by S. J. Sylvis
“You know…” Mallory dragged on, turning her attention to me. “Like… fertility drugs and stuff.”
I snapped my head over to Katie. Shit, I should have been listening!
“So, you can’t get pregnant?” I asked, actually feeling sincere.
She shook her head no, bringing her legs up to her torso and crossing her arms over them. She looked down, and I held my breath because she looked three seconds away from bursting into tears.
Katie’s mouth parted. “We… this is…”
I slowly sat up and placed my hand over hers. She brought her face up to mine and glanced over to Mallory for a second and then back to me. “This is the third miscarriage I’ve had in a year.”
I gasped. “Oh…”
My heart broke for her. Not because I knew how it felt, but because I could see something very similar in her eyes that I’d seen in my own: she was feeling helpless.
All the sweetness I’d seen in her over the years was gone.
I’d always thought Katie was dumber than a box of rocks, but that was only because she picked my brother to marry. Both of my brothers were total assholes. They treated their wives just like my father treated my mother: like they were shiny crystals sitting on top of a mantel, placed there for everyone to see and awe over, but that was it. The shiny crystal was never there for anything important. It was simply there for looks.
But here I was, about to do the same thing.
“What is my brother saying about this?” I angled my head down low, whispering so Mallory couldn’t hear. Mallory was about as sensitive as a damn cactus.
“I’m getting drinks,” Mallory announced just as Katie was about to speak.
Neither one of us said anything to her. Mallory swung her feet over the chair and walked away, her sunhat flopping in the spring breeze.
As soon as she was out of earshot, Katie sat up a little taller.
“Your brother isn’t very…”
I answered for her. “Caring, sensitive, understanding… the list can go on.”
She chuckled. “Yeah. All of those. I… I’m afraid he’s just going to leave me in the dust and…”
“And what?” I questioned.
“And get someone else pregnant to carry on his name. I don’t want to raise a baby that isn’t mine, Fallon. I don’t want this. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This wasn’t the plan.”
Katie wiped a stray tear and sighed. “I wish I could be like you.”
I pulled back. “Like me? Why? I’m more of a pushover than you are,” I snickered.
“How so? You just have this… presence about you. Like you just don’t give a fuck—excuse my language.”
I laughed out loud, because in all the years I’d known Katie, I’d never heard her curse. Ever. “Someone pushes you and you push right back. I want to be like you.”
My body instantly felt hot because I was suddenly ashamed of myself. Katie had me all wrong. Someone pushes me… and I take it. In most aspects, that was. I would have liked to think of myself as someone who pushed back. Someone who spoke her mind and told people what she wanted. But that wasn’t me. I was marrying someone I barely knew because I couldn’t seem to push back on what my parents wanted. I just couldn’t let go. I was the biggest pushover of all.
“I think you should just be who you want to be, Katie. Fuck ‘em all.”
Katie busted up laughing. “See! I want to be you when I grow up, Fallon.”
I smiled at her and reached forward, grabbing her hand in mine. “Things will get better, Katie. I know my brother is an ass, but just try talking to him. Try telling him how you feel. Maybe he’ll surprise you.”
She smiled weakly. “Yeah… I’ll try. It’s just hard, you know?”
I was about to nod my head, but the sound of the wrought-iron gate squeaking stole my attention.
“Who’s that?” Katie asked, angling her body around mine. I turned my body, and the second my eyes found him, I snapped back around to Katie and shut my eyes. Wake up, Fallon. You’re dreaming again!
“Fallon?” I felt Katie nudge my knee with her hand, and I peeped my eyes down. If I can feel her tapping me, I’m totally not dreaming.
“How did he know where to find me?” I rushed out, scrambling to my feet.
“Who cares?” Katie answered, in awe. I looked back at her, and she moved her eyes over to mine. “I won’t say a word, Fal. Go get you some of that, but go quick, before Mallory sees him. You know very well she’ll blab to your brother… and then to your mother.”
My heart zoomed into triple speed. I nodded my head quickly and basically ran over to Emmett standing in his tight t-shirt pulled tautly over his chest. I took one second to drool and then went into action.
I grabbed his hand and swung the gate open, pulling him through, giving him no time to even muster up a grunt.
His hand felt almost forbidden in mine. It was large and rough along my small, smooth palm. We didn’t fit together, yet I was desperate to try.
“Get in here!” I yelled, pulling him through the threshold of the guesthouse and slamming the door behind us. It rattled, the curtain on the small window flying upward. As soon as the door was shut, my heartrate settled down. Well, as much as it could with Emmett standing a few feet away from me.
“Well... I have to say that I was correct in my assumptions,” Emmett mumbled, crossing his arms over his puffed-out chest, circling his gaze around the room.
“What assumptions? And what are you doing here?!” I squealed, placing my hands on my hips.
Emmett’s tongue darted out and licked his bottom lip before he answered me. My legs suddenly felt unstable and wobbly. Fallon, DO NOT PASS OUT! How many times can I say that before it actually happens again?
“Are you… like… a billionaire or something?”
I rolled my eyes, annoyance setting in.
“What are you doing here, Emmett? You cannot be here! I told you we can’t be anything!”
Emmett placed his fist over his heart. “I’m wounded. You really know how to bruise my ego, Fallon.” Then he smirked.
The apples of my cheeks lifted involuntarily. “I’m sure your ego can take a couple bruises, Emmett.”
He smiled brightly at me, flashing his charm. His smile was so warm and inviting. I quickly tried to replace the warmth he set through my body with a cool, detached feeling, but I was left feeling like I’d touched the sun. He was dangerous… so, so dangerous.
“How did you even find me?” I asked, lowering my hands from my hips. I breezed past him, and it was almost as if his scent followed me. He smelled like a tasty indulgence of temptation, and it only lured me in further.
“Is it a problem that I’m here?” he questioned, turning his body and following me into the kitchen area. I stood back behind the counter, and when he reached the other side, he leaned his hands down on top of it. My eyes raked down his arms, noticing the toned bulges peeking out from below his t-shirt sleeves. Slowly, my eyes trailed upward to his face, but they paused, just for a second, on the collar of his shirt. It was pulled down, just barely, on one side, and I could see the tiniest, sliver of dark ink. A fire from deep within erupted in raging flames as I tried to imagine what was underneath his shirt’s entirety.
Whew. I need an ice water.
I finally managed to shake myself out of my trance and answer him. “Kind of.”
God, if my mom decided to walk over here, and saw some guy standing in my kitchen, she would lose it. What if Derek showed up right now? He said last night, after the lovely family dinner, that he’d be over sometime today to “talk.” Why couldn’t he just call me? I had no idea.
I didn’t want anyone from my family—or this… life—to even come close to Emmett, because everything and everyone that they touched suddenly became tarnished.
Ruined.
Anything that was within a ten-mile radius of this town would simply ruin my fantasy of Emmett, and I couldn’t have that. It was all I had to begin with!
“Why is it a problem?”
I stared back at Emmett, sensitive to the spark his dark eyes set forth.
“Because.”
Emmett’s dark brows slanted. “Are you not allowed to have… friends?”
I rolled my eyes again, feeling frustrated. “I can have friends, Emmett.”
Emmett leveled me with a stare, and I suddenly felt nervous. What was I wearing? How did my hair look? Was I even wearing lip gloss? Don’t look down, Fallon. Don’t!
I looked down and saw that I was wearing yoga pants and a black, skin-tight tank top. I was doing yoga before Mallory banged on my door and pulled me outside to sit with her and Katie while she “tanned” her legs.
It was only the beginning of spring. The sun wasn’t strong enough to tan her bony-ass legs, but like I said, she was an idiot.
Emmett’s voice had my head snapping up from my attire. “You look fine, Fallon.” Then he beamed that coy smile at me.
I think my heart just skipped a beat.
“Hmm,” he murmured, running his hand through his dark locks. “I’m gonna guess… that you’re freaking out because… of this.” Emmett inched his hand over to the right, and before I knew what he was doing, he snatched my notebook from off the end of the counter and flipped it open. He slammed his finger down and pointed to the title of my bucket list.
WHY DID HE HAVE TO SEE THAT RIDICULOUS THING?!
I didn’t have to read the word that his finger was pointing to because I knew that it was inching toward “marry.” I still couldn’t get over the fact that he saw that crazy thing! I only created it in the midst of a mental breakdown after dinner with Derek’s and my parents last night. I knew I shouldn’t have gone back to Oak Hill, but I went anyway. There I was, right there in Ships, scribbling furiously in a notebook, pretending that I didn’t want Emmett to show up but hoping with everything in my body that he did.
“Am I right?” he asked, moving his finger off the paper.
“My life is complicated, Emmett. That’s why I said we can’t be friends.”
“Are you engaged?”
I blinked rapidly, looking anywhere but at his face.
“Not yet, but I will be.”
“So you have a boyfriend?”
“Why are you here?!” I asked again, finally looking at his face.
Emmett’s jaw worked back and forth as he pushed off the top of the counter. He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest again. My heart thumped, because as much as I was pushing him away, poking him to just leave, I wanted him to stay. I wanted it in the worst of ways.
“To give you this.” Emmett pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. He tossed a small card on the counter, and I glanced down, realizing it was my ID. My mouth opened, but nothing came out. Shit. I didn’t even realize it was missing. I must have left it at the bar.
“And…” Emmett began. I looked up from the ID and met his steely gaze. “And because I just can’t stop thinking about you, Fallon.”
My heart fell to the floor, grew wings, and then flew up to heaven.
He can’t stop thinking about me?
My mouth opened before I could wire it shut.
“I can’t stop thinking about you, either.” More importantly, the kiss.
A devious smile formed on Emmett’s face, and I instantaneously felt like I’d just made a deal with the devil.
“Is that so?”
My face flamed, and I turned around so he couldn’t see me.
I could hear him walking toward me, but I clenched my eyes shut and twitched my nose, hoping I could finally fulfill my Bewitched fantasy of disappearing with the mere wiggle of my face.
“What are you doing?” Emmett prodded, his voice much closer.
My eyes sprung open, and I realized he was only a few inches away from me. All the words disappeared from my brain. He was close. Reallllly close. I loved his scent because it was so normal. He wasn’t overpowered with some fancy cologne; he just smelled like a man who had quickly showered and threw on clothes fresh from the laundry.
I loved the normalcy of it.
“Okay, I have an idea,” he stated, whipping around my body and leaning over the counter.
I laughed nervously. “I don’t know you well enough to know if your ideas are usually good or if they’re stupid.”
“Oh, I can promise it’s a good one,” he said, his back still turned toward me.
He had a broad back, wider at the top and narrowing down toward his waist. Suddenly, that back was out of my vision as he spun around. “Oh, and the other night when you said that it wasn’t worth it and then stormed out of Ships… I can promise you that it is worth it.” Emmett winked and then turned back around casually. I was at a loss for words. My mouth continued to gape as I stood there and watched him take a nearby pen and scribble something down on my ridiculously immature “About to Be Married” bucket list.
He turned back around and held the pen and notebook to his chest. “Okay, before I show you this, I have to ask…”
I squinted. “Ask what?”
“Is your non-fiancé slash boyfriend going to try to kill me if he finds me hanging out with you?”
“He’s not really my boyfriend, Emmett.” Or is he? That was the thing with Derek. He felt like… nothing to me.
“And yet, you’re afraid of him finding me. Right?” I’m more afraid of my parents finding you.
I swallowed.
“I’m not into cheating and all that drama bullshit, Fallon. Are you taken? Right now? Is he some possessive asshole who won’t even let you be friends with another guy? Even one that isn’t openly trying to pull moves on you?”
My mouth twitched, and before I knew it, a smirk was forming on my face.
I breathed out a heavy sigh, holding in a giggle. How does he make me smile so much?
“I’m not taken right now, no, but I will be. I’m marrying him… and I don’t really want to explain that story because it’s messy and complicated. But you need to know that I will be married to him… one day.” And unfortunately, that day seems to be approaching faster than I’d like.
Emmett frowned at me, his eyes staring intensely into mine. I felt like he was sucking my soul into his—or something totally terrifying like that. He was studying me, trying to understand me. I had assumed he’d turn around and say, “See ya, psycho.” But instead, he placed the pen down on the counter quietly and held the notebook out for me to read.
I took it apprehensively and read what he’d written in red pen:
OPERATION “LIVE MY LIFE -- and let Emmett help” BEFORE BEING WHISKED OFF TO MARRY DEREK FOR ALL THE RIGHT (If it’s right then why do you have this list?) REASONS.
DO SOMETHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY – BELLY BUTTON PIERCING CAN COUNT, RIGHT? (See… I already helped with number one on your list.)
TRAVEL? (Road trip? Fuck yeah!)
EAT AS MANY TACOS AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT LUPE WON’T BE YOUR COOK ANYMORE AND SHE CAN’T SNEAK YOU FOOD THAT IS DEEMED INAPPROPRIATE IN “YOUR” WORLD. (I know of a great taco place…)
DO SOMETHING RECKLESS- SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL ALIVE BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WON’T FEEL THAT FIRE WHEN YOU’RE MARRIED TO DEREK. (Reckless is my middle name, darlin’)
HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE – MAYBE MORE THAN JUST SOME “ONE” BUT DON’T BECOME A SLUT, FALLON… GROSS. (I can definitely help you with this one… ;) )
I switched my eyes back and forth between Emmett—standing in front of me looking absolutely perfect with his gray t-shirt, muscles, chiseled jaw, and warm eyes—and the notebook in my hand.
I knew what my answer should have been. I should have said, “Absolutely not!” because I could already tell how this would work out between us. I’d fall for him. That was a given. He already had me feeling things I had never even dreamt of. And then, Derek would take the plunge, propose, and it would rip me away faster than I could rip that bucket list in two. I would be left dealing with all the consequences of getting wrapped
up in this amazing, hot guy with secret tattoos underneath his shirt who was willing to help me with this crazy list of things I’d randomly written up in an attempt to feel as if I had some control in my life.
I was about to say something—anything, really—because the longer Emmett stared at me, the quicker I felt my hold slipping on my rationality, but then my head snapped to the door. My gaze zeroed in on the doorknob twisting just slightly.
“Fallon?”
My heart galloped in my chest to the point that I felt like I was seconds away from having a heart attack.
“Who’s that?” Emmett asked slowly, tracing my face with his gaze. He must have seen the panic plain as day, because he tilted his head and an expression of confusion and worry formed behind those blue eyes.
“Shit,” I breathed out. “Just… don’t say anything. Okay?”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I heard the door opening further. Quick, think fast!
The door swung open, and I quickly jumped over to the coffee pot, pulled a pod out of the container, and started to make a steaming cup. I had a plan, a shitty one that only took .3 seconds to think of, but it was all I had at the moment.
Derek’s face appeared as soon as he stepped through the doorway. He smirked at me, but then his eyes moved over to Emmett who was standing like he was ready to take a punch. I almost laughed.
“Who’s this?” Derek asked, walking farther into the room.
He wore a domineering stare, his eyes bouncing between the pair of us.
“Oh, hey, Derek. Did you need something? I’m a little busy,” I interjected, taking the attention off Emmett.
He stopped a few feet away from Emmett. Derek’s crisp, white dress shirt was open in the front, showing off his bare chest. “An answer for an answer?”
I held back my eye-roll and moved my attention back to the cup of coffee I was fiddling with.
“This gentleman came by to drop off my ID from the other night. I left it at a restaurant when I’d paid with my credit card, and he took the time out of his busy day to bring it back to me so I could ease my worries. I’m making him a cup of coffee to show my gratitude.”