“Etan,” Tristan whispered, but Etan kept looking past him at Captain Loriot.
“You, my lord, or Prince Amory. Both you and His Highness have access to the information, and you’re both close to Master Tristan and his family. Which would be easy for someone to find out if they observed you.” Captain Loriot glanced at Amory and Philip. “My guess is that Master Tristan and his daughter were easier to get to than any of the royal family themselves, or even Prince Amory’s family, who have adequate security.”
Amory turned stricken eyes on Tristan. “I never even thought of it, Tristan.”
“Of course you didn’t. None of us did, Amory. Why would we?” He wanted to comfort his friend, but he found Etan’s silence too disturbing.
Philip put a hand on Amory’s thigh, and Tristan hoped Amory took as much comfort from that as Tristan did when Etan touched him. “We know now and we can take precautions going forward. Nothing like this will happen again.” Philip turned to Captain Loriot. “Have you apprehended the person behind the kidnapping?”
Tristan listened to Captain Loriot’s explanation of their search for the man who must have gotten wind of his associate’s capture and gone to ground, but he was more concerned with Etan beside him. He had faith in Captain Loriot’s abilities by now. The captain would find the person who’d done this, and until he did, Bria would be safe in the palace. Tristan would have to think about security for them afterward, but he did wonder if he could avoid all of that by just… staying at the palace. Staying with Etan.
He liked the idea.
He didn’t like how withdrawn Etan was. Through every moment of the time Bria was missed and the time since, Etan had been right beside Tristan, involved, strong. When Captain Loriot told him why the kidnapping had happened, Etan had pulled away, and it worried Tristan.
“Thank you, Captain Loriot. I appreciate your diligent work on this matter, and your continued silence about the knowledge that you learned during the course of it,” Philip said when Captain Loriot finished. Tristan had nearly forgotten the secret Etan had unwittingly divulged when he came to the defense of Bria. He’d never thought something like Etan’s Talent would slip his mind but somehow it had. He still wanted to know more about it, but that desire would have to wait.
“Of course, Your Highness. I’m honored by your trust.” Captain Loriot bowed.
After Captain Loriot left, Philip turned to Tristan. “I’m sorry this happened, Tristan.”
“It isn’t your fault,” Tristan said, trying to answer Philip as if he had all of Tristan’s attention because for all that Philip was married to Tristan’s friend and had become something of a friend to Tristan as well, Philip was still the prince and deserved a level of respect commensurate with that position. Unfortunately Tristan was more concerned with Etan than with showing that respect to Philip. “None of what happened is your fault.”
“No, none of it is his fault,” Etan muttered. “Excuse me.”
Tristan watched, frozen, as Etan jumped to his feet and strode from the room. It took a moment for Tristan to find the ability to move, and he shot to his feet as well. By then the door had snapped shut behind Etan. Tristan looked at Philip and Amory and found them staring at the closed door, looking as surprised and concerned as Tristan felt.
“I need to go after him,” he said.
Amory nodded. “Make sure he’s all right.”
Tristan nodded but hesitated. “You’re my friends, my family. As close to me—if not more so—as the family I was born into. Someone used me and my daughter to get to you and I hate that, but it doesn’t affect how I feel for you.”
“We know, Tristan,” Amory said. “But I think you’ll have to convince Etan of it.”
Tristan nodded. He’d come to that conclusion himself, and everything in him screamed at him to run after Etan now.
“Do you love him?” Philip asked, nearly flinging the question at Tristan, but Tristan wouldn’t be cowed by it.
“Yes, I do.”
Philip stared at him, then nodded. “Good. Do you know where he’ll go?”
Tristan hadn’t even thought of it before Philip asked, but when he did, the knowledge was there. Instinct or gut feeling, or just knowing Etan better than he thought, but he knew where to find Etan. “Yes.”
“Then go find him. And Tristan?”
Tristan nearly yelled his frustration but managed to hold on to his composure. “Yes?”
“Welcome to the family.”
ETAN PACED his room in the library, prowled in circles around his table, which was still laid with his books and papers as if it was a normal day. He wanted to throw something. He wanted to destroy everything.
Tristan’s daughter had been kidnapped because of him, because Tristan knew him.
He’d never, in all his fear for Bria, in all the worry for Tristan and what would happen to him if they didn’t get Bria back, thought he might be the cause of Tristan’s pain. But he was. The nearest thing to him was a couch cushion and he grabbed it up and flung it at the wall. The muffled thump wasn’t satisfying so he threw another and another. One burst in a shower of down when it hit a bookcase. He snatched up a book when he ran out of cushions.
“Etan.” Tristan’s voice had Etan freezing before he could hurl the book. But he didn’t turn. He didn’t want to see the condemnation in Tristan’s eyes. “Etan.”
Soft footsteps allowed him to track Tristan’s progress across the small room, but he dropped his gaze to the floor when Tristan stopped in front of him. He studied the toes of Tristan’s leather shoes, polished to a gleam, as if they might tell him how everything had gone so horribly wrong.
He should have gone somewhere else, somewhere no one would think to look for him, not to the one place he went whenever he needed comfort and home. He’d even slept in this room a few times not so long ago. Of course Tristan would find him here.
“Etan,” Tristan said again as he took the book from Etan’s hand and set it aside. Etan said nothing, and Tristan let out a huff. “Will you look at me, please?”
He should look at Tristan. He should see what Tristan thought of him now and face it. Raising his gaze to Tristan’s face, he blinked, shock coursing through him. Tristan tilted his head to the side and watched Etan, nothing but love and concern in his eyes. “What are you thinking, Etan?”
“Why aren’t you angry?” Etan said the first thing that popped into his head.
“I am angry. I’m angry that someone would use a defenseless baby to extort information, would put an infant—my child—in danger. I’m furious.”
Etan flinched, feeling the words like a blow, a blow he probably deserved. Tristan’s brow furrowed. He lifted a hand to Etan’s cheek. “What are you thinking? Why are you running away and throwing things?”
He stepped back, out from under Tristan’s touch. “Because I put you and your daughter in danger. You’re furious, and you should be. If it weren’t for me, for knowing me, this wouldn’t have happened to Bria. She never would have been kidnapped.”
Tristan followed him, matching him, each step back Etan took in retreat, Tristan followed, closing the gap between them. “First off, you don’t know that you were in any way a part of this man’s motivation. Captain Loriot said they might have tried to use me to get information out of Amory. He’s been my friend since we were children, and anyone could have found that out easily. Could have seen how important we are to each other and tried to use it.”
Etan started to speak, but Tristan shook his head. “And even if you were the target, you are not at fault. You didn’t do this. I’m furious at the people who took them, not you. You’re as much a victim here as I am, as Bria and Selene are.”
“I hardly think that. They kidnapped your baby, Tristan. Your child.”
“They did, but they did it to get at you or Amory. That makes you targets, victims. It does not make you at fault.” Tristan grabbed his upper arms, his grip strong, his fingers biting into Etan’s muscles, forcing Etan to look at
him. “Listen to me. You are not at fault. You did not do this. Don’t ever think you did.”
“But being close to me put you and your family in danger. You can’t deny that.”
“No, I can’t.” Tristan’s words surprised Etan and caused a needle-sharp stab of hurt. He’d expected Tristan to argue despite what he’d said. “But it’s not your fault. You are a member of the royal family, and so is Amory. And I’m close to both of you. It’s more surprising that someone hasn’t tried to take advantage of it already.”
“You need to stay away from me.” He hurt just saying it, a hurt he hadn’t imagined the depth of, but he had to say it. He needed Tristan and Bria safe. Knowing they were safe would make up for the pain he felt; it had to. “She’s your child, and you have to make her your priority. You have to keep her safe, and the only way is to cut ties from me.”
“No, that’s where you’re wrong. Staying away from you, or Amory, is the last thing I’m going to do. It wouldn’t make me happy. It wouldn’t make Bria happy.”
“She won’t know any better.” He would, though, and he’d miss Bria almost as much as he’d miss Tristan.
“She will. She loves you already. Amory too. Don’t tell my brothers, but I think Amory is going to be her favorite uncle.” Tristan grinned, but the smile drained away when Etan didn’t answer it with one of his own. “She’d also see how unhappy I would be without Amory, and especially without you. I love you, Etan.”
He stared into Tristan’s bright blue eyes, eyes so dear to him, and couldn’t help answering. “I love you too.”
“Then stop this nonsense about staying away from you. It won’t help anything.”
“And what will? You’ll always risk something like this happening again.”
“Maybe. Your family lives with the danger all the time. I guess I’ll have to take more precautions, be more mindful of the security of my home and family than I have been. I never imagined something like this could happen. Now I know it can, and I’ll be prepared. But I’m not giving you up. You can’t make me do that. You can’t want me to do that.”
“Of course I don’t, Tristan. But I want you and Bria safe. I love you—both of you.”
Tristan beamed at him, the smile so bright it left Etan momentarily dazzled. “Good. I’m glad. We love you too, and we want to be with you.”
“So what do you propose to do about the risk?”
“Well.” Tristan slid his hands up Etan’s arms, over his shoulders, and linked them behind Etan’s neck. “More care and more security will be necessary, but staying away from you isn’t the answer. I thought I’d do the opposite. I think I need to be right next to you all the time.”
“What are you saying?”
“Philip welcomed me to the family before I came after you. I hoped we could make that a reality.” Tristan’s blue eyes were bright as he looked into Etan’s.
Etan opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He closed it, swallowed dryly, and tried again. “You want to get married?”
“Very much.” A fine tremble went through Tristan’s body that Etan wouldn’t have known about had he not been standing so close. Tristan wasn’t as calm as he appeared. “Do you?”
“You want to marry me so you and Bria will be safer? Because I doubt that will happen.”
Tristan shook his head, somehow admonishing and affectionate at the same time. “You know that isn’t why. I want to marry you because I love you. It’s the only reason I would ever marry again.”
“So you said.” Etan remembered that moment clearly, Tristan informing his mother he’d only marry again if it was to a man he loved. His heart had leapt at Tristan’s words, and he’d hoped for someday. Someday when he might be that man, because he’d always wanted to love, to spend his life with a man he loved, with Tristan. He hadn’t had to wait long for someday to come. “I love you too, and yes, I want to marry you.”
“So we’re getting married.”
Etan felt a grin spreading over his face. They’d have to work out how to keep Tristan and Bria safe—moving them into the palace permanently would certainly help, if he could convince Tristan—but he didn’t have to give up Tristan or Bria. He wasn’t sure how he could have thought it would’ve been possible for him to do so. “Yes, we’re getting married.”
He pulled Tristan forward, holding Tristan against his body as he laughed the bright laugh Etan remembered from the time before everything went wrong between them, and kissed his smiling lips, reveling in the burst of joy inside himself caused by the man in his arms.
ETAN SMILED when he heard footsteps approaching his room in the library. By now those footsteps, and the way they were lighter, quieter, almost hesitant in the library, were familiar to him. He looked up from the books spread in front of him and waited.
A moment later, Tristan stepped through the half-open door. A grin lit his face when he saw Etan. He nudged the door closed and walked to Etan, bending down to kiss him. Etan snaked a hand behind Tristan’s head and held him close for a longer kiss when Tristan would have pulled away.
“How was your day? Everything all right at the offices?” Etan asked after they parted.
Tristan perched on the edge of the table, careful to avoid Etan’s papers. “Fine. And here? I thought you might have Bria with you.”
Since Tristan and Bria had moved into the palace, Etan had taken to bringing Bria with him to the library when he worked some days, especially when he knew the library was likely to be deserted except for him. Mostly she slept in a basket at his side, but sometimes she giggled, playing with the little toys he brought for her.
“I didn’t want to risk interrupting her nap. She was already asleep in the nursery when I went to see her.” For now, Bria continued to share Julien’s nursery, but they were having Etan’s suite and the one next to it renovated, opening them up to add a nursery for Bria and a study for Tristan. The renovations were progressing well, but Etan would be glad when they were completed and he, Tristan, and Bria could settle into their lives.
There was a little matter of a wedding to plan as well, but they were taking each thing one at a time. And letting the debate over the size and formality of the wedding die down as well. While he and Tristan would be quite happy to exchange vows privately in front of family and close friends, both of their mothers were pushing for a big, formal wedding. When Tristan’s mother adjusted to the idea of Tristan marrying Etan and not the woman she would have chosen, she’d jumped quickly into the idea of wedding planning whether he and Tristan liked it or not. Tristan didn’t much care for it after everything that had happened between them, but she was trying, so they weren’t outright telling her to stop. Yet.
“I’ll look in on her next, then.” Tristan picked up one of Etan’s hands and began toying with his fingers, caressing, stroking, twining them with his own. “Maxen is settling in well. Whatever Mother thinks, it was good for him to leave her house.”
After Tristan moved up to the palace, his brother had asked if he could move into the house Tristan left behind. Tristan had planned to sell it but let Maxen have it instead. Their mother was less than thrilled. She hadn’t understood why Tristan moved into the house in the first place—probably barely accepted Tristan moving into the palace—and couldn’t fathom Maxen leaving her house, especially when he was so young and unmarried.
“I think so too.”
Tristan held on to Etan’s hand. “I couldn’t have lived there anymore, even if we hadn’t been together. I would’ve had to find something else, but he can make it his own.”
“I, for one, am glad you’re here.” And not just because the palace was safer for Tristan and Bria. Though it certainly was. Captain Loriot caught the person behind the kidnapping—a foreign agent in the pay of the empire of Ardunn. The source wasn’t too surprising as Ardunn had sent spies to Tournai before to try to ferret out their weaknesses, but it did make Etan believe Savarin’s project of bolstering the spells protecting their borders was even more important than the
y’d realized. “I like having you with me every day. Both of you.”
“Me too.” Tristan leaned down and kissed Etan, lingering in a deep kiss that had Etan glad he was sitting. When Tristan spoke, the words whispered over Etan’s lips. “I love going to bed with you every night, waking up with you every morning.”
Etan shivered at the husky tone in Tristan’s voice. “I do too. It’s one of my favorite things.”
“Maybe we should go to bed right now.” Tristan kissed him again before he could respond to Tristan’s intriguing suggestion, and Etan pulled him from the table and into Etan’s lap. Tristan gasped at the sudden move. “Etan?”
“Maybe we should just stay here,” he said, placing nuzzling little kisses along Tristan’s jaw and down his neck.
“Here?” Tristan moaned. “In the library?”
“Yes.” Before he couldn’t have been with Tristan here, not wanting to taint the place he was happiest with something that could turn into a bad memory. But everything had changed. Nothing with Tristan could become a bad memory ever again. Nothing about Tristan could ever ruin his favorite place. Any memory made with Tristan could only make it better. “Yes. Here. In the library.” He punctuated each word with a kiss and ran his hands over Tristan’s back and sides, the light silk of his tunic sliding beneath Etan’s fingers.
Tristan tore his mouth from Etan’s and stared at him, his bright blue eyes staring into Etan’s for a breathless moment before diving back into a kiss. “Yes, here, now.”
They kissed for long moments, the kisses becoming deeper, more passionate, until finally Etan stood, lifting Tristan and laying him down on a clear section of table. He moved to kiss Tristan again, but paused, caught by the beauty of this man who held his heart in his keeping. Yes, his shining golden hair, his features and form, but more, the sparkle in his eyes, the smile curving his kiss-swollen lips. Every part of Tristan was beloved and necessary to Etan. It had taken them longer to get here than Etan would have liked. But they were here, together, and maybe stronger for the struggle.
The Scholar's Heart (Chronicles of Tournai Book 3) Page 33