My heart sank at the simple question, a reminder of what an impossibility loving her was. “You should leave before we do something we may regret.” I prayed she wouldn't ask for more, my weak restraint to press her lips to mine again was dwindling with every word she spoke.
“I’m only worried about the things I’ll regret not doing,” she replied, the look in her eyes saying even more than her words had.
I pressed my lips together firmly, shifted in the sand, and looked up to the moon in some silent prayer for ungodly amounts of strength. “Go, Auburn,” I murmured without looking back at her. My fists tightened in the smooth granules as I heard her stand and gather her things.
“Don’t forget this.” I lifted the fading joint between my fingers.
“Keep it.” She dusted the sand off her jeans before she paused. “Thanks for the inspiration, Mr. West.” She breezed past me, one thigh brushing my shoulder. I wasn't sure if I'd really caught the sweet scent of her humid skin lingering on the night air or if my greedy mind had imagined it, but I sucked it through my nostrils hungrily, the scent of her shooting like a rocket straight to my dick.
I drew in a ragged breath before pulling the joint back to life and taking another hit.
Sweet Auburn Lawrence was going to unravel me.
four
Later the following week, I stepped out of the corner pharmacy downtown to find a familiar face leaning against my Blazer. “Hey.” I grimaced, as I slipped my sunglasses on.
“Why aren't you at work?” Mel nailed me with accusatory eyes. I'd hoped she wouldn’t make a scene.
“I don't have class on Fridays.” I fished for the keys in my pocket, already exasperated with her inquisition.
“I thought you were teaching Monday through Friday?” Her eyes scanned my casually-dressed frame as if looking for a clue.
“I had an appointment. Look, Mel. I don't have to answer to you anymore.”
“Is there something going on?” Her eyes widened as she leaned closer. “Is there someone else?” Her voice had risen more octaves than I knew possible.
“I'm not doing this here.” I grit through my teeth and whipped my door open with more force than necessary.
“Oh my God. Don't think I haven't kept myself busy, Reed. In fact, I've got plans tonight.” She crossed her arms, the smug look on her face turning my stomach. I didn't care if she was telling the truth or not, all I wanted was to get home, and push Mel and all the constant noise from my head.
“You're a fucking asshole, Reed. I know you're hiding something.” She seethed as I slid behind the wheel. So this is what we'd become, throwing angry slurs and resentment.
“Think whatever you need to, Mel.” I slammed the door, ending our conversation. Her face twisted in rage as I started the truck up and pulled out of the parking spot. I watched her in the rearview mirror, angry and wanting a fight, as I drove away. I felt like I might be sick.
I arrived home five minutes later and plopped myself on the cheap couch I'd bought to furnish the small, one-bedroom apartment. Opening my email, I was thankful for the message I found waiting for me.
A few people are getting together tonight at the old train bridge if you want to come.
It'd been seven days since we'd gone to the lighthouse. She'd behaved herself in my class all week, taking notes and participating in discussions, and it had slowly killed me.
Before I could think twice I replied.
What kind of crowd we talking?
Her reply came less than a minute later.
Some young, some old, some middle-agers like yourself. ;) Can I just text you? This email thing feels so last century.
Text me? Not a chance. Mel and I still shared an account…the last thing I wanted was questions about incoming and outgoing texts from a strange number.
No. What time?
P.S. 28 is NOT middle-age.
My fingers shook when I hit send. I knew with every fiber of my being I shouldn’t have entertained the idea of meeting her. I tried not to think about Mel for the sake of my own sanity, but Auburn was in my thoughts constantly. I couldn't bring myself to respond with anything else.
Her reply chimed almost instantly.
Everyone's getting there just before dark, but I’ll be there sooner. I want to show you something. Please come.
And there she went, undoing me with innuendo. I knew I’d have to relieve some of the tension that had been building with every innocent brush of the shoulder and flirty comment if I were going to hold it together tonight.
My dick throbbed beneath the bed sheet and I palmed it to relieve a fraction of the ache. I growled and threw a pillow over my head before slipping my hand beneath the cotton and pulling my fist up my shaft. I repeated, down and then back up…sweet release -- sweet, aching, primal release was what my body craved.
My phone chimed next to me, indicating another email.
Four okay?
And there it was, the time of my eventual demise staring me in the face.
Perfect.
I replied simply. I was strung tight, every ounce of blood in my body had settled in my balls and was now controlling my dick, and thereby my entire existence. I hopped out of bed and headed for a cold shower to try and distract myself from Auburn, my dick, and four pm that evening.
***
Exactly seven point five hours later and I was pulling into the gravel parking lot next to the old train bridge outside of town. It was no longer in use and had become a popular spot for drinking among the younger crowd, and fishing and drinking among the older.
I slid into a parking spot next to the only other vehicle there—Auburn’s small Toyota. I smoothed my hands on the worn leather steering wheel and gave myself a mental pep talk before getting out. Don’t go too fast. Think before you jump. She's your student for fuck’s sake. You're married. Things will get messy.
I straightened my spine as I stepped from the car. She was nowhere to be seen. I made my way down the small path to the river and headed for the curve that I knew would open up to the shore. The gravel faded to worn grass and then a rocky bank before I saw her. She sat on the edge of a stone, ten perfectly painted ruby toes dipping in and out of the rushing water as she strung a fishing pole.
I shook my head with surprise. “You brought me here to fish?” I plopped beside her on the slab of granite.
“I don’t know if we’ll catch any, but we’re gonna fish.” She finished tying a lure on the end of her line, an endearing look of thoughtful determination on her face. “I wanted to give you something back. The lighthouse was so beautiful, I could never top it, but I wanted to say thank you for taking me. I write you this ridiculous email babbling about writer’s block and then you do that to help me, so thank you.”
“You're welcome.” I smiled. “It was my pleasure. I'm glad it helped. Now pass me that pole.” I gestured to the other she had beside her.
She passed me the fishing pole, a suggestive grin on her face. We cast and made small talk for twenty minutes without a bite, before Auburn began reeling in her line. “Fishing's a bust, let's check out that rope swing.” Her eyes gleamed with mischief.
My eyes bugged out when I saw it, across the bank, a ratted old rope hanging from a tree. “That looks like a death wish.”
“It’s not. The kids have been swinging off it for years.”
“Exactly. A rope can only take so much swinging before it succumbs.”
“Scaredy cat. Mr. McDowell replaces it every year anyway. I’ll go first, teach you a thing or two for once.” She winked and dashed off down the shore. She darted across the old train bridge and my heart thudded with every step. She landed feet first on the opposite bank and waved, her smile so bright it was blinding. She made my heart race. What was going on with me? This felt like falling. I’d known Mel for so long, nearly my entire life, and we’d somehow just ended up together, but this…this felt like plummeting either somewhere entirely sublime or another side of hell. Perhaps it was both.
The image of Auburn beneath me in bed, expressive eyes looking up at me, dark hair splayed across the white pillow, a cocky grin on her beautiful face, was a siren call to my heart. I'd never wanted anything so much. Auburn left me with an incessant, burning need for her.
I licked my lips as she waved one more time then hooked her foot in the loop at the bottom of the gnarled rope. She rocked on her back leg once, twice, then pushed off and swung out over the dark water. She rode the swing back and forth a few times, waved and blew me a kiss before she released and dropped into midair. A mass of white, a flash of neon green, and a wild tangle of dark hair landed with a splash in the water and disappeared.
Shit. What was I thinking? “Auburn!” I hollered as my eyes darted around the surface of the water. Searching, seeking, not finding. Gone. “Auburn!” I yelled before a dark head broke through the surface. She pushed the brown tangle of hair from her eyes and grinned, before spitting out river water.
“Jesus.” I ran a hand through my short hair and heaved a breath.
“Your turn!” she called in a teasing lilt.
“You're in so much trouble,” I shook my head with a smile.
“Are you talking shit over there?!” she called and held a hand to her ear. I huffed, the pent up sexual tension driving me to the edge. I jogged down the shore, over the bridge, then landed feet first on the bank just like she had when she'd jumped down from the old trestles.
I didn’t think twice before I tore off my shirt, kicked my shoes off, and pulled the jeans down my legs. I gritted my teeth when I realized a second too late that I now stood there in my boxer briefs, raging hard on tenting the thin fabric, and was about to jump into frigid water despite the early June sun.
“Fuck, here goes,” I muttered as I locked my foot in the rope, feeling like an overgrown kid. I launched myself next to her in the water without a second thought and felt freedom for the first time in my entire adult life. As water spilled over my muscles, I smiled like I hadn't in months. Maybe even years. Kicking my feet to drive me to the surface, I wondered where I'd landed in relation to Auburn.
And then I felt her.
Auburn’s slick, smooth body sidled up against mine under the surface. My head came up, and pushing the water from my eyes, I saw her. The evening light kissing her skin, the white of her tank now transparent, the color of her matching neon green bra and the faintest outline of a nipple visible underneath.
My dick jerked and I wanted more than anything on the entire planet to cup her breast, hold the weight of it in my hand, thumb the nipple and coax it out further, and cover the soft peaked flesh with my warm tongue. I wanted to lick, suck, taste, feel. I wanted to feel.
“Auburn,” I murmured without thinking, my eyes glazing over her wayward hair falling soaked around her shoulders.
“Yeah?” she breathed as she watched me. I felt the current she created as she kicked her legs under to stay afloat. Her foot hit mine and she stumbled in her rhythm, causing her hand to shoot out and grab my shoulder to stay righted.
“I want to do a whole host of things I shouldn’t want to do to you, but for the life of me, I can’t bring myself to care,” I admitted in equal parts frustration and lust.
She licked her lips as drips of water trailed down her neck. “Good,” she said softly, yet clearly.
She was so bold and brave, unlike anyone I’d ever met. My hands met her skin and just like that, all barriers were removed and we were attached. One of her legs curved around my hip while I treaded water softly, the kicks of my feet mimicking the thrusting of my tongue as I devoured her mouth. I licked at her lips, fisted my fingers through her wet hair and pulled, curving her neck to expose it to my teeth as I took. I ground my still rock-hard, despite the rushing river water, dick against her pelvis and imagined slipping that little scrap of neon fabric aside and slipping inside her.
Soft moans fell from her lips as she arched her body and pushed with as much fervor as I met her with. Her nails dug into my shoulder blades and she pulled, leaving what I’m sure would be fiery red scratches. Her lips trailed the rough stubble of my jaw, over my Adam's apple, and down my neck as she moaned and writhed. There may have been frigid as fuck river water rushing around us, but we were on fire. Scorching hot with no chance of relief.
I couldn't think about intelligent adult responsibilities like consequences and actions as I let out all the pent up frustration I’d had for her these last few weeks. I relished the feel of her in my arms and took as much as I dared at this moment.
We broke away, our chests heaving with shallow breaths. Her eyes flared before she lunged and caught my bottom lip between her teeth. I massaged my hands through her hair and engaged in sweet kisses alternating with feral nips before I settled my hands at her waist and began to guide her towards shore.
“We should stop before anyone sees.” I paused in waist-deep water. She only nodded and relaxed her arms in response, sliding down my body, torturous inch by torturous inch, before her feet landed on the sandy river bottom. “We can’t do stuff like this in public,” I stated. Her eyebrows lifted quizzically before she turned and climbed up the bank, heading for her clothes. I knew exactly what I hadn't said. I didn't think either of us were naive enough to believe that we wouldn’t find ourselves in the same embrace again. We were a foregone conclusion.
“I should get home,” she said.
“What?” I asked in alarm. “I thought you were staying all night?”
“I was. I am. I just…need a shower after that.” She swung her arm out dismissively. She seemed irritated, rebuffed.
“Hey.” I caught her arm and pulled her to me. “Don't be upset.” I kissed her lips softly. We shouldn't be doing these things in public, but her feelings meant more to me than anything else at that moment.
When I pulled away and trailed the pads of my thumbs across her cheekbones, her lips finally curved in a soft smile. “I'm not.”
“Good.” I pressed my forehead to hers and let my eyes fall closed as I soaked up her soothing scent. “Thanks for hanging out with me today.”
“I should be thanking you.” She murmured, her fingers dancing across my shoulders and making me dizzy with desire. “What's this?” Her fingertips drew slow circles around a single, fiery red mark on my skin.
I winced before shrugging it off. “Guess you were a little too rough in the water.” I teased and caught her lips between my teeth, dragging and pulling in an effort to drive her as insane with desire as I was. It seemed to work when her hands clutched at my shoulders and she swayed into me, her still damp body brushing against mine.
“We really don’t want to be caught.” I hummed and chased her lips as she pulled away, her head dancing with mine in a sensual taunt. I finally grasped her head in my palms and swallowed the smart retort I'm sure she had ready with my lips. One hand trailed down the elegant dips and hollows of her form while I kissed her, soft breaths and the rustle of clothing the only sounds between us.
“I should get going.” She finally pulled away, breathless and looking thoroughly wound up.
“Oh, sure. You’re coming back later, then?” I pulled away, calm and collected, exactly how she wasn't feeling. I couldn't help the grin begging to turn my lips up for leaving her flustered, how she often left me, on purpose, I was sure of it.
“Oh, I don’t know.” She mused as she pulled her jeans up her legs. “Callie says she’s making me, but if I can get out of it, I will.” She said while pulling her shirt over her still-wet tank top. The water spots soaked through almost immediately, doing nothing for the fragile sense of control I was trying to hang on to.
&
nbsp; “I was going to go home and work on plotting a new story that's been running through my head, but you're more than a little distracting.” I grasped the hem of her shirt and pulled her back to me.
She darted around me on a giggle before swiping her shoes from the dirt and backing away from me, a devilish glint in her dark eyes. “Hands off in public.” She chastised with her index finger.
“Such a distraction.” I shook my head, a grin splitting my face. Her smile deepened before she finally swiveled and jogged back the way we'd come from, barefoot and carefree the entire way.
I threw my shirt over my head and walked up the river bank feeling like I'd fallen into a never-never land where kissing a student felt as natural as breathing. Except this wasn’t just any student, this was Auburn.
five
I found myself still awake at eleven pm that night. Being awake at that time wasn’t unusual, but being so fucking mentally blocked I could hardly function was. I'd done some outlining for a new novel and tried to write a few paragraphs in the story I’d been writing about my boyhood in northern Michigan. It was something I'd been working on the last few years. I never seriously intended to publish it, it was just too personal, my life’s work, and I wasn't willing to send it out into the world for public criticism.
After scrounging out three sentences, I'd shut my laptop and moved to the chair by the fireplace to read, for pleasure, then for work, without avail, which is why I currently sat behind my wheel, fingers tapping to an old Eagles’ song on the radio, driving mindlessly. Except I'd known exactly where I was headed when I'd gotten behind the wheel of the old Blazer.
Shelton Road. The old train bridge. Her.
I white-knuckled the steering wheel as I chastised myself. “Fuck.” I ran a hand through my hair as I drove through the cool summer night. I shouldn't be going to her, but I couldn't stop thinking about her. My mind had begun to conjure ways we could be together, but all seemed like a dead end. Perception was cut and dry in our small midwestern town -- dating a student? Always a bad idea. Nearly criminal in offense for the scandal we'd be subject to, and my teaching career would be all but destroyed.
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