I smiled poignantly at anyone who saw me enter. I supposed it wouldn’t hurt to have them think the new queen was so virtuous as to offer her devotion in seclusion on her coronation day. But I still hoped Heathran wouldn’t think I’d dashed away from him to go pray. Not terribly seductive, that.
I lowered my voice to a purr once I’d closed the door behind me and activated the holo function of my comm. “Suvis, dear, you’re going to frighten people in that outfit here.”
A man appeared out of thin air—or at least his hologram, but his presence was no less for it. He was the opposite of the soft, soothing atmosphere of the room. His black, skintight suit of armor drew the light to him and consumed it. His body practically spelled out violence with its angles and wiry grace. It didn’t help that his face was fully covered in a mask.
It wasn’t that I minded his attire. It showed off his figure nicely, albeit not leaving much to the imagination, and its intimidation factor was useful. But his employment in my services—and behind closed and carefully guarded doors—was still a secret from the average guest at this event. Speaking to him, even like this, was a risk I didn’t like taking in public.
My hand ran down his arm. Even if I couldn’t feel it, I saw his muscles respond to my touch, trying to press into me. His suit was synced to my comm, my touch activating microsensors in the fabric. He could feel me, if I couldn’t feel him.
I was fine with that.
“My love—” he began, his voice low and rough, the opposite of Heathran’s.
“Shh, remember, don’t say that out loud where someone might hear,” I said gently. Gentleness was the key with this one, despite the viciousness he could unleash at the crook of a finger.
“I know, and I know I’m taking a risk in contacting you. But I had to give you the news immediately.”
Something in his tone knocked the purr right out of my own. “What is it?”
“I’ve received word from one of our contacts here on Alaxak. Your brother is alive.”
“What?”
“He somehow survived the destruction of the Luvos Sunrise.”
I exhaled. Qole. It had to have been her, but I didn’t want to admit, not even in front of Suvis, that there was someone capable of making me truly nervous, and that she was also someone I badly needed. For a moment, I wished I’d kept her in Dracorva when I’d had the chance. But then, Nev wouldn’t have taken such drastic measures to save her and get himself disinherited. I’d even helped him along, pitting him and Father against each other as best I could, lying to one about the actions and motivations of the other. “What can we do about this, and how quickly?”
“My contact said he can get me within easy range of your brother, but he had some stipulations, protections he requires for certain people after we establish ourselves on the planet….”
“Whatever. Promise him anything. Just end this as soon as possible. No one can hear Nevarian is still alive.”
“Yes, my lo—Your Majesty.” He bowed, then hesitated for a second.
I knew what he wanted. I tucked up to him, pressing my chest against his—or at least the projected image of it—and sliding my hand over his cheek in the same liquid motion. Good thing he needed the mask to feel me, since his face wasn’t as impressive as the rest of him. It wasn’t grotesque, just composed of thick scars layered over already homely, pale features. The mask was definitely an improvement.
I kissed his lips with all the gentleness I could muster, which was considerable, mostly since I couldn’t feel them. That was the only time I would kiss him.
Suvis’s hard shoulders relaxed for just a second as he sighed, and then he was out of sight, cutting the connection so quickly that I nearly staggered. I counted to one hundred after that, then slipped out the door.
Devrak was standing on the other side.
I jumped, inwardly cursing myself. Outwardly, I put a hand to my chest and tittered. “Goodness, you startled me.”
Devrak was not as darkly handsome and stern as Heathran, nor quite as homely and easily charmed as Suvis. He was somewhere in the middle, a hard one to read and manipulate, especially romantically, since he’d lost his wife and daughter in an accident some years ago and was absurdly devoted to their memory. I imagined he thought of himself as more like a father figure to me, and he was, unfortunately, a good deal cleverer than the other two men.
He folded his arms. “I detected an encrypted comm from Suvis. You shouldn’t be so careless as to risk being eavesdropped upon alone in such…intimate quarters…with your personal guard.”
Yes, he was sharp. Usually, no one could keep track of Suvis.
“One becomes intimate with only the Unifier in those quarters, and you only know it was him because you were spying on me.” I smiled sweetly, but inside, my gut was twisting. There was no way he could have heard about Nev and kept such a straight face. I hoped. “In other words, it’s none of your business.”
“Solara, your safety and reputation are my business. You know I don’t trust that man. Speaking of which—”
I cut him off before he could ask where Suvis was. “Come now, you’re just worried he might replace you someday as head of security.”
Devrak’s jaw tightened, but he soldiered on. “When you chose him as captain of your guard, I held my tongue. He’s a good fighter, one of the best Bladeguards I’ve ever seen. But his stability—”
“He did get me off the Luvos Sunrise.” I knew all about Suvis’s instability, so I didn’t need to hear more. “You didn’t.”
Devrak’s face went blank, worse than if I’d stabbed him. It was as if he wanted to have gone down with the king and queen. Idiot man and his idiot honor. He was still useful alive, if only to lend me credibility—a legend in his own right. Not that I didn’t enjoy twisting the knife a bit, especially if it distracted him.
“Maybe your parents would still be alive if I had been,” he said quietly.
“What could you have done, Devrak?” I asked wearily. “You couldn’t have killed Nev. It’s better he died this way.”
“Perhaps, yes.”
I resisted a sigh of relief. He definitely didn’t know about Nev, not if he could say those words with such true grief.
He swallowed. “Still, you know I would have been there if—”
“Yes, yes, if Father hadn’t sent you on a mission right before.” A trifling errand that I had indirectly encouraged. It wouldn’t have done to have Devrak aboard the Luvos Sunrise for what I’d had planned. He would have sensed something was amiss. “The point is, I’m glad to still have you.” I put a hand on his chest, and for a split second, he twitched, as if maybe to block an attack. Great Collapse, the man was paranoid. For a good reason, I supposed. “Marsius is glad to still have you, as well.”
I hoped mentioning my little brother would lend me a compassionate air, but his dark eyes only grew harder. “About Marsius: He’s grieving, Solara. His whole family took a trip and only you came back. He’s eleven years old, for Unifier’s sake. He needs you.”
“I’ve been too busy,” I said quickly. The truth was, I couldn’t stand seeing him. He looked so sad, and it made some part of me wish I hadn’t caused it. I needed to stay away from him.
Or maybe he needed to go.
I brightened. “I spoke to our generals earlier. They’ve impressed upon me the need for a commander in chief of the military. Marsius has it in him. I think he should go to Aaltos immediately for training.”
Aaltos was the planet where we conducted military training for the masses. The Royal Academy on Luvos was only for Dracortes and those qualified to become Bladeguards, but Aaltos had a fine academy as well, and also housed the bulk of our generals—especially those who hadn’t accompanied me to Alaxak and who weren’t in my pocket from either devotion, careful blackmail, or a generous payoff from the Dracorte treasury under the guis
e of one of my philanthropic donations to charity. See how they liked being saddled with a mopey child. They wanted their official commander in chief, after all. And Marsius had said he wanted to help.
This trip to Aaltos not only would stall those generals wanting to cause me trouble and give my little brother something to occupy his time for the next few years instead of crying, but it could keep Devrak away long enough for me to wrap up affairs on Alaxak.
“I’ll need you to escort him. Tell Gavros and Talia”—the generals my father had most trusted—“that they are to go to Aaltos, as well, and that they are personally responsible for his training.”
Devrak blinked. “They won’t like being shoved aside like that.”
“Nothing is more important than the education of their future commander, my sole remaining brother. It’s the highest honor. And if they suggest otherwise, they’ll regret it.”
“But who will advise you in military matters? Who will command our forces in their absence?”
“General Illia Faetora.” She was pretty much the only other high-ranking woman in the Dracorte military. I approved of Talia in theory; I just didn’t like the company she kept.
“But, Your Majesty, favoritism like this will cause a rift in the chain of command, brew resentment, and as far as Marsius goes—”
“He needs this, Devrak,” I interrupted. “And I need a commander in chief. A man for the people, though, to bring our military together. Marsius might be a prince, but the Aaltos-trained generals are the best-equipped to prepare him for such a role.”
“Why send General Gavros Dracorte with him, then?” Devrak asked cleverly. “Your father’s cousin trained at the Royal Academy.”
“Marsius needs family, of course, to look out for him. It’s not up for debate. Place him under their tutelage, make sure he’s settled, and report back.” My tone was firm.
“I shouldn’t leave you—”
“Remember what happened last time you didn’t accompany royal family members away from Dracorva?” Another twist of the knife; another blank look of agony. “Do this, Devrak. I’ll be safe here.”
Before he could try to bring up Suvis’s absence again, I left him to go back to the party. Perhaps it wasn’t a party, but refreshments were circulating, laughter was rising, and aside from Nev’s still being alive—temporarily—everything was falling into place. Why couldn’t I have a little fun at my own coronation?
After another day of debating that involved yelling, posturing, and even the occasional outburst of laughter, I ended up outside the warehouse in the late evening. Many of the arguments either had already been decided in my favor, or else were just going in circles as Hiat scrambled to hold his ground. But he couldn’t. I would see to it.
I hated that man. I’d hated him as a child, growing up with Telu as a best friend. His smiles were all wrong, especially when he turned them on his niece, who had yet another black eye or split lip, gifts from her father. She wasn’t worth challenging his brother, in Hiat’s eyes. Telu and I had had to take matters into our own hands, as young girls. I would never have had respect or love for him after that, but now…His own planet, his own people weren’t worth it. And for that, I would happily bring him down, whatever it took.
I breathed deeply in the muggy night. It was still chilly, but the humidity made the air thick and cloying. I wanted to be back in the sharp clarity of colder temperatures. The sooner this was done, the better—but everyone had another day to decide.
I walked down to the water with the excuse of checking on the Kaitan. Really, I was looking for Nev. He’d been so quiet, understandably so with everything that had happened to him barely over a week ago, but…he steadied me. In the past month, I hadn’t even realized how much he’d been helping to keep the Shadow inside me at bay, until it wasn’t contained any longer.
Even as I walked, the ground shivered a little, and I kept seeing things out of the corner of my eye in the night. I didn’t even bother looking. If I did turn, nothing would be there. Besides, I didn’t actually want to find something that only I could see. At least I no longer heard the voice speaking distinct words in my ear. There was only a distant murmur, a faint whisper, that I could almost pretend was the sound of the sea.
I didn’t know how long that would last, though. And with Nev’s feeling distant ever since the Luvos Sunrise, I wasn’t sure if I could do this alone. I didn’t want to.
I spotted something that for a second looked like a hallucinatory shape in the darkness, a shadowy outline against the water, but then it resolved itself into a human figure, standing alone.
“Nev?”
He started, turning. “Hi.”
It was probably a good thing Nev had made himself scarce lately. His disguise was solid, but I still didn’t want anyone asking too many questions about my newest crewmember. At least everyone in Gamut had been used to seeing him around for the past month, and hopefully nobody would match up his timeline with the traitorous royal who had supposedly been sheltering on Alaxak. The Dracortes’ embarrassment and suppression of those details was definitely working in our favor, and no one seemed to have fully connected their prince with us—I’d acted oblivious when asked about that. Most people here weren’t in the habit of staring too closely at strangers, anyway, especially not to look for someone who was supposed to be dead.
“I’ve hardly seen you,” I said, despite all the reasons it was good that I hadn’t.
“I’m sorry, I…I’ve needed some time alone.” He took a deep breath. “Fighting Solara isn’t a good idea.”
That wasn’t what I’d been expecting to hear, and my feet jerked me to a halt before I could tell them to. “What?”
He took a short step toward me, as if in entreaty. “I used the wrong words. You can’t fight her. At least,” he amended, “you can’t fight her and win.”
I felt winded, as if he’d hit me in the stomach. “How can you say that? After everything we’ve been through?”
“Qole.” He sounded as pained as if I’d hit him back. “If this is the last thing you want to hear, believe me, it’s the last thing I want to say. That doesn’t mean it’s not true. We’ve done the impossible together, all of us. But there was at least some path to victory, some concept of how, if everything went perfectly, maybe we could succeed. That doesn’t even exist here.” He paused as his voice rose, then shook his head. When his volume dropped, his tone was no less intense. “You may fight back as hard as you will, but Solara can simply speak the wrong words in her sleep and turn all of Alaxak to ash. Just like that. It wouldn’t even be a divot in daily expenditure.”
It wasn’t that I doubted what he was saying; this just didn’t sound like him. The Nev I knew would never encourage me to give up.
There was something else. Something was wrong.
I stared at him for a moment, considering, then took three careful steps toward him. I stopped when we were almost touching, and I could feel his body brush against mine, our eyes only inches apart. His eyes widened, and his breath came faster, warm on my face. His response wasn’t out of longing; he looked like a cornered animal. “Nev,” I said quietly. “What’s the real reason for this?”
He blinked. “Er…the real reason I think this is impossible? Maybe because it is?”
“No. You look terrified. I’ve seen you fly into death more calmly than this.”
He stared at me, mute, then looked away. I put a hand on his cheek and turned him gently back to face me. He swallowed as he met my eyes.
“Tell me.” I dropped my hand, but my tone was insistent. “The truth.”
He let out a breath then. “I am terrified. That you’d feel betrayed, that you’d think I was just another royal despite what we’ve been through. But also…” His gaze dropped, but only for a second, and then it was back up and almost feverish. His hands gripped my shoulders.
“
You’ll kill yourself.” He choked out those first words, then went on in a rush. “The only way you can fight back is with Shadow. But we both know it’ll use you up. Drive you insane. Destroy you.” His fingers tightened, as if they sought for purchase. As if he could hold me back. “I can’t…I can’t lose you too.”
His hands fell away, and his face twisted. And that was when the rest of the truth came pouring out.
“They’re dead, Qole,” he said like a gasp. “So many people are dead because of me, because of my best intentions…and even because of their best intentions. You risk too much, for an impossible outcome. You can’t ask me to be party to watching my sister destroy your planet, to watching you die. You can’t.” He was nearly babbling. “I can’t. They’re dead. They’re dead, Qole.”
My heart squeezed in my chest, and it was a chain reaction, my throat tightening, pressure building behind my eyes. I had known he was in pain, but I hadn’t known how much until now. His words were like blood from an open wound…but I didn’t know how to stanch it.
Or I did, but I simply couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t. To do so would be to violate everything I believed in about my home planet and people.
I put my hand on his shoulder, feeling him shake under my fingers. For a moment, we were silent as he gasped and struggled to regain control. When his sobbing subsided, he stared out at the invisible ocean.
“Nothing I can say will make you feel better, but I’m so sorry about your parents,” I said finally, softly. “When I lost mine, Arjan helped me keep my world together. If it weren’t for him, and his encouraging me to captain the Kaitan, I would be dead or worse right now. I had to believe in something other than my pain. You can too.” I squeezed his shoulder. “I wish I could do what you want, but this is my purpose.”
My hand dropped, because there wasn’t anything else I could say or do to comfort him. I could only make it worse, but it was the only choice I could make. Mine. “No matter what happens, this isn’t your fault. You might think you’re responsible for making me leave Alaxak, and for what happened after. Or for making me believe that things should change. That we should fight for a better future, even if it’s dangerous, because the alternative is more so. But my choices are my own. I chose to leave Alaxak with you to try to save what was left of my family. I chose to save my brother in Dracorva. I chose to save you from the Luvos Sunrise. And I choose to save my people now. I don’t know if I can, but even if I die trying, it’s an easy choice.”
Shadow Call Page 10