by Adele Abbott
“Yes, they’re fine now.”
By the time I’d got everything I needed, my basket was full, and I’d scanned every item. Back at the counter, I pressed the intercom and said, “Jack, do I press the green buy button now?”
“Yes please, Jill. That’s all you need do.”
After I’d done that, he checked his screen and said, “That’ll be twenty-two pence, please.”
I stared at the basket full of goods, which by a conservative estimate should have cost at least thirty pounds. Then I handed him fifty-pence and told him to keep the change.
What? Of course I’m joking. Obviously, I told him that the scanner still wasn’t working properly. Sheesh, what do you take me for?
***
Jack and I had just finished dinner.
“Do you have your diary handy, Jack?”
“I don’t have a diary. You know I don’t have a diary. I’ve never had one.”
“You’d better get one because our social life has just taken off.”
“How come?”
“You’re going bowling with Peter while I get together with Kathy and Martin next Tuesday. Right?”
“Yeah?”
“Then, on Wednesday, you and I have been invited to dinner at Mrs V’s house.”
“That’s great. I’m really looking forward to seeing her new place.”
“That’s not all. On Friday we’re having dinner with Luther and his new girlfriend, Rebecca.”
“Fantastic. I’m all in favour of dining out. It saves me the trouble of having to cook.”
“What do you mean it saves you the trouble? We take turns.”
“And when was the last time you cooked?”
“It must have been yesterday.”
“I don’t think so.”
“The day before, then.”
“Think again.”
“Anyway, I thought I’d better warn you that Rebecca is a werewolf.”
“Does Luther know?”
“Yes, he knows.” I rolled my eyes. “Of course he doesn’t know.”
“Is it safe for him to go out with a werewolf?”
“Perfectly safe unless she decides to turn, and I’m sure she’s too sensible to do that. She seems really nice, but a little shy.”
After we’d finished dinner, we went through to the lounge.
“Have you made any progress with that cold case you’re working on?” Jack asked.
“No. I’m getting nowhere fast. All I know so far is the guy was seen by the housekeeper twice on the day he checked in, but that’s the last anyone saw of him.”
“That’s pretty much what happened with the case I’m working on at the moment. The guy was seen on the day he checked in, but never again.”
“Freaky.”
Chapter 11
The next morning, Jack had already left for work. As I had a little time before I needed to leave the house, I thought I’d sort through my bag, which was full of rubbish. Near to the bottom, I found the small trinket box that Edith Petalwhite, the fairy godmother, had given to me. It was just as ugly as I remembered, and I was curious to see if there was anything inside. It didn’t rattle, but maybe that was because it was chock-full of priceless jewellery.
I can dream, can’t I?
Edith hadn’t had a key for it, but the lock didn’t look very substantial so I figured I could probably force it open. Using a small screwdriver from the kitchen drawer, I started fiddling around with the lock. After a couple of minutes, there was a click and the lid sprang open. The room was immediately filled with a light green smoke, which almost choked me. When it had eventually cleared and I could see again, there was a giant green man standing in the kitchen. He was so tall that he had to bend double in order not to bang his head on the ceiling.
“Where am I?” The man looked a little disorientated.
“Hi.” I gave him a little wave. “Did you just come out of that trinket box?”
“Yes, and I have terrible leg cramp.”
“Are you a genie?”
“Do I look like Jeanie? My name is Alexander Biggins, but everybody calls me Big.”
“Have you been in that box for a long time?”
“That depends on what you consider to be a long time. A few hundred years, give or take.”
“Wasn’t it claustrophobic in there?”
“I didn’t really notice. I was asleep most of the time.”
“Now that I’ve released you, do I get three wishes?”
“How am I supposed to give you wishes?”
“I thought that’s what genies did.”
“Why do you insist on calling me Jeanie? I’ve already told you my name is Big.”
“Sorry, but if you can’t grant me any wishes, I might as well go to work.” I grabbed my bag. “You’d better get back inside your box.”
“And how am I supposed to get into that little thing? Look at the size of me.”
“But you just came out of it. How did you get in there before?”
“I don’t know. Someone put me in there, I guess. Can you put me back in?”
“I can give it a go.” I tried to cast the ‘shrink’ spell on him, but it had no effect. “I’m sorry, Big, I don’t know what else to do, and I really do have to go to work.”
“That’s okay. I’ll come with you.”
“You can’t. What will people say?”
“No one can see me apart from you.”
“Even so, you’ll still have to stay here.”
“I can’t. The rules say that I have to stay by the side of whoever releases me from the box.”
“But you’ll never get into the car.”
Despite my protestations, Big insisted on getting into the car with me. He somehow managed to squeeze into the back seat, but he was so large that his legs spilled over into the front. There was barely enough room for me to get into the driver’s seat, so I ended up squashed against the window.
I was just about to set off when someone tapped on the window at the side of me; it was Clare from next-door.
“Are you okay, Jill?”
I lowered the window. “Yes, thank you.”
“I only ask because you seem to be sitting in a rather peculiar position.”
“I’ve tweaked my back and I find it easier to drive if I sit to one side, like this.”
“I see. Are you sure you’re okay to drive?”
“Absolutely, but thanks for asking. I have to get going because I’m running late.”
Mr Ivers was looking every bit as unhappy as the last time I’d seen him. He barely acknowledged me, other than to hold out his hand for my payment. It was only then that I realised that my bag was on the passenger seat underneath Big’s legs.
“Mr Ivers, I’m very sorry, but I seem to have come out without my bag.”
“Oh dear, that is unfortunate. Don’t worry, though, because you can turn the car around over there, and go back to your house for it.”
“I was just wondering. Do you think you could possibly allow me to go through the barrier? I could pay you double when I come home tonight.”
“I’d love to, Jill, but I’m afraid that’s against the rules.”
“Okay. How about if you were to lend me the money until tonight?”
“That too is against the rules, unfortunately. I’m most terribly sorry.”
He didn’t look sorry. In fact, he actually looked happier than he had two minutes earlier.
“Thanks for nothing.” I made a three-point turn, but I didn’t drive all the way home. Instead, I parked in the layby just down the road.
“Big, you’ll have to lift up your legs so I can get to my bag.”
“I can’t move them.”
“You’re going to have to try, okay?”
“Can you see it now?”
“You need to lift them a little higher.”
“How about now?”
“That’s it.”
I grabbed my bag, fished out some change, did another t
hree-point turn, and then headed back to the toll bridge.
“That was quick, Jill.” Mr Ivers looked surprised to see me again so soon. “I hope you weren’t speeding.”
“Of course not. I realised that my bag was in the boot. Here’s your money.”
***
After I’d parked the car, it took Big almost five minutes to extract himself from the backseat. He only managed it then with a little help from me. I grabbed one of his arms and pulled. He didn’t move at first, but eventually, after a lot of effort, he popped out like a cork from a bottle, which sent me tumbling backwards onto my bottom. A woman who was walking by spotted me on the floor, shook her head and tutted loudly. She clearly thought I was drunk.
As we walked to the office building, I was very conscious of the fact that I had a giant green man at my side. And, even though I was the only person who could see him, it still felt really weird. Big seemed totally unaware of just how tall he was, with the result that he banged his head on the door as we entered the office building.
After we’d climbed the stairs and were approaching the outer office, I said, “Bend down. Watch your head!”
Mrs V gave me a puzzled look. “Who were you talking to, Jill?”
“Err—there was a very tall guy following me up the stairs. I thought he was coming in here, but he must have gone down the corridor to the clown school.”
“I see. You’ll be pleased to know that I managed to find the address for Sylvia Long.”
“That’s excellent work, Mrs V.”
“Thank you. I’ve put the information on your desk.”
As we went through to my office, Big once again failed to bend low enough, and he banged his head on the door frame.
“Ouch.” He rubbed his forehead. “Why are all these doors so tiny?”
“It’s not the door that’s tiny, it’s you who’s too tall.”
Winky, who was sitting on the sofa, gave me a puzzled look. “Who are you talking to?”
“To Big.” I pointed towards the door.
“Big what?”
“That’s his name.”
“And is Big your imaginary friend?”
“No, he isn’t. I know you can’t see him, but he’s standing right over there. He’s a very tall, green man.”
“I knew this day would come sooner or later.” Winky shook his head. “It was only a matter of time. Still, we’ve had a good run, you and I.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’ve clearly lost the plot completely this time. I expect the men in white coats to be here at any moment.”
“I have not lost the plot. He really is standing there. His name is Alexander Biggins, or Big for short.”
“Big for short?” Winky laughed. “That’s very good.”
“A fairy godmother gave me a trinket box, and when I opened it, Big popped out.”
“I can’t wait to hear you telling this to the men in white coats.”
“It’s true. The problem is that neither of us knows how to get him back into the trinket box, and until we can find a way to do that, he has to stay with me.”
“If you say so.”
“Anyway, Winky, I have a bone to pick with you.”
“What have I done now?”
“I had a visit yesterday from Ofcom.”
“Off who?”
“The people who license broadcasters.”
“Oh, them.”
“Yes, them. They wanted to know why I was broadcasting out of this office.”
“What did you tell them?”
“I managed to persuade them that my young nephew had been playing around with the equipment, but that I had no idea he was actually on the air. They made me promise that there’d be no more broadcasts, and that I’d get rid of the equipment by next Monday.”
“You can’t do that. What about Winky FM?”
“I don’t give two hoots about Winky FM. If you want to continue with it, you’ll have to find somewhere else to do it because if this equipment hasn’t been moved by next Monday, it’s going to the tip, and you’ll be a dead cat.”
***
I wanted to find out why Lorraine Cross had failed to tell me that her brother was having an affair, so I gave her a call.
“Jill? Have you got some news for me already?”
“I’m afraid not. It is still early days, though.”
“Sorry, I’m just so desperate to know what’s happened to Eddie.”
“I understand. The reason I called is to ask if you know a woman called Sylvia Long.”
The silence on the other end of the phone answered my question, but eventually Lorraine said, “You found out about her, then?”
“Yes, but it would have been far better if you’d told me in the first place. Why didn’t you?”
“I’m really sorry, Jill. I should have, but I thought if I did, you’d jump to the conclusion that Eddie had run off with Sylvia. Just like everyone else seems to have done.”
“Surely you must realise that’s a possibility.”
“I don’t think so. He only started seeing Sylvia because he was so unhappy with Sandra. Have you spoken to Sandra yet?”
“Yes, she was the one who told me about Sylvia.”
“In that case, you’ll know what a nasty piece of work Sandra is. I couldn’t blame him for looking for happiness elsewhere.”
“Is there anything else that you haven’t told me? Because if there is, now would be the time to do so.”
“No, I promise. You know everything there is to know now. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you about Sylvia before.”
“Okay. I’ll keep you posted.”
Over in the corner, Big yawned and stretched. “I’m bored.”
“What do you mean, you’re bored?”
“There’s nothing to do in here.”
“You were stuck inside a little box for hundreds of years, and you weren’t bored then. How can you be now?”
“I slept most of the time when I was in the trinket box, but I can’t get to sleep here with all the noise that you and that cat are making.”
“I’m very sorry about that, but you’ll just have to put up with it until such time as I can find a way to get you back into the box.”
I glanced over at Winky who was staring at me, incredulously.
“What?” I snapped.
“Nothing.” He shrugged. “I’m just sitting here minding my own business, listening to you talking to the wall.”
***
When I contacted Sylvia Long, I expected a hostile reception, but she seemed keen to speak to me, and said I could pop over to see her that same afternoon.
Although that was great news, the last thing I needed was a long journey stuck in the car with a big green man. Fortunately, I’d come up with a fantastic plan.
I’d found Washbridge Trailer Rental in the Yellow Pages.
“Yes, madam,” said the eager shop assistant. “How can I help?”
“Hi, I need to rent a trailer for a short period of time.”
“In that case, you’ve come to the right place. We have trailers of all shapes and sizes, and you can hire them for short or long periods. Perhaps you could start by telling me what it is you want to transport.”
I glanced at Big, who was standing right next to me. “It’s a big thing.”
“A big thing? Right. How big, exactly?”
“About twelve-foot tall.”
“What about the other dimensions?”
“Not too fat.”
“Fat?”
“I meant wide. Not too wide.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to need a bit more than that, madam.”
“Think of a telephone box. A very tall telephone box.”
“And how heavy is this tall telephone box?”
“Quite heavy, I would say.”
“In that case, I think you’re going to need the CarryAll 673. If you’d like to follow me, I’ll show you the model I have in mind.”
> He led the way into the showroom where there were several rows of trailers on display.
“This is the one. Do you think this will be okay for your needs?”
“I think so.” I turned to Big and gestured for him to get into the trailer, but he clearly had no idea what I was trying to tell him, so I said, in a hushed voice, “Get in there.”
“I’m sorry, madam,” the sales assistant said. “I’m not allowed to do that.”
“No, of course not. Sorry.”
Fortunately, Big had now realised what I wanted him to do, and he climbed into the trailer.
“Yes, this one is just the ticket,” I said. “How much does it cost?”
“How long will you need it for?”
“I’m not really sure.”
“It’s thirty pounds a day or one-hundred and ninety pounds for the week.”
“Can I just pay a deposit for now and pay the balance when I bring it back?”
“Of course, madam. That will be fine.”
Chapter 12
I’d spent the last ten minutes trying to persuade Big to let me strap him into the trailer, but he’d refused point blank; he insisted that he’d be perfectly safe just holding onto the sides. In the end, I had no option but to allow him to do as he pleased.
About half a mile down the road. I checked my rear-view mirror, only to find that the trailer was empty. I quickly pulled into the side of the road, got out of the car, and started to walk back the way I’d come. I’d not gone very far when I saw a large green figure in the distance hobbling towards me.
“Are you okay, Big?”
“I’m fine.” He looked a little shaky and was dusting himself down.
“Are you sure? You must have fallen with a bang.”
“I’ve told you, I’m fine.”
“Are you going to allow me to strap you in the trailer now?”
“Yes, okay.”
***
Sylvia Long, an attractive woman in her mid-forties, lived in an upmarket apartment on the outskirts of Wakefield.
Our discussion was not an easy one. Not because Sylvia was in anyway obstructive, but because I found it hard to concentrate with a tall green man sitting in the corner of her lounge. What made it worse was that ten minutes into the interview, Big decided to start picking his nose.