because she’d wanted her career more than him. She’d accused him of losing control, and she was right. He’d done this to her. He’d lost his head and hadn’t protected her, and she was pregnant.
“Who told you?” she asked quietly. “Was it Dr. Harris?”
“No, and never mind who told me,” he returned. He searched her wan face. “Are you all right?”
“No, I’m not all right,” she replied. She sounded and felt cold. Ice cold. “I’m sick and alone and I’ve never been so frightened in all my life…!”
“It’s my baby, too,” he whispered. He touched her dark hair, savoring its silky feel. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll take care of you.”
“I don’t want you to take care of me,” she said shortly. “I don’t want you.”
“Yes, I know.” He drew her cheek against his chest and held her there. His eyes closed when she quieted and he felt the wet shock of tears even through the thin fabric. She needed him, and he liked that. It gave him a small hold on her, even if she blamed him for her condition.
“Listen,” he said at her head, while he stroked it, trying a different tack, “whatever our own feelings, we can’t turn our backs on family, Kate. Your mother and my brother and Cherry shouldn’t have to live down what we’ve done.”
“You said you’d hate me for trapping you…” she began.
He drew her chin up and looked at her. “Damn my soul, I said a lot. I told you I didn’t mean half of it.”
“You meant it,” she replied coldly. “And I won’t trap you into marriage. I can go to San Antonio to live and have the baby there.”
“That’s no solution at all.” He set his jaw. “Listen, honey, I’m not having you away from me while you’re carrying my child. You can have separate bedrooms, if that’s what you want. But you’ll marry me if I have to carry you kicking and screaming to the altar. For the baby’s sake, if not ours.” She still hesitated, and he asked bluntly, “Kate, do you want people to call him a bas…”
“No, I don’t want that.” She stared at his chest miserably, her eyes still wet with tears of bitter regret. Not like this, she thought. Not like this. Marriage should be because two people loved each other, not as a punishment. She sighed wearily. She was so tired. “All right, Jason. I’ll marry you.”
He couldn’t remember ever feeling so helpless. But at least he’d managed to convince her to marry him. That was encouraging.
“Let’s go and tell Mary.” He took her hand in his and led her back into the living room, pulling her gently down beside him on the sofa. “Kate’s pregnant,” he told Mary without any softening or preamble, and he looked her straight in the eye. “It’s mine. She isn’t overjoyed about the prospect of marrying me, but I’ve browbeaten her into agreeing. Now how do you feel about having the wedding a week from Friday at the house? I could do it in three days under Texas law, but she’s not going to want a rushed ceremony. I do,” he added. He threw a sharp glance at Kate, who was numb with mental pain. “I’m convinced that she’ll cut and run if she has time to think. But in a week we can get out invitations and we can buy her a dress at Neiman-Marcus.”
“Cherry and I can arrange everything,” Kate said quietly. “And I’ll s
ew my own dress.”
“Hell, no, you won’t,” he returned coldly. “Your damned career almost cost me that child you’re carrying. I don’t want you in the fashion business at all. Once you finish out this collection, you’ll resign.”
Kate stood up. “I won’t.”
“We can discuss it later.”
“We won’t discuss it at all, Jason,” she snapped, determined to fight for her rights. It was now or never. “If I bow down to you now, I’ll be doing it for the rest of my life. You aren’t going to make a slave of me. I have a right to choose what I do with my life!”
“Sure you do. But not while you’ve got my baby under your heart,” he said with dark intent. “I haven’t forgotten what you said about careers and babies not mixing, and I don’t damned well trust you!”
“Jason, damn you…oh!” She bent over suddenly, racked with pain.
Jason forgot the argument. He picked her up and sat down with her, cradling her. “Do you need the doctor?” he asked quickly.
“Just…let me sit…and breathe.”
“Oh, baby,” Mary moaned. She sighed heavily, touching the dark head lying on Jason’s broad shoulder. She met his repentant eyes. “You can’t upset her. Not now, of all times,” she whispered.
“I should have known that,” he said. He held her closer. “Honey, is it any better?”
“It’s easing off.” Only a little, but she didn’t want him to know that. She’d had twinges like this before, and a good deal of spotting. She remembered with horror what Dr. Harris had said. She wondered if it was honest to withhold that information from Jason. Things were so strained between them that it seemed impossible to communicate with him at all, and she’d already made him doubt her intentions.
“We won’t talk about the future,” he said firmly. “There won’t be any more arguments. The baby has to be our first concern.”
She sighed, looking up. She wanted to tell him that she had no intention of risking the baby, career or no career. But the words wouldn’t come. She relaxed against him, weary. “All right.”
Mary smiled at the picture they made. She’d never felt so smug in all her life. “I’ll make some coffee.”
“Should she have coffee?” Jason asked, his tone deep and concerned.
Mary winked at Kate. “A little won’t hurt. I drank two pots a day while I was carrying her, and nothing happened. I didn’t get cancer, either.”
“Don’t get her started,” Kate moaned. “She’s good for two hours on what she thinks of research studies.”
“I’ll remember that,” he mused.
Mary vanished into the kitchen, and Jason looked down into Kate’s wan little face hungrily, although he hid it immediately.
“I’m sorry,” she said, searching his dark face. “I’m really sorry. I wasn’t going to tell you at all….”
His face hardened. “I realize that,” he said curtly. “No doubt you’d have gone away and put the child up for adoption if I hadn’t found you out by accident. Your career would have suffered otherwise, wouldn’t it?”
Let him think what he liked. “At least you want the child,” she said coldly.
“Yes,” he agreed. “I want this child.” She didn’t know how desperately he wanted the child’s mother as well. “Do you have an obstetrician?”
“Yes. Dr. Harris is getting me an appointment.” She took a slow breath. “I’m a little scared,” she confessed. “If anything went wrong…” She was going to add that Jason would probably blame her.
He interrupted. “Nothing’s going to,” he said shortly. He laughed bitterly. “My God, I’d go out of my mind if anything did, now.”
That stopped her from telling him about her symptoms. She couldn’t. She’d put the knife in her own back, with her taunt outside.
Her soft eyes searched his. “You do want this baby?” she whispered.
His gaze dropped to her waist and one lean, tender hand moved down past it to her flat abdomen. “I want it.” He put more feeling into those three words that she’d ever heard in his deep voice.
Her fingers touched his hesitantly, and his hand turned to catch them, hold them.
“I won’t fit into your world, Jason,” she said suddenly. “You were right, I’ll never manage…!”
He bent and kissed her forehead. “You’ll learn. You said earlier that you could, now I’ll let you prove it.”
That was what bothered her. He’d tutor her and take her over, and the baby would be the wedge he used. He’d decide every move she made, every step she took and she’d have to fight for any inch of leeway she got from now on.
“I can’t let you own me,” she remarked. “You’re a reactionary, Jason. You’re the kind of man who won’t let a woman breathe unless you tell her when and how. I can’t bear being nothing but an extension of you.”
He studied the warm hand in his. “I realize that,” he replied. “You want fame and fortune, don’t you? But that will have to wait, until this child is born. Afterwards,” he added, searching her face coolly, “we’ll discuss terms.”
She drew in a slow breath. Now she knew that it was going to be a fight all the way. But marriage was an unexpected bonus, even if he hated her for trapping him. She and the baby might turn his life around. She might make him like captivity. So she gave in. “Okay.”
He searched her eyes for a long moment. “There’s one good thing, Kate,” he said. “We know each other as well as two people ever do without actually living together. We’ve managed to get along for three years. Maybe we can regain the friendship we had.”
Was that all he had left to offer, she wondered miserably. She sighed. “Yes, but don’t you see, that wasn’t on an intimate basis.” She looked, and felt, worried. “You said I’d never fit in.”
He stiffened. “You may need a little educating in social graces, not that Mary hasn’t done well by you. But you’ll handle yourself well enough. And once you join a few social groups….”
It was getting worse by the minute. She felt trapped already. “Social groups?”
“There are always coffees and teas and benefits,” he said carelessly. “Things to welcome new people to the community or honor brides-elect, or help the poor. You’ll learn all about that. Then there are the inevitable business conferences and business dinners. We do a lot of entertaining at the Spur, but Sheila will be a godsend when you start organizing them.”
“I don’t know if I can cope,” she confessed nervously.
“You’ll get the hang of it in no time. Now sit up. We’ve got some plans to finalize before I leave here. Stop worrying. Everything will work out,” he promised.
But it wasn’t going to be that easy, Kate knew it even if he was trying to pretend differently. She came from a totally different background than he did, from a different world. All the things he’d warned her about long ago, when he found out that she was ambitious, suddenly applied to their marriage. She wasn’t the kind of woman he’d have chosen to marry, she was almost sure of it. But she was pregnant, and he wanted the baby, so he’d do whatever was necessary to get it.
She wondered as she heard him outlining the wedding ceremony what he really felt about having to marry her. He’d never tell her, she knew that. He wanted the baby, but she knew he didn’t really want her.
Time passed all too quickly. Kate went into work the next day despite Jason’s objections and her mother’s pleas. She couldn’t stay home and think about things or she’d go crazy.
Dessie and the others were tickled about the forthcoming marriage, and their first question was about where was she going to get her gown.
“I wanted to design it myself,” Kate sighed, sitting down heavily in her chair. “But he wants to have it from Neiman-Marcus.”
“A waste of good talent,” Dessie scoffed. “Honey, you sketch that thing out and we’ll donate the materials and the talent,” she buffed her nails on her dress front with a haughty smile, “and we’ll have you decked out in the prettiest outfit since L
ady Di married the prince.”
“But you don’t have time….” Kate protested.
“We’ll make it. Get busy,” Dessie said.
The others seconded the offer. Kate gave in. Well, this was an act of rebellion, and it would irritate Jason. On the other hand, she had every right to design her own dress. At least this way, it would fit on the first try and there wouldn’t be the inevitable alterations for her waistline from buying a perfect size at an exclusive store. She turned to her desk with a smile and opened a clean sheet on her pad.
Jason was there when she got off from work. She’d planned to wait until Mary finished her overtime, but now she could leave the car with her mother.
“Here,” he said, “I’ll take her the keys to the Tempo.”
“But you can’t go in, you’re not an employee….”
Useless to tell him that. He just kept walking, towering over everyone as he went through the door that said “employees only.” He was back scant minutes later, looking smug.
“Your mother thinks I’m the berries,” he informed Kate as he slid into the front seat of the Mercedes beside her.
“You knew that already,” she sighed. She leaned her head back against the leather seat and turned it sideways to study Jason’s sharp features.
“Looking for male beauty?” he taunted. “Sorry, honey, ugly goes all the way to the bone, as the song says, so we’d both better hope that our boy takes after you.”
“Our boy or our girl,” she corrected. “And you’re handsome enough.”
He laughed softly, reaching into his shirt pocket for a cigarette as he drove. He was wearing suit slacks with a white silk shirt and tie. The jacket was helter-skelter in the back seat. He looked like a tired businessman, and Kate realized suddenly that she’d see him every day now.
“Why did you come after me?” she asked, curious.
“It seemed like a good idea. We’re barely engaged. People might think it odd if I didn’t.”
“Oh. I see.”
“No, you don’t,” he shot back. His dark eyes glittered across the seat at her. “You don’t know me at all, Kate.”