by Adele Abbott
“Oh? O—kay. That’s a good thing I’m guessing?”
“Absolutely. We had a lovely little picnic yesterday. It was delightful.”
“Did you and Armi eat any apples?”
“Apples? No, actually I had a banana and he had an orange. Why do you ask?”
“No reason. For some reason, I was just thinking about apples.”
When I went through to my office, I was relieved to find that all the broadcasting equipment had been removed. Winky was lying on the sofa and looked only half awake.
“Good morning, Winky. I didn’t wake you, did I?”
He sat up, stretched and yawned. “I’ve had a busy weekend. Do you know how heavy that equipment is that you made me move?”
“It’s your own fault for bringing it up here in the first place. What have you done with it?”
“I decided that running a radio station wasn’t a good use of my time. It was fun while it lasted, but it was never going to make me any money, so I’ve passed on the mantle to Hubert the Ham.”
“Does he have a particular taste for meat?”
“No. It’s ham as in radio ham. Hubert knows everything there is to know about radio and broadcasting. I agreed that he could rename the station to Ham FM, and that I’ll receive twenty percent of all advertising income.”
As I sat at my desk and went through the morning’s post, Winky began to look all around the room. “Where is he?”
“Where’s who?”
“The jolly green—”
“Big? He’s gone.”
“Like he was ever here in the first place.”
“I don’t expect you to believe this, but it turned out that Big is actually a genie. Anyway, I managed to put him back into the trinket box.”
“A genie, eh? And did he grant you any wishes?”
“No, he actually told me he wasn’t a genie. Such a liar.”
“You do realise that you sound like a complete nutjob, don’t you?”
After speaking to Sylvia Long, I now knew that Edward Broom had disappeared sometime after their dinner out. They’d apparently had a blazing row and she’d stormed out of the restaurant. Other than that, I had absolutely nothing to go on, so in the absence of any other leads, I decided to take a closer look at the similar cases that had occurred over the last couple of years. One thing that struck me was that all the people who had disappeared had been wealthy. Even more curious, was that they’d all stayed in budget hotels. It was quite possible that one or two of them might have been a little tight with the purse strings, but it seemed unlikely that they would all have elected to spend the night in a downmarket hotel.
I had nothing to lose by trying to contact the partners of the people who had disappeared, so I started with one of the more recent cases: Three months earlier, a man by the name of Alan Bowler had disappeared from a hotel in Cambridge. It didn’t take long to track down an address and contact number for his wife, Margaret. When I called her, she readily agreed to talk to me, so I arranged to go down there later that day.
Mrs V poked her head around the door.
“Jill, I have the gentleman from Clown to see you.”
“Good. Send him in, would you?”
Jimmy was dressed in full clown costume. As soon as Winky spotted him, he disappeared under the sofa.
“Do have a seat, Jimmy.”
“Actually, it’s Breezy when I’m in costume.”
“Yes, of course, sorry. Do have a seat, Breezy.”
He struggled to get his enormous clown feet under the desk, but he eventually managed it.
“Sneezy tells me that you’re unhappy with our new sign, Jill.”
“That’s correct, Breezy, and I’m sure you must see why.”
“I don’t, actually. It’s just a sign with two clowns on it, and everyone loves clowns.”
“Not everyone, Breezy, but that’s not really the point, is it? When your customers come into the building, I’m sure they’re delighted to see those clowns, but you also have to take account of my clients. When they visit these offices, it’s usually to discuss matters of a very serious nature: missing persons, thefts, even murders. What kind of impression will they get if the first thing they see when they walk through the door is two clowns staring down at them?”
“Look, Jill. I really don’t want us to fall out over this. I’m more than happy to discuss a compromise.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that, Breezy. What did you have in mind?”
“How about I change the size of the sign so you can’t see it from the bottom of the stairs?”
“That’s rather missing the point, though, isn’t it? As soon as my clients get to the top of the stairs, they’ll still see the clowns.”
“Okay, how about I change the sign so there’s only one clown?”
“Once again, Breezy, that doesn’t really solve the problem, does it?”
“I’m sorry, Jill, but I’m simply not prepared to fork out for yet another sign; not when the one that’s out there is perfectly okay.”
“I don’t think it is perfectly okay. I think it’s monstrous.”
“If that’s your attitude, there’s nothing else to talk about.” He stood up. “You’re being totally unreasonable. It’s all take and no give with you.”
“That’s ridiculous. I’m the most reasonable person you could ever hope to do business with.”
“I have nothing more to say on the matter. From now on, please submit your complaints through my solicitor.” And with that, he stormed out of the office.
As soon as he’d gone, Winky came out from under the sofa. “That went well.”
“Be quiet, you. Anyway, I thought you weren’t scared of clowns.”
“I’m not.”
“Then why did you hide under the sofa just now?”
“I wasn’t hiding. It’s just cooler under there.”
***
I’d driven all the way down to and parked on the road outside Mrs Bowler’s house. It was a large detached bungalow with a beautiful garden.
I was halfway up her drive when a ginger tom cat came running across the lawn and planted himself on the path in front of me.
“What are you doing here?” he demanded.
“Excuse me, but I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
“It is my business because this is my gaff.”
“I take it by that you live here.”
“That’s what I just said, isn’t it? It’s my gaff.”
“I’m here to see your owner, Margaret Bowler.”
“Excuse me, but I don’t have an owner.”
I should have known better than to say that; it always upset Winky if I referred to myself as his owner.
“Sorry, I’ll rephrase that. I’m here to see Margaret Bowler, who I believe shares this house with you.”
“And who might you be?”
“I don’t see that’s any of your business.”
“Unless you tell me, you will not pass.”
“Is that right?”
I took a step forward and he lunged at me with his claws bared. I only just managed to pull my leg back in time.
“Hey, there was no need for that.”
I was just considering which spell to use on the horrible creature when the door of the bungalow opened.
“Timmikins, move out of the way so the lady can get by you.”
Timmikins? I laughed “What kind of name is that?” I said to him in a hushed voice.
“I didn’t choose it.”
“Do as the lady says, and step aside.”
“I will not.”
“I’m Jill Maxwell,” I shouted to the woman at the door.
“Hello, Jill. I’m very sorry about Timmikins; he can be a little antisocial sometimes. Now, Timmikins, do as you’re told and move out of the way.”
The ginger tom shot me a final look, and then stepped to one side and allowed me to pass.
“Do come in, Jill, I was just about to put the kett
le on. Is tea okay for you?”
“Tea would be lovely, thank you.”
Once we had our drinks, we made our way through to a beautiful room at the rear of the property, which overlooked a large garden.
“Thank you for agreeing to see me today, Mrs Bowler.”
“Please call me Margaret.”
“I wondered if you might have any idea what happened to your husband?”
“I don’t know where he is, if that’s what you mean, but I’m pretty sure the whole thing was planned.”
“Really? You think he deliberately vanished?”
“Yes, and I told the police as much. Not that they took a blind bit of notice.”
“What makes you say that?”
“It’s quite simple. I’d had enough of the man and had told him I wanted a divorce. That would have meant I got half of everything.”
“But surely, after he disappeared, you got it all, didn’t you?”
“On the face of it, yes, but Andrew was very cunning and secretive. I’d always suspected that he had bank accounts I knew nothing about. In fact, I stumbled across one of them after he disappeared. Unfortunately, there was no money left in it because he transferred out a quarter of a million just a few days before he vanished.”
“Who did he send the money to?”
“That, I don’t know. The only thing I have is the account number where he sent the money. I’ve asked my bank and the police, but no one seems willing or able to trace it.”
“Do you think you could let me have a note of the account number?”
“Yes, of course. I’ll give it to you before you leave.”
“There’s one thing that puzzles me. Clearly, you and your husband are quite well-to-do, and yet your husband was staying at a budget hotel when he disappeared. Is that something he was in the habit of doing?”
“Absolutely not. The idea is ridiculous. Andrew would no more have stayed at a budget hotel than he would have slept on the streets.”
Chapter 15
It was a long drive back from Cambridge and I was absolutely starving, so I pulled into a roadside cafe called the Two o’clock Rock and Roll Diner.
Unusual name.
It was very quiet inside, and the staff seemed to outnumber the customers two to one. I took a seat and checked the menu, which wasn’t very exciting, but I was so hungry that I would have eaten anything. When the waitress came to take my order, I opted for a hot dog and fries.
“I’m curious. Why is this place called the Two o’clock Rock and Roll Diner?”
She smiled and checked her watch. “You’ll find out soon enough.” And then off she went without another word.
I thought no more about it and got stuck into my meal, such as it was. I’d just finished when the clock on the wall struck two. Then everything went crazy: The jukebox, which had stood silent at one end of the diner, suddenly burst into life and began to blast out a rock and roll classic. The staff jumped onto the counter and tables and began to dance. Even the customers suddenly stood up and joined in.
I couldn’t believe my eyes.
A man in his forties who was seated at a table two down from me, got out of his seat and walked over to my table.
“May I have this dance?”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t dance.”
“Don’t be silly. Everyone can dance.”
He took my hand, pulled me to my feet, and the next thing I knew, we were dancing. He spun me around, and even threw me through his legs and over his shoulders.
The weird thing was, I kind of enjoyed it. This went on for two more records before the jukebox fell silent again. The staff all returned to their serving duties, and the customers went back to their meals.
The man who had been dancing with me thanked me. “I thought you said you couldn’t dance?”
“I—err—”
“You were great and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“Thanks. Does that happen often? The dancing, I mean?”
“Twice a day, at two in the afternoon and then again at two in the morning.”
“Two in the morning?”
“Yeah, this place is open twenty-four hours. Did you enjoy yourself?”
“Yes, I did.”
***
When I arrived back at the office, someone had drawn moustaches on both of the clowns, and had written ‘All Clowns Stink’ across the sign. Although I would never condone vandalism, I agreed wholeheartedly with the sentiment.
Waiting for me in the outer office, was someone I’d hoped never to see again.
“Gordon? What do you want?”
The law firm of Armitage, Armitage, Armitage and Poole had once occupied the offices next-door to mine, where Clown were now based. Gordon Armitage had done his best to get me evicted from my office, but he’d failed miserably.
“It’s very nice to see you too, Jill.”
“I asked what you wanted?”
“I’m here on official business, actually.” He took an envelope out of his briefcase and handed it to me.
“What’s this?”
“I’m serving these papers on you on behalf of my client.”
“And who on earth is your client?”
“The company just down the corridor from here.”
“Clown?”
“That’s correct.”
“What are the papers? What’s this all about, Gordon?”
“They’re suing you for criminal damage.”
“What do you mean, criminal damage? What am I supposed to have done?”
“You defaced their property. Vis-a-vis the sign just outside the door.”
“I didn’t have anything to do with that.”
“But you would say that, wouldn’t you? From what I remember, you and the truth have always been distant friends.”
If Mrs V hadn’t been there, I’d have turned him into a cockroach there and then, and taken great pleasure in crushing it under my foot.
“I’ll see you in court, Jill.” And with that, he left.
“Oh dear, Jill.” Mrs V was clearly shocked by what had just transpired. “What have you done?”
“Me? I haven’t done anything.”
“Right.”
“Don’t you believe me?”
“Of course I do, dear, but you were very angry about that sign.”
Great. If Mrs V didn’t believe in my innocence, what were the chances of my convincing the courts?
In my office, Winky was running around like a crazy cat, and it took me a couple of minutes to work out what he was doing.
“You’ll never catch that moth. You’re way too slow.”
He came to a halt next to my desk. “Who are you calling slow?” He gasped.
“You can barely catch your breath. You’re out of shape.”
“That’s rich coming from you.”
“Hey, I’ll have you know that I’ve just been jiving.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” He laughed.
“It’s true. On the way back from Cambridge, I stopped at a diner and I was jiving with the best of them.”
“You are completely delusional. It was bad enough when you thought you were talking to a big green man, but the idea that you could jive is way crazier. Anyway, what was all that kerfuffle out there, just now?”
“That was our dear old friend, Gordon Armitage.”
“What did he want?”
“To serve these papers on me.”
“What have you done now? Is someone suing you for throwing stuff out of the window?”
“Those clowns down the corridor have accused me of defacing their sign.”
“Those moustaches are funny,” he laughed.
“How do you know about the moustaches?”
He shrugged. “Just an educated guess.”
“You did it, didn’t you?”
“Not guilty, your honour.”
Winky continued to insist he’d had nothing to do with the defacing of the sign, but I wasn’t e
ntirely sure I believed him. Still, I didn’t have time to worry about that because I had to go over to GT to speak to Lily, who I’d met at the bridge club.
***
“Lily. I don’t know if you remember me, but we met—”
“Of course I do. It’s Jill, isn’t it? Is Madge all right?”
“Yes, she’s fine, as far as I know.”
“Would you like to come in?”
“Yes, please.”
She led the way into the living room, which appeared to be a shrine to all things dolphin. There were pictures of them on every wall, and dolphin ornaments of all sizes on every available surface.
“I see you’re keen on dolphins.”
“Yes, ever since I was a child. I used to love to swim with them, but unfortunately that’s not possible here in GT. So, Jill, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”
“When I met you at the bridge club, you mentioned something about your jewellery going missing.”
“That’s right, but I’m pretty sure I’ve misplaced it somewhere. It’ll turn up sooner or later.”
“How long has it been missing?”
“A few weeks, I suppose. Why do you ask? Do you think someone is actually stealing jewellery?”
“I don’t know, but it’s possible. What is it that has gone missing?”
“A locket necklace.”
“Is it valuable?”
“Not particularly. Just sentimental value really. My husband, Bill, gave it to me.”
“Is Bill here in GT?”
“No, he’s still alive.”
“Have you ever made contact with him since—err—?”
“I died?” She smiled. “It’s okay, you’re allowed to say it. No. Bill is a bit old fashioned. He never did believe in ghosts or anything like that. I considered trying to get in touch with him when I first arrived here, but I thought I’d be wasting my time. And, to be perfectly honest, we never really had much to talk about when I was alive.”
“Lily, would you mind if I paid him a visit?”
“No, but why would you want to do that? Is it to do with the missing jewellery?”
“Yeah, I’m just working on a hunch at the moment. It’s a bit of a longshot that will probably prove to be nothing, but it would be helpful if I could speak to him.”