by Erin Trejo
“Vote to let him slide, say no. Take him out, I.” Creed starts around the table with me first. I’m not into killing kids.
“No.” I can’t kill a kid for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. What kind of father does that make me?
The votes go by but I don’t have the heart to listen to the votes. I heard more I’s than anything and that doesn’t sit right with me.
“I it is. We take him out.” Creed slams the gavel down before the guys all stand to leave. Glancing over I see the look on Ryker’s face. He isn’t sure about this shit either.
“I’ll do what I need to, but this shit doesn’t feel right.” My heart damn near stops in my chest when Ryker speaks. I never thought I’d see the day that he didn’t want to kill someone.
“I feel you on this one. The kid’s not a threat.” Ryker turns to look at me with question in his eyes.
“You know that? For a fact?” Ryker asks me before I nod.
“Fuckin’ damn near pissed himself when he saw us. There’s no way in fuck he would turn down a couple thousand to get the hell out of town. He was scared Ryker, a real fear.” Ryker nods his head. The look on his face, void. He’s lost in himself. An internal debate that he and only he has to come to terms with.
Ryker doesn’t say anything else before he walks toward the bar. He grabs a beer and heads toward the back. No other words are needed. If he’s going to take out that kid, he needs to make it right in his head.
“You think this shit’s goin’ to play out brother?” Torch slaps a hand on my shoulder before Piper comes to stand in front of us.
“No way to tell. That place was wired up. One false move and that shit would blow a fuckin’ hole in the universe.” Piper nods before he asks the same question we already discussed.
“The kid? You think he’ll flip and give out info that you were there?” Shaking my head, I don’t think he will. I saw him, felt him. The fear that shook that kid from the inside out was nothing I’ve witnessed before.
“He ain’t sayin’ shit.” Walking away from the two of them, I need a break. I need a drink, and I need to make this right in my head. I’m not the one pulling the fucking trigger, but it still needs to make sense.
Chapter 34
Creed
Is this wrong? This whole fucking thing? There’s no way in hell that Rit would leave some kid in charge of that much C4. It just doesn’t sit right with me.
Cher walks into the club with Heather in her arms. My heart leaps as I fly off the stool and straight toward her.
“How’s my baby girl?” Taking her from Cher, I kiss her head, smiling down at her. Damn, that is one beautiful little girl.
“Thanks Cher.” She smiles and nods before passing me the diaper bag.
“Jada will be here in a while. I told her to take her time and get a shower. Pull herself together. I’ll keep Heather tonight so you guys can talk.” Shaking my head, I don’t know how she did it. I don’t know how she got her to come back, but I can’t thank her enough.
“Thank you. I know shit’s hard around here, and I hate that you and Jada are in this. You two were never the type.” Cher throws her hand up before she speaks.
“It’s hard Creed. You guys don’t get it. We never know if you guys are going to come back in one piece. Look at Dougie. We worry, we get scared. You have to understand that there’s a fear that sits in the back of our minds, even when you just go to the store for cigarettes. It doesn’t leave.” I never thought this through. I know she worries but even over the little things, I didn’t realize that.
“I get it, but how do I make her feel more comfortable? I don’t know what the fuck to do here, Cher.” Cher wraps her arm around my waist before she looks up at me.
“There’s nothing you can do, Creed. You can reassure her that you’ll come back, but this is something she has to work out in her own head.” I never heard Cher talk like this. This was never a role she would have taken.
“You have that shit worked out in your head? With Tank?” Cher smiles and nods before she steps away from me.
“I do. He has my heart Creed, and I have his. His time isn’t going to end before it’s supposed to. Plus, I have all of you now.” With a wink, I watch her walk away as calm as can be. I don’t understand that woman at all.
Looking down at my daughter, I think to myself. This is the reason I want us in more legitimate situations. I don’t want that fear to be there forever. I want reassurance that one day we can go out and have no worries about a rival trying to take us out. That’s the plan anyway.
“Is that my baby?” Bella squeals before I look up and see her running straight toward me.
Snatching Heather out of my arms, I smile.
“You’re goin’ to be a good mother one day, Bella.” Her eyes are bright, but there is a sadness that I can’t place in there too.
“I don’t know about that. I love these babies though!” Kissing Heather’s head a million times, my heart settles in my chest.
“They are a good group of kids. That includes you. I don’t think we give you enough credit around here. You’re always there when we need you darlin’, and that means the world to us. To me.” Bella’s eyes come to rest on mine. She looks like she wants to say more, but she doesn’t.
“That means a lot to me Creed. You’re the best uncle I could ask for. This club, you guys. It all means so much to me. It’s my first home. It’s the first time I felt like I belonged somewhere.” I lean in and kiss her cheek before I see movement out of the corner of my eye.
Pulling back, I see her.
“Jada.” Her name slides from my lips like silk.
Chapter 35
Ryker
“Are you ok? You look off.” Jersey watches me carefully as I do my push-ups. Lately, this is my go to when I need to work out some pent up stress.
“Yep. Don’t I look sexy?” Locking my arms at the elbow, I turn to glance at her with a shit eating grin on my face.
“You know damn good and well that you are the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” I watch her lick her lips before going back to my work out.
Sweat drips from my forehead, puddling on the floor beneath me. Thoughts swarm my head. It’s a kid that isn’t a threat, but I need to take him out. I don’t know why all of the sudden something like that bothers me, until I hear that little angel of mine cry.
Jersey moves to pick up Ansley, then it all makes sense. That’s someone’s kid. That’s someone’s brother. He’s innocent in all this shit.
“Think you can calm daddy down?” I smile when I hear Jersey talking to our daughter. I love the things she says to her.
I push myself up and stand, before grabbing the towel off the bed wiping myself off.
“I know I’ve never talked to you about a lot of shit that runs around in my head, but I want to ask you somethin’.” Looking over at Jersey, her eyes light up. She loves the fact that I’m offering to talk to her. That doesn’t happen very often.
“You can talk to me about anything Ryker.” Nodding, I scrub the towel over my face and down my beard.
“There’s a decision that’s been made. I don’t know how well it sits with me. There’s a silent understandin’ though with another brother. If I go rogue on this, I don’t know where the fuck that leaves me.” I don’t look at her. I can’t. I want so much to tell her what’s going on, but there’s no way in hell that I can do that.
“You’ve always done your own thing Ryker. Since the day you busted into my room, I’ve known it. What makes this any different?” Finally looking up into those sexy eyes of hers, I rethink it all.
“My place in this club could be at risk. Opportunities that we have here might be gone. I don’t know where the fuck that would leave me darlin’.” Jersey looks down at Ansley before stepping closer to me.
“That would leave you with me and your daughter. We would figure it out. If this is something that is eating away at your heart, don’t do it. You won’t like the regret that you would
have to live with.” Kissing my cheek, I smile at her.
“I’ve never been one to have a heart darlin’.” Jersey giggles softly before looking back at me.
“You’ve always had a heart. Sometimes it fades, but it’s never completely gone. It’s always there.” I watch Jersey’s ass as she bends over the crib to lay Ansley back in it.
Walking over, I wrap my hands around her waist and pull her against me. Jersey stands up and straightens out before turning her head to the side.
Her lips brush over mine but I know she has more to say, I can see it.
“Say it Jersey.” Her smile melts me inside, like it always does.
“I want you to be happy. I want you to have a clear conscience with whatever you choose to do. I know some things don’t make sense to me, but in this world they do. Just make sure your heart can handle it ok?” Damn, I love this woman. I love her more than the air I breathe.
“You know what my heart can handle? You Jersey. I love you more than you could ever know.”
Chapter 36
Tank
Wandering outside the clubhouse, my brain is going crazy. That kid hasn’t left my mind in days. The closer we get to moving in on that warehouse, the worse it gets.
Shit’s changing inside of me. A million things vie for attention, but the constant remains on him. I’ve never been the type to care if it was a younger kid when we went into these things, but there’s something about that one that strikes a nerve. I saw it in Ryker too.
“You want my opinion?” Ryker leans against the wall with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
“You’re goin’ to give it anyway.” Shrugging, he blows out a ring of smoke.
“Yeah, that’s true. I don’t like this kid thing any more than you. You want to tell me why in the fuck this is botherin’ me the way it is?” Leaning against the wall next to him, I don’t know if I have the answer to that.
“Maybe because we’re all dyin’ slowly. We see ourselves in those kids.” Ryker chuckles before looking over at me.
“You know I don’t see myself in that little fucker. I saw what I could have been.” Nodding, that makes sense too.
“Yeah, that might be it too. Either way, it’s off brother.” I can feel it. He knows this shit is wrong.
“Where would that leave me, Tank? Where does the loyalty lie?” Ryker’s eyes close as he takes a drag from his cigarette. With his head tilted back, the world spins.
Ryker’s always been the loyal type. It’s his life. It’s our life.
“No one has that answer, but lately I’ve been wonderin’ the same goddamn thing. When the hell does it end though?” Ryker doesn’t look over before blowing out a ring of smoke.
“Maybe this is my hell. It’s where I belong.” Ryker shoves off the wall and walks away leaving me to my own thoughts.
“What’s that about?” Creed steps up next to me passing me a beer that I gladly take.
“Confusion. We all have that shit at one point, yeah?” Creed moves to stand in front of me before I look at him.
“Say it Tank. You’ve never held back. What the hell’s goin’ on?” Scrubbing my hand over my head, I look around. How do I tell him we’re drowning?
“I don’t like the shit with the kid. I get we voted, it’s the way of the club. You saw him though.” Creed swallows hard before punching the wall next to me. I step aside and let him take his frustrations out on it. Better than fighting with me.
Punch, after punch, until blood drips down his knuckles. Leaning forward, he rests his head against the wall.
“There’s days when I wish I was never voted in Tank. Days I wish I didn’t have to make these choices. It’s fucked up brother! My heart, and my head, rip me the fuck apart!” He screams out his anger and I feel for him.
As much as he’s been putting into this club, it’s sucking his life right back out.
“Go inside Creed. Take a break.” Slapping my hand on his shoulder, I think we’re all about to hit rock bottom.
Chapter 37
Creed
“Let me see it.” Jada snaps, before I slowly reach out my hand to her. She turns the bathroom faucet on and cleans it off with the warm water.
“What’s happening here, Creed?” She knows it’s off. Hell, everyone in this clubhouse knows it’s off.
“It feels like we’re goin’ down instead of up. We make changes, we move on, but then somethin’ yanks us the fuck back. We’re drownin’ in the hell that Sharp created. We can’t get the fuck out of his shadow.” My hand jerks when Jada pours some medicine over it.
“Sorry. It’s going to sting.” Holding my hand still, she finishes before wrapping it in a bandage.
“What can I do? How can I help?” Snapping my head up to look at her, I don’t know what to do. Do I scream at her? Hell, she runs every time something doesn’t go her way.
“Jada, you can trust in me. You have no fuckin’ trust for me anymore. You run off after every little thing that happens. I need my old lady to be stronger than that. Fuck! This shit kills me, and then to not have you? It’s the fuckin’ worst feelin’ in the world.” Jumping off the toilet where I was sitting, I head into the bedroom.
“That’s not fair!” Spinning around on her, I almost lose it.
“It’s not? I have seen things Jada. Things that are burned into my motherfuckin’ brain! The things I’ve done to people, lives I’ve taken! I’m a cold hearted person! You want to talk about fair? Jason fuckin’ died and left me, too! He left me with nothin’. No way to turn in life. This is it; this is what I’ve become!” Throwing my hands out to the sides, I scream at her. What’s it going to take for her to understand this shit?
“You think you’re the only one that’s lost?” Her screams mean nothing to me. We’ve been over this before.
“I do the best I can for you! You’ve lived through hell too Jada, I know, but fuck! You don’t know the half of what I’ve done! The way the eyes of the people’s lives I took stare into me when I try to sleep. The way their beatin’ hearts stop within my hands! YOU. DON’T. KNOW!” Walking around her, I go into the bathroom slamming the door closed.
I lean my head against the cool door as I try to calm every demon that pulls at my soul. They’re with me all the time. I can’t get rid of them. No matter how hard I try to make my past go away, it lingers.
My heart screams to be free from the hold that those demons have on it. It begs and pleads, but they never let go.
I turn the shower on and step in as soon as it’s warm enough. I let the water fall around me before the tears come.
I didn’t hear the door open but there she is. Jada climbs in the shower wrapping her arms around me.
“I hear you cry. I know you don’t want me to make a big deal about it, so I don’t. It hurts me to see you like that. I thought if I just stayed away things would change.” Leaning down I capture her lips with mine. I’ve had enough talking for one day. I want to enjoy being with her right now.
Lifting her, I push her against the cool tiles of the shower before sliding inside of her. My dick responds to every little moan and groan that comes from her mouth.
I grip her hips in my hands thrusting into her. I don’t want to take out the rage I feel inside on her. I focus on my love for her. Rocking my hips into her, her lips crash into mine.
She feels so perfect and when I’m inside of her, nothing in the world matters to me.
“I love you.” Whispering against her lips, I pick up the pace. My dick slams into every wall she has inside of her before I can feel her body tense up.
“I love you too.” A few more hard thrusts and we come together. Just how I need us to be forever. Together.
Chapter 38
Ryker
Bouncing up and down, I can’t control myself. I’m so amped up for this run. I want nothing more than to find some of those Dusts’ assholes in that warehouse too. I’d be happy as fuck to take them out.
“You goin’ to do that the whole day?” Torc
h slaps my shoulder laughing. Hell, the way I feel right now, I might do it for the next month!
“Yeah, this shit gets my blood goin’. I love it.” The smile on my face is downright devilish and I know it. I don’t know what it is about death and blood that sends me over the edge, but it’s been that way for a long fucking time.
“Let’s move!” Creed circles his finger in the air, signaling us to move out behind him.
In perfect formation we all file out as we make the short trip to the warehouse.
What to do with the kid once we get in there hasn’t stopped running through my mind since the other day. I haven’t made a final decision either. I decided to let it play out the way fate wants it to.
Jersey had a hard time with me going on this run. She understood where I was coming from with the way I felt. It’s hard to think that I might not have a place in this club after today. This is the only life that I’ve known. The only protection that I’ve ever had.
Pulling in, we all cut our bikes off as Joey positions the van. My stomach is in knots as I walk around taking in the area.
“Your head right brother?” Tank slaps a hand on my shoulder. I don’t need to look at him to know what he’s talking about either.
“About as right as it can be.” I see him nod out of the corner of my eye, but I make no attempt to actually look at him. I don’t need to see the look in his eyes.
“What’s that about?” Torch passes me the joint he’s been smoking. I take a long drag, savoring the feel of it burning through my lungs.
“Nothin’. Just makin’ sure I’m ready.” Torch laughs before I blow the smoke out of my mouth.
“When the hell are you not ready for this shit? You fuckin’ love blood and guts brother.” Laughing along with him, I have to agree there.