During the week, they went to a public school where Sireen acknowledges, “I didn’t exactly fit into the cookie-cutter social environment.” She had to adapt in a popular culture foreign to her parents. Although she had a lot of friends, she couldn’t always do what they did. For example, she could not attend the prom. In some traditional households, Muslim teens aren’t allowed to go to co-ed social events such as dances. Sireen’s parents expected her to follow their rules: No dating, no proms, no clubbing.
“At that age, I definitely felt left out,” Sireen now says. “At the same time I was able to go out with friends when my parents felt it was a clean environment. I wasn’t necessarily deprived but I wasn’t able to do everything I wanted to do.”
Today she looks back on her high school experience from a different perspective. In college she became immersed in politics and human rights causes. She made friends who shared her desire to strive for social justice and equality for all individuals. Her high school concerns now seem superficial. “I didn’t miss out much,” she admits.
Sireen says she watches out for her little sister, not wanting her to fall under the wrong influence or succumb to peer pressure. She once came across her sister building a website with a song that included a racy video: half-naked women in erotic poses, singing as they pretended to be using a jackhammer and other tools at a construction site. “The video completely sexualized women in an offensive manner. Their breasts were hanging out and their shorts were showing half their behinds,” Sireen says. “Their breasts were bouncing as they moved back and forth in sexual motions.”
When she tried to explain why the video was offensive and degrading to women, her little sister looked at her blankly. She didn’t understand the fuss. Her girlfriends had shown it to her and they had gotten a big laugh over it. Sireen tried to explain how the women on the video were being used like “pieces of meat,” and suggesting that one of her friends had probably gotten the video from the guys at school who most likely had been ogling the scantily clad women.
Sireen was relieved when her sister understood.
She makes it a point to tell her younger sister how pretty she is, and that her body is perfect the way it is. Sireen doesn’t want her sister to feel compelled to diet unsafely, to hate her body the way some other girls in this country do.
Sireen feels blessed that she has managed to avoid such lethal attitudes. Indeed, in donning the hijab, Sireen has discovered that it protects her from obsessively worrying about her physical beauty. She says she is free from most of the “beauty” pressure that so many other young American women face. “My hijab sends the message that I reject conforming to being sexualized, to valuing my outer appearance exclusively.” Her fiancé—who is now her husband—is supportive and doesn’t want her to conform either. “He always says to me, ‘There’s no one quite like you.’”
Also a child of Syrian parents, he appreciates her as a strong woman who is passionate about politics and social justice. They met while working on political causes in college, but they didn’t date the American way. Instead, he went to her father and announced he would like to get to know Sireen better—for possible marriage. Her father agreed to the courtship. He was allowed to call Sireen—they would talk for hours—and go out as long as others went with them. Their love blossomed and Sireen is confident that he is her soul mate. They were married in May 2005.
Sireen is engrossed in her work as an American Muslim advocate, a calling she first answered while in college, when she conducted research to help Muslims secure their civil rights in America. In some ways she says her work before 9/11 was an eerie prelude to the ongoing protest over the USA Patriot Act, which she believes deprives Muslims and others of their constitutional rights to privacy and due process. Sireen was preparing research to show that about two dozen individuals, most of them from the Middle East, had been improperly charged with being terrorists or affiliated with terrorist groups. The government refused to turn over what its investigation showed about those indicted because prosecutors claimed it needed to be kept secret for reasons of national security.
“They were being prosecuted on the basis of secret evidence,” Sireen says. “Many of those charged, along with their attorneys, were unaware of their charges until they were in court.”
Sireen was helping prepare what she considered a strong case to convince California lawmakers to vote for a bill that would have forbidden such tactics. “Then 9/11 occurred, and these efforts were placed on the back burner,” she says. Instead there was more pressure to hunt down terrorists, increase wire taps, comb through once confidential records (including computer use at a public library), and to stage raids on homes and businesses.
Sireen believes the government does need to go after those who hurt her fellow Americans and innocent civilians around the world, regardless of who the oppressor is. But she also believes that civil liberties do not need to be compromised to maintain national security.
Sireen goes to schools, law enforcement training sessions, and public forums to help educate others about Islam and Muslims and to address misconceptions. She is there to assure them that American Muslims are peaceful and law-abiding. She also talks to these groups about Muslim customs and religious beliefs and explains how Islam shares many beliefs with Judaism and Christianity. Invariably, she is asked by the participants: Are Muslim women oppressed? Why do women have to wear a headscarf? Now wearing her own scarf, Sireen can answer confidently.
“The more I talked about it as an empowering tool, the more my conviction developed,” she says.
3
MICHAELA’S MUSLIMAH HIGH-FASHION DESIGNS
A COUPLE OF CENTURIES AGO, American women waited for ships to dock to see the latest fashions from far away—silk dresses from Paris, fancy hats from London. Now Muslim women in America are only a click away on their computers from the silk scarves and flowing gowns available from their own favorite cyber-ports, as far-flung as, say, Kuwait or Saudi Arabia.
Then again, they may prefer their own American designs. Michaela Corning, from the Seattle area, provides both.
Both on e-Bay and at her own Yahoo website, Michaela sells the latest styles from the Middle East as well as her own American-style clothes for Muslim women. They are far from the dreary head-to-toe heavy black wool burqas that Afghan women were forced to wear under the Taliban. Nor are they the plain black—and distinctly unattractive—hijabs Americans see worn by some Iraqi women on their nightly television news. Michaela offers what she describes as modern Muslimah couture. After all, Muslim women have a fashion sense, too. It just fits in with their faith.
Take a silken charcoal black-and-white wrap scarf Michaela recently offered on e-Bay for a starting bid of $4.99. “The scarf is excellent for the sophisticated, professional Muslimah,” she advises.
If a woman doesn’t like dark hijabs, Michaela offers a cobalt-blue fringe scarf or a peachy-pink floral wrap scarf. Or how about a golden-yellow hijab for a special occasion? For the truly experimental there’s a light pink-and-orange-stripe silk scarf perfect for America’s warmer regions. Michaela also offers several hijabs with the fringe that she is fond of.
Then there are Michaela’s flowing Saudi-style caftans embellished with intricate embroidery, in colors from forest green to silvery white. Or the pantsuits she makes herself with super-wide legs and a matching tunic.
“I have created a few fashion trends in my area—and through e-Bay as well,” she says. “I have ladies all the way in Kansas who prefer my sewn abayas to the traditional Arab imports.”
She also advises her customers on the latest fashions from the Middle East. Although bright colors are “in,” she also recommends basic black.
“I think there is a misconception that black is boring or there is no fashion behind it. This is contrary to reality,” Michaela says. “Women in countries like Kuwait and Oman, where black is very popular (or even in Saudi Arabia, where black clothing is mandated) choose black as a fashion statement b
ecause it is thought of as ‘elegant,’ not dreary. When I traveled to Kuwait this was the general sense I got from many women who wear black. They think it is much more sophisticated looking. There are one million choices in black, from different cuts to different embroideries, beads, sequins, and fringe. Even the Khaliji [Gulf] abaya that the Iraqi women (and also many Kuwaiti women) wear can be fashionable. In Iraq it is probably chosen out of ease of wear and for economic reasons, but in Kuwait there are also many choices in this style (and a huge array in prices).”
Michaela is happy to provide such clothes—and her own expertise—to her Muslim customers in the United States. She knows how Islam has helped her emerge from confusion. And as a young Muslim woman she understands the need for fashion, soft fabrics, and attractive colors.
She is a twenty-nine-year-old who was introduced to Islam as a child and first considered becoming a Muslim while in college. She dearly loves her family but she admits to becoming confused and unhappy after her parents divorced. Islam helped her find her meaning in life.
As she tells it:
“I was born in 1975 to an upper-middle-class Christian family living in the farmlands of eastern Washington. I led a very happy carefree childhood…full of more leisure than worship, as I barely remember going to church. My understanding of God was limited to experiences such as a few Easters spent looking for money in haystacks at the country club, and ripping through piles of presents stacked around the Christmas tree. It was not until many years later that I even realized what the religious reasoning was behind such holidays.
“In 1982, my reality abruptly fell apart when my parents divorced. The world I had known became a thing of the past, and I spent a lot of time crying and feeling angry. It felt as if my parents had deceived me, and I became very unsure about life.”
Big changes followed the divorce: new town, new schoolmates, new neighborhood, even a new stepfather, and a new home on an island off the coast of Washington. But some good came, too: Michaela met a brother and sister who became good friends with her and her sister.
“Since Mariam was my age and her younger brother, Adam, was my sister’s age, we spent many afternoons after school playing in the woods and digging for sea life on the rocky beaches of the north end,” Michaela says. “I remember Mariam showing me her Quran and explaining to me what it meant to be Muslim. Even at the age of ten, I found it fascinating, as I have always been very intrigued by other cultures and religions. She also told me cool stories about her dad’s life as a Sonics basketball player.”
When Michaela’s family moved to another part of the island, she became friends with a different group of kids, and didn’t see Mariam as often.
“I still considered her a friend, though, and would often defend her when immature kids would make rude comments about her hijab and other Islamic customs. I prided myself on understanding her beliefs, although I did not know them extensively.”
She says she began associating with teenagers she shouldn’t have—the risk takers, who drank, smoked, and some took drugs. Although she avoided their vices, she was still caught up in their clique of protest—from rebelling against their parents to joining in with protests they knew nothing about. Michaela remembers walking out of school in 1990 with these new friends when the United States declared war against Iraq. “I knew nothing of the politics of the war and demonstrated in the streets in protest against our involvement in it. I knew nothing of the heinous crimes committed against the Kuwaiti people. I was merely going along with the crowd. God was always in the back of my mind, but I lost myself in my own selfishness and bottled-up hurt from my parents’ breakup.”
At seventeen, Michaela ended up living with her father in Bellingham, a move that helped her start over, and she credits her father for helping her escape the clique and turn her life around. “Hemd’ Allah [thank God] that he was there to support me and heal some of those emotional wounds,” Michaela says.
That fall, she entered Whatcom Community College, where one of her classes was Middle Eastern History.
“I wrote a lengthy research paper on ancient Egyptian civilization and learned the truth about many stereotypes and falsehoods relating to Islam and Muslims. The idea behind men as the head of the household and women being modest to avoid the strong sexual desires of men really made sense to me. I also learned from an American Muslim man who lectured in the class that Muslims believed in Jesus but did not say that he was the ‘Son of God,’ as Christians do. The fact that Muslims believe that Allah is above the mortal qualities of having children really clicked with me.”
For all her attraction to Islam, she didn’t commit to it, and, indeed, from late 1992 to 1998, had little if any encounters with Muslims. Then she met a Kuwaiti named Saleh at her gym through her personal trainer.
“I thought he was handsome and friendly, but he seemed too good to be true and I automatically labeled him as a player,” she ruefully remembers. “When I found out he was Muslim, I became even more turned off. Even though I had more knowledge about Islam at that time than most Americans, I was still blinded by my prejudices.”
As she got to know Saleh better as a friend, she realized how truly caring and unselfish he was. He began talking to her about Islam and telling stories about the Prophet Muhammad.
“He even prayed in front of me until I felt comfortable to talk openly about my misconceptions of Islam, especially the role of women,” Michaela says. “I began to realize that all the time I worried about partying, drinking, and hanging out with my supposed ‘guy friends’ was all a waste. None of these things were going to get me any closer to feeling happy about myself and about life as a whole.” Michaela quotes from Quran 3:185: “As for the life of this world, it is nothing but a merchandise of vanity.”
“It might be very difficult for non-Muslims to accept that I chose Islam and was not forced to or persuaded to by my friend, Saleh,” Michaela insists. “My acceptance of Islam was not a prerequisite of our friendship. I did not automatically believe everything I heard or read. It was a slow process of learning, and Saleh was perfect about telling me the right thing at the right time. Some of the hardest things for me to accept included Islamic attire for men and women, polygamy, and the prohibition of alcohol. Not to mention I wanted proof—logical proof and reasoning to understand why Saleh felt obligated to pray, fast, and abstain from drinking and sex. At first I saw it as so many don’ts and so few do’s.”
“My hardest internal struggle was about revealing these ideas to my parents and family,” she continues. “The number-one idea I had to rid my family of is the incorrect belief that women have a subservient role to men in Islam. From an American perspective, these ideas are easily confused with reality, especially since many Muslim countries have gone astray in inhibiting women’s education or right to work.
“I always relate the story of the Prophet’s first wife, Khadija. She was a rich woman who not only owned her own business but successfully raised her children. So many seem to skip over this fact—including Muslims. People also forget or misunderstand the acceptance of polygamy. This is not a preferred way a life according to Allah’s word, but an option. The Quran reiterates this, stating that it is impossible to treat multiple wives equally, and unless you can, then marry only one woman. Before I understood Islam, I always assumed that having multiple wives was the suggested way of life according to the teachings of Islam, and relying on media influences made me blind to the truth. What really hit it home for me was that the Prophet was married to a much older woman for twenty-five years, and it wasn’t until after she died that he remarried. He was allowed more than four wives in order to teach people how to treat different wives, whether much older, much younger, Jewish or Christian. He showed us that marrying women of other religions was accepted and that marrying women of other ethnicities or ages was good in the eyes of God. Far too many men today refuse to marry women of different colors and cultures. Prophet Muhammad showed us that these prejudices should be avoided. Furt
hermore, he married a couple of these women because their husbands had died in war, and he wanted to provide means and a father figure for their children. Marriage was not based on sexual desires.”
Her family peppered her with questions: Is Saleh going to have a harem of wives? What if he steals your children? What if you move to Kuwait and you’re held captive there?
“It took so much explaining to even justify why I liked a Muslim man as a friend, let alone explaining to them why I have become Muslim,” she says. “Insha’Allah [God willing], Islam will bring me closer to my family, as I have seen it helping me mend my friendship with my sister. She has been a Christian for years, and now that I believe in one God, Allah, we have many religious and spiritual discussions about God. It seems we have more in common now than ever before.”
She admits it was much harder to tell her father about wearing the hijab than converting to Islam. He knew of her interest in Islam. This did not upset him. He had a few questions, but they were resolved. The hijab, however, did concern him. His reasoning: His daughters are beautiful, he’s proud of them, and they should be proud of themselves.
“He doesn’t understand that I still feel good about myself, but my purpose has changed. I do things differently now, and wearing my hijab is something I do to bring me closer to my purpose—worshipping Allah,” Michaela says.
Like most American fathers, she adds, “he could not fathom me accepting a religion that allows polygamy. I told him that Islam did not invent this and gave him the facts from the Bible and the pre-Islamic world. I told him that it works for some but would not for me. I believe it is an option, but I don’t have to live in that type of a marriage. He understood that; it just needed a little clarity.”
Now that he understands why Michaela converted, he can concentrate on her other accomplishments: school, work, languages, and artistic ability. Indeed, Michaela’s father and sister get offended if people stare at her in her hijab. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean he isn’t still trying to convince her to drop the scarf. Sometimes, when he has been watching an Arabic television station at her house, he’ll say something like, “I saw women on such-and-such channel who do not cover.” Michaela simply reminds him that she considers her hijab obligatory.
The Face Behind the Veil Page 4