Never Enough

by Lauren Dane

  “This is major,” Miles breathed out, eyes as wide as saucers.

  “It is pretty awesome, I agree.” Gillian grinned at their son and Adrian put an arm around each one of them and walked them over. This made the hassle of fame worth it. Being able to share such a thrill with Gillian and Miles.

  “Come on then. Let’s see Miami from the air.” He held his guitar and the case, the same as he had over and over. But the nervousness over the meeting with Reg was something he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

  As if she sensed he needed it, Gillian reached out to squeeze his hand.

  “I’ve never been in a helicopter before. Mum either. This is beyond.” Miles was all eyes as he strapped in. Gavin grinned at him and strapped in next to him.

  “I’ve done it before several times but it’s always cool.”

  Miles took in Gavin’s considerable size and nodded, as if reassuring himself. Adrian hid his smile.

  Gillian grasped his hand so tight he made her let go so he could put an arm around her shoulders. He’d never seen her this spooked by anything, but the way she melted into his side and averted her gaze from what was going on outside the window as they rose and left the ground made him glad he was there to comfort her. Glad she turned to him for it.

  “We should arrive shortly,” the pilot said via the headsets they all wore. Jeremy had stopped by for breakfast and had met Miles and Gillian. Gillian had charmed him easily and Miles asked rapid-fire questions about the industry that kept Jeremy on his toes, but if the zeal on his face was any indicator, he’d enjoyed the discussion.

  He also hated helicopters, so he and Merrill had headed to Reg’s about twenty minutes before the copter had arrived. Gillian’s mouth had flattened into a hard line when Merrill had been there after they’d woken up. One bodyguard and she’d been all right, but two and she’d understood the gravity, which he knew hit that motherworry bull’s-eye.

  But she’d straightened her spine, held her hand out to shake Merrill’s, and by the time breakfast had ended, Merrill looked at her with the same fucking cow eyes Gavin already did.

  She was as larger than life as Erin was, but in her own way. It only made him more fascinated to watch how she interacted with people. Her quiet way seemed to calm Miles, and though he hated to admit it, he finally understood what she’d meant when she tried to talk to Adrian about structure and how Miles thrived with it.

  He turned to kiss the top of her head. Love was alchemy too, he realized. It had changed him right down to his toes.

  So when he walked into that room with nothing more than his guitar and a notepad to meet Reg Thorne, he knew for sure that whether or not Thorne agreed to produce, he’d make that CD anyway. And it would be the best thing he’d ever done.

  When he’d gone through two songs, Thorne rapped the table with his knuckles. “You don’t need anything more, mate.” Thorne had an accent that made Adrian’s fingers itch to touch Gillian.

  He paged through an appointment book. “I haven’t worked in Seattle for a very long time. Do you have a home studio?”

  Adrian hoped he looked calm when he managed to find his words. “I do, yes. I also have access to a larger studio should we need it.”

  “I’ll send my assistant out to yours in March to be sure it’s up to snuff. We’ll start work in April. I want you to get your sister on this one. You and she have a rhythm, it’s good for you to keep that when you make a leap.”

  Thorne’s gaze locked onto Adrian’s. “And you will make a leap, old son. You ready for it? This stuff is going to take you to a whole new level. I gotta admit to you that I’ve not been this excited about a project for at least a few years.”

  Relief warred with excitement of his own. “I’m more than ready. And Erin is in already. Working in Seattle will make it even easier for her. And for me too since my family is there.”

  Reg nodded. “Good. Just so you know up front, I’m not a label lackey. I don’t play with keepers, so if the label wants that, you make them understand that’s not going to happen. I don’t want anyone in that studio who will muck up my work. You’re a big enough property that this probably won’t be an issue, but it needed to be said anyway. You have drug problems?”

  Adrian snorted. “I don’t have the time for a drug problem.”

  Reg stood. “Glad to hear that. I’m not a song doctor. I can’t fix your fuckups. But this is good material and you’re not a newbie so you know how to do that yourself anyway. You’re going to hit your audience with a face full of your inner life. Send me the songs as you begin to polish and I’ll send back from time to time with notes. When we get into the studio we will work as long as we have to to make the record.”

  Adrian nodded. “I’m amenable to all that.”

  Reg held out is hand and they shook on it.

  “Don’t let this go to your head or anything,” Reg began as they walked out to where Jeremy waited with Gillian and Miles, “but I’ve wanted to work with you for years. I asked around, never heard an unkind thing.”

  They paused as they entered the room and everyone’s gaze swung to the two men.

  “You must be Miles.” Reg held a hand out and Miles, gobsmacked, took it and gave his arm a few pumps up and down.

  “I’m a big fan of your work, sir.”

  “Nice job raising a kid with some manners.” Reg looked to Adrian, who redirected his attention to Gillian.

  “I can’t take credit for it. Miles’s mum did it all. Gillian Forrester, please meet Reg Thorne.”

  Gillian shook his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  Reg’s crusty reserve melted away when he heard Gillian’s voice and Adrian managed to stifle his laugh.

  “Darlin’, whereabouts do you hail from? You’re working the Queen’s English, but that’s not your roots.”

  Blushing, she managed a quirk of a smile. “Newham.”

  “Ah, a London girl.”

  “Born and bred. You’re not though. You’re a Geordie.”

  Reg’s delighted laugh cut through any remaining tension. “I am. Six generations of us from Newcastle. What’s a fine-looking woman like you doing here in the States instead of back home?”

  “Came here when I was fifteen.”

  “Have you been back to visit? Do you still have people there?”

  “None I’d want to spend time thinking on.” She looked to Miles and then Adrian. “Everyone I want to see lives here.”

  “Ah, that’s the way of it then. My wife is Welsh and she keeps me coming back to England again and again. I should bring her with me when I’m in Seattle later next year. You’d get on with her, I think.”

  “You’re a right clever man to be working with Adrian.”

  Adrian stood with Miles and Jeremy as she flattered and joked with Reg. In Thorne’s company her accent had deepened and it was damned sexy. Nearly as sexy as the way she talked Adrian up with such pride.

  “Aye. He’s a good one, your man. I certainly won’t be questioning his choices now that I’ve met you and the lad.”

  She laughed, patting Reg’s arm. “Aren’t you the charmer.”

  “The wife says so and I never argue with her because she’s always right. Though you can’t tell her I said as much. It’ll only go to her head.”

  “How long have you been married?”

  “We’ll all take lunch together.” Reg made this pronouncement and a young man leapt up to make it happen.

  Later, as they watched Miles frolic in the pool, Adrian put an arm around her and pulled her to his side. “I think Reg has a crush on you.”

  She laughed. “Our Reg loves his missus very much. He also loves your music. The two of you will work well together.”

  “From your mouth to God’s ears.”

  “You have these wonderful songs. He wants to work with you. You want to work with him. It’s fate that you two should come together and make something amazing.”

  “Your faith in me means a lot.”

  “
You have great talent, Adrian. I’m not the only one who feels that way. You feel it too. Of all the things to worry about, you don’t often seem to fret about your music. And there’s a reason for that. You’re confident of your music and that’s how it should be.”

  The ability she had to see past all the smoke and layers of shit he had to erect to continue to be able to make his music always set him back, even as he appreciated that ability more than he could say.

  “Never saw much need to pretend. I love making music. I’m lucky to be able to make it and that I continue to be able to make it. My success means a lot to me.” He paused to watch Miles for a bit. “Up until September it was pretty much the most important thing in my life. I have other priorities now. But music is still one of them.”

  She didn’t speak, but he knew she listened.

  “I’m glad he suggested Seattle. He normally works out of three cities, Portland being the closest, and I wasn’t sure how it would be to work in New Orleans while you and Miles were at home. Before September this just wouldn’t have entered my reality. But I can’t imagine not seeing you or Miles for months.”

  “Good. I can’t imagine not seeing you for months either. In fact, I’m utterly sure I’d hate it.” She shrugged. “But I’m a realist and I know you’ll have to tour to support the record. So you will be away for months. We’ll get through it. Miles and I will be waiting when you get home.”

  He couldn’t put into words just how happy it made him that she referenced a future with him in it.

  “I can schedule it for when Miles is out of school and you can come with me. Erin has mentioned a possible willingness to go out on tour as well. Bringing along Todd, Ben and Alexander. It could work.”

  She smiled, open and thrilled. He kissed her because there was nothing he wanted more than that.

  “I take it you’re in for such a project? They have tour buses that are pretty nice. We can set you up a wireless workstation. Obviously you’d be unable to do piano lessons while away from home. But there are pianos in most venues so you could play regularly. Miles can have his own room. A bodyguard would travel with us. That’s part of all my tour contracts and it’s nonnegotiable.”

  “Stop being so gruff with me. I already agreed.” She stood and jumped into the water. “Come on in. Play for a while with me and your boy.”

  18

  Adrian watched Miles as he struggled to stay up on his snowboard and then managed to do it after wiping out several times.

  Gillian wisely kept quiet until he reached where they’d been waiting for him, and then she threw her arms around their son and gave him a kiss on the cheeks. “You did awesome!”

  Miles’s grin was infectious as he looked to Adrian. “Yeah?”

  “Totally. I can’t believe yesterday was the first time you’ve ever been snowboarding and you’re already kicking ass.”

  Gillian elbowed him in the ribs.

  “Er, butt.”

  Gillian had never been snowboarding either. She had picked it up a lot faster than Adrian had assumed she would.

  Elise, Brody and Rennie had all decided to ski while Erin stayed back at the house with Alexander, Ella and Martine. Ben stayed back with her, and Todd was out on the slopes for a while before they all went back for lunch.

  It wasn’t just Christmas but also Brody and Elise’s first wedding anniversary. Adrian loved that they were all together and that Miles and Gillian could be there as well. It was his favorite present so far. Well, actually, his second favorite, as Gillian gave him a scarf and hat she’d knitted herself. He wore them both right then and planned to as often as the weather permitted.

  She’d made something for him with her own hands. Which was better than anything else he could have wished for. Of course she’d also given him a huge box of yellow lined writing pads. The ones he always used for song-writing. Several boxes of the pens he preferred, blank CDs and new strings too. Everything he needed all the time, but he usually had to get himself.

  Of course she appeared befuddled with how much he liked it. But she seemed to be easing a little on other things. She’d accepted, quite happily, the new parka he’d given her, and currently wore the earrings he’d put on her pillow that morning when she’d been in the shower.

  Spoiling her was his new favorite activity outside hanging with Miles.

  “Let’s go on another run and then we’ll head back to the house.” Todd boarded up to where they all stood. “Erin just sent a picture. Everyone is having a great time. Ella sends her love. Cope brought in more wood, she says.”

  “I’ll head back now, if you don’t mind. My eyes hurt from the glare and I’m too old for this.” Gillian grinned and reached out to squeeze Miles’s hand.

  “We can all go back.” Adrian didn’t want to watch her go.

  “That would be silly. Erin is fine. Ella and Cope are there with her. Miles is getting the hang of this now. Go on and have another run with Todd. I’ll see you boys later.” She kissed Adrian quickly.

  Todd tossed her a set of keys. “Take my car back. I’ll ride with Adrian and Miles.”

  She nodded her thanks and Adrian watched her go, holding her board, looking more beautiful than any woman had a right to be.

  “Don’t worry, she had a good time,” Miles said as they got back into the gondola to head up for a last run.

  “You think? Also, am I that obvious?”

  Todd’s guffaw told him he was indeed obvious.

  “It’s obvious you want her to be happy.” Miles shrugged. “Shouldn’t you? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?”

  He put an arm around his son. “Indeed it is.”

  “So you love her, right?”

  He paused. “Yes, I love your mother. I wasn’t joking when we talked about living closer or with each other.”

  Todd looked him over. “Good. You two are good. You three are meant to be a family.”

  Adrian sighed. “I think so too. But Miles and his mom have a life on Bainbridge and it’s not as easy as consolidating our households. We’ll take it up again after the holidays. If I know Gillian, she’s thinking on it now too.”

  “She’s not much for making snap decisions. That’s what they did. She doesn’t want to be like them.”

  Adrian didn’t have to ask who “they” were. He knew Miles meant Tina and his grandmother. Since Adrian knew Gillian never would have spoken ill of either of them in Miles’s presence, he had to have picked it up on his own. Which made Adrian proud and a little sad.

  “Making sound decisions is a good quality, kid. It’s her job, you know, to make well-thought-out choices that are best for you.” Todd said this idly, but Adrian knew it had come from his heart and he knew Todd’s words would help Miles too.

  “I know.”

  The gondola doors opened and they shuffled back out into the cold to grab that one last run before they went back to the house.

  When she walked into the living room where Erin lay on the floor, Marti sitting at her left and Alexander on her right, building a block tower, Gillian found herself filled with love for Adrian and his family.

  “Joo!”

  Which is what Alexander called her.

  “Hello there, little man.” She walked in and moved to sit with them. “They went on one last run and they’ll be back,” Gillian told Erin as Alexander patted her knee with his pudgy little fist.

  “Yo, Joo.”

  “Yo, Alexander. And how has your morning been?”

  He pointed to the blocks.

  “What a fine builder you are. Show me more?”

  He nodded enthusiastically and moved back to the blocks.

  Ella walked in with Cope. “Hey, Gillian. I just made some hot chocolate, would you like some?”

  “That would be lovely, thank you.”

  Gillian picked up Martine and situated her in her lap. She’d put her down when it came time to drink the cocoa, but for the moment, she sucked up all the baby goodness.

  “And what are yo
u up to today? Still working on the crawling thing? It’s important to keep up with Alexander, I know.”

  Martine clapped hands and bounced a bit, swinging out her chubby little sock-covered feet.

  Ben came in and Alexander hooted to get his attention, as if it was ever very far from the baby. From everything Gillian had witnessed, Ben and Todd doted on their son as much as Erin did.

  “Hey, Gillian.”

  Ben Copeland was unbelievably handsome. And utterly in love with Erin and their son. They made the kind of family few others could manage, and yet they made it look easy, which Gillian knew it couldn’t be.

  “Ben, I’m supposed to tell you that Todd beat your time record and you are expected to bow down and give your obeisance.”

  Ben snorted. “Yeah right. When we get our turn this afternoon we’ll see who will be bowing down.”

  She hadn’t breathed a word to anyone, but she’d seen Ben and Todd making out just the day before. Outside, both men in big coats as they moved wood for the fireplaces. She’d been in the bedroom and heard the sound, moving to the windows to see what was out there and she’d seen them.

  And she’d never forget it.

  Hot. Hot. Hot. Mouth to mouth. She’d stood there, stunned and breathless, as Todd had grabbed Ben by the hair and shoved him back against a tree, never breaking the kiss once.

  Erin was a fortunate woman to be able to see that every day. Of that Gillian was sure.

  “Did you hear that? Daddy and Pop are going to have a contest of manliness. Aren’t they silly?” Erin got nose to nose with Alexander, who laughed.

  “Pop? Pop?” He looked around, looking for Todd.

  “He’s snowboarding, monkey. He’ll be back in a bit with Uncle Brody and Uncle Adrian too.”

  “Boo?”

  Gillian laughed. “Yes, Miles too.”

  “Nee?”

  “Yes, baby. Rennie, her mommy and daddy. Adrian and Miles and Pop too.”

  He looked at Erin, wearing a serious face she’d seen on Brody a few dozen times.

  “Okay.”