He walked out of his apartment and locked it as he spoke. He’d been packed and ready for the last twelve hours while he’d been desperately trying to track her down.
‘Don’t!’ she suddenly snapped, her voice rising in pitch and volume. ‘You won’t find me, Alejandro. Accept it’s over and move on.’
She ended the call.
For a moment sheer rage blinded him. He’d find her and find out the goddamn truth or—
What? What would he do?
His blood iced but bile boiled up his throat. Shame burned at how angry he’d felt less than a second ago. And, now, how hurt he felt.
But as he replayed her last desperate words in his mind, he heard the pain evident in her tone. Something was wrong. Very wrong. And when Kitty was hurt or upset she ran away. She’d run to Cornwall when her fiancé had cheated on her. She’d gone to her secret room as a child when her father had let her down.
It was what she always did.
When he called her phone back again she didn’t answer. Not the first time. Or the fifteenth.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
TEDDY PARKES-WILSON STRAIGHTENED up and shook his head. ‘I’m never going to tell you where she is,’ he said before Alejandro had a chance to speak. ‘Say what you like. Do what you like. You’ll never get it out of me.’
‘Relax. I’m not about to beat it out of you.’ Alejandro stared into the younger man’s eyes. ‘I wouldn’t ask you to betray her trust. I wouldn’t expect you to and I wouldn’t respect you if you did.’
He shoved his hands into his pockets, hiding the way his fingers had curled into fists in frustration. But he meant what he’d said; he wasn’t about to bully anyone. That was the whole point. ‘I know you’re loyal to her,’ he said to Teddy, unable to hide his bitter censure. ‘Even though you take advantage of her.’
Teddy looked annoyed, but accepting. ‘That’s why I won’t tell you. I owe her and I know it.’
Alejandro had known Teddy wouldn’t give his twin up. But he wasn’t giving up either. ‘I will find her.’
‘Even though she doesn’t want you to? You’ll still hunt her down?’
‘Yes.’ Alejandro forced himself not to flinch, hating the way Teddy seemed to think he was some kind of monster—what had Kitty said to him? ‘Because she and I need to resolve this face-to-face.’
He needed to see her one last time. If only to understand. If only to reassure her that she didn’t need to run away from him. He didn’t understand why she’d run and the least she could give him was that explanation. He refused to be someone who was feared. That was his worst nightmare.
‘I think this belongs to you.’ He pulled the diamond choker from his pocket and held it out.
Teddy’s face flooded with colour in that sudden way his sister’s did. ‘It does, but I don’t deserve it.’ He took the necklace. ‘I’ll give it to her.’
Alejandro walked out of the small rehearsal studio none the wiser as to where Kitty actually was. Not Cornwall this time—that would be too obvious. Not Corsica to be with her father. He guessed she’d probably used some of Teddy’s resources. But he had resources too. And he’d use every last one of them to track her down.
He hated the darkness of his thoughts, yet he couldn’t stop them consuming his mind and time. He couldn’t bear the thought of her with another man and refused to believe she actually was. Yet doubts wormed. Jealousy festered. He had to know the truth behind why she’d ended it.
He had to know she was okay.
But it was almost a full month since she’d left New York before his phone buzzed with a profitable call from the private investigator he’d engaged weeks earlier. A month in which Alejandro had worked around the clock. A month in which he’d been unable to sleep, in which he’d not gone out to dinner because he couldn’t face the feeling of isolation in crowded places, in which he’d paced the empty rooms of her former family home and wished she was there with him.
A month of hell.
‘There’s a crofter’s cottage on the Highland estate of one of the brother’s theatre friends that’s sometimes rented out as a holiday home,’ the investigator said briskly but with obvious excitement in his tone. ‘It’s been booked out for the next few months.’
‘And she’s there?’
‘I believe it’s her but I’m sending you a picture now for confirmation.’
Alejandro rang off and stared at his phone impatiently, waiting for the photo to land. When it did he drew in a sharp breath and was glad he was sitting down. His muscles emptied of energy. His heart stopped.
The shot was taken from a distance but with a long lens to get a close-up on her face, which meant it was slightly blurry. But he instantly recognised her. She was wearing a woollen coat—black, of course—and her hair was loose. Her skin was as pale as ever, her freckles as pretty. But there were no sparks in those emerald eyes.
He phoned the investigator back. ‘Give me the address.’
‘I’ve texted it to you already.’
Alejandro closed his eyes. ‘Is she staying there alone?’
‘Yes.’
He cut the call, groaning in bitter relief. He’d go there this instant. He broke into a run, storming out of his office in the early morning, abandoning the meetings scheduled and not giving a damn.
He worked out it was fastest to fly to Glasgow and drive from there. But it still took too long—hours of adrenalin, of a mounting headache that threatened his vision, of a tightening in his chest that made it hard to breathe. Hours of trying to work out what to say to her first.
But when he finally parked up outside the small cottage in the early evening he could see at once that it was empty. The curtains weren’t drawn, there were no lights on, no other vehicle on the driveway. He clenched the steering wheel of the plush rental car and bit back his bellow of frustration. Had she somehow heard he was on his way? That was impossible. He’d told no one where he was going.
He got out of the car anyway to peer into the windows of the cottage and see if any of her stuff was visible. In the first window he couldn’t see much. There was an open-plan lounge and kitchen with a number of impressive paintings on the wall, a plump armchair placed near the window to catch the sun and the low table next to it had a used teacup and a book on it, but there were no identifiable clothes draped anywhere...
He realised the barking in the distance was growing louder. He stepped back from the window to walk along the small veranda and rounded the corner so he could see behind the cottage.
An Irish red setter bounded towards him ahead of a slim figure walking behind it. She wore a beanie but her fiery hair flowed out from underneath it. And she wore black, of course. Not the cute little tailored trousers; this was an exercise combination—leggings and a sleek merino top that clung to her...curves.
She’d been out for a walk. There was colour in her cheeks. That colour drained the second she saw him.
Alejandro’s eyes narrowed as he stared hard back at her.
For a heartbeat her pace faltered. Her hand lifted in a barrier across her belly. A small giveaway gesture of protectiveness. That book on the table inside flashed in Alejandro’s mind. The title that he’d seen but not really registered.
Pregnancy & Beyond: A Guide to Baby’s First Year.
And the expression in Kitty’s eyes now?
Guilt.
‘How did you find me?’ Her voice shook as she neared enough for him to hear her.
He couldn’t answer. He couldn’t stop staring at the changes in her body—tiny changes, yes, but even in the slimming black attire they were obvious to him. Her breasts were fuller, as was her slender belly. She was pregnant. He was certain of it. And he knew to his bones that it was his.
This was why she’d left him.
He only needed to lo
ok into her eyes for a second to know what she was going to do and he’d not expect anything less from her.
She would have the child. She would love the child.
For a second he was blinded and his gut burned. Molten rage scoured his ribs. He had not felt so hurt since—
He shut his eyes. Blocking the memory and the wave of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him.
This was not what he wanted. This was never what he’d wanted.
‘That bastard’s blood—’ he choked. Unable to move. Unable to utter another word.
He’d never wanted this. Never, ever. He’d wanted the whole sorry mess to die when he did. He’d forced himself to forget it for almost all of his life. It was over. Only now it wasn’t.
‘Alejandro—’
He threw out his hand to stop her from stepping nearer to him. He was too angry.
‘I need time,’ he snapped. ‘You’ve had...weeks to get used to this. Give me...give me...’
Kitty stopped in her tracks as shame burned. He knew. He’d found her and he knew and he was so very angry.
She didn’t blame him. She should have told him so much sooner. But the days had slipped by and she’d been focused on finding a quiet place to settle for a while. On keeping well. On hiding. She’d been such a coward. But she couldn’t be now. She swallowed and made herself speak.
‘I’ll be in the cottage,’ she said quietly. ‘Whenever you want to talk.’
She wouldn’t blame him if he got back into his car and drove away. He’d hate her for this and maybe he was right to. And wasn’t that what she’d wanted? Hadn’t she done this deliberately to force this kind of response from him?
Yes, she was that much of a coward.
But she left the door to the small cottage open and stood with her back to the door because she couldn’t cope with watching him, waiting to see what he would choose to do. The dog let her know when Alejandro stepped inside. She turned as he barked and saw him run up to Alejandro, his tail wagging crazily as he nuzzled Alejandro’s hand, asking for a pat.
Alejandro complied, but he didn’t look down at the animal. He was too busy staring at her and so obviously keeping himself in check. Emotion burned in his eyes. The trouble was she didn’t know what emotion it was.
‘Are you keeping well?’ he finally asked.
‘I’m fine, Alejandro. I’m okay.’ She walked over to him and closed the door.
He didn’t take a seat, though; he just stood there—too large for this room. Too big for her heart.
She saw his pallor and the torment in his eyes and her willpower broke. She couldn’t help reaching out to cup his jaw. But he flinched and pulled back before she made contact. She curled her fingers into a fist, hurt by his rejection even when she knew she deserved his anger.
She turned away. ‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ she said lamely.
‘Don’t,’ he said shortly. ‘This won’t take long.’
She hadn’t got even halfway across the room. Now she turned back to face him.
‘So there is no one else?’ he said quietly.
She lifted her chin. ‘There’s the baby.’
The emotion in his eyes flared as she referred to it. Confirmed it.
‘I know you don’t want children,’ she said quickly. ‘That’s why I left. I don’t expect anything from you. I never will.’
He turned on his heel, strode to the window and stared out of it at the darkening sky. ‘You didn’t give me a chance. You ran away without talking to me. You have made your decision without me,’ he muttered in a low voice. ‘I suppose there is nothing more to be said.’
Yes, that was what she’d wanted, right? For him to say nothing. For him not to fight. Not to try to ‘step up’ and be the husband and father to her child that secretly she so very badly desired. But having him behave as she’d thought she wanted him to hurt.
‘You might not want this child, but I do,’ she said defensively.
He turned his head and glared at her. ‘You want it for the wrong reasons.’
What wrong reasons? ‘To trap you into paying money to me?’ she guessed wildly. Her hurt morphed into sudden, vicious anger. ‘I said I don’t want anything from you.’
Which was a lie, but what she truly wanted she could never have.
‘You want this baby because you want someone to love you,’ he snapped.
Shocked, she just stared open-mouthed at him, feeling as if she’d been ditched—hanging fifty feet up a cliff with no foothold. ‘I wasn’t the one who didn’t bother with the condom. I wasn’t the one who—’
‘All your life you’ve wanted someone to adore you and now you think you’ve got it,’ he interrupted coldly.
‘I didn’t plan this—’ she fought back.
‘But what are you going to do when it gets hard? Are you going to run away and abandon it when times are tough?’
‘Of course not.’ She flung her head, stung by his attack. ‘And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be loved.’ She burned inside—so wounded, so bereft. ‘Or with wanting to love someone. At least I’m not afraid to put myself out there and try.’
His nostrils flared as he whirled to face her, his stance widening as he braced.
But she stepped forward, too hurt to stop.
‘You don’t let anyone into your life. Not properly. You basically buy their company with your success and your...skills.’ She saw him flinch but she carried on anyway. ‘It’s not the sex that bothers me. It’s the superficiality. You keep everything shallow so you can’t be hurt.’
He paled in front of her and she felt a twinge of remorse. ‘I cannot imagine the horror you experienced as a child... But you’re stopping yourself feeling anything except shallow pleasure. You use sex as a temporary muscle relaxant. You’re worth more than that.’
And so was she.
‘You don’t understand,’ he said gruffly.
‘Then help me understand. Talk to me.’
‘The way you talked to me?’ He stared at her pointedly.
She slumped into a seat. ‘I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.’ She glanced up at him. ‘I’m sorry if I hurt you.’
‘It’s not about stopping me from getting hurt,’ he muttered. ‘When I came back from New York that first time I was away from you, I was jealous of your brother.’ He closed his eyes for a moment and then looked at her bleakly. ‘I can’t become that obsessed, Catriona. I can’t become that monster.’
She straightened, surprised at his bitter words. ‘You’d never be a monster.’
He threw her a pitying look and shook his head at her naivety. ‘It’s started already,’ he argued. ‘I took you to New York because I couldn’t bear the thought of wondering what you were doing. Who you were with. What I was missing out on. Am I going to become so controlling that I can’t leave you alone? That’s not normal.’
In that moment hope sparked within her. Had he felt that deeply about her? Did he want more than just a temporary fling with her?
He looked tortured. ‘I never wanted to spread the poison that’s in my veins.’
Now she realised the hell he was putting himself through. She put her hand across her belly. ‘This is a totally innocent baby. Just as you were a totally innocent child. You’re not him, Alejandro—you’ll never be him.’
‘I have his eyes.’
‘You have your own eyes. You’re your own person.’ She’d had no idea that this was what he feared. Was this what caused his nightmares?
But he shook his head. ‘I can’t take the risk. I can’t get...’ he glanced down at her body and then back up to her face ‘...I can’t get involved.’
It hurt to hear him say it so bluntly.
‘Are we not worth the attempt?’
He didn’t even want to try. She understood that he was hurt, but it hurt her too. So much. Why couldn’t someone ever love her the way she loved them? What was it that was wrong with her? Why did she have to miss out again?
‘You deserve better than this, Kitty. Better than me.’
That wasn’t true—she deserved better from him.
‘Everybody struggles with their emotions sometimes.’ She attempted a smile as she tried to reason with him. And to be as honest as she could. ‘I’ve been so jealous of all those women of yours. I’ve been so insecure.’ She still was. ‘But I keep on trying. You’re worth it to me. This is worth it.’
‘So worth it, you ran away without giving me any kind of explanation.’ His cheeks looked hollow; he was even paler than before.
‘I was scared.’
‘Of me,’ he said heavily.
‘Not because I thought you’d hurt me physically. It was just that I wanted more than you wanted to give me.’ She drew in her lip and bit down on it hard. But there was no reason to hold back now. ‘I want you to love me. Because I love you.’
He shook his head. ‘That can’t happen.’
‘Because you don’t want to get hurt again?’
‘Because I cannot do to my child what my father did to me,’ he corrected her furiously. ‘He ripped me apart, Kitty. He destroyed everything I had.’
‘Not everything. You’re still here. You’ve rebuilt so much. People get help for all kinds of issues...’ She stood up and walked towards him. ‘Why let him steal your future? Your happiness?’ She reached him, her heart thundering. ‘By shutting yourself away you’re letting him win.’ She gazed into his beautiful troubled eyes. ‘He didn’t want anyone else to have your mother. No one else to have you. You’re letting him win by locking your heart away. You should show him the middle finger and fight to have a full and happy life. You could get some help; I could help—’
‘I can’t be the man you need me to be,’ he snapped. ‘I can’t be him. I just can’t.’
Claiming His Convenient Fianc?e Page 16