“Thank you for the pick me up.” She closed her eyes, “I feel so full of self-confidence now and don’t bull shit me about needing a private detail. I know you have guys following me around. Chloe saw them when we were shopping the other day.”
“You don’t even have a room for the baby here.” I ignored her accusation because it’s true. I’ve had people following her since the DNA test.
She’s drifting off, “Stay with me.” She tried again.
I stroked her hip until she was out, then I left.
I just can’t bring myself to get that intimate. I went to a bar on the same strip as my condo and what started as a happy hour sample turned into a bombing. I drank so much I was sloshed to my ears but the worries and the heavy air of becoming a father was finally off my shoulders.
Chapter Seventeen
GABRIEL
Two days later I was in Brianna’s apartment nervous as fuck. Dressed in one of my work suits I paced her kitchen. “What do I say to them?” I asked her.
She shrugged as she made coffee, “Anything except, I fucked your daughter.” She teased.
“Very funny.”
“I thought so.”
She looks like a ray of sun. Her blue dress is short so it draws attention to the growing bump. She’s got on little black boots and a scarf and I think she might be the most adorable pregnant woman in California.
“I’ve never met a girl’s parents. Dads are
supposedly the most feared and you have two.”
She beamed, “Yeah, and they’re amazing. They were foster parents for kids of all ages so they know everything we need. That’s why going shopping with them is the best move.”
I winced when the doorbell rang. “What are their names again?”
“Ray and Tony Spinello.” She touched the wall to guide her to the door. “Ray is the shorter one and Tony is the tall one; he’s a cop. He’s the more frightening of the two.”
I cleared my throat and pulled my shoulders back.
She laughed and felt for my chest, “Relax, just remember the stuff I told you. Don’t mention sex, republicans, the Yankees, or my job. Please don’t mention my job. If they know I’m about to get laid off they’ll get as annoying as you.”
I held her wrist to stop her from answering and she felt up my arm to cup my cheek, “Gabe,” she stood on her toes to kiss my other cheek, “We aren’t a couple so there’s nothing to freak about.”
I hate when she reminds me of this fact.
I cut her a look but then she opened the door. “Hey Daddy,” she said as the shorter one came to hold her close.
“Hey, sweetheart, how are you? How’s our grandbaby?” Asked Ray. She pulled back and he touched her stomach. “Hello, littlest one.”
I watched them interact and my level of overwhelmed skyrocketed. I’ve never seen such affection in a family and they aren’t even related. When Ray spoke to our baby I outright stared. Should I be talking to it? I know Brianna does but I don’t need to, do I?
Then I looked up into some pretty deadly eyes. Tony the cop looked like just that. A cop. His eyes don’t even blink often.
He hugged Brianna next but the whole time she was in his arms he was boring holes through me.
“Come in, guys,” she said stepping out of the way. “Dads meet Gabriel. Gabriel, this is my Dads. Ray…”
Ray smiled and shook my hand, “Nice to meet you, Gabriel. Brianna told us a little about you.”
“Nice to meet you,” I pushed out.
“And this is Tony,” she said touching his arm.
He reached for my hand and when I shook it he tried breaking the bones in my hand. I kept quiet about it and pulled back but he wouldn’t let go.
“Tony!” Ray warned, “Tony let the poor boy go.”
“What’s happening?” Asked Brianna.
Ray sighed, “Tony is trying to cripple your…whatever he is.”
Tony let go and I shook my hand, “Nice to meet you too.” I said.
“You’ll have to excuse Tony,” said Ray, “We’re protective of Bri, and this was a lot to take in.”
“I understand.” I tried.
We all sat in Brianna’s living room as the conversation flowed. I stayed off the topics she warned me about and she and I stayed on separate couches. She’d warned me not to try sitting by her. Tony would kill me.
“So before we go,” I looked to Ray since he was more approachable, “How did you and Tony meet?”
Both men display almost no stereotypical sign of homosexuality. They look like they would almost get offended if you accused one of them of being lovers. They don’t outwardly display affection between one another and they dress in an uptight way. So I’m curious.
Ray inclined his head at Tony, “Tony was a rookie on the force and pulled me over for speeding, but I wasn’t.”
Tony actually smiled a little, “I was nervous, read the radar wrong.”
Brianna was sitting next to Tony. She felt for his hand and he took hers, “That’s just how they met,” she told me, “Tell him how you actually got together.”
Tony looked between Ray and me, “Ray’s construction site for the designs he made up had a pillar collapse and a lot of people got hurt. It was three months after we met, but I was one of the first responding cops.”
Ray went on, “I got trapped under the wreckage and Tony pulled me out. He visited me in the hospital and we started talking.”
No display of emotion still. Yet I sensed more love in this room than I had all my life. “That’s a great story,” I looked to Tony. “How long have you been together?”
“Seventeen years.”
I raised my brows. I’ve only been with someone seventeen hours.
Ray brightened. “We had a rough start. However, the world is changing and with it the people. The biggest help was Roisin Black’s book, Over Your Dead Body. That was a stroke of genius on her part. True poetic justice. Then when they turned it into a movie…it moved so many people.”
I sat up straight, “Roisin Black is a goddess back in Europe. She’s blown open a lot of minds with that book. I’ve even been to some of her benefits.”
Brianna’s eyes went wide, focused to the right of where I was sitting. “You’ve actually met Roisin Black? The Roisin Black?”
I laughed, “Yes, when I was on business in Ireland. She’s got humor a bit like yours. Very funny, very friendly and very busy. Her work caught fire overnight so she’s constantly getting sent this way and that. She stays strangely humble, though, so her fan base continues to grow.”
Brianna looked starry-eyed. Funny she had no real reaction to my celebrity status but Roisin just struck her dumbfounded.
“Shall we begin?” Ray offered. “We should hit the baby stores and get you two registered.”
Tony stood up and helped Brianna to her feet. I followed. The baby store had me totally stunned. This is a friggin nightmare. I don’t know what half the devices in this place do, I don’t understand the lingo because it all seems whacky, breast pump, colic, receiving blanket, swaddle, pillows shaped like kidneys, swings that look like survey equipment, car seat? Why do they need special seats? Can’t they just be held?
“Let’s start with what you need to have now,” said Ray. “Enough to make you feel less unprepared, but honestly Bri, it’s not quite time to drive yourself nuts. So we’ll scan anything that can wait. You still have a baby shower coming too.”
He took us to a section that claimed it had newborn everything. “We don’t know what you’re having yet,” said Tony. “So maybe we should go with gender neutral colors?”
Brianna was on his arm and nodded, “Okay, like yellow, green, and white?”
“Yep,” Ray grabbed a set of one-piece footie pajamas. “Here,” he handed them to Brianna, “These are yellow and white.”
She felt them from top to bottom with a soft smile, “They’re so tiny.” She giggled, “and soft!”
“Size 0-3months,” said Ray, “You have no
idea how big baby will be or how small, so you don’t want too much newborn stuff. They outgrow it quick.”
Tony checked them over, “They’re also zippered. No snaps. They’re a pain with sight, without you’ll kill something. Just be slow, you don’t want to catch the baby’s skin.
Ray found hats, socks, booties, and matched them, “we can pin the outfits together so you never have to worry about matching.”
I feel a little useless but also intrigued. They grabbed a ton of gender neutral sleepers.
“We’ll scan the bedding stuff,” said Tony, “But until you figure out living arrangements there’s no point buying. We need a firm, flat mattress, sheets…”
I tried to contribute a sentence, “Blankets…?” I mumbled.
Tony laughed, “So your baby can suffocate? Well done, Gabe.”
I frowned.
Ray shook his head, “He doesn’t know, Tony. Don’t be a dick.” Then he looked back at me, “Actually baby sleeps with no blankets because they could get it over their face or roll to their stomach and it would bunch up under their face. They really could suffocate.”
“Can’t they just…move the blanket down?”
Tony laughed again. “Oh, you’re a real winner.”
“Dad,” Brianna pulled on him, “I’m not too bright with all this either. Don’t make fun.”
“Okay little one,” he kissed the top of her head but I still felt like my IQ hit four.
We went to bedding and Ray scanned what we needed. Next was diapering needs. Then was feeding. Ray convinced Brianna to at least try breastfeeding. So pumps and pads and storage bags went in the cart. I don’t even remember ever being in a place with a cart. This is insane. Breasts need pads?
“What does this do?” I asked as I squeezed a little rubber ball with a long narrow opening.
Tony looked too smug. “It’s for baby snot, Gabe. When they get congested sometimes you have to suck the snot out.”
I dropped the thing in the cart and wiped my hand down my side. Bloody Hell!
Brianna was leaving feeling encouraged I felt ten times more confused. Her support system was vast, but mine was nonexistent.
That’s probably why I drank that night. Heavily.
BRIANNA
I listened to the voicemail from a missing Gabe and sighed. Ever since my dads took us shopping he’s been harder and harder to reach and because I hardly ever work now it’s impossible to catch up.
When I heard someone go by my desk I ignored it and kept typing. The phone rang and I answered to be met with a gruff, “Put me through to, Gabriel.”
I leaned on my elbow, “Mr. Gilmore is out of the office. May I take a message?”
“Tell him his father called. Again!”
I stiffened. Wow. This is Gabe’s father. “Yes Sir, I’ll tell him.”
We hung up and I looked up the file under Gabe’s account. With my voiceover head gear, I heard all the file titles and in total curiosity I opened one that I shouldn’t have.
Names of laid-off employees. Gabe’s only weeded out a third of the people on the list and Vicars had terminated about another third but in the final wave, I heard my name, Brianna Birks. I wanted to cry. I love my job and it works with my disability of sight, so I never feel special. I just feel normal.
I wiped a tear from under my eyes and closed out the list.
“Brianna?” I noticed Gabe’s voice right away. “I need my messages.”
Oh, so we’re playing the ‘nothing is wrong card.’
I drew up his messages and slid them over the desk. “Your father just called. I put his on top. He sounded annoyed.”
“He’s always annoyed.”
He went through the stuff right there so I worked because if he wants to pretend we don’t know one another personally that’s fine.
“You can go home now,” he said. He sounded tired, “You need rest.”
I slammed my keyboard extender shut, “Fuck it. I quit.” I said bending to get my purse.
“We don’t want you to quit. All I said is go home.”
“I already know I’m getting laid-off. Just do it.”
He sounded like he was going around the desk to get closer and that pissed me off even more. “Bri, I offered you the job of being my personal secretary, your job as Vicar’s secretary…yes, that’s a lay-off coming. But you refused my offer too. Vicars isn’t going to need a secretary soon. I’ll be head of the company until my father claims it, not him. If you don’t take the job with me, yes, you’ll be laid-off.”
I took up my walking stick, “I don’t want to work under you. We can’t even get our personal shit straight. You’ve been totally MIA. How will working together make that any better? Plus I’ll be on maternity leave soon…” I stood and reached for the desk to feel my way around.
“I’ve been busy,” he argued, “That’s why I haven’t been around.”
“Busy drinking. I can smell you from here. It’s really pathetic that a man with so much power gives most of it up to a bottle.”
He caught my arm and deepened his voice, “I never claimed to be perfect. I’m doing this. I’m doing the baby thing, I’m getting ready, the whole co-parent shit, what else do you want? Or would you even tell me? You’d probably let yourself go homeless before coming to me. I thought we were a team? Isn’t that the rubbish you fed me weeks ago?”
I jerked him off me, “Being a team means you answer your phone. You can’t even do that because you probably had your head in a toilet. I told you when we first talked to be consistent. In or out. I don’t expect shit from you but if you want to be part of this, grow the fuck up!”
I went past him but had to slow down in the hall. Too big a chance I’ll trip if I don’t focus. “I’m sorry mommy said ‘fuck’,” I told Blueberry. “Daddy just sucks as a human being.”
I waited on the elevator doors to open.
“This scares me alright?” Gabe’s voice suddenly boomed to my right. I guess he followed me. “This makes no sense to me. It’s like someone speaking Chinese and I speak seven languages but this is crazy. I needed a little bit to figure shit out.”
I heard the ding and put my hand out. The doors opened and I went in but Gabe held the doors open.
I set my back against the wall inside, “You don’t have to do this. I’ve told you that a billion times! Why try to change yourself for something that you don’t even want?”
“Because no one did it for me.”
His confession weakened some of the brick I was plastering between us. After a minute I heard him come into the elevator and hit the button. It’s a long way down so I used the time, “What does that mean?”
“I was the biggest misfortune in my father’s life. I don’t want that to be how this baby feels. It’s shitty to know you are nothing but a memento of ruin to your parents. I want this baby to have better.”
“Then stop avoiding us when you get scared.”
He fidgeted, “It’s not that simple. You worry all the time but all I see is someone meant to be a mother. You’re already so good at everything, you even talk to our baby but me…” He sounded shook. “I’m still debating if my existence in this kid’s life is what’s best. That’s the truth. There. I feel almost grateful to whatever gods there are that it was you. That you’re the one I accidently got pregnant instead of one of the mindless party animals I’ve tumbled with. But still, I’m not so sure I’m good for this baby. For you. I don’t want to screw it up like my parents did me. I don’t want to mistreat you either. The more you don’t ask for it the more I want to help. And stop pushing me away. Every time I do something wrong you remind me I can walk away at any time. If I’m so unimportant in this why invite me in at all?”
I heard everything while I stood caressing Blueberry. When we hit the ground floor we stood outside the elevator in silence. There’s no deputing the real truth in his voice. I felt him stand in front of me.
“We need to stop the sex. It’s confusing you.” I told hi
m. “You don’t know anything stable. All you know is fleeting love, fleeting hope, fleeting satisfaction. You don’t understand family.” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “So from now on, no sex and trust me, saying that out loud feels like a death sentence for me too. You can still fuck around at your clubs but not with me. You need to become part of us in the ways that make you uncomfortable.”
He swallowed and touched my arm, then moved down to hold my hand. “Am I forgiven then?”
“You’re on parole. I understand what you told me and I’m sorry I’m difficult about the gifts and that I remind about your freedom but if this is what you really want, act like it.”
He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it.
I laughed, “You’re so British.” I teased. He laughed. I took my hand back and set it over his chest. “Moses and Chloe are coming for Dinner. Wanna come?”
He covered my hand. “Yes.”
“Good.” I reached further up and felt his collar, “But about the drinking. Gabe…please don’t go so hard. You’re needed now. You have to take care of yourself. You matter.”
He stepped away to go back up. “Once again you offer a first. Someone telling me I matter.” I felt depressed for him now. He really thinks he doesn’t. “And the job? What of that? Are you quitting or working for me?”
I groaned, “No sex, Gabe.”
“Right, just work. I’ll only give you jobs…”
I laughed at the way he said ‘jobs’. “No…” I sang.
“See you at six, Love.”
Hours later I was in my apartment making the dinner. I had this wicked fish meal prepared and all I needed was five more minutes.
In those five minutes, I decided to go down and multitask with laundry. With a basket full of clothes I started down the stairs carefully.
On the second staircase I miscounted and fell. It was a pretty bad fall, considering my arm was killing me.
The Co-Parent (The Relationship Quo Series Book 3) Page 18