And he promised he was done trying to fight himself—and us—and deny whatever this was we had together. That as long as we didn’t mind he had to be Katie’s dad first, and we understood that he needed his own apartment because of Katie, he’d be faithful to us.
That means for the past four years, we’ve taken as much of Nolan’s time as he has to spare, when he’s not working or being a dad.
Sometimes, that meant only one or the other of us got the chance to spend a few hours with him over at his place. Those rare and precious times when all three of us had uninterrupted time together at our place?
Magic.
This morning, no rudely blaring alarm will disturb us. Before we all said good-night last night, I declared today a sleeping-in day. Later, we’ll go finish what needs taken care of at Nolan’s apartment.
No excuses now. He might not get the last month’s rent back, but he’ll get his security deposit, and the deposits for utilities, and it’ll save him those payments. Tomorrow, he’ll file a change of address form with the post office.
We’ll open our bank accounts.
You know you’ve hit a certain expert adulting level when banking thrills you.
He’s not going to say anything to Katie until Friday, when he picks her up from school.
I truly understand what utter contentment feels like now.
Like all is right with the world.
Finally.
If I’d been able to convince him to do this before I met Zoey, I would have missed out on loving her. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll kill or die for my wife if I have to. She’s my world. But being an adult means sometimes getting to have your damn cake and eat it, too.
We can finally wrap Nolan full-time in our love so he realizes this is the way life was meant to be.
I close my eyes, knowing there’s a smile on my face, and listen to the sounds of them breathing next to me.
* * * *
The first time Nolan and I fell together wasn’t intentional. We were best friends already, and had been for at least six months.
We were also two horny teenaged boys. One of his older brothers had stayed logged into a porn site on their family computer, and we were at his house with at least two hours of time alone ahead of us.
Of course we looked around.
And, of course, things…developed.
I had already realized I was attracted to boys and girls, although I didn’t admit that to my parents. I had a hint Nolan was attracted to guys, because I’d catch him sneaking looks in the locker room when he thought I wasn’t looking.
That’s why I clicked into the gay porn section of the site. “That’s hot,” I said as I shoved my shorts down and started jerking off.
He joined me.
That led to me volunteering to jerk him off, if he’d jerk me off.
And things…progressed.
To the point that we weren’t talking about it, but we were damn sure looking for any excuse we could find to get time alone together.
By then, I realized that coming out to Nolan’s family literally wasn’t a safe option. So we kept this thing hidden, already planning on rooming together in college up in Tampa, where we were both planning to attend USF.
We both pretended to date girls to lay a false trail for both sets of parents, and it worked. They never suspected we were now fucking each other.
And had admitted we loved each other.
My fear eased once I was in college, although Nolan’s didn’t. He was still dependent upon his family for living expenses and tuition, whereas I had a scholarship. That meant I still kept our secret for Nolan, even though I was starting to expect he might break my heart.
When he’d try to date women, I’d get damned jealous and try to date, too.
Just for both of us to angrily fuck ourselves to exhaustion later in our room, tearfully apologizing and making up on the back end of it.
Maybe back then even if we had made a serious attempt to stay together and officially be an item it would’ve been so toxic that we couldn’t have survived as friends, much less lovers.
Not like today.
Not like now.
I once thought nothing could ever be better or more perfect than finally convincing Nolan I was his forever guy.
Until I met and married Zoey.
* * * *
Nolan ended up on Zoey’s other side last night after we cleaned up and returned to bed. He finally awakens before her about an hour after I do, while I’m lying there with my eyes closed and thinking about our plans for the new house. I know he’s awake because I hear the way his breathing changes, and how he stretches.
I smile. “Good morning,” I whisper. I open my eyes to see him watching me.
“Did that really happen yesterday?” he whispers.
“Yep. No backing out, either.”
He studies me for a moment. “I don’t want to back out,” he says. “Just keep reminding me if she starts trouble.”
He doesn’t need to clarify who he means. “What trouble is she going to start, Nol? There’s no reason to worry.”
“I don’t trust her. I can’t afford another court battle if she wants to get pissy.”
“Even more reason for you to be living here, with us. Because it’s more affordable that way.”
He reaches over Zoey, holding his hand out to me and waggling his fingers at me.
I lace mine through his and he gently squeezes. “Love you,” he whispers.
I smile. “Love you, too, whippersnapper.”
He smiles. “Old geezer.”
“Oh, my god,” Zoey grumbles. “Do I need to go sleep in the guest room? You promised me we were sleeping late today, damnit.”
“Sorry,” we both say, our smiles growing wider as she grumbles again.
I kiss her, then Nolan kisses her.
“We’ll cook breakfast this morning,” he offers. “You can stay in bed.”
“I suppose that’s a fair trade,” she says. She still hasn’t opened her eyes.
Did I mention how damned much I love this woman right here?
The perfect woman for us.
I squeeze Nolan’s hand before we untangle ourselves from Zoey and each other. We both kiss her again and then climb out of bed and head to the bathroom. I let Nolan go first, standing there and leaning against the wall as I watch him.
This morning even feels different, better, despite him having spent plenty of nights over in the past four years since he finally admitted he wanted us and knew Jerilyn was not his forever.
I’m not sure if it’d been just me here that night when he came over in tears that we’d be here right now. When I first started dating Zoey, it was important to me that Nolan liked her. If he hadn’t, I would’ve quickly ended things with her.
Even though at that point Nolan and I were just friends.
Did I want him to be a little jealous or envious of me?
Maybe.
Again, I’m not perfect and never claimed to be.
Once we’re both finished, we pull on shorts and T-shirts and head out to the kitchen to start the coffee. I survey the disaster area that is our dining room, living room, and what is now Katie’s bedroom. “Holy crap,” I mutter. “We’re going to need all week to get this organized.”
Nolan chuckles. “Can’t back out now.”
I walk into the kitchen and wrap my arms around him from behind. “Like hell am I ever backing out. Took me damn long enough to finally get you here.”
He turns in my arms and our gazes meet. I let the comfortable quiet remain unbroken as we simply exist in this little bubble of our own for a few minutes.
Nowhere to be, no one to hide from.
Yeah, I’m positive this is what contentment feels like.
He kisses me, turning so I’m pressed against the counter, and I realize it’s possible I’ll get to start most mornings for the rest of my life doing this with him.
Damn right I’m good with that.
Chapter Nine
Nolan
It isn’t until I see all the stuff—all my stuff—stacked and stowed throughout their house that it finally slams home yesterday wasn’t a dream.
I’ve finally done it.
Vague terror trills through me as I kiss Arlo. I’ve tried a couple of experiments over the past four years without telling Arlo and Zoey.
Hinting to Jerilyn, or saying things to Katie in such a way that I knew when Jeri grilled her upon her return that Jeri would misinterpret them, think that I was dating.
Every damn time, there’d be some sort of blowup, either directly or indirectly.
Either that week would be the time Jeri suddenly had to change schedules around and needed me to watch Katie for some vague, last-minute work-related issue, or Jeri would get really bitchy with me and try to start a fight with me.
Of course I was already committed to Zoey and Arlo by then, but…I needed to see. You know?
I needed to prove it to myself, who and what I was dealing with.
I noted all the times and dates in my phone, so that if I ever doubted the empirical results, I could always look at those and remember that Jerilyn is a narcissist.
Period.
Sure, we have a custody arrangement in place.
Doesn’t mean I’m not worried about her starting trouble over it. I’d still have to defend myself against a baseless claim, which would cost me money she damn well knows I don’t have.
When I first met her, she knew exactly how to suck me in and play the pity card. I met her parents and older sister and brother, and they were every bit as shitty as she’d warned me they were.
That meant I felt sorry for her.
She used that against me, too.
Weaponized my sympathy, which, while my family is toxic, they weren’t shitty to me. Had they known my secret, yes, absolutely they would’ve turned on me.
But outwardly, they didn’t realize I had a problem with them. I was one of them, as far as they were concerned.
Jerilyn told me stories of mental and emotional abuse that horrified me, which was one of the reasons I tried so damned hard with her and let her suck me in time and again. I thought I could help her, show her true love.
Problem was, in addition to her issues, my heart was firmly stuck on Arlo, and always had been.
Like hell did I tell her about him. My instincts told me that was a poor idea, that it could possibly be used against me in the future if things went sour.
They went sour pretty damned fast. Thank god I listened to my gut there. But the bitch of it was, she’d cry, apologize, promise to change, and I’d give her another chance.
Things would be good, for a while.
Then the pattern would start all over again. Maybe in different ways that I didn’t recognize at first, but when I looked back, yeah, I could see the same old pattern playing out.
If I hadn’t been so afraid, I would’ve let Arlo and Zoey talk me into a triad back then after that weekend in Orlando. But I still had a teaspoon of hope.
And I’d still wanted to be a dad.
Except I didn’t know exactly what a narcissist was. I thought Jerilyn was a product of her shitty family. She absolutely was, but she was also like one of those computer viruses that’s engineered to modify itself as it bumps up against obstacles, remaking itself into something new and more lethal with each learning session.
I worry for Katie when she gets older. I worry that, like Lucas, she’s going to rub the narcissist the wrong way and end up emotionally scarred as a result. Not a question of if, but of when. I feel guilty that I saddled my daughter with a mother who is incapable of offering her unconditional love the way I can.
One of the reasons I let my guy finally talk me into this arrangement, especially after this weekend’s developments, is because I know Katie needs our stable, healthy, loving strength behind her. She needs someone like Lucas in her life, someone who can give her advice from having lived through that kind of experience.
I need to build her safety net for her.
I can’t think of two better people to do it with than Arlo and Zoey.
As I stand there in what is now our kitchen and kiss him, I think about all the times I swore I’d walk away from him, just to feel angry and jealous when I’d see him trying to date and move on with his life.
Thinking that it should be my hand he was holding.
I was a hot mess, I’ll admit it.
In some ways, I guess I still am. The difference now is I know I am, and I’m actively working toward a healthier future for myself.
Definitely a happier one.
One that includes Arlo and Zoey.
When I lift my lips from his and stare into those gorgeous eyes again, I know I was stupid to ever think I could quit him or what we have. That after having experienced Zoey’s boundless love and acceptance I could have settled for anything less than both of them.
He smirks. “What?”
“Thank you for being patient and never giving up on me.”
He grabs me by the hips and pulls me against him, grinding on me. We’re both hard now, but I know we really don’t have time to screw around this morning. Despite what he’d promised us, we have a lot of stuff to get done today. I don’t want us living in chaos for weeks and weeks.
He’s also wearing that evil grin he always gets, one he’s had since we were kids. “Save me some energy for tonight,” he whispers, giving me one last kiss as he releases me because we hear Lucas’ bedroom door open down the hall.
“I will.” I step aside so he can move, and we’re both adjusting ourselves so we can kind of hide what we’d been doing before the boys walk into the kitchen.
It’s going to be a long damn day.
* * * *
Zoey dangles a key ring with two identical keys on it from her index finger. In the empty apartment, the sound eerily echoes. Arlo and the boys are over at my apartment complex’s pool and enjoying a well-deserved break.
The two of us have just finished the last of the cleaning. My vacuum cleaner, a bunch of cleaning supplies, and two large coolers full of ice and perishables sit in the living room by what was once my front door.
She’s smiling. “Don’t need these anymore.” She hands them to me. They were the spare keys I gave her and Arlo.
They were the only two people, besides me, who had keys to my place. I’ve had keys to their house ever since the weekend they moved into it. Arlo and Zoey insisted on me having keys. And that I was always welcomed to come by without calling first.
And they’d meant it.
I pull her in for a long, sweet kiss. “Be careful what you wish for, sweetheart.” Tomorrow, I’ll hand in my keys, and the mailbox keys.
She drapes her arms around my neck. “I’ve been wishing for this for a long damn time. Seems like it’s the weekend for wishes. I must have lived right this week.”
I cup her ass in my hands and playfully squeeze. “Not just you, apparently.” I sigh. “I hope she doesn’t start trouble.”
Zoey knows who I mean. “You need to learn to fight harder for yourself, Nol. Fight for yourself as hard as you fight for Katie. Put yourself first. She tries to walk all over you because she thinks you’re an easy, vulnerable target. Narcissists don’t like it when you put up a fight. You put up enough of a fight, and show superior firepower, they show their cowardly bellies and leave you alone. They only like victims they can pick on and control.”
I know she’s right, but I really don’t want to think about having to fight Jerilyn in court again. I want the next twelve years to go smoothly and without incident.
Then I can flip her birds with both hands and tell her to go fuck herself.
While kissing my husband and wife in front of her and anyone else who wants to watch.
“You know it’s not a matter of if, but when Jeri starts something, right?”
She shrugs, a playful smile curving her lips. “Let her bring it. United front. Mike told you there’s nothing wrong
with what we’re doing. That a judge will turn around and toss her out of his court for that bullshit.” She wiggles her hips against mine. “Living together, it means let her bring it, if she’s that stupid. We’ll help you pay for it. You now have the luxury of having a little bit of a war chest. And by the time she gets done wasting money, we’ll still be living happy, and she’ll be not only alone and miserable, but poorer for it. And possibly worse off. Especially if you go for full custody and child support.”
Logic-brain knows she right.
Fear, and the protective father, is still trying to chatter away at me. “How’d I get so lucky?”
“Our guy is sneaky, and greedy, and loves us both.” She grins. “And I wouldn’t have him, or you, any other way.”
* * * *
Monday morning, Zoey drives Lucas to school, because she’s got to handle his change of address with the front office.
Arlo and I take care of returning the rental truck, and I drop him off at the dealership on my way to work. Before he gets out of the car, he leans in and gives me a long, deep kiss that makes me forget I’m due in the office in thirty minutes.
A kiss that makes me want to say fuck it, call off for the day, and take him home so I can fuck his brains out.
Last night we ended up working until nearly eleven trying to put the house into some semblance of order, and we ended up collapsing, exhausted, after taking a shower together.
No sex, just a satisfactory dog-pile in the middle of the bed that feels like perfection.
He’s going to take a long lunch today. I’m picking him up for the trip to the bank. On the way to return him to work, I’ll stop by the apartment complex to check my mailbox one last time and turn in my keys. I filed an online change of address form yesterday after Zoey Googled it and found out I could do it like that. I don’t get much mail at the apartment, because I pay all my bills online.
And then…
I’ll handle switching my auto insurance registration so I have that bill to show the DMV when I change my driver’s license, car registration, and voter registration to their address.
Our address.
Yeah, it’ll take me a little getting used to, saying that.
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