I jumped. “Great, then I’ll start with the expectation that you’ll constantly appear behind me like a ghost. Preferably so I don’t leap out of my skin every time.”
Basra didn’t change his expression, but managed to project pleasure nonetheless. “I would say that’s exactly what I do, yes.”
I looked around. “Where’s Arjan?”
This time Basra truly smiled. “He’s off by himself, to practice using Shadow.” The thought of a loved one toying with such a dangerous substance by himself shouldn’t have warranted that reaction, but I understood. Arjan was using it safely, away from anyone he might hurt.
I opened my mouth to reply when I spotted Qole talking with several other people at another fire. She laughed. It was, I reflected, a completely wonderful sight. The knot inside me churned. For once, everything was going perfectly. And yet.
A large weight settled onto my shoulder, a literal one, and I startled again.
“For Unifier’s sake!” I said. “First Basra and now you.”
Eton flipped a coin over to Basra, who caught it neatly. “Just a bet I had.”
I snorted, and we sat side by side for a moment, staring at the fire and listening to the logs pop.
“What happened to you after Devrak’s family died?” I hadn’t expected to ask the question, but it had formed between us before I could think better of it. Tonight was becoming a time for hard questions and truths.
Eton was silent for so long I thought he wasn’t going to reply. But then he cleared his throat. “I didn’t know Devrak that well. He was mostly away. But I did like him. His daughter more. She was a good person.”
I had been right about Zenaria and Eton. “And someone killed her to get at Devrak? You were blamed?”
“No.” Eton’s voice had sunk to the rumble of two stones grating on one another. “She wasn’t even the target. But Devrak wasn’t there, and I wasn’t either. I came too late. Finished it.”
I felt a shiver run down my spine at the chill that had crept into his voice.
“I didn’t leave anyone standing, so there weren’t any witnesses,” Eton continued. “Which made it easy to frame me. Royals found that easier than facing what one of their own could do.” He looked down at his hands. “Devrak said he knew I didn’t do it, but I don’t see how he could have. After, I wandered for a while, joined the Swarm. I don’t think I was a very nice person. I lost myself. Killed a girl. She could have been someone like Zenaria, for all I knew. When I quit, I wanted to get as far away as possible.”
“Alaxak sure fits that description.”
“Yes,” agreed Eton. “And the first time I saw Qole she reminded me of the girl I’d killed and also…I was reminded what a good person was like. She was what I both loved about myself and hated. She was how I could make amends, maybe.”
That definitely explained Eton’s hatred of me when he had learned who I was, and the lengths to which he was willing to go to protect Qole. She had given him a home, and he had dedicated himself to her—his chance at redemption.
“I thought I had to keep her safe at any price,” Eton continued, as if following my line of thought. “Didn’t realize I was trying to pay the price with her happiness, not just yours.” He looked at me. “Sorry about that, by the way.”
Forgiving him, so hard at first, had made my anger disappear more completely than I could have imagined. “It’s space behind the thrusters, and all that.”
Eton looked over to where Qole was standing. “Sure. And if you don’t stop gazing longingly at her instead of talking to her, I’m going to want to kill you again. Take it from me, staring doesn’t accomplish much with women.”
I looked up at him in surprise, then back at her, shame suddenly setting in. I had spent the past few weeks constantly hoping for a chance to speak to Qole, when I was the person who had to create it. There was no comfortable time for what might be an uncomfortable conversation.
Some leader I am. I can’t even arrange a conversation.
But Eton was right, and I nodded. Hard questions and truths. Without another word, I stood from the log and headed right for her.
“Excuse me,” I said. Everyone standing with her started, giving the stupid part of my brain some pleasure, since I had been sneaked up on all night. “Ambassador Qole, when you have a moment, I need to have a word in private. At your convenience, of course.”
She raised both eyebrows. “Really? Well, King Nevarian, lead the way.”
I couldn’t explain what it was, but something about how she said it made my heart pound in my chest. I nodded, mouth suddenly dry, and felt even more stupid. “You might possibly know the area better than I do.”
“Possibly.”
Qole led me down the gravel beach, outside the ring of light from the fires. We rounded a cove of trees so scraggly they could have been bushes, and she stopped on the lee side, where the wind died down to merely a whisper.
She turned and crossed her arms. “Well?”
I knew I might be in trouble, and I tried to sort through my words. Talk, damn it, say anything. “I’m sorry we haven’t spoken in the past few weeks.”
She shrugged. “You’ve been busy. I’ve been busy.”
“I know. It’s just…” I paused, the knot in my chest even tighter. I was sick of it. “That’s kind of a rotten excuse. I was just afraid to talk to you, and I wasn’t really sure what to say. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing with any of this, honestly.” I gestured at the space between us, which, as usual, seemed too great. “I just knew I had to…keep you close. So I kept avoiding the problem.”
In the darkness, Qole’s lips quirked. “In for a reentry, in for a freefall.”
No kidding. “Qole, I love you.”
She was silent, staring at me.
“It would probably be better for both of us if I didn’t. But I do. Every decision I make is different because of you. You’re part of me, and there’s no getting away from it.”
“Nev…,” Qole started, but I raised my hand slightly to stave off her words.
“Honestly, I’m not sure exactly how you feel right now, but the absurd thing is, I think you maybe feel like I do. And it’s almost unbelievable that both of these things happened at the same time. It’s a miracle, frankly. There’s just one problem.”
“You need to marry Daiyen. I know,” Qole said, sounding tired.
I exhaled. I felt like I was picking at the knot inside me, finally, but it was stubborn, impossible to undo. I had to do something, do it right, to get everything to work.
I had to stop pretending I hadn’t made certain choices.
“I promised the military tribunal I would, yes. Not just because it was the only way they would support me, but also because, at the time, we needed an alliance to survive. But that was before Makar—before Marsius and Rava. Before the battle.”
Qole went very still. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that if our position is strong enough, I might be able to avoid that marriage. Makar is psychotic, but he’s a powerful psycho on our side. At this point, if I stabilize our system, there’s a real chance the generals will agree to drop the demand.”
“I already told you, I don’t peddle in fantasy.” Qole was trying to keep her voice down, but anger infused it. “I’m not going to—”
“No, you’re not,” I said quickly. “And I was wrong to ever suggest we should live with that kind of hope. It’s not fair to you, and that’s why I’m telling you right now: we can’t be together. But if I’m going to be honest in that way, then I also need to be honest in this one: I won’t ever stop fighting for us. The only person I’m interested in marrying, Qole Uvgamut, is you. So right now, you live your life as you see fit. But if I can get free, then you should know that I’m coming back for you. There are very few certainties in the systems, Captain, but
I promise you, this is one. I will hope for you, I will fight for you, till my last breath.”
The knot dissipated. All it had taken was the truth.
The wind rustled in the leaves, and the ocean retreated down the gravel, gathering itself for another wave. I could hear the celebration behind me, and now that my eyes adjusted to the dark, I could see Qole’s face more clearly. In the faint firelight, there was the glint of tears.
She smiled to hide it. “Well, that’s the most romantic thing you’ve said in a while.”
“Gaaaaaah.” She was joking, obviously, but at least she could joke and smile. I clutched at my hair and sat down suddenly. What I wanted to do was hold her close, kiss her, but I had just effectively riveted that door closed. A retractable rivet, I hoped, but a rivet nevertheless. “You don’t hate me, at least?”
She sat down next to me and laughed shakily. “Not anymore. That doesn’t mean I’m any happier than you are about this, but I understand, better than ever before, the weight of your responsibility, and I don’t blame you for it. We’re both at a point where we are making choices to get things done, not to make ourselves happy.”
I sighed. “That’s for sure.”
She leaned over to bump me with her shoulder. “But if you want to stabilize your system, you need to figure out why the drones seem to have minds of their own. And I think you’ll need help.”
I stared at her, hope rising once again in my chest. “Really?”
She nodded. “Obviously, it’s a big problem for us too. In my new position, I’ve been asked to help investigate, especially since I believe what’s going on with them has everything to do with what’s going on with me—and with Shadow. I might have suggested this in vaguer terms to the council.”
The thought of continuing to work with Qole…that she had helped arrange it…I shook my head. “Unifier, but I love you.”
Her dark eyes burned into mine, warmth blossoming inside me as she smiled. “Same.”
It was as inevitable as the wave that hit the shore. I kissed her.
Her lips were warm, full, against mine. I thought I would explode at the moment they touched, that my chest would shatter with happiness. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me as her fingers found my hair. She molded against me as though we had been made to fit perfectly, and our kiss became hungrier, more urgent. I lost my balance as I hitched her closer, falling backward, and she fell on top of me, laughing, hands cupping my face. We kissed again, as I relished the feel of her, the weight of her body against mine.
Then laughter overtook us both, and I simply held her as we rocked back and forth at the absurdity of it all.
After a little while, that died down too, and she lay on top of me, hair spilling across my chest and cheek.
I ran my fingers through it, looking at the moonlit caps of the waves, and at the last of the flickering rockets in the sky. Like those lights, this moment would be gone in a few more minutes. But if life was making a choice, again and again, then right now I was choosing to be here, and happy.
“I guess we’re not so good at staying away from each other,” Qole whispered.
“I know,” I whispered back. “That’s what gives me hope.”
Book twos are hard to write, and that’s before having to write acknowledgments for them, so bear with us. This book was more of a grueling marathon than a sprint, and many people helped us along the way.
Thanks firstly to our incredible support team at Delacorte Press—our editor, Kate Sullivan; her assistant, Alexandra Hightower; our publicist, Aisha Cloud; and all the amazing people behind the scenes—for helping to make our imaginary galaxy a glowing reality. We still can’t believe you put up with two weird Alaskans like us. Thanks also to David Moench, who’s not even at our imprint but is a publicist for Del Rey, for treating us like one of his own.
Thanks to our agent extraordinaire, Kirsten Carleton, for being our champion, the voice of reason, and our favorite critic. Nobody can nerd out on our manuscripts like you can, and we love you for it.
Thanks to our critique partners and beta readers (aka guinea pigs), most notably Jodie Gilbert, Chelsea Pitcher, Logan Bean, and AdriAnne’s mom, Deanna Birdsall, who is made of illimitable patience because she read and proofed every draft. You should be sainted, seriously. And as always, thanks to our spouses, Lukas Strickland and Margaret Adsit, for reading and critiquing our books with an unbiased eye (even though you probably could have been nicer and less useful but we’re-kidding-thank-you).
To our amazing community in Alaska, especially in Palmer: thank you so much for showing up for us when you might not give two craps about space operas. We feel the love. And thank you specifically to David Cheezem, owner of our beloved Fireside Books. Your enthusiasm has been like starship fuel to us.
Our online community is just as amazing, and we’d especially like to thank Nicole Brinkley, Julie Daly, and Rachel Strolle for shouting about our books and for just being stellar people. Also, author friends such as Richard Kadrey have made this journey less arduous, and we’re grateful to have met you along the way—even if, sadly, you prefer bourbon to scotch. Thank you for the advice and good company.
Thanks to our behind-the-scenes support teams at home, as well, including our spouses (yes, again), and Michael’s new addition, his darling baby daughter, Lilia, for making our lives rich and beautiful even if we’re depleted husks of human beings. Michael can’t thank Margaret enough for carrying Lilia inside her in the hundred-degree Uruguayan nights while he obsessed over space battles. Thanks to Pam and Dan Strickland for being two pillars that support AdriAnne’s chaotic life—she couldn’t have begged the fates for better parents-in-law. Last but not least, thank you to Odin, AdriAnne’s pug, without whom she couldn’t have kept her sanity this year.
As always, Michael owes gratitude to God, and AdriAnne to beer—and also scotch, this time. (Didn’t we say this book was hard?)
Michael Miller and AdriAnne Strickland met in their hometown of Palmer, Alaska, where they agreed on books 99 percent of the time and thus decided to write together. They grew up on Lord of the Rings, Russian folktales, the Ender Quartet, the Little House on the Prairie books, and The X-Files. Michael grew up off the grid on a homestead in Alaska and ironically now works very much on the grid in IT and Web development. AdriAnne grew up in Nevada and now spends her summers as a commercial fisherwoman in Bristol Bay, Alaska, and the rest of her year writing. This is the sequel to Shadow Run and their second book together.
What’s next on
your reading list?
Discover your next
great read!
* * *
Get personalized book picks and up-to-date news about this author.
Sign up now.
Shadow Call Page 38