by Erin Trejo
“We weren’t doin’ anythin’ we shouldn’t be brother.” Did this little shit just grow a pair?
I look around to make sure he was actually talking to me when Torch laughs.
“You see this shit brother? The prospect thinks he’s grown a pair of balls.” Torch nods as he laughs harder. I turn my attention back to Joey now.
“You watch who you’re talkin’ to prospect. This is my kid and I said hands off.” Reaching for Bella she pulls away glaring at me.
“We weren’t doing anything. I’m not a baby anymore dad. You missed that part!” Her words sting me. I take a step back a little wounded by that one.
I didn’t leave her. I didn’t want to miss out on that part of her life. Her mother didn’t leave me the choice. I hate that I missed so much of her life but it still wasn’t my fault.
Turning around I start to walk away when she yells again but I don’t listen.
I keep walking until I get back to the cabin. Thoughts of her when she turned one float through my head. We didn’t have much back then but I did the best I could.
She had her little pink party dress on. I remember it like it was yesterday. She threw her cake everywhere. I think I laughed more than anyone else there. She was such a funny little thing.
I let out a slight laugh as I remember the little girl I lost. It seems like I still don’t have her back a lot of the time.
“She didn’t mean it.” Cher’s voice comes from behind me but I don’t turn to look at her.
“Yeah she did. It’s ok though. She’s right. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough to find them. I lost a lot when Candy took her away from me. I lost myself.” Cher’s hands rest on my back before she comes around to stand in front of me.
“She didn’t deserve to be ripped away from you like that. I know you’re trying with her but she is too Tank.” I know she’s right but it’s still hard for me.
The door opens and I hear Bella tell Joey thanks for walking back with her. Yeah, love it up you little shit.
“Can I talk to you dad?” Releasing my grip on Cher I turn to face Bella.
“You know you can talk to me anytime.” Bella smiles slightly before Cher moves around me.
“I’m going to sit outside.” Nodding I watch as Cher walks out onto the back deck before I turn back to Bella.
“I shouldn’t have talked to you like I did. I’m sorry Bella.” She smiles as she walks over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist.
“Me either. I’m sorry dad. I know I’m a pain in the ass a lot. I know what mom did; she wasn’t shy about telling me. I hate her for taking me away from you.” My heart drops into my stomach. I think this is the first time that we have ever had a talk like this and I don’t want it to stop. I want to know more. I want to know everything there is to know about how she grew up.
“I don’t know what went on when I wasn’t there Bella. You’re my daughter and I have no fuckin’ idea if you grew up happy. I want to know, I want to know you.” Bella pulls back and looks up at me.
“You do?”
“Of course I do. I missed your whole fuckin’ life.” Her eyes sparkle as she watches me. The look on her face says she didn’t expect that from me.
“I missed you. I always asked about you. Mom said you didn’t want me anymore as I got older.” My chest clenches as she says the words. I always thought about that. I always wondered if she told her that.
“Once I got older I asked about you more. She always told me the same thing though. She had a lot of boyfriends and once they found out who my dad was they hated me instantly.” What the hell? She actually told her about me? About my lifestyle?
“What do you mean?” Now I’m confused as hell. What would them knowing who I was make any kind of difference to them?
“They hated me. As soon as the word Tank came out of her mouth, they lost it. They said you were with a rival and no bastard child of a rival was accepted. They hit me. They didn’t like me and I don’t think mom did either.”
“FUCK!” I scream. I can’t help it. It makes sense now. Bella jumps back when I scream and Cher rushes in the door.
I scrub my hand over my face before I look back at Bella.
“What club Bella?” She looks between Cher and me like she needs help. Fuck that, I need to know who the hell hurt my daughter.
“There were a few.” Her voice is softer now as she looks to Cher for help.
“Why don’t we calm down and sit.” Cher puts her hand on my chest but I brush it away.
“What the fuck do you mean there were a few? How fuckin’ many is a few?” The louder I get the more the rage fills me. It runs through me like the blood in my veins. I feel like I’m losing my mind here.
“Tank! Stop yelling at her!” Cher tries to help but it only makes it worse.
“Answer me Bella!” Taking a step towards her, tears run down her cheeks.
Cher moves around me and wraps her arms around Bella before she speaks.
“First was the Avengers. When we left from there we went to Saints and ended up with a chapter of the Shadows.” That last word turns me into a monster. The fucking Shadows had my daughter?
“There was a guy there that helped me find you. Dougie I think his name was.” That’s it, my world just fell apart.
Chapter 20
I walk around the lake drunk off my ass. What the hell else could I do?
None of it makes any sense to me. Dougie isn’t a Shadow. What the hell would he have been doing with them?
How had I not known that Candy was that close to us?
My mind wanders and it’s never good when that happens. I end up off the grid and with a death wish like Creed used to.
“Need a refill?” Creed’s voice pulls me back to reality. A reality I don’t know if I’m ready to handle.
Nodding I take the beer before he speaks again.
“I talked to Cher.” Huffing, I figured that woman wouldn’t keep her mouth closed for five minutes.
“Why didn’t you come to me?” Glancing over at him, I want to slap Cher for opening her mouth.
“I wanted to think on it first. Didn’t want to drag you in just yet.” Creed nods like he gets it. I don’t care if he does or not. This is my child we are talking about here.
“What are thinkin’? You’re my family Tank don’t you dare push me away. That little girl in there is my motherfuckin’ niece and you know damn good and well I will lay my ass on the line for her!” I never thought that Creed would have it any other way. We have been close since the day he stepped foot into those clubhouse doors.
“I know you would brother. That’s why I needed a minute to think it over.” Creed huffs but nods his head. He knows how I am.
“So we know Dougie was somehow involved with the Shadows but don’t know why.” Nodding my head, that seems to be the question.
“I don’t understand this shit brother. I mean, what the fuck was she doin’? Why the hell was she club hoppin’ with my fuckin’ little girl!” Screaming seems to be the best option for me right now. I don’t know what it’s going to help but I need to take this frustration out somewhere.
“Don’t know Tank. She say anythin’ else?” Shaking my head, I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to hurt someone so fucking bad for what they did to her.
“I lost it Creed. Had to take a walk.” Bringing the bottle to my lips, I take another long pull. I need to form a plan against these motherfuckers.
“We will handle them. I can see that look in your eyes. I know what you’re thinkin’.” A slight chuckle leaves my throat. It’s funny that Creed knows how I think. We think alike in situations that threaten a loved one.
“How did we get so fucked up Creed?” Pulling out a cigarette, I light it up as he laughs.
“Women! That’s how. Those damn females fuck us up.” Chuckling I look over at him.
“They sure did a hell of a job. I don’t know where the fuck my mind has gone. Add Bella into that shit and I might lose my god
damn mind all together brother.”
“She’s a good kid Tank. She might be a little lost but she knows more than you think. She’s smart. You wanna know how I know all this shit?” I look over at him ready to laugh but what he says actually makes sense.
“Fuck yeah, Dr. Phil tell me.” With a giant ass grin on his face he looks at me.
“She lived. She made it out of hell. Whether she floated the fuck up, crawled her way out, or got a god damn push, she made it.” He’s right. She may be young and she may be a smart ass but she did get herself out of those places alive.
“You’re right brother. She did it.” Nodding he walks away leaving me to my thoughts yet again.
She said that Dougie was trying to help her. That fact keeps replaying in my mind. I don’t know what the fuck he was doing there or why but if he tried to help my daughter, that means something in my book.
Why Candy drug her to all these places is something I may never know. It bothers me that Bella knows more about the club lifestyle than I wanted her to but it also makes me slightly happy. She knows what she’s in for if she sticks around after her 18th birthday.
Part of me wants that girl to run as far and as fast as possible but the other part knows just how much I missed out on her life and I want to keep her near me. I know it’s selfish but she is my kid.
Walking back towards the cabin I make a promise to myself. I need to be a better father to her. I need to make up for lost time and I need to show her that not all men are like the ones she has met along the road she calls life.
Chapter 21
When I got back to the cabin last night Bella was already in bed. I stood in the doorway and watched her sleeping. My heart broke even further as I came to the realization that she has lived her own kind of hell without me there to protect her.
Stretching out in the bed, I look over but Cher isn’t there. All of this shit is playing with my mind and I swear when we get back I may lose all control. For now though, I want to have some kind of fun with my girls.
Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I grab my sweatpants and pull them on before I hear the girls laughing.
It’s such a sweet sound that I never want to stop.
I slide my sandals on as I drag my ass down the hallway to that sweet sound to find them hugging in the kitchen. Something inside of me swells with a newfound pride. I never thought I’d see the day that those two hugged.
“Stop staring dad.” Bella giggles pulling me back to the present. She walks over and throws her arms around my waist.
“Mornin’ baby girl.” Kissing the top of her head, she pulls back and heads towards the table.
“We made breakfast.” She beams at me as I nod.
“I can see that.” Grabbing Cher I pull her against me before I lean in and kiss her. Those lips of hers burn into me every time.
“I’m sorry about last night.” Whispering against her lips, I give her another quick peck.
“It’s ok. I know you needed some space. Sit.” Cher shoves me back a little before I slap her ass.
I walk over and sit next to Bella before I say anything else. There’s a lot that has been weighing on me since we talked last night.
“Can I ask you somethin’?” Looking over at her, she smiles.
“Yeah.” I take a deep breath before Cher sits the plates down on the table. All of the sudden I’m at a loss for words. I want so much to know more about her past but I don’t know if I should keep asking.
“Dad? What is it?” Bella takes a drink before I look back up at her.
“Nothin’. We can talk later, yeah?” Bella smiles as we all start to eat.
My mind wanders like it usually does. It doesn’t go anywhere good either. That isn’t anything new for me.
“Dad, Creed said we could ride the jet skis. Can we?” Looking over at my little girl, I smile and nod.
Bella jumps and runs from the table towards her room as I chuckle slightly. I think I like this new side of Bella. That whole standoffish one was getting a little hard to deal with.
“She’s a sweet girl.” Cher has my attention now that she speaks.
“She is. Lived one hell of a life though. I’m glad that she is bein’ nice to you. I thought that shit was goin’ to get bad there for a while.” Cher smiles and my heart melts. This girl has no idea how much she means to me.
“We talked last night after you left. She was scared to let her guard down. She didn’t know what to expect from everyone after the hell she lived. She’s strong though Tank. Don’t underestimate that one.” Her little wink has me out of my seat pulling her up with me.
“You lived your own hell too. I think you turned out perfectly.” Crushing my lips to hers, she snakes her arms around my neck.
I lift her as she wraps her legs around my waist. Walking us over to the counter, I sit her on it. I grind my dick against her as I capture her moans in my mouth.
“Mmm. Darlin’ you are killin’ me.” Grinding a little harder against her I feel like my whole body wants to explode.
The only thing stopping me from fucking her on this counter right now is my kid clearing her throat behind us.
Cher looks embarrassed but that doesn’t stop me from nipping her neck before I turn around.
“You are so nasty. You have a room dad.” Bella rolls her eyes as she walks towards the door.
“What the fuck is that?” I point at the barely there swimsuit she has on. No way in hell is she going out of here in that shit.
“It’s my bikini.” She looks down at herself before looking back at me.
“Where the fuck is the rest of it?” Bella laughs like I’m joking but I’m so far from that.
“It’s a bikini dad. This is it.” Shaking my head, I move towards her. She is not walking out of here wearing that.
“Fuck that Bella. No way in fuck are you goin’ out there in that. Put somthin’ over it!” Bella stomps her foot but that isn’t changing my mind. I refuse to take her out looking like that.
“I think it’s cute.” Cher chimes in as she walks up next to me. Cocking my head to the side, I look at her.
“What?” Yeah, she can try to act all innocent if she wants but that isn’t happening.
“You can see her god damn ass! Look!” Grabbing Bella I spin her so Cher can see the back of this so-called bikini.
“It’s the same as mine.” Bella giggles as I let her go and turn to Cher.
“Neither one of you are goin’ out of this motherfucker lookin’ like that. Get a shirt on over it!” Bella stomps past us as Cher turns to follow her.
“You even think about goin’ out there in front of all those guys lookin’ like that I will spank your ass.” Cher turns around as fire ignites her cheeks. Holy shit I love that look on her.
“Is that a promise?”
Hell help me with these two girls.
Chapter 22
Fire races through me as I watch Bella and Joey talking by the bon fire. She’s so animated and happy. I love to see her like that just not with that little shit-faced kid.
We had a good day of jet skis and swimming. I was surprised by how much Bella is like me. She loves motorcycles and rock music. Hell, her favorite color is black just like her dad.
“Stop starrin’ at her like that.” Torch passes me another beer but my eyes don’t move.
“Fuck you! She’s my kid.” Torch chuckles as he drops down next to me.
“It only gets worse brother. Next comes boyfriends. Then they want to get married and have babies. Before you know it you are sittin’ around old and fuckin’ grey with grandbabies.” Cutting my eyes at him, he is lucky that is all I am cutting.
“What the fuck is with you huh? She’s 16 brother!” Torch laughs his ass off. I’m glad this is all funny for him.
“Shit, I was right where you are not long ago. MaryAnn is all grown up now. You need to treasure the times you have with that one.” Nodding my head, I know he’s right.
I drink some more with Tor
ch as I keep my eye on Bella. Life seems so perfect right now. I know when we get home all of that is going to change though.
Creed walks over and sits next to me before leaning over to talk to Torch.
“Can you give us a minute?” Torch nods before he stands and walks away.
“What’s goin’ on?” His face looks off tonight and I know nothing good ever comes from that look.
“I made some calls. That shit didn’t sit right with me. You’re not goin’ to like what I found out either Tank.” Those are never the words I want to hear.
“What is it?” Turning so I can face him, he looks a little pissed now.
“Fuck! This isn’t goin’ to be good. Dougie was dealin’ with the Shadows because he found out Bella was there. After he learned who she was, he went in full force. He fed them lines of shit to keep the focus on himself until he got her out. He gave her your number, that’s how she found you.” I sit in a stunned shock. Why the hell wouldn’t he just come to me?
“FUCK! So it’s my god damn fault he died that night!” Roaring with anger, I start to stand when Creed pushes me back down into my seat.
“Wasn’t shit your fault Tank! He was doin’ it to get her out. Tessa heard him talkin’ to Benny. She knew what he was doin’ the whole time.” Shaking my head, this shit is all my fault.
“Why didn’t he come to me? To us?” My bodies on fire with the rage that simmers under the surface.
“He knew you would go in guns blazin’.” I guess that makes sense but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
“What about the shooter? Can we pin Thomas to that yet?” Creed shakes his head before passing me a cigarette. I can’t handle this shit. I need revenge.
“Fuck!” Growling, I’ve caught Bella’s attention. Her eyes are on me now but I can’t sit here and hash this out with her.
I fly out of my chair and head towards the cabin. I need to take this out on something before it turns into someone.
“What’s going on? I was just coming out.” Cher smiles as I storm in past her. I can’t do this right now with her either.