“Oh stop.” Now I feel even worse. If he knew I was pregnant and struggling with all-the-time sickness, he wouldn’t be here.
“Come here,” he says tugging on my hand.
“No. Come back to bed. I don’t like you sleeping on the couch.” I tug back just as hard, but he’s immovable.
He pulls harder and I topple over him, rolling to my side and stretching out so we’re face-to-face. He kisses my forehead. “You feeling okay?”
“My stomach was bothering me.”
Truth.
“Murphy’s cooking?” he teases.
Chuckling, I shake my head. “No.”
Also true.
He rests his chin on top of my head and after a few minutes his breath turns deep and even.
Mine doesn’t. All I can think about is the test that looms over me in the morning.
To find out if I’m having a baby or having my heart broken. Again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Last night can’t happen again.
I find Rock in the kitchen the next morning. “Finally get some sleep?”
“A little.” I flick the burner on underneath my tea kettle and pull out a mug.
“How do you feel this morning?” he asks from behind me.
Shitty.
Taking a calming breath and slowly blowing it out, I turn and face my husband. “Rock?”
He’s closer than I thought and I have to tip my head back to meet his eyes. He raises an eyebrow waiting for my question. “Are you busy today?”
He places his hands on my shoulders drawing me closer. “I have a project I’m behind on. Why?”
“When are you leaving?”
“In a couple minutes.” His stare becomes too much for me and I glance down. “What’s wrong, Hope? Do you need me?”
God yes.
My hand flutters over my stomach and of course Rock doesn’t miss the movement.
“Tell me.” His voice deeper, more serious than before.
Courage rises in me like a tidal wave. I can’t—I shouldn’t be doing this without him. What if it’s bad news?
“I have a doctor’s appointment,” I whisper. “Do you think you can go with me?”
“Of course I will. You’re scaring me, though. What’s going on?”
“Nothing bad.”
Please let that be the truth.
He drops his gaze to my hand over my stomach and narrows his eyes. Slowly, his gaze roams up my body, stopping at my chest. He drags his hands from my hips up over my ribs, then gently cups my breasts.
I suck in a hit of air, closing my eyes to focus on his touch.
“What time is your appointment?” he asks in a low voice as he gently kneads. His thumbs brush over my nipples and for a second I can’t articulate an answer to his question.
“Eleven,” I finally answer.
“Fuck, where?”
I pry my eyes open and my heart speeds up. The question he wants to ask burns in every line of his face. “Right down in Sterling.”
He flicks his gaze to the clock and reaches past me to shut off the stove. “Shit, we need to leave now.”
He leans down, pressing his lips against mine. Turmoil and curiosity shine in his eyes as he steps back, taking his hands off me.
“I’ll feed you breakfast when we get back, but you need to eat something now.” He pulls out a granola bar from the cabinet, grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and presses them into my hands.
“Thank you.” I turn away, walking to the closet to grab my coat.
Rock’s silent as he takes my hand and we walk over to the garage. Silent as he opens the door and helps me up. Silent as he slides into the driver’s seat and starts the truck.
He glances over at me and I offer a hesitant smile.
“I need to call Bricks. Let him know I won’t be down until… later or tomorrow,” he says almost like a question.
A question I’m not sure he’s ready for the answer.
He waits until we leave the property and are on the main road, headed toward Sterling, a small town right outside of Empire. He puts the call over the Bluetooth and I sit silently while he explains to Bricks that he won’t be coming in today.
“Yeah, no problem. I got it covered,” Bricks promises.
“Thanks, brother.” He hangs up and grips the steering wheel tight. “Where am I going?”
“Straight on eighty-five. It’s the first building after the light.”
The tension between us rises and I’m halfway to a meltdown by the time he pulls into the parking lot.
“Left,” I direct him around to the side of the building. He stops, shifts into park and glances over at me then at the building.
Sterling OB-GYN.
He doesn’t say anything, but I wait for him to come around and open my door. He grips my hand tight and leads me inside.
“Hi, I have an eleven o’clock with Dr. West.”
“Have a seat Ms. Kendall, we’ll be with you in a few minutes.”
Rock chooses a chair away from everyone else in the waiting area. As I sit next to him, he leans over. “Clearly this isn’t your first visit here.”
“Well, no. It’s my regular—”
“Don’t,” he growls in a low voice, only loud enough for me to hear. “You know exactly what I mean.”
Although he’s tight with irritation—not quite anger—and he has every reason to be, he wraps his arm around mine and laces our fingers together in a familiar, loving way.
“Are you all right?” he asks after a few minutes. “Is everything all right?”
My bottom lip trembles. “We’ll find out today.”
“Jesus, Hope,” he mutters. He kicks his legs out straight, crossing them at the ankle and leans back in the chair. On the outside, he probably appears laid back and unconcerned. But tension radiates off him. The tight set of his jaw. The death grip of his hand on mine.
It kind of makes me want to jump him.
As if he knows the dirty thoughts in my head, he gives me a sideways glance. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing appropriate,” I murmur.
He leans over, placing his lips against my ear. “Don’t try to distract me with thoughts of sinking into your hot pussy. As soon as we get home, I’m stripping you down and working you over. Hard.”
My breath catches.
“If you’re good, I’ll let you come too,” he whispers.
“I’m going to come right now if you keep it up.”
He sits back and lifts an eyebrow. I rub my hand over my stomach and lean into him, bringing my lips to his ear. “If I’m not nauseous, I’m horny.”
He sucks in a breath and closes his eyes. My lips twitch, happy I have the same effect on him he has on me.
“First we need to discuss you lying to me,” he says.
“I didn’t lie—”
“Don’t,” he cuts me off. “When?”
I could throttle my wife right now.
She has me so fucking wound up. Torn. Hopeful. Scared as fuck. Pissed off. Turned on. So many emotions brewing inside, I could lose it any minute.
Since we returned from Florida, I’ve suspected something was going on with her. I think I understand why she didn’t want to tell me, but it still pisses me the hell off.
My fingers squeeze hers and she turns, watching me but not saying anything.
“Does anyone else know?” I ask. As mad as I am she hasn’t confided in me sooner, I’m more upset she’s been struggling with this alone. If Trinity, or hell, even Heidi has at least been there for Hope, I’ll feel better.
Her eyes widen as if it hadn’t occurred to her to seek out help from one of the girls. “No. I’m not sure of anything yet. I wanted… I wanted you to be the first to know.” Her gaze drops to the floor. “No matter what.”
“I wish you hadn’t been going through this alone,” I finally say.
Her body stiffens, but she meets my eyes. “I didn’t want to get your hopes up and the
n—”
“Baby, you know better by now.” I reach up, brushing the back of my hand over her cheek. Something else occurs to me, and my mouth quirks. “Were you worried I’d hover over you even more than usual?”
She snorts softly and shakes her head. “Maybe.”
“I’ve been worried about you.”
“You know me too well.”
“Yeah,” I agree.
We’re finally called into a room and I follow her with a hand on her back. Can’t keep my hands off her. No, I have the urge to wrap her up in soft blankets and carry her everywhere.
“This is so embarrassing,” she mutters as she emerges from the bathroom in a thin hospital gown.
“Why? I know you inside and out, Hope.” Her cheeks turn pink and I lean down, brushing my lips against her ear. “I spend as much time inside your pussy as humanly possible. You don’t have anything to hide from me.”
She chuckles softly as I boost her up onto the lightly padded table. She shifts as the paper crinkles under her and rearranges her gown. “Yes, but there isn’t usually a doctor and an ultrasonic wand up my hoo-ha involved.” She gestures toward the end of the table and shudders. “Or stirrups.”
One corner of my mouth slides up and I pat the table. “I kind of like this. Maybe I’ll put one downstairs.” I stroll to the end pretending to inspect the equipment. Her gaze follows me and I wink at her. “Set up like this will give me easy access.”
“Gross,” she sputters through her laughter. “I had no idea you had some medical kink lurking under all your badassery.”
“I have a Hope kink,” I correct, throwing her another teasing smile. “Any way I can get you.”
Her eyes gloss over and she holds out her hands. “I love you, Rock.”
“Love you too, baby doll.” I take her hands and pull her against my body, wrapping her up in my arms. The sweet scent of whatever shampoo she’s using this week fills my nose and I bury my face in her hair, finding my way to her neck where I kiss and nibble her skin until she’s laughing again.
“Good morning, Ms. Kendall,” the doctor greets with a bright smile as she bustles in through the door, closing it behind her. I back away a few inches and the doctor smiles even wider. “Mr. North, I’m so glad she finally brought you.”
Well, at least Hope must have made it clear I wasn’t some asshole who didn’t want to be here with her.
“Is everything okay?” I blurt out, realizing the whole time I’ve been trying to tease Hope to keep her mind occupied, I’ve also been trying to calm myself.
I’m scared shitless.
“We should find out today. We didn’t find what we wanted on last week’s ultrasound. This test should tell us one way or another.”
My heart plummets. This might not have a happy ending after all.
The thoughts racing through my head must be evident on my face. Hope squeezes my hand. “This will tell us if the baby’s in the right place or…” She drops her gaze.
A technician joins us in the cramped room.
“I see what could be something right there.” The doctor stares at the screen. “Well that wasn’t hard to find today.” She points to a black speck in the middle of the screen. “See the white area around it? That tells us it’s a true pregnancy.”
The technician moves. “Here’s a different angle.”
The doctor nods and points to the little bean again. “There’s your little bean. Right in the uterus where it should be,” the doctor says, pointing at the screen to fuzzy white jelly-bean-sized speck.
Hope bursts into a combination of tears and laughter and covers her mouth with her hand. “That’s our baby?”
“That’s your baby,” the doctor confirms.
My lungs seize and my hold on Hope’s hand tightens. I run my free hand over my chin as I stare at the monitor.
Ours.
Our baby.
“Everything looks good.”
“Oh thank God,” Hope breathes out.
“How far… when?” I croak out.
The doctor shrugs. “By the size, I estimate five weeks, three days.” She taps the numbers into the computer and gives us an estimated due date.
I ask a few questions that make Hope blush, which the doctor answers honestly and with a straight face.
Finally, we’re almost ready to go.
“This is good news today,” the doctor says. “But I still need to see you in a couple days for more bloodwork. You’re still a high risk pregnancy,” the doctor reminds Hope.
I take Hope’s hand and squeeze.
We have to go next door so Hope can have blood drawn. She holds on tight to my hand and closes her eyes the whole time.
Only then does it hit me the enormity of what she’s about to go through. For us.
When we return to her doctor’s office, her doctor hands me a pamphlet and winks.
I glance at the blue and white lettering on the front. “Pregnancy Sex: Seven Positions For Her Comfort.”
Hope laughs and shakes her head. “Well, I guess I know what we’ll be doing later,” she whispers.
“Damn right.”
While she schedules the next appointment, I take out my phone to make sure I can be with her.
“You don’t have to come every time,” Hope says on our way out.
“Yes. I do. And I will.” My tone leaves no room for discussion. “I don’t want you coming here alone for any reason.”
I help her into the truck and get in on the other side. Before I start it up, I stop and look at her.
“Rock,” she says softly, resting her hand on my knee. “I know how close we are to everyone, but I want to keep this to ourselves just a little longer.”
Love expands in my chest, filling every space. The love for my wife. The love for the life we created. My desire to give Hope anything and everything she needs burns stronger than ever. I grab her hand lifting it and kissing her fingertips. “Sounds like a plan.”
She relaxes, sitting back and closing her eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“Just tired.”
The frustration—anger’s too strong of a word—of her leaving me in the dark for so long returns. I let go of her hand and she places it over her stomach. Unsure of what else there is to say, I let her sleep for the short drive.
We’ll have our talk when we get home.
The absence of moving wakes me as Rock parks the truck in the club’s garage. He throws a glance at the clubhouse before opening my door and helping me out.
Even though it’s the middle of the day, it’s quiet at the property. Nothing but leaves rustling in the light breeze and the random hawk searching for prey breaks the air.
We walk home hand in hand. Rock’s quiet. I think his silence has to do with making sure I make it safely over every pebble and pine cone in our way.
The ominous thud of the door closing behind us when we step into the house suggests his silence has more to do with something else. Still groggy, I stand there while he strips my coat from my shoulders and hangs it in the closet.
Exhausted, I turn to go upstairs.
“Where are you going?” Rock asks. His low voice holds something other than curiosity.
“I want to change.”
He doesn’t answer, and I continue upstairs. As my hand touches my closet door, he steps into the room. “You think we’re done with this?” he asks.
“With what?” I can’t see him because I’m lifting my shirt over my head, but after I fling it in my closet, he’s right in front of me.
Staring down at my body.
Breathing hard.
Taking every inch of me in.
He reaches out and shuts the closet door.
“Rock, I wasn’t—”
“Yes you are.”
Something isn’t quite right and I take a step back. He follows until the backs of my legs hit the bed and I’m trapped.
“Take your pants off.”
“Well, I was trying to—”
He doesn’t wait for me to finish. He reaches out, hooking his fingers into the waistband and yanking my jeans open. Roughly, he shoves them down my legs and I kick them off.
“Get on the bed.”
“Rock, I—”
His eyes close and he takes a deep breath. “I love you, but I’m still furious with you. I can’t decide if I want to fuck you or spank you.”
Heat races over my skin for several reasons. Shame, because I know damn well why he’s so angry. Desire for my husband who’s the epitome of sex. Embarrassment that both options dampen my panties.
“Do I get a vote?”
“No.” He takes another step, so we’re pressed up tight against each other. His arms band around me, keeping me from falling back on the bed. He places both palms against my ass and squeezes. Despite how furious he claims to be, he feathers the softest kiss over my lips.
“You’re everything to me, Hope,” he almost whispers the words as he touches his forehead to mine. “I can’t lose you.”
“You heard the doctor—”
“That’s not all I’m talking about. We tell each other everything. I don’t want to lose us.”
“You’re happy about the baby?” I finally ask, because deep down, even though I know he’ll be a wonderful father, I also know he was content with our life the way it is… was.
“So happy, baby doll. I won’t lie to you, though, I’m worried.”
“I know. That’s why I waited until we could—”
“Yeah, about that.”
Damn, I should have kept my mouth shut.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
I can’t even be angry at Hope. I love her too fucking much and I understand why she waited to tell me. Love her for it, even if I wish she’d told me so she wasn’t going through it alone.
She has never looked more beautiful.
“Come here.” I hold out my hand and she takes it. Her breath hitches when I yank her closer and swing her up into my arms.
“What are you doing?”
I press a kiss to her forehead and carry her into the bathroom. Setting her down in front of the tub. “What’s this?”
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