“No harm done, they know you’re American.”
As the party went on and the band music continued I strained to hear their conversations but I was pulled in a hundred others with the other people at the table.
Then I heard her gasp and looked over. She’d knocked my father’s glass. I could see by where it fell that he’d placed it in her space.
“Oh dear,” he touched her shoulder, “One of the perils of lost sight I suppose.”
She was flustered, trying to catch it on the table and in her lap. Trying to find where the water was pouring from with no help from my father.
“I’ll get it,” I leaned over her and caught it with my cloth napkin. “It’s alright,” I whispered near her ear.
“I’ve got it,” She hissed. She’s mad with herself. It’s one of those independent moments I hate. “I’m sorry.” She kept saying it. “I thought-.”
“Let’s get you dry,” said my father. He took her elbow but I glared at him.
“She’s fine.” I demanded. “Here,” I handed her another and set it over her lap.
My father stood and cupped her elbow again, “This is satin I’m guessing…”
She felt for my wrist, “I think I’ll run to the restroom, Gabe. I’ll be okay.”
“It was my fault really,” he admitted. “Let me escort you to my guest bath. It’s only just inside.” He told her.
It was a herding. She stood with him and reached for her stick just as the Governor came to shake my hand about the new branch.
Distracted, I let them slip away.
My eyes kept drifting to where they made their retreat. I felt all the things that were wrong with it.
More so when I saw she left her walking stick.
Chapter Twenty-Four
BRIANNA
Theo led me out of the yard and into his massive house. “I’m so glad you came this evening, Miss Birks.” He said as we walked. “You’ve lit up my manor with your beauty.”
“Thank you,” I had to hold his arm with both hands because he walked a little fast for leading the blind. The fact that he insisted I don’t need my stick didn’t help. He’d put me in a position where if I argued, I’d look distrustful. “I was excited to come.” I said.
“Because of the glamor?” He asked.
“No, when you can’t see, glamor doesn’t really have an effect. I was just looking forward to meeting you.”
He made a humming sound, “Perhaps it was the draw of the press then? They must seem flattering to ordinary people. To us, they are very much pests.”
I shook my head as he led me up the stairs. “The paparazzi stress me out. It was only about meeting you.”
I almost tripped. He’s going too quickly.
“And what was it about me that had you so eager?” He asked. “You’ve already beguiled my son. My approval couldn’t have been the objective. Was it motivated by a desire to make an impression?”
“Honestly Sir, I don’t have time to cook up ulterior motives. I’m pretty upfront. Gabriel always seems uptight talking to you on the phone. Yes Sir, No Sir, Right away Sir. I figured you were a pretty important part of his life. I wanted to see. Well…not see…you know what I mean.”
He didn’t answer but he was taking me through a mini maze in his house to get me to the bathroom.
His tone changed, “I had a friend who invited his son and his new fiancée to afternoon tea. Never would you guess that she admitted to having feelings for the father of her intended. She cornered him in private and when she was exposed they found out it was all part of some ploy. She was nothing but a…what do you American’s call it? A gold digger?”
I raised my brows, “That’s nice and gross. What does that have to do with me wanting to meet you? Gabriel says he’s ADD. Are you where he gets it from?”
He laughed, “You’re a witty one, Miss Birks. I see now why my son likes you so much.” He finally slowed up like we were here.
“My friends call me morbid,” I smiled, “Is this the restroom?”
“Yes, forward down this hall you’ll feel a door. That’s it.”
“Thanks.” I let go and felt my way down the hall. I’m fighting a tiny bit of anxiety since I don’t have my purse or my stick. I made my time in here quick then took a minute to breathe before going back out. “So,” I said as I felt my way back up the hall, “How long are you staying in the states?” I asked.
No reply.
“Hello?”
Nothing.
“Mr. Gilmore?”
Not a peep.
“Theo?”
Still, nothing.
I felt my breathing squeeze. “Hello?” at the end of the hall I put my hand out. I didn’t meet with anything at all. “Can someone…hear me?” I took small steps and swallowed, “Okay,” I told myself and Blueberry. “Mommy is a little panic stricken, but no worries, we shall figure this out.”
The house is just too big and I don’t even hear the party. “Hello?” I tried again. I kept both arms out to feel for something, anything and my biggest fear was missing something knee high.
Now after walking for what felt like forever, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. This is the onset symptoms of one of my old panic attacks. They can range from mild to severe and so I always call Chloe or Moses. They tell me how to breathe, they tell me I’m not alone, they walk me through the darkness but I’m alone, no phone, no stick.
“It’s okay,” I told baby, “We’re okay…it’s worse for you right? Like being in a submarine with no windows.”
I keep telling myself I’m not alone, I have Willow. I have Willow, I have…
I started to breathe heavy and I wanted to cry. How could Theo leave me like this? People that are never around the blind still know better. “Okay…” it came out in a whimper. I hit my shoulder hard into a wall and winced as I rubbed it. “Gabriel?” I tried.
Now I can hear party sounds and I tried to let that comfort me but then I took a turn that led me further away. My shin hit a low table so hard, I swore. I can feel my neck burning with fear. This is my nightmare come to life. What if there are stairs?
The real nightmare was tripping over the low step I didn’t know connected one room to the other. My dress is long and the fabric got under foot. I fell on my hip into hardwood flooring and had the wind knocked out of me.
Every part of me shook. Falling is dangerous for someone like me. I can’t judge if I need to correct my fall. Will I hit my head? Is there something sharp nearby? Glass? I braced my palms on the floor and took a minute on my knees to breathe but the tears are stinging my useless eyes.
I’m processing that I didn’t hit anything, but now I feel like rubber pulled too tight.
“Miss Birks?” I heard from behind me. I could tell by the accent it was Theo. He took my arm and helped me up, “Good heavens, you fell! Are you alright? I only left for a second. I had a call. I thought you would wait. Oh goodness.”
I clung to him because even though I truly don’t trust him now, he’s the only set of eyes I have. “I’m…okay…” I managed. His speech, how he talks sounds so full of bullshit. Stuffy, old time bull.
“Of course you’re not. Here,” he led us a couple rooms over. “This is my study. Here,” he helped me sit in a plush leather chair. “Sit, take a minute to collect. I am so sorry again. I can’t apologize enough.”
I took a choppy breath and nodded. “Keep trying.”
“Take this.” He took my hand and wrapped it around a glass.
I brought it to my nose and the strong scent of Brandy made me hand it back, “I can’t. I’m pregnant.”
“Oh, that’s right.” He laughed, “I wasn’t around much for Gabriel’s mother. I don’t really know much about your condition. Then again, I’m not sure her predicament kept her from the things she enjoyed, brandy among them.”
“That’s okay.”
“Did Gabriel tell you about his mother?” He sounded like he sat across from me. “Just curious.”
I shrugged, “A little.”
“Hmm,” he sounded thoughtful. “I wonder how much he told you. For instance, did he tell you how I met her?” I shook my head. Then he went on. “I met her when I was in Wales. I went there to tour the place. My car had broken down. Gabriel’s mother came along and much to my surprise and that of my driver’s she was well versed in automobiles. She had us up and running in no time but she was alone so I offered to take her somewhere. We talked the whole way and I asked her out. She said no.”
“Ouch,” I said with a smile.
He laughed, “Yes. She told me to bugger off. I was pretty devastated. I don’t give up, though so I went back to her flat many times to ask her out. Eventually, she said yes.”
We both laughed a little.
I toyed with my bracelet. “That’s sweet.”
“It was…until I found out she had a friend…that fiddled with my car. It broke down where she happened to be walking because they’d mapped that out together. She knew telling me ‘no’ a few times would bring me floating back and she worked her hooks into me so deep I didn’t even notice. Before I knew is she was pregnant. She admitted to skipping her pill. On purpose. I was an easy target I suppose. Young, wealthy, no offense, but I was blind. In an instant, I was in court and paying more money than you can ever imagine for a child I was forced to acknowledge.”
I suddenly saw where he was rounding this too. Before I could say anything he interrupted. “Even Gabriel doesn’t know that his mother threatened me. She let me know in no uncertain terms that if I denied him, or didn’t pay, she would claim rape. I don’t think I have to explain how that would’ve ruined me, my business and my life. So I gave in. I owed her a small fortune from the child support and the threat on the side.”
I didn’t know this went so deep, and apparently, Gabe doesn’t either.
“She left him, in my car.” He continued. “Multiple times when he was small, to go off.”
“She couldn’t.” I debated. “You’d be able to fight the child support if you had him most the time-.”
“Ah, but then there was the rape threat…”
I swallowed so hard my throat hurt.
“Yes,” he said. “A cow can give birth, Miss Birks but that won’t make it a mother. I was on my way to a meeting the first time. He was two months. My driver found him in his car seat in the back of my ride. The high was going to be one-hundred that day. Had I come out any later…”
I held my bump. Like it was a silent promise to Willow if she was listening that I would never do such a thing. “I don’t think Gabriel knows the depth of your love for him,” I said. “You both act so-.”
His deep rumble of a laugh cut me short, “You misunderstand. I’m not telling you this to make you see why I care about my son. I tell you this so you might understand why I don’t. From the day he was conceived until now, he’s been nothing but a constant reminder of my weaknesses. I didn’t rear him alone to father him; I did it to save face. I made him a Gilmore in name to protect my interests.”
Okay. I hate him. I hate this man. No wonder Gabriel is so fucked up. His parents have made him into a playground for therapists. “I think I heard enough,” I said, about to get up.
“Actually, you haven’t.” He explained. “You said you like to be upfront. So do I. So let’s play a little game. I tell you the truth and you tell me the truth. Sound fair?”
I stayed put with a scowl. “I want to go back.” I demanded.
“Here’s my truth,” he said anyway, “I have no desire to see one cent of our family money go to the trap you’re carrying or better yet, you. Gabriel is a Gilmore unfortunately and that means his name is the family brand. If his ship sinks, we all sink and I won’t have it. I didn’t know how far your act went until just now. Leaving you told me you really are blind. That shocked me really. How exciting that your handicap can come in handy for snagging wealthy bachelors. It stops here.”
I heard him get up and go to what sounded like a desk drawer. I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say.
“How much does a girl like you need, hmm?” he asked. “How many thousands. You are pretty enough so I’m sure dragging around a kid won’t hurt your chances at finding someone to live off of. Give me a number, Brianna. You turned down Gabriel’s offer. Is that why you waited to meet me? You knew I’d offer more didn’t you?”
I still didn’t say anything as I heard him sit across from me again, “Come on, tell me. Do you like to pamper yourself? What’s your favorite clothing brand? Coco Chanel? Marc Jacobs? Donna Karen? Vera Wang? It must be hard to be so young and so pretty with no funds to enjoy it. No need to attach yourself to my son to get your dreams. Tell me how much it would take to make you disappear and I’ll pay it.”
I thought a good minute. Long enough to make him think I was considering. Then I smiled with cool confidence. I gave him a number that rolled off my tongue for the first time ever. I’ve never spoken the figure out loud.
He sounded taken a back, “My, aren’t we ambitious… that’s more than I think you’ll know what to do with, dear. I’ll admit…I admire your moxie. I wasn’t even prepared to go so high…but if that’s what you want-.”
“Oh no, Mr. Gilmore,” I patted my bump, “That’s not the amount I want from you. That’s the amount in my parent’s savings. That’s how much my parents left me. It’s a college fund that my grandparents started before I was even born but my parents- they added constantly and their will was all thought out. The only thing they didn’t have worked out is where I would go in the event of their death. As soon as I turned eighteen my dads gave me all the codes to access the money. I only go to a community college because I’m frugal by nature. I use my work money to live and I only touch the savings if I absolutely have to or for education.”
I wish I could see his fucking face. He’s so quiet I could hear the party again. “I’ve never been very materialistic,” I illuminated. “I like meager living because it’s cozy opposed to…well, all this circus shit you tend to live off of. I live by values. I didn’t trap your son. My baby is not a mistake and I don’t need your money.” I stood up, awkwardly. Fuck. It would be so bad ass if I could stand without almost falling back or sounding like I’m moving boulders.
I squared my shoulders once I was up, “Gabriel might be nothing to you but he’s everything to us.” I held my tummy to indicate Willow. “He’s family. I don’t expect you to get that but just know that I will undo all the damage you did to him. I’m going to show him what love really is. Not the sex or the scandal or the lies. The warm, safe, hopeful kind. I don’t want his money. I want his self-worth back and trust me, jerk face, this knocked up redheaded, blind girl is gonna get it.”
I felt around by my chair, “Ah ha!” I said feeling the smooth and curved handle of an umbrella from within a stand. “You guys in England call these a brolly, right? I think it will make a fine walking stick. Au Revoir! Damn it,” I said as I felt my way to the door, “Wrong county. Oh well, it’s not the only misinterpretation I made this evening.”
I heard him stand up but then I looked back in his direction, one final thing on my lips just had to be said because one really must watch karma. “And about Gabe’s mom…” I touched the doorframe, “I’m sorry that happened to you. Being blind makes seeing people easier. No matter how hard you try I can hear the tiny bit of pain in your voice telling me the truth. It really sucks that someone used your feelings against you and that she destroyed your chances of being happy. I guess I would have trust issues too. So I hope you find some happy one day.”
GABRIEL
When I saw her come out of dad’s office with an umbrella for a walking cane I felt a need to spit nails. I charged her way, “Brianna. What took so long? Where’s my dad?”
“On the telly with Satan, I guess.”
“What did he do? What did he say?” I went to go by her but she grabbed for me, catching my chest; she felt for the lapels of my jacket.
“Hey, slow
down. Forget him. Let’s go home.”
I looked her over then cupped her face, “You’ve been crying. What the fuck happened?”
“Was I? Can’t see myself. Must be mood swings. Let’s go. I’m starving and baby wants meatballs. The last course of grilled tomato slice, mozzarella paper, and basil leaf didn’t satisfy me at all. I need big greasy balls and don’t say ‘that’s what she said’.”
I looked back at my dad’s office and contemplated going in there and actually confronting him. “Hey,” she took my hands from her face and put them on her belly, “Feel that?”
I almost pulled my hands away when I felt the eerie waves of movement. “What is-?”
“That’s Willow. Stop being a pussy; it’s not the serpent from the Chamber of secrets. It’s your daughter,” she laughed.
I laughed at her comparison then let her hold my hands down on her stomach. “Christ,” I said nervously. It felt so strange. “What is that?”
“The one here,” she pressed my hand, “That’s a foot but this one,” she pressed the other, “that’s an elbow. Cool huh?”
I didn’t answer because I was too fascinated. “Does it hurt?” I asked her.
“No…it’s just a person moving around inside me.” She teased.
I looked down at her and struggled with the need to hold her. Her lack of needing me is so new. She wants me but she doesn’t need me. It’s insane. The fear that my father chased her off was pumping into my brain the whole time I searched for them.
“I was worried about you,” I confessed.
She smiled, “Awe, my handsome British Prince Charming was ready to come to my rescue?”
I rolled my eyes, “I thought my poor little American to be defenseless.”
“Ha!” She took my arm so I started walking us, “No such thing as a defenseless American. Must I remind you of a little thing called, ‘The Revolutionary War’?”
“Whatever, Love. You have a Brit in your belly. You can’t choose sides now.”
The Co-Parent (The Relationship Quo Series Book 3) Page 24