by Tara Brown
“What does this mean?” My heart’s having a hard time catching up.
“It means you and I are going home, to my place tonight. And you’re going to tell me all the things I’ve missed. And then we’re going to Google what activities pregnant couples are allowed to do in the bedroom.” He moves back toward me. “Because this makes me nervous, but I need you. I miss you. I’ve thought about this moment for a long time.”
“I take it you missed the doctor forbidding that then? The creepy wink?”
“Was that what he was saying was off the table?” He’s visibly crushed.
“Yeah.” I wrinkle my nose. “No sexy time. Not to mention, I don't forgive you yet.”
“Then we’ll play chess. We have a lot of catching up to do anyway.”
“Honestly, I just wanna sleep.” I blink, realizing how tired I am.
“Whatever you want. I just want you. I need you.” He kisses my cheek softly. I close my eyes and contemplate thanking God for finally ending the worst spring I’ve ever lived through.
Chapter 29
I don't come down to your work
July 4, 2016
Natalie
Liz sighs, watching through the window as Mike and Lori dunk each other in the deep end of the pool. “They’re like ten-year-olds.”
“I know.” I roll my eyes.
“Did Sami tell you we’re being showcased in Hello! magazine in the UK?” Liz grins.
“Oh my God, no!” Her wedding has become a real highlight in our lives. Thankfully. We needed something good to look forward to. “That’s great news. She must be so pumped.”
“Her dad was really excited, the castle being featured and the wedding becoming a thing everyone wants in on. My mom thinks I’m the queen getting married in an English castle and my wedding on the cover of Hello! with celebrity guests.” Her pale face flushes with the obvious happiness. Her eyes dart to Mike again. “What a crazy year.”
“I can’t even with this year. If you weren’t getting married, honestly, I don't know what we would have done. Between Sami and Matt and the baby and his dad dying, this has been an awful year to start a business.”
“Do we have hot dogs?” Brady comes into the kitchen with a stricken look on his face. “Bev says no hot dogs, just burgers.” There’s a chance he might pout if I say no.
So I lie. “No. We don't eat hot dogs.”
Liz grins. “Sami says they’re for peasants.”
“I am a peasant! How the fuck are we supposed to have a Fourth of July barbecue without hot dogs? They’re the most American food there is. This is bullshit! And none of the stores out here has them. I already looked. It's all fancy food I can’t even spell!” He points at Sami’s fridge. Technically, he points at the picture of Eli, our soon-to-be godchild. It’s not the greatest photo of him, but it’s the only one we have since he’s still just a fetus. It’s one of those creepy 4D baby ultrasounds. I think he reminds me of an alien but I haven’t said it out loud, even though Sami calls him a seed people.
“We have hot dogs.” I roll my eyes. “I wanted to see your grown-man BF.”
“Men can’t have bitch fits. We don't have the bitchy part that’s required.”
“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves in that.” Matt’s cousin Beverly strolls into the kitchen, giving him a side-glance. “If I recall correctly, the best bitch fit I've ever seen was thrown by you.” She’s so cocky, I adore her. I have a small girl crush on her. Especially the way she casually leans on the fridge and folds her arms over her chest, daring him to come at her.
Brady’s face flushes with color but he doesn't say a thing. She’s the only person who makes him like this.
“What am I missing?” I have to know. Liz nods along with me.
“Nothing.” Brady says it too fast.
“Did I ever tell you that Brady was the male cover model of the year last year?” I ask innocently, hoping we can trade dirt on him.
Beverly starts to giggle. “No. I feel like I would remember that conversation.”
“He was molested, allegedly, in the lineup for drinks. It was almost rape.” I laugh, remembering how scared he looked.
“Can men like him really be raped?” She giggles, seeing how far we can push him.
“I don't see how it’s possible.”
“Look, ladies, if you want to tag team me, we can take this into the guesthouse.” He smirks.
My jaw drops but Beverly doesn't skip a beat. “You’d be crying and begging for your mommy in seconds.” She turns and opens the fridge, pulling out the hot dogs and burgers.
Sami wanted to have the party catered, but Matt convinced her that hockey players didn't need fancy food. They were here for the beers anyway.
One of the camera guys slinks into the kitchen, grinning. “So cameras are gonna run for another hour and then we’re outta here. We got some great shots of everyone being fabulous. We’re going to take paparazzi-style photos for the last part of the party, as if we snipered them from down the beach and then we’ll leak them to TMZ.”
“Perfect.” I smile. I give Liz, Brady, and Beverly a forced grin. “Smiles wide and having fun. The cameras are going to roll in here and we need as natural as possible.”
“So I can still make fun of him?” Beverly grins back.
“Whatever floats your boat.” The camera guy winks at her.
She blushes and takes the food out to the grill.
“Whoa, you don't think you’re going to grill, do you? That's a man’s job.” Brady follows Beverly from the kitchen to the massive deck out back. The outdoor entertaining area is beautiful with a full lanai kitchen and three grills. It’s perfect for a pool and beach party like this one. Liz and I follow them out too, hoping to catch more of Bev roasting Brady.
The entire Rangers team is here. They’ve just finished playing for a couple of months, and all the June preseason games are over with. I, for one, am done with hockey for this season. I’m done with everything though. I’m exhausted.
“Bev, you don't even know anything about grilling,” Brady keeps at her, maybe not realizing the cameras are on him.
“I don't recall Providence ever winning any grilling contests.” She cocks her head, adding a little extra to her Southern accent.
“I’m a man, it comes naturally to me,” he boasts.
“Sort of like how throwing a bitch fit over that girl putting you on her worst dates ever blog comes naturally?” Beverly laughs.
“What?” I laugh. “Now I have to hear this.” I hate Brady’s past but this actually sounds funny.
The camera guy zooms in. It’s not really the sort of content we like on the show, but the ratings are everything.
Brady clenches his jaw. It takes him a second of fire-breathing dragon huffs before he turns to the camera himself. “Back in the day, I was known for certain things.” His eyes dart to me. “Ear muffs.” I flip him off before the camera can catch it. “And girls knew what they were getting into. I never pretended to be anything but a dick to women, they served one purpose.” His eyes land on Beverly who is already giggling. “And grilling meat wasn't one of them.”
She rolls her eyes as she lays the meat on the grill.
Liz’s face is the brightest I’ve ever seen it, but she still giggles.
I, however, lose some of the humor, now seeing where this is going: Brady’s favorite president.
“This one girl comes to a game and then the after-party, which are also known for certain things, and we hooked up. I treated her the exact same way I treat all girls”—Brady’s eyes dart back to me—“before I met you.” He’s struggling not to reveal too much. “This girl writes a blog I didn't know about. She purposely dates dudes and then slams them for click bait bullshit to get blog likes and views. So technically she’s a click bait whore.”
I grimace but he ignores it.
“When I saw said blog post and that I ranked as the number one douchebag of all her dating, I was offended. She acted like I pr
etended to be something I wasn’t. Everyone called me Mr. Clinton for a reason.”
I slap my hand over my eyes, not sure how to stop this. Sami is going to lose her shit.
“And unfortunately, this thing here”—he points at Bev—“happened to be in the room with Matty, my best friend, when I Facetimed him, freaking out about what happened. Was it an epic bitch fit, maybe? Am I ashamed of how I treated that girl? Yes.” He leans into the camera. “I should’ve missed her dress and hit her right in the fucking—”
I jump up and cover his mouth as he struggles to say eye.
Liz and Bev die, instantly, with laughter.
The camera guy guts himself, losing it.
“Don't.” I shake my head at the camera guy who is quivering with laughter.
“I won’t, but I’m going to show the others.” He can’t stop laughing.
“I don't care. Don't show anyone else unless Sami confirms you’re allowed.”
“What was the blog, Brady?” he asks, still dying.
“Dirty Dating Disasters.” Brady laughs. He clearly has no actual shame. His embarrassment is false.
“Fuck man, that was epic.” He reaches out and pounds knuckles with Brady. I cringe as he walks off, still laughing.
Beverly gives me a knowing look. “See what I mean? Knuckle draggers.” She shakes her head and closes the lids.
“I’m the knuckle dragger and you’re burning the burgers?” He glances at the smoking barbecues. “Too much smoke, Bev.”
“Coldwell, I don't come down to where you work, knock the cock outta your mouth, and tell you how to do your job. Don't tell me how to do mine.” She points at the burgers. “This is a Traeger, it needs to smoke a little.”
Liz giggles, instantly.
Brady’s jaw drops and for the first time in a long time, he’s stunned.
I have to keep repeating what she said in my head before I get it. As a huge smile spreads across his face, my eyes widen and Liz backs off, waving her tap-out from the conversation.
“I’m stealing that.” Brady points at Bev, offering his knuckles. She pounds them, beaming as he strolls off.
“Dude, that was fast.” I can’t believe she just said that.
“I’ve been saving that one. I was gonna use it on Matt, but he and Brady are like the same thing, same beast. And now he’ll go use it on Matt in front of everyone, which is better than me using it.”
“You and Brady fight like cats and dogs.”
“’Cause we’ve never hooked up. Brady’s easy to be around if you take sex out of the equation. But the minute he thinks about banging you, you’re done for. If he wants you, he’ll have you.” She nods at me. “Except with you. He’s different with you. He isn’t trying to bang you. He’s trying to win you.”
A slow smile spreads across my face. “I think I’m different with him too. The only fights we ever really have are about Sami and Matt.”
“They’re a hot mess. You guys need to stay out of their shit. They don't need the four of you in that relationship. It’s bad enough with just the two of them, soon to be three. I still can’t believe they’re going to have a kid.” She opens the lid and flips the sizzling meat. “You know when you see a couple together and you think to yourself, God I hope this doesn't last?”
“Yeah.” I can’t help but agree.
“I used to think that about them. She’s so distant and detached and plays all these games. And he’s a moron. And neither one of them is good at letting other people in, so they don't. They both hover outside each other’s hearts, sort of broken all the time. It’s painful to watch.”
“Are you a therapist?” I ask, interrupting her genius.
“No. Computer programmer.” She grins. “But it doesn't take too much common sense to see that those two aren’t oil and water, they’re vinegar and vinegar, making each other more bitter.”
“Yeah.” I can’t fight it, she’s right.
“That kid’s either going to be the oil that blends them together and makes this shit show work, or he’s gonna add more vinegar and they’ll break up.” She shrugs. “We have to wait and see. Gran thinks they’re meant for each other. But she’s still not speaking to Matt. He has to go down there with Sami and prove he hasn't completely fucked up.”
“What? Why?”
“When she found out about the dirty deal his dad made, she lost her mind. She said love was way more important than money and that his whore mother should have to sell her shit to survive, like other people in that situation. Gran didn't come to her son’s funeral or speak to Matty. He tried to go down there and talk to her, but she wouldn't let him in the house. I had to tell him to get lost.” She sighs. “It’s been a bad couple of months.”
“Here too.” I still haven’t recovered. I don't like him. I don't know that I ever will. I get the sense Bev isn’t crazy about Sami.
“I can’t believe what they both went through. Finding out she was pregnant the day my uncle died, what kind of horrible karma is that?”
“The worst.”
“When he and I spoke about it all recently, he sounded better. But then he said he asks her to marry him every day, and every day she turns him down, so who knows?”
“It’s still painful to watch.” I chuckle, bitterly.
“Are they officially back together yet?”
“No.” I scoff. “She doesn't trust him. And I don't think he fully trusts her, not that she did anything to him. Like you said, hovering outside each other’s hearts, sort of broken.”
“Well, he did see her with Lori,” Bev defends him. “His own teammate.”
“What?” Lori? Holy shit.
“Yeah, the day Matt said he had to talk to Sami. He said he was being forced into ending things with her for whatever reason. He came here and she was with Lori. Broke his heart. He thought she’d moved on after only a week.”
Oh God.
“Oh God. I had no idea.” I swallow hard, not sure what the hell happened, but a little worried that was because of me. I was why he was forced into telling Sami it was over.
“I don't know what happened. I know he fucked up and she fucked up and they didn't talk to each other and now they’re stuck. I hope they get past it all.”
“I think they will.”
“Because they deserve each other?” She cackles. “No one else could keep up with that level of bullshit.”
“Precisely.” I chuckle too, catching a glimpse of Matt heading inside. “I’ll be right back.” I follow him to the front room where no one else is.
“Matt!” I call out, hurrying to him.
“Hey, Nat.” He still doesn't completely meet my gaze.
“Can I ask you something?”
He cringes but nods. “Sure.”
“Is it my fault you broke up with Sami?”
He swallows hard, biting his lip and then finally nodding again.
“I forced it, with Brady?” A lump builds in my throat.
“Yeah. I couldn't hurt your relationship any more than we already were. Brady was a mess. So I came out here and ended things.” The emotions in his eyes are expressive enough that I can actually see his pain.
“And she was with Lori?” She missed that part of the story when she told it to me.
“She was. Apparently, she was crying on his shoulder, about me.” He laughs bitterly. “I thought—”
“Oh.” I sigh. “So it wasn't that they were—”
“No. No, it wasn't. He’s always been a real friend to us both. I just didn't know it.” It’s the most we’ve ever said to each other.
“I’m sorry.” My brow knits. “I’m sorry I forced your hand. I didn't know, obviously, what was going on.”
“No. How could you? I didn't even really tell my own family.”
“Except Bev.”
“Yeah.” He scowls. “She’s my sounding board. Keeps me grounded.” He chuckles.
“I don't understand your relationship, with Sami.” I blurt it out, not meaning to.
“Me either.” He smiles. “I’m sorry for the strain it’s brought to you and Blow Job though.”
I hate that name. “It’s okay. We should have tried to separate ourselves from it more.”
“You’re both loyal, loyal friends. No one’s better to be our child’s godparents.” He smiles genuinely and I see it, just a little. I see the reason she loves him. It’s those eyes. They tell you a story, the one he isn’t saying. They suck me in, showing me all the truths he hides with his fake indifference and stoic words.
“Thanks.” I nod and back away. “See ya outside.” I wave, awkwardly.
He does too.
We’re weird.
We might never be like Sami and Brady, where they can practically snuggle on the couch, making fun of each other. Maybe Sami and Brady are the same, and Matt and I are the same. Maybe we have more in common than we know.
Chapter 30
Hovering outside the heart
July 4, 2016
Sami
“That is the tiniest bump I’ve ever seen. How much weight have you gained?” one of the wives asks. They’ve let me into their club now. Carrying Matt’s baby has changed everything for them. They’re actually all really nice now. It’s creepy and of course I don't trust it.
This is one of those crowds that can turn on you in an instant.
“Thirteen pounds.” I try to calculate. “Yeah. Thirteen or fourteen. But I’m not due till the end of November. I’m not even five months yet. Nineteen weeks this week.”
“I was already thirty pounds by five months.” The girl winces.
“I was twenty-seven by then,” another girl pipes up.
Liz gives me a look, a nervous one, from the side of the pool where she’s hiding in the shade of the pergola. We’re both obviously unsure about these ladies.
“I was only seventeen by five months. I did the majority at the end,” a brunette with a bitchy face offers. “You’ll probably be like me and gain it all the last two months.”